Chapter Thirty-one

Linwe sat with her leaning against Frodo who sat with his back resting up against one of the trees Sam had just planted the previous spring. The tree, which was not much more than a sapling when Sam had planted it, was now of a respectable size for a young shade tree thanks to the gift Sam had been given by Galadriel. This particular tree was growing a short distance from the back entrance of Bag End, which also happened to be near Frodo and Linwe’s room, making it a convenient place for Frodo to carry Linwe, four days after she ran across shattered glass.

Rosie did not hear of Linwe’s accident until the morning after. Upon hearing of the incident, Rosie immediately went to examine Linwe’s feet herself. Rosie’s initial concern grew towards alarm when she came into Frodo and Linwe’s room and found the large drops and smears of dried blood that still marked a trail through the bedroom. Linwe soon wished the time had been taken the night before to clean up the floor. Anxious to see the true extent of Linwe’s injuries Rosie soon had the bandages unwound and lying in small heap on the floor. "Sam, go fetch Healer Burrows. Tell him we need him here right away if not sooner."

"Yes, dear. I will be right back."

"No, Sam, there is no need to rush." retorted Linwe.

"Hush, Linwe. I am giving the orders this time. Now you have several shards of glass still stuck in your feet. They are already starting to look infected. What were you thinking not having these treated last night? Frodo should have gone for the healer or even my mother. At the very least he could have told me of this last night. The glass should have been removed as soon as possible. Several of those cuts need to be stitched closed." Sam quickly left recognizing that his wife was working herself into giving Frodo and Linwe a thorough scolding and did not want the scolding to include him. "Linwe, with all of your experience nursing wounds and assisting Healer Burrows, you should have had sense enough to send Frodo out for help. And, Frodo, with all of the cuts and wounds you have seen Merry and Pippin get stitched as they were growing up you ought to have known better yourself. I have seen Hobbits in their teens behave more responsibly than you two have."

Healer Burrows said very little as he examined then treated Linwe’s feet. He did not have to. A few dark looks towards Frodo and Linwe were enough to express his disappointment with the pair. However the healer could not remain totally silent. "Mrs. Baggins, you have made the mistake that many healers have, of accessing your own injuries and thus incorrectly determining their severity. Healers, perhaps more than anyone else, should always seek medical attention in the event of injury or illness. Now you are to stay off your feet for the next seven days. Not for even the briefest moment are you to stand on them."

In the course of the morning Linwe had to explain many times over why she had run across the glass in such a rush. She said that she heard Frodo call out in alarm and she dropped the bottle and ran into their room to find he had dozed off by the fire and had been having a dream, neatly managing to keep anyone from guessing that there was anything at all unusual about the incident.

The first few days of Linwe’s strictly enforced confinement had been of little concern to her. Her badly cut and bruised feet were sensitive and the bandages that were bound tightly about them caused her feet to constantly ache. Linwe was given regular doses of herbal medicine to relieve her pain. This had the added side effect of keeping her asleep most of them time. By the fourth day, Linwe’s feet were not aching as much so she was not taking as much of the medicine, however she became restless from being indoors so long. With Rosie’s permission and under her close supervision, Frodo carried Linwe out into the garden, carefully depositing her on a quilt beneath Sam’s young shade tree.

"This reminds me of when I was a little girl," Linwe said with a sigh of content. She and Frodo had just finished having lunch and were sitting quietly watching the colorful autumn leaves drift lazily to the ground. "I wonder how many days Merenwen spent like this. It makes me wish she were here now and that we could go roaming about in the wilds all morning then spend the afternoon lazing under a tree, as we used to."

Frodo leaned his head back against the tree and closed his eyes. "You seemed to have lived the childhood of a lad. I thought the only thing girls played at was dolls and pretending they were wives and mothers. At least that was all Pearl was interested in when I would go to Whitwell to visit. I used to hate going there because I knew that inevitably she would try to put ribbons in my hair."

"I can understand that. A pale blue bow to match your eyes would look lovely in your dark hair." said Linwe mischievously.

"Now you are starting to sound like a normal girl."

"I thought you liked my soft girlishness."

"Don’t get me wrong, I do. If for no other reason than because you smell nice. Lasses almost always smell nice, I have noticed. My mother used to tell me that lads always seem to smell ever so slightly like they need a bath, even when they have just had one. I remembered when Merry and Pippin were little, and found it was true. Merry and Pippin could get a through scrubbing at the hands of their mother’s and half an hour later smell as though they had been out all day playing. Pippin’s sisters though, always smelled sweet and clean. One thing that I have always liked about you is that I have often thought if we had met as children you would have been the one girl I would not have minded spending time with because from what you have told me, you liked doing many of the same sorts of things that I liked to do. You would not likely have ever tried to put a ribbon in my hair because you yourself can barely stand to have your hair tied up in braids and bows."

"I am not so certain that you would have found my idea of exploring all that entertaining. You were always looking for adventure; Merenwen and I were looking for plants. I think it was all still quite tame and girlish."

"I suppose it was," conceded Frodo, "but still, I think I would have liked spending my days in just the same way."

"Mmm, perhaps so," Linwe said a bit sleepily. Several moments passed in silence. Frodo had started to think that maybe Linwe had dozed off when he heard her start to hum quietly. The melody of the tune tickled the edge of his memory. When Linwe had hummed her way through once she started to sing softly. Frodo never tired of hearing Linwe sing. She had a light rather delicate singing voice. It was not suited for singing in front of large gatherings, but rather for quiet moments such as this. With his head tilted back against the tree and his eyes closed, Frodo listened to the elvish song she sang. A soft breeze that blew lightly across his face as Linwe’s gentle voice started to lull him into a doze. Thoughts in his head began to drift about in a sort of dream like way seeming to look for the perfect image to settle on. After a few moments his mind came to rest on the blurry image of a cheerful comforting fire, the smell of warm bread and the sound of a voice singing Linwe’s song. The dream voice sang softly, barely above a whisper. Somewhat startled Frodo opened his eyes. "I have heard you sing that song before." He said thoughtfully after the last notes drifted past her lips.

Linwe thought for a moment then said "Yes, you have. It has been awhile, the last time I sang it was in March when you were not feeling well. As I recall I sang it over and over to you that night."

"Yes you did, it kept the darkness at bay, but that isn’t the time that I am remembering." Linwe turned slightly and looked up at Frodo and saw he had a rather puzzled look on his face as he concentrated on the memory. When he spoke his voice had a distant quality to it. "You were not singing it to me;

Linwe turned her body so she would snuggle in closer to him. "Yes, I believe you must have."

Frodo and Linwe sat silently for a while and watched a small whirl wind stir the leaves in its path.

"What was it like for you?" Frodo asked quietly.

"What was what like?" Linwe asked lazily. you were singing it to yourself. We were not together. I was in Mordor with Sam. We had stopped and were huddling in a stone crevice trying to get some rest. I didn’t like going to sleep because that was when the muttering of the ring would be loudest. But that night as Sam and I huddled against one another trying to stay warm, the most comforting image came to me. It was blurry, as thought I were looking through half closed eyes, but there was a warm cheery fire before me, then oddly enough I could smell the fragrance of warm bread as though I were there, wherever ‘there’ was. Then I heard a voice, it felt and sounded as though it was coming from within me, but I knew it wasn’t. For moment I felt as though I was home again and I was safe. I held onto that image as long as I could I used it to block out the whisperings of that dreaded ring. It was you I heard wasn’t it? For a short while my thought was with you."

"Those months when I was on the quest. You have not really spoken of it since we were married. How much did you see and feel?"

"Do you really want to hear this now?" Linwe’s voice was filled with reluctance.

"I think now is the best time to hear it. Now while we are surrounded by warmth and sunlight."

Linwe sighed and took Frodo’s hand and pulled his arm so that he held her more tightly. "All right then. I suppose it started some days before you came to Bree. I remember feeling nervous; I was startled every time someone would enter the room I was in or by every small noise in the woods. Then the night you came to Bree I felt fearful, though I could not tell what I was afraid of. That night I had nightmares of ghostly figures lurking near me like they were looking for me. The next day, Father went into town and heard the story of what had happened the night before, at the Prancing Pony. It seemed a shadow had settled over the town a year or more before. Travelers had come with odd tails of monsters hunting men. Strange men came to Bree and stayed, evil men who for no reason we knew then were bent on being cruel to Hobbits, calling us rats and vermin. In that year many of our neighbors had packed up and moved down into the Shire. Papa wanted to leave early on, but he needed to sell our home in order to have the money to get us into a new home here. Of course we could have gone to Brandy Hall anytime we wished, but Papa was to proud to write to Saradoc and tell him that we needed refuge. Papa was always did his best to show that he was worthy of having taken a Brandybuck daughter for a wife. Papa was the only one who ever truly doubted that he was good enough for mummy.

Mother did what Papa could not, she wrote to tell Saradoc and Esmeralda that Bree was just no longer safe for decent Hobbits. She did this without telling Papa. Within a week an answer came in the form of a letter from Saradoc to Papa. Saradoc said he feared for all of our safety and insisted that Papa bring us to Brandy Hall stay until Papa could get us settled else where. The arrangements were made for some of the Brandybucks to come with wagons and move us to Buckland. We had less than a week left to stay in Bree when you, Sam, Merry and Pippin came into town. You, Sam, Merry, Pippin, and Strider could not have been more than a half hour away from the Prancing Pony when Papa showed up there and heard the whole tale of what all had passed the night before. The appearance of the dark riders and the destruction of your rooms, that the lot of you had barely escaped, were more than enough to make Papa decide that we must leave Bree even sooner.

"I was exhausted that day from my night of haunting dreams. When Papa came home and announced that we would be leaving at dawn the following morning, I was relieved. The thought of being in Buckland felt safe to me. The sense of safety was short lived. No sooner had we got to Brandy Hall I started feeling nervous and fearful again. I had this sense that something was coming after me. One evening the sense of danger, drawing near, was intense. I went to my room telling Mother I had a head ache. I did not want her and Father seeing how agitated I was when I could not explain to them why. After going into my room I have very little memory. I remember a vague sense of absolute fear for my life, I think pain, and then everything went dark. I woke up a little over a fortnight later. When I woke up I told no one of what I had experienced."

"Anxiety had become a constant emotion for me. After my first illness I came to believe that much of the anxiety I lived with was for my mother, at least that is what I kept telling myself. Part of knew there was more to it than that but I refused to face that. My Mother was my primary concern at that point. She had developed a bad cough while I had been sleeping all those days. Esme and I tried all kinds of things to make her well, but nothing worked. We were able to make her feel a bit better, and at first we had hope that if we could just keep her from getting any worse. Our hope was that in the spring when things were warm the congestion in her chest would dry out. However by Yule we knew she was gradually weakening, despite our best efforts. I wanted to go in search of Merenwen. It was Merenwen who had taught me all that I know of healing, but all I knew was what herbs could be used in treatment. Merenwen of course knows so much more than I do, I was certain she could have made a difference. But we had not seen her in nearly a year, and I believed she was in Rivendell, surely she had not left to go West without saying goodbye. I was convinced that I could start heading in that direction and leave certain marks along the way telling passing rangers I where I was going. I thought that very soon one of them would come looking for me and then could help me the rest of the way. Mother would not allow it though. She told me that if I attempted to make that journey then she would most likely die with worry for me. It was a terrible position to be in; no matter what I did my mother would die."

Linwe sighed deeply then bit her lower lip in an effort to hold back tears. Frodo remained still, allowing her the moment to compose herself. "In late December I started having frightening nightmares. I think the most frightening part of them was that they felt so real. I could have easily believed the events of the dreams were actually happening to me. One night I felt as though I would freeze to death or smother. I started to feel as though I were wearing something heavy around my neck. Soon I was having flashes of memories flicker through my mind, but I knew they were not my memories. I did not understand what I was seeing and feeling and I had no one to talk to about any of it. I did my best to hide all of that from everyone one around me. My mother was not so easily fooled. She knew something other than her health was bothering me and she asked about it, but I refused to tell her. I think it was the day she asked me about my troubles that I collapsed in her room. I was unconscious for nearly a day, but this time when I woke up I remembered more. I remember feeling I was running through darkness and being chased by fire. Then I remember a sense of sudden and profound loss. I heard a voice coming from within me crying out ‘No’ and being dimly aware it was not mine.

"When I woke up I told everyone that I did not remember what had happened. Soon after that everything Esme and I did for Mummy was having no effect. She wasted away so quickly after that. Papa and Mummy loved each other so much. When it became obvious that we were losing Mummy then Papa started to give up too. I came to believe that the weight I felt hanging about my neck and increasing everyday was my own grief."

Linwe paused again to gather her thoughts. Not far a way a sparrow was packing in the dirt of an empty flower bed, looking for seeds and worms. "I felt so lonely after Mummy and Papa passed. I took to roaming around Buckland by myself. I did not appreciate it at the time, but going about on my own did not sit well with Saradoc, at all. Big folk were lurking about the Shire and Saradoc was afraid I would be found alone and they would hurt me."

"Why ever did he allow you out by yourself?" demanded Frodo, Linwe could feel his growing outrage. "I would think Saradoc would know better."

"He did know better. He sent Hobbits out to follow me and keep watch."

"You should have been kept home. As I understand it the big folk were not just lurking about, but had taken over at that point. Letting you go out like that was dangerous."

"Maybe I was in some danger but not as much as you think. I was well aware of what was going on in the rest of the Shire, I also know as well as the next Hobbit how not to be seen. I think I even know more. I used to play Hide and Seek with an elf, remember. If I can successfully hide from Merenwen then I could most certainly hide from loud blundering humans."

"I suppose so, but I still do not understand why Saradoc would have let you go off on your own like that."

"Because Esme convinced him that I would be well enough. Remember, at that point the only person in all of the world who knew of my ‘lost spells’ was Esme. Being a Took she has a fair understanding of some of the eccentricities that can come over a Hobbit. She knew I was grieving, I was lonely, but she could tell that on top of everything else, something more was troubling me. Esme understood that the best thing for me was to let me go off by myself. Now, shall I go on with my tale now, or would you like to scold me more?"

"Go on, I will save the scolding for later."

"All right then, one day towards the middle of March I was sitting in a favorite spot of mine when Merenwen came upon me. I had not felt such relieved in so long. She and I stayed sitting all day in that spot and talking, and the next day I met her there again. I told her everything, the loss of my parents, the nightmares, visions and the growing weight I felt hanging about my neck. That was when she told me that she believed she may have accidentally made me a little bit elvish with what she had done to ensure that I would be born healthy. She told me then that she believed I was seeing events of other places or what was happening to another person, but she said she could not tell me who. I assumed that when she said she could not that it meant she did not know who or what. It would be a year later that I would find out that I assumed wrong. Merenwen guessed by what I told her that it was what was happening to you that I was seeing and feeling. But she truthfully could not tell me. If the enemy had found out, then it was possible that I could have been used to stop you and hurt you.

"At the end of the second day of Merenwen’s visit, I was getting ready to go back to Brandy Hall when once more I found myself falling. One instant I was in that lovely spot with Merenwen, the next instant I was somewhere dark, and I felt a sharp burning pain in my neck. My memories over the next ten to twelve days are very muddled, I hardly ever knew where I was. In fact as each day passed I became less aware of my actual surroundings. At that point it was as though I was trapped in the thoughts of another. I was trapped. I do not remember clearly your final struggle, but I remember watching and feeling helpless. I wanted so much to help you. I did not know who you were but I knew you were fighting against something terrible. I could feel you weakening and I cried because there was nothing I could do for you. That was the last thing I remember clearly. I guess at that point you succumbed to the ring. I woke up some time later and knew that everything was all right again."

Tears now slid freely down Linwe’s cheeks as she remembered all of the pain of the past. "That is all there is. After that I was kept busy doing what I could to help everyone get by under the tyrannical rule of first Lotho then Sharkey. I had occasional nightmares after that, but nothing as strong as what I had experienced before." Frodo’s heart ached for Linwe and all that she had been through. Unable to find the words to express his deeply felt grief for her, he gathered her securely into his arms and held her as she cried out long suppressed tears and heart ache.