Chapter 5

I woke up only a couple hours later, when the light streaming through the thin curtain covering the eastern window grew too bright. I groaned and pulled the pillow over my head. Why did the blasted sun have to rise so early? But it was pointless to go back to sleep. I had things to do, the most important of which was talk to Elrond. I could not and would not put it off.

I grabbed a change of clothes from my dresser- someone had unpacked my belongings for me- and padded downstairs. I took a fast shower, dressed, and pulled my hair back into a loose ponytail. I then padded into the kitchen barefoot, the wooden stairs and tile floor cool underneath my feet and ended up poking around the cupboards for something to eat that didn't require me to use the strange appliances. Given enough time, I could have figured out how to use them, but I was hungry, and there was nothing I could find that didn't require their use.

I stood there, staring at the offending appliances that meant I would have to go to the main house for breakfast, when a soft knock intruded. I glared at the door, but opened it. A smiling Elrond stood on the other side, carrying a small wicker basket. I gestured for him to come in and closed the door. He put down the basket on the table and looked at me.

"I figured that you would rather eat in peace."

"You wouldn't even have had to bring food if there was any in this blasted place."

He laughed and said, "I will show you how to work the appliances after we eat."

"And then we need to talk," I said quietly.

"Then we will talk." He opened the lid of the basket, pulling out a small loaf of freshly baked bread, some wrapped sausages, and some cheese that resembled what Men would call cheddar. Able to at least offer my lord some water, I poured two glasses and sat down across from him at the small table. We ate mostly in silence, enjoying the simple meal. Or at least I was, for I did not know what Elrond was thinking. After I cleaned the crumbs off the table and my foster son explained to me how the appliances worked, explaining the various dials and buttons, we sat down on the sofa.

I fiddled with my water glass and finally looked my foster son in the eyes. "I don't think I should be here."

Elrond raised his eyebrows. "The only other place you could dwell is Lórien, under direct supervision of the Valar. They do not trust you."

"They have little reason to. But why do they trust me here?"

"They think I can keep you under control if need be."

Now I laughed. "Do they underestimate what I am capable of?"

"I think you are overestimating yourself. You may be able to overcome me, but you would not be able to overcome Glorfindel and some of the other warriors."

I sighed and looked down at my water. "I know. I'm not the Elf I used to be."

"Thank the Valar for that. But you are still arrogant."

"Arrogance as a mask for fear," I snapped. "I do not feel I am safe here. I was accosted after I left the Hall of Fire last night. I came back here in fear, hoping no one would ambush me."

Elrond straightened slightly and his voice grew a little chill. "Who?" I described the man and his friends, and my foster son sighed. "The tunic means he is a student at my school, but there is little more I can do with the scant description. But people will talk, and I will find out. Rest assured you are safe."

I placed the glass on a side table and stood up, striding to the window overlooking the courtyard, staring out over the water. "Out here? Where there's empty land to the south and east, and only a couple of families to the north? With an ocean to the west? Sure, I'm safe."

"What would you prefer- a room in the main house where you would not have a moment's peace? It is rarely quiet there, Maglor. And you need a space to retreat to when things become overwhelming; you always have."

I half-smiled and turned around, leaning against the sill. "I'm surprised you remembered that."

He chuckled. "After bothering you one too many times when you wanted solitude, it is hard to forget. In any case, I cannot ask people to guard you nor can you be allowed to feel this insecure." He rubbed his face with a hand. "And you cannot carry weapons… The Valar have not made this easy."

"If it was easy, it wouldn't be a punishment."

"I am of the firm belief that you were punished enough during your exile."

"Ah- so you believe the Valar are wrong?"

He said nonchalantly, "They have been wrong before."

Wrong before. That was an understatement, thinking back to a certain… being… in the First Age. The Valar had certainly been wrong then.

Looking at the expression on my face, Elrond chuckled and said, "I am not an overly reverant Vanya. I remember what you taught Elros and me, as well as further experiances in later Ages. We relied on ourselves against Sauron, with the only assistance from the Ainur being five Maiar, only one of whom returned to Valinor at the end, the others having fallen to various degrees. But you read The Lord of the Rings; you know this."

"To a certain extent. But I plan on reading more about it."

"I saw the books you borrowed. Back to the issue of your safety- if you think it necessary, you could ask someone to escort you here and back. Or you could travel near someone."

"I doubt that people will be willing to let me. They'll probably think I'll jump them or something."

"You are not a common thief, Maglor. They will think no such thing."

"So what's the common portrayal of us, Elrond? As creatures to be pitied?"

"As Eldar who were misguided, somewhat insane, and impetuous. And yes, pitiable. Elven memory is long, Father, long enough that most have forgiven you." He took a breath and slowly let it out. "Long enough that they can see that the Rebellion played a necessary part in the Music."

I snorted. "Necessary at what cost? If only we hadn't been so stupid." I turned back to face the sea, sorrow coloring my voice. "I have no family left, Elrond. Mother and Narmincë… I don't know if they'll even want to talk to me. The same with the rest of my extended family. As far as I am aware, you are the only one who wants me around."

"Your wife will want to see you- she writes once or twice a year to me and visits occasionally."

"So what did she think of you coming to Middle-earth to retrieve me?"

"Narmincë never said. It is not something easily written in a letter."

"Not with all the history between us." I sighed and said, "I'll give her and Mother time. And if they come looking for me, tell them I need the same. I've been in Valinor for a week- that isn't time enough to adjust to anything."

"No, it is not. Now, is there anything else you wish to discuss?"

"When should I start teaching?"

"In a week's time- a new session will start then. Until then, feel free to wander. I trust you would like to learn your way around?"

I nodded. "I'd like a screen for my bedroom, to separate my sleeping area from the rest of the room."

"I will show you to the storeroom, at which point I will have to leave to attend to my duties."

I smiled and followed my lord out of the house, locking the door behind me. "Duties" represented yet another understatement. I did not envy him being the head of a House. At least with the House of Fëanor, it was only me and I wasn't even in charge of it due to the Valar's strictures. Once at the storeroom door, Elrond headed to his office and left me to deal with the prim Noldo in charge.

He helped me search through several storerooms full of discarded furniture until I found two matching wooden screens, carved with a motif of leaves around the edges. I also chose a large blue area rug for the floor, as well as several small bookcases. Although my bags of clothing had been unpacked by whoever had brought my scant belongings to the house, the crate of books and music had not been. The Noldo assured me they would be delivered by dinnertime, so I thanked him and left the main house.

I wandered behind the stables, cutting between several paddocks and climbed to the top of one of the hills. As I approached the peak, however, I heard something that sounded suspiciously like weaponry being used. When I crested the hill, my suspicion was proved true. A large training ground spread across the the hollow, with an armory built into the hillside opposite me. In the ring, Glorfindel fought with two men while a dozen students of both sexes stood and watched. Curious to see one of the two Eldarin balrog-slayers fight, I sat down on the hill, ignoring the scratchy grasses covering it.

His yellow hair was braided, and then knotted at the back of his head. The two fighting him wore similar hairstyles, and I realized that Glorfindel, at least, had remembered the lessons of the war. Of course, given how he had died, I hadn't expected anything less. As I watched the fight, it became quite clear to me that this was a training exercise, though I couldn't hear the words he was saying to his students due to the wind blowing from the sea.

The glitter of the swords in the sun, the clanging faintly heard, the thud of the swords on armor or shield, all served to remind me of the futile battles I had fought against Morgoth. I drifted back in memory, to the blood and death, the bittersweet victories, the terror of flight. Only a touch to my shoulder brought me out of them, and I looked up into Glorfindel's concerned face. Once he saw I was aware of him, he sat down next to me, no matter that he stank of sweaty leather.

"It was hard for me as well, the first time I saw sword practise in Aman. It was something I had to learn to work through."

"I can't," I said bitterly. "I'm not allowed to even hold a weapon. After what I did… I'll never be trusted to hold one again. I probably shouldn't even be here."

"The Valar said nothing about you being near the training grounds, Maglor. Do not place more restrictions on yourself than what they gave you."

I looked at him and then at the grasses. "I deserve more. I don't even know what I'm doing here, my lord. I don't fit in. Aman has moved on and the culture I grew up in no longer exists."

"How do you think I felt after my rebirth? It was the same for me, though Noldorin culture at that point was far less trusting than it is now. I had no kin alive at that point, Maglor, unlike you. Few were willing to accept me at first, though when I first visited the Exiles on Tol Eressëa, they welcomed me as a hero, not the least for the saving of Eärendil. But over time, I did make many inroads with the Aman Noldor, and I started talking to the Maiar." He snorted. "You would be amazed how little the Ainur understand us, but they have learned over the long Ages."

"Well, that explains why they interfered in what should have been a family matter," I said bitterly, recalling Father's trial.

"It was not purely a family matter, though, Maglor."

I sighed and finally looked at him. "I know. Morgoth's lies and everything that was tied into them was also a cause. But I'm allowed to be bitter."

Glorfindel laughed. "There are plenty of Exiles who still are, and who resent the Valar for not helping sooner. You will find that even among the Noldor, there are plenty of cultures that will fit you better than the one you were born in. Elrond, in his wisdom, chose to settle here for a reason. Like in Middle-earth, his House is a sanctuary, a place for reflection, and a meeting place for those of differing viewpoints. He is a negotiator here and usually helps to mitigate the conflicts among those of various races."

"So why bother with me? My presence will only hinder him, my lord."

"Glorfindel. As for hindering, that depends on many things, including your actions." He lay back against the hill and looked at the sky. "Maglor, contrary to what you may feel, many here welcome you as one who has returned after many struggles and hardships. Your actions, while horrendous, happened thousands of years ago. The vast majority of the Eldar have forgiven you."

I muttered, "I find that hard to believe."

He laughed and sprang up. "I know. Now, I have to clean up, and I need to talk to Erestor." He started walking back down the hill, but he turned to look back at me from only a few dozen feet away. "Do not brood. Find something to do. I am sure Lindir will appreciate some competition."

I couldn't help it- I laughed. Glorfindel grinned at me and headed down the hill. I stood up, brushed some grass off my backside, and returned to my house. I decided that while I was waiting for my furniture to arrive, I could start reading one of the borrowed books.