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The Hunting TripChapter 21: Answers Within Darkness "Aiiiiiug!""Oompf!"With a dull thud and a gasped release of sound, Arwen's fall ended. Surprised that it had ended as quickly as it started, the expression on her face belied her startled halt and how she had anticipated a far greater end. And at the bottom of her fall, there was Aragorn to greet her and laugh at the comic expression on her face. Only he could not laugh. In fact, Aragorn could not breathe. Aside from the rain of dirt from half the ceiling above caving in on him, a rather large force had dropped ungracefully into his lap. Or onto his chest, as the case may be. Flattened by the unceremonious landing of the Lady Arwen, he lay prone on the stone floor, straddled by her form. The delivery of her fair person upon him had knocked to his back and in doing so had crushed all the living breath from his body.She immediately rolled off him, more startled by the shortness of her drop than injured. She was greeted by the look of panic-filled orbs, taken aback by a sudden lack of oxygen. He tried to speak. But instead what rattled out of his body was a wheezing sound reminiscent of the bellows heard in the smithy shops. Except not that enchanting.He too rolled away, desperate only to draw air back into his body. His lungs sucked in an insufficient gasp as his face grew red in the struggle and his eyes bubbled up with tears. He told himself to try to exhale, despite the fact that it felt wrong to do so. He needed to remind his body how to work. His lungs ached in the effort.One more time a raspy sound expelled itself from his body as he drew in little breath, though it was better this time, less appalling a sound. He could feel his lungs inflating minutely. And as he started to find air coursing his chest again Arwen asked from behind, no doubt guided by the sound of his faithless breaths, "Is all aright?" Her voice was laced with deep concern, or so he supposed.He nodded, choking out, "Fine," in a voice that croaked two octaves higher than normal, the sound beginning and ending at the back of his throat. "Justairknockedout," he said, breaking into a withering cough to punctuate his sentence.Her hand reached his shoulder and he was moved by her perceived concern, a drastic change from the irritation that had plagued her voice earlier. "Are you sure you are well?" she said in a voice he mistook for kind.Nodding his head, he turned to face her taking in another breath. This time the air entered and exited his body almost normally and he said in a voice more reminiscent of his own, "Aye, I am well."Had he been more attentive, Aragorn may have noticed the marked change in Arwen's demeanor. Had he been more willing to concede Arwen's role in attempting heroic measure to benefit them both, she might have backed away from the need to assert herself so brutally. Had he been less inclined to act as her defender and more as her equal, he may have never turned back to offer her aid before their initial fall when his help was not really needed. But those were all moot points in retrospect to the cold, dark, muddy world they found themselves within. Not much had really changed in this dank hole in the ground. Not much, but everything. Their route of escape was now gone, disintegrated in mere seconds, leaving little means to climb up and out of this cavity. The ceiling above opened more, revealing the upper portion of the chute Arwen had been climbing within. Unsteady ground it had been, and little doubt was there that it would eventually have caved in as it had. Aragorn felt it was lucky Arwen had made it to the point that she had, for there was little that would eliminate the thought from his head that she could have been buried more fully in that chute had the walls from above caved in rather than the floor collapsing. And yet while he looked at her freedom from the chute as a relief, he could not foresee that she might have a different perspective. While he was happy to see her alive, muddy but well, he was also aware that their situation had grown ever worse. But unfortunately for male intuition, Aragorn perceived 'worse' to mean they had need to develop a new strategy for escape. He certainly had no clue 'worse' meant he was about to have his good intentions ripped into shreds.In a calm but steely voice she said, "I am so very pleased that you are well," though he noticed her frozen expression as she said it and a cold glimmer in her eyes that sent an involuntary shiver down his spine. Something told him it was a redundant statement, one without real feelings of happiness that she claimed to possess. But so caught up was he in his own introspection, he acted as one mildly impaired. It took him several moments to process her countenance and to realize what it meant. He had seen it before, but only on a few rare occasions, and it was usually garnered toward somebody else, like her brothers. But the weight of it was not lost on him. His stomach churned, a queasy, shaking feeling coming to him as he came to see, came to realize, she was angry with him. Really, really angry. And for that he was confused. Surely, he thought, she is not still irritated at the slight I made toward she and Eowyn? But that thought did not live long in his minds as she gave a weak grin that made his spine dissolve. It was then that he saw the transformation coming about, subtle though it was. She fixed a look on him that removed all the goodwill in his body just seconds after its conception. A dread fear rose up in him, wondering what might have provoked her and just what she might be capable of unleashing. He had done nothing, or so he thought, that might warrant truly deep ill feelings. After all, had he not just been trying to rescue them from this dark cavern? Had he not been attempting to return to his friend in hopes of reviving a fallen comrade? Had he not expressed concern for her safety and well being, putting himself in harm's way before her? He had to all of these. And with humility and chagrin he was willing to admit had failed dismally. And her willingness to assuage herself by blaming his failure was cruel in his estimation. Did she not know he would blame himself greatly for these failings? Surely she would. Then why, therefore, would she deem to make the wound worse by inflicting more blame on him? He felt himself stiffen as these thoughts rocked his mind. It was split-second thinking really, but it only took a split-second to realize you were about to be attacked and to set up your defenses accordingly. And the dark set of her eyes told him he was indeed about to be attacked.Aragorn had been witness to many a dark vision on middle-earth. He had looked into the Palantir and beheld the eye of Sauron and fought off the evil that tried to pervade his mind there. He had faced ghosts of numberless proportion on the Paths of the Dead, turning them ultimately to answer his call and act on his behalf in taking on the Southron menace. He had marched to the gates of Mordor itself and faced the minions of Sauron by the thousands along with the Dark Lord's lieutenants, matching them unflinchingly in combat and battle. And yet none of it could really prepare him for the fear he felt as Arwen unveiled a creature of which he had rarely had to face the likes. He was not pleased to see her face screw up ever so slightly marking a contortion to her features that made her seem demonic enough to match the menace of any Orc in the old Ephel Dúath lairs. And he was aware that in this state her voice could become a shrill grate to rival that of the contingent of Nazgul, piercing eardrums with her cry. He gulped in anticipation of her attack to come in full force, but it did not come. That surprised him, for he thought he could anticipate it. Still, her weapons were unsheathed. She narrowed her eyes, launching her first means of assault. She pierced him with a boring stare, driving holes through his spine. He felt his knees quake slightly in the attack though he held his breath, awaiting the words that would give the blow its full effect. "And what, please tell me, was the benefit of that last action?" she asked, her words seething in a chill as they encircled his field of vision.Still caught off guard by the means of her anger, he chose to stall rather than engage. "I know not what you mean," he said in a nonchalant manner in an attempt to garner the true reasoning behind her ire.Her nostrils flared as the corners of her lips turned up and he knew he really would not sweep her aside so lightly. "Did you really think to get us out of this prison so easily? Did you even heed my warning?" she asked, her tone ringing with a resounding echo as her volume grew slightly louder.Thinking he saw where she was headed, he responded honestly, not realizing the trap that he laid for himself in doing so. "I thought to free us by attempting to free myself," he dismissed with a wave of his hand, like one addressing a petulant child. He really did not have time for this. There was Gimli to think of, and if she saw he was unwilling to do battle with her, she might back off.He could almost hear the steel door open releasing her full malice. Her face froze into one of deep disdain, and he felt his heartbeat quicken as he saw the rancor in her eyes. "You disregarded what I had to offer so that you could play the part of hero?!"At first he gulped reflexively, until the words fully registered. And as they did, Aragorn felt his own anger rising in his chest. The sarcasm in her words bit into him. Heat filled his nostrils as venom came to his tongue. Without knowing what was spewing out of him, he lashed back. "I was thinking only of Gimli and how we might quickly get to him! I was not concerned with appeasing your ego nor that you were so frail that it needed boosting!""Nay, it was not my ego you were concerned with, only yours!" she snarled back, no longer attempting to hold back her words."My ego is fine as it is!""Aye! Far more so than the average Man! And so long as you are given ample opportunity to play the lead. Dare you not to be upstaged! No wonder you and Faramir vie for the same prize. Valar forbid, the mood you will take if he should win this contest. And I know well who will be to blame for it if you shall lose!" she spat. He really did not think about what he was saying, for if he had he might have realized where his next statement would take him. "You were the one who insisted on taking this venture with me, Arwen! Do not blame me that we are trapped in this hole!" he yelled back.An uneasy calm fell over her, though her stance was hardly that. When she spoke, it was in a soft voice with each word enunciated clearly in an icy tone. "Oh, I blame you for so much already! Why not give you credit where it is due!""I told you not to come!" he shouted, his brain still making blind stabs at her attack and trying to protect his own wounded pride."And miss out on all this joy? Never!" she answered with biting sarcasm."If you had not insisted on slowing me, I might be at Gimli's side right now!" he parried with exaggeration knowing he was the one that had stopped but hoping she might not remember that."If you had not felt compelled to catch me every time I took a misstep, we might never have been in this situation!" she retorted cocking a superior tone. She did remember. Then pointing accusingly she said, "AND EVEN STILL, if you had even given it a moment's consideration, you might have seen the wisdom of my insight!" she accused."I was doing what I thought best!" he countered though he knew he was losing ground. He was still confused by this and tried not to take her words to heart though that was not an easy thing to release. What had brought on such hate?"But I had the vantage point! I could see what was happening! Why do you think I called a cease to your leveraged pull? I could tell the walls were beginning to crumble! And if you had been watching you might have too! Surely the dirt beginning to tumble down from above was telltale to you!" With sudden humiliation he realized he had seen the dirt and had chosen to disregard it. He could feel his anger retreating, shame taking its place. "I did not think it a great enough hindrance. I thought I might get past it." And then seeing his out, he played his only powerful motive. "Truly, I was thinking only of getting to Gimli." There, he thought triumphantly. Let her overcome that! But while his own emotions were quickly waning to embarrassment at being so blind, he could see she was growing angrier by the second. The look in her eyes confirmed this. He actually found himself backing away as she shrieked out her wrath and he knew the monster that could be the dark side of Arwen was fully free to roam. "AND YOU THINK I HAD NO REGARD CONCERNING OUR FRIEND! PERHAPS YOU THINK I WAS TRYING TO MAKE OUR SITUATION MORE DIFFICULT! PERHAPS YOU THOUGHT I WOULD OFFER SUGGESTIONS IN HOPES THAT MIGHT HASTEN OUR AID! OH, YES, I HAD MOTIVE TO SLOW US SO SAYS YOU! MY EGO NEEDED BOOSTING! THINK YOU I AM SO DULL-WITTED, ARAGORN? HOW COULD YOU IGNORE ME LIKE THAT?!"Rarely was Aragorn so caught unawares as he was at that moment. Yet her question to him came as a complete surprise, and more so the means in which it was delivered. At the moment all he could think to say was her sarcastic remarks were not endearing to him, but he knew that would not soothe the beast within her. Which left him with nothing to say. His shock was so great that for the moment all he could do was stand there and gulp out, "Uh"Obviously that was not a sufficient reply for her torturous pitch echoed forth. "DO YOU REALIZE HOW CLOSE WE WERE TO ESCAPING THIS HOLE? DO YOU EVEN PERCEIVE HOW NEAR I WAS TO REACHING THE TOP? IT WAS JUST THERE BEFORE ME, NOT MORE THAN TEN FEET AWAY! I COULD HAVE CLIMBED IT! I COULD HAVE MADE IT ABOVE GROUND! BUT NO! YOUR ARROGANT IDEA TAKES PRECEDENT ABOVE MINE!"He was confused, uncertain of what to say. In self-defense he considered that he was merely trying to see their way out. How could he know it was going to turn out this way? And if it had turned out to the better, he doubted she might be carrying on so. He thought of pointing this out, but decided against it realizing it would gain him nothing."WELL? ARE YOU NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING IN YOUR DEFENSE?" Truth be told, he could think of much to say, but every thought quickly fled his head within seconds of arriving out of the certainty that no matter what he said, it would be wrong. "Er" he managed to mumble."NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" she shrieked confirming his suspicion. "I SUPPOSE YOU WERE EVEN TRYING TO CATCH ME WHEN THE CEILING CAVED IN, WERE YOU NOT?"As a matter of fact, he had been. How did she realize?"SERVES YOU RIGHT THEN! I HOPE MY MIGHTY BULK BROKE A RIB TOO!""Arwen" he managed to choke out before the next wave lashed out at him, but even more astounding was the sudden change that rose up to meet him as she instead stepped away. He could have never expected it as it was a reaction that he had never faced in a foe before. Turning her back, Arwen drew into a personal embrace bringing her arms about herself tightly. And then she began tocry? Everything within their space froze into the crystalline sound of her quiet weeping. Aragorn stood perplexed. He was completely thrown, uncertain which direction he should turn or what words he could say. On the one hand, he was afraid to say anything so frightened was he that that hideous beast would spring forth again from this demure creature. But on the other hand, the sound of Arwen's crying was pitiful, penetrating, agonizing, driving his heart near a precipice of regret. None but another man can truly appreciate the effect a woman's tears has on the spousal order. It is a maddening sound, enough to drive rage into the members of that fraternity, and at the same moment send them reeling under burdens of shame and guilt heavy enough to bring them to their knees. It was a sound of torture for any married man, and if Sauron had truly known what he was doing, he might have found it the most effective of weapons if he could have harnessed the power of said cries. But that history was past, and for now only one female's cry was having the desired effect of rendering a male mute. The response was exactly as desired. While as of yet Aragorn was uncertain exactly what he had done to set about such a reaction, whatever it was, he would do anything to avoid it again if only it would make Arwen stop crying!Of course Aragorn had heard her cry before. It is nearly impossible to be married for twelve years and to not have experienced a tear or two or even a hundred. Or for that matter, to take on battle with one another as husband and wife. But it had never been like this. Aragorn was certain he would have remembered seeing Arwen this angry. This rage was new, though with fear Aragorn acknowledged it probably was not so new if it were to spew up so violently in the normally placid she-Elf that was his wife. There was something bothering Arwen and he suspected, with a dull pain at his heart, that he might be the source of it. His guilt took over as his own monster departed rapidly. Dully, he wondered if he were falling into a planned trap or if Arwen's reaction were truly real. But he recognized this only as an after-effect of his own darkness, and he knew that the overriding emotion was that he felt terrible to have made her cry. Without thinking further on what was the right thing or wrong thing he might say or do, he reached for her, carefully pulling her body in close to his. She was so incredibly frail in his arms, light like a bird, and he almost feared crushing her in his thick arms. He held her tenderly, gently, hushing sweet sounds into her ear as she melted into his body. At least this felt right.Breaking off her sobs she whispered, "Hold me, Estel."Again hushing with soothing sounds, he lightly kissed her brow and uttered, "I am. I am, my love."But it wasn't right. At least not in her estimation. She said it again, "No, please. Truly hold me, Estel." Aragorn grew confused. He did not know what she meant for indeed he already held her in his arms. Perhaps she was befuddled. Perhaps she had been injured after all. That would explain much in his estimation. His eyes swept down as his hand raised her chin. Carefully he looked at her under the dim light. Her tear-streaked face was sooty and scraped, but there were no visible wounds. Gauging her eyes he saw that they looked normal, though teary. And so he smiled and said, "I do hold you, love. Were I too take you any harder, I might break you."She frowned at him though she did not relinquish her hold. At least he was gratified to see the tears had nearly stopped. But her voice was sad, and he knew whatever it was that was disturbing Arwen had not gone away. "I am capable of so much more."He could see she wanted something from him. His heart stirred with her sadness and he wished to grant what he could to relieve it. With subtlety he tightened his grip on her. "Is this more to your pleasure?" he asked. Her eyes cooled slightly and he could see the corners of her mouth turn down. "Nay, Estel, it is not to my pleasure. It shall not be to my pleasure until you see that I am made of sturdier stuff." Then with a strength that surprised him, she pulled him into her embrace and squeezed. It was like being held by one of the burly border guards. Her soft exterior obviously belied the muscle and sinew that lie beneath her surface. And even more astoundingly, it hurt." Arwen, you are hurting me," he grunted. "You do not like being held so tightly, do you?" she taunted, her mouth askew."Nay, I would choose to be lessconstrained," he said, beginning to understand that she was trying to tell him something in this mixed message that was making his ribs ache.She released him. "And so I set you free so that you may find your comfort as you please,' she said with a slight bow of her head.He sighed, seeing now that her anger was still present. Perhaps, but mayhap she was in a quiet enough mood now to at least talk? "You are speaking riddles, Arwen. Plain words will go further." "I have spoken plain words to you, Estel, and you seem not to comprehend. I will speak as I need until you can understand me."Again, he sighed, perceiving the creature had taken on a different guise. As before he was uncertain what to say, and if they were elsewhere he might have walked away in frustration, choosing instead to return when her mood had settled and she might be more reasonable with which to speak. This side of Arwen he had seen, and though it was still a part of her he dreaded taking on, at least he knew how to handle her. But seeing that there was no escaping, he comprehended that his best method was complying. Or finding a distraction. He looked up at the skylight and then around at their surroundings. He saw the rope he had been pulling, still tied about her waist, his bow and quiver, the medicine kit he had been carrying, and the satchel with the other equipment she had transported, now haphazardly discarded on the stone floor. Quickly assessing a plan, he offered, "I think I have an idea to get us out." She looked at him, then at the skylight, then at their strewn possessions. The distraction was apparently working as she looked at him and asked, "How?""A long shot," he offered. "Or more accurately a short shot," he seconded, then ordered, "Untie the rope from your waist."She did as she was told then held the loosened end to him. He took it and tied it to the shaft of an arrow. The projectile would be unfavorably thrown off target by the heavy rope, but he did not need to hit his target with any accuracy, just force. If he could plunge the arrow into the dirt of the shaft walls above, it was just so distantly possible he might still be able to climb out.Arwen saw then too what he planned. Pessimistically she negated him. "It will not work. The arrow is too light to hold such a weight. "We shan't know until we try," he replied, not held by her words.She shrugged and stood back to watch as he readied his bow.With the sound of the bow string echoing about them, he saw the arrow lodge into the wall above. It did not go in deep, perhaps only six inches at most. It would have to do. His rope was attached to it.Grabbing with two hands and giving a slight tug to test the rope's security, surprisingly he found it stayed taut. Deciding he had little to lose, he jumped up, putting his full weight on the rope and arrow. It did not budge. And so he began to climb. But he had not proceeded far, maybe four feet at most when he felt the rope and arrow giving way. And although the change of the rope's hold slipped only a minor amount, he could feel it going, and thus prepared to drop just as the arrow fell free from the wall.He looked to Arwen, expecting to hear glib words admonishing, "I told you so." But instead she surprised him by saying, "Do it again."Glad to see she had not dismissed his idea so carelessly, he eagerly complied. He repeated the process, attempting in this pass to reach even greater heights. But once landed, opportunity to make a rescue attempt was thwarted as she came to stand before him, grabbing the rope in his steed. He was not pleased, and began to contest her right to try but she cut him off with logic. "I am lighter than you are. It might hold for me." Fighting against his own better judgement, he let her try. He was surprised to see she could climb so well. Still, it gave him grim satisfaction to see her fail, and he had to bite back his own 'I told you so' comments knowing they would not endear her to him.But she was not done, and she had him repeat the process several times before the shaft of the arrow broke under her weight. He was surprised actually she had proceeded so long. It was silly to think such a small device could bear weight enough to lift them out and he lost faith in his idea. But even then, Arwen was not satisfied, and she made him repeat the process again and again until nearly a half dozen arrows had been lost in the attempt, either broken by her weight or left lodged in the slanted wall above where the rope had slipped off. And when she told him to go on, though he had been loathe to protest before, he would not hold his tongue any further. "It is not working!""I have yet to hear another suggestion," she said, ignoring his frustration and handing him another arrow with the rope tied mid-shaft. Her mood definitely seemed better for the attempts to be free."Nay, Arwen. We shall go through all our quiver at this rate with nothing to show for the effort," he said grimly.She laughed and held out her open palms in a friendly manner. "I have something to show for it," she said, indicating her blistered hands.He grimaced at the sight, taking her reddened skin in with his eyes. The palms of her soft hands were torn and tender from the repeated climbs. But sensing his disapproval, she quickly pulled them away saying, "It is nothing."But she was mistaken if he would let this be. "No more, Arwen," he said in a firm voice that was one he used in command. It would not be broached. Her lips pursed in protest, but she did not follow up with further debate, instead lifting her eyes upward to the light. He joined her in this and they stood silently in contemplation for several minutes. Then she broke the silence."Look at me and tell me if you love me," she said.He had not expected such a statement from her. "I love you," he answered simply. It was not such a difficult thing to say. He had always loved her. But her need to hear it was telling. Despite the momentary distraction, Arwen's monster was not gone.She moved away, to the dark side of the hollow. Her voice echoed slightly in the distance of the cavern walls. "And if I stand over here where it is more difficult for you to see me, can you say the same?"He chuckled at her foolishness. "Yes, of course. I love you," he answered wondering what she might be getting to with this."And can you see the injury to my hands from there?" she asked holding up her hands in the dim light. He squinted into the darkness, barely able see anything of her. He answered honestly, "I hardly see anything of damage from here.""Do you hear me protest or complain of them?" she asked and he was growing annoyed. "Nay, Arwen, you do not complain," he answered dryly.She took a few steps backwards into the full darkness so that she was no longer visible to his eye and then said, "And if I were to be here where you cannot see me at all, is anything different? Do you still love me? Do you see my harm? Do I complain of it?"He was beginning to grasp her point and he did not like it. "I understand," he answered brusquely."Do you? I don't think you really do," she whispered emerging again in the light."Arwen " he began, but she cut him off, a finger brushed lightly against his lips."You wanted me to speak plainly and now I will. For long years I have granted you this. The opportunity to leave my sight without knowing the harms that might come to you and yet having faith that you would see it through. You loved me when we parted. I loved you. And beyond that there was nothing else. It was what made our time apart bearable in those horrific years when the world seemed to be coming apart. I could hold onto that and know that no matter what, no matter what injuries befell you, what pains came to your heart, they were part of the effort and that you were trying to return to me," she said, watching his face carefully as she spoke.He looked hard into her eyes, saddened by what he was perceiving her to say. "Do you think it was easy for me to leave? My heart ached to be with you always, to bide my time only in your companionship.""And yet you left," she said noncommittally."I had a duty," he replied curtly."And I never questioned it. I knew that our love took precedence even in that and I was willing to share you."His brows pressed in confusion. "Arwen, you said you would speak plainly and yet I fear you talk in riddles again.""I could let you go because I was certain of your love for me and mine for you. Even if something so drastic as you were to die, I knew it would have been with my name on your lips," she uttered, tears beginning to pool in her eyes."And so it would have been," he said, responding to her saddened eyes with a whisper."Once I thought the same might be true of me. I no longer believe that," she answered with downcast eyes.He froze, afraid of what he thought she was saying. He felt a knot tighten in his throat and his words nearly choked him. "You you no longer love me?" he asked.She looked up, surprise taking her expression and then she laughed a tinkling sound like bells chiming. He jumped slightly at how unexpected that response had been. "Oh, my love, is that what you think I say? Oh, nay, never! My love has not wavered, will never waver. We were meant for one another, Estel!"A small smile of relief danced on his lips before the confusion returned to his brow. "What then? What are you saying?"She gazed at him long before answering. At last she said, "It seems it is acceptable for me to release you, to let you go to fend on your own, but it is unacceptable for you to release me. You act as if were you to let me go you might lose me. Do you believe my heart is not true, Estel?"He drew back, suddenly understanding where this conversation was headed. "No, of course not. It is not you!""Tell me then," she said, her eyes penetrating the depths of him when she spoke."II do not understand it myself. It is the world. It is not a safe place, Arwen," he replied, trying to find words that might tell her his fears.She stepped backwards away from him, dissolving again into the darkness. "If I stand here where you cannot see me, do you believe I am unsafe?" "Nay, Arwen, but " he began."And if I were to face trouble, do you think I would just allow it to occur?"He smiled weakly and chuckled lightly. "Of course you would not."Arwen too laughed from inside the shadows. "That is good to know. At least you do not think me a complete fool." He laughed again, amused by her insights. Then she continued. "And if I were to face trouble, and I could not resolve it myself, do you think I would not call out for help?""Yes, yes," he said, pulling her out of the dark and embracing her. "It is not you that I doubt. It is the rest of the world for which I have fear.""And yet it is a safer world now than ever I have faced," she answered."But it is not. The Elven realms in which you lived were highly secreted and secured. You never truly faced danger while in the company of your people," he said.She frowned for a moment, then said, "Perhaps you have forgotten the fate of my mother then. Nay, Estel, there was danger to the Elves wherever we dwelt or roamed, escorted or not, within the safety of borders, or not. Middle-earth has not been a safe place for my kindred since the beginning years of the Eldar race. But now, if ever there was a time when middle-earth was safe for all living creatures, it is this moment. Like you, I chafe at being held against my will. And that is why I worked to make this respite happen. I thought perhaps this trip might make you see how tightly you were held and how tightly you in turn hold me. Yet walking amidst an entourage is far less grating on me then not being allowed to roam even with the entourage. You hold me back, Estel. You take away my opportunities to be free. I have become useless, a delicate trinket, prized for my beauty and charm, but incapable of venturing further than my tether. For fear of what?""I want you to stay near me. I do not want you to go abroad without me," he said, his head bowed in true shame."Why? You said you believed in me. And as an Elf-Queen who is highly recognized among the race of men, I dare not, even if I wanted to do so, travel alone. So what is it you desire of my presence?" she asked, her eyes drawn sympathetically to his face.He kept his head down, afraid to tell her what he really felt. Would she hate him for his desire? Deciding to face the truth no matter how difficult it might be, he raised his head and said to her in a soft voice, "I had hoped that by now you might have borne me an heir."She scoffed. "And so you keep me saddled at home so I might come to be with child because of our proximity alone? But we have talked of this! You know what it is I face. Why can you not accept it?"His face dropped. He truly felt shame. "I hear the voices of the people, Arwen. They have doubts there will ever be an heir. They feel certain it is because you are an Elf that you bare no children.""It is precisely because I am an Elf that I bare no children. Why do you listen to this?" she asked, her voice somewhat chiding."Because I too want a child. I worry that my reign will begin and end here. If there is no heir, my rule may indeed pass back into the hands of the Steward's line," he said darkly. There he had said it. And if he had gone on he might have said he was jealous of Faramir, envying them their riches in family. But he suspected she already knew this of him.Arwen sighed, staring long at him before speaking. "Estel, look at yourself and then look at me. In the twelve years we have been wed you have barely aged a day. Nor have I. You are of Numenor blood. Longevity graces you. Your reign over Gondor will last a good many years. There should be no rush to produce an heir unless you wish them to be withered and old when they should take the throne," she responded.He gave her a scowl, "Not so old as that.""Old enough still. Perhaps my lineage will prolong their years, but the Numenorean line diminishes with each generation. Even still, you are destined to live a long life, Estel. And Gondor shall benefit from that through the consistent rule of a fair King. That should be enough to satisfy the people, I would hope," she said, caressing his cheek."They want an heir and I too desire a child, Arwen," he muttered kissing her palm."As do I, my love. But it is not in my soul yet to do so," she said softly."But you have chosen mortality," he began."And so it shall be. My life is tied to yours. I live so long as you do. Should you die tomorrow, I would soon perish as well in my despair. And should you live another five hundred years I would be there at your side, fading as you fade, my soul the same as yours," she answered. "Yet if you are mortal, should you not respond in a mortal way in this longing? Should you not desire to have kin of your own?" he asked."Estel, my heart and my soul are mortal, but my body is still Elven. I cannot metamorphose like a butterfly arising from a cocoon and become something into which I was not born. I remain who I was, an Elf. And Elves do not bare children as mortals do," she calmly explained."When then will we see remedy to this?" he asked, his voice skewed with the agony of impatience."When it is time. When my body is synchronized with yours enough to feel paired wholly," she answered, watching his face. Seeing the disappointment there, she went on. "My love, do you not see? I have lived for countless centuries before I knew my fate was tied to yours. Our marriage has been twelve years long. To an Elf, that is like the passing of a whim, a mere day. We are practically strangers to one another in the eyes of my people. How can I be fruitful and bare children when our life together has only just begun?" she pleaded."But it has not just begun, Arwen! We have known one another long. Fate has a plan for us. We shall die. Soon, by Elven standards. I do not have all eternity to wait for an heir, nor do you. Our time together will end. Is there nothing that can be done to speed this up to make all well for us?" he asked."We have our history as an advantage, my love. Please know I am trying, Estel. Truly I am. But I need your help in this as well," she said as she looked longingly into his face.He gave her a wanton smile. "I thought I had been helping."She returned his gaze with a coy smile of her own. "That has never been an issue between us. What has been is this," she said stepping back into the darkened corner of the cave. Her voice carried to him though it seemed strange not to see her as she spoke. "I am still here, Estel. I still love you and I am safe even though you are not at my side to assure yourself of this." She stepped out of the dark again, slowly drawing near him, her arms opening wide to accept his embrace as she said, "And strangely enough, I am stronger in my feelings knowing you are there, trusting that I will return to be with you again and again, and yet given the freedom to aid you as I might without fear that you will worry for me."He held her in his arms then, accepting her place there and softly said, "I am so afraid, Arwen. I am so afraid of losing you after all we had to go through to be together. What would become of me if something were to happen to you?"She looked into his eyes noting the glisten of tears within them and said, "If something ever were to happen, it would be fate's doing, not yours. You cannot be responsible for all things, nor do I want you to be. I am suffocating in the cage you have placed me and I am sure you do not want that either. Let me fly free, Estel. You will see my music is sweeter when I am given liberty to roam. And you will find I am far more capable than you give me credit to be. I am not made of glass and I have not lived all these years solely to improve upon my needlecraft and feminine tasks. I have skills far greater than that. I may be of benefit to you if you would only see."And he did. He understood fully what she said, for he too knew what it was like to be imprisoned within a position. With bitterness he sighed, "Old habits die hard, Arwen. It shall not be easy to give up my notions of being your protector.""Try please!" she begged, and he nodded hearing the desperation and need she expressed in those two words. Then wryly he smiled. "If only I could make the same plea to my court. How much I long for my freedom as well," he said, wistfully.She smiled back. "But Estel, you have your freedom, you just haven't learned how to use it. You may come and go anytime you please, and there is no one to stop you."He laughed a soft chuckle. "I invite you, my dear, to participate in a meeting between me and my ministers sometime. Then and you will see. They overrule me on everything when it comes to my liberty.""Only because you let them," she answered with a smug smile."Nay," he said, feigning a frown and pulling away. "On this I am the caged bird.""But Estel, if you were to refuse their security, what could they do? Relieve you of your heritage? Behead you for disobeying an order? Ah, perhaps take away the new year? It is all the same. They are incapable of doing anything to stop you. As a Ranger, would you have traveled under banner of royal bearing and escorted by an entourage of guardsmen wherever you went? Hardly! In those days you chose to disguise yourself as a mere Ranger so that you might travel with ease without drawing attention. Would it not be wise to do so again? Do you not think our journey here might have gone any different had we traveled as common folk? Yet the generals insisted we go with escort, and seeing that you chose not to dispute too greatly their claim over your safety, arrangements were made to do exactly as they wished. But do you no think it is rather arrogant to do so? Do you think your people would blame you for wanting to be one of them again? I think not. If anything, I think they would laud you for attempting to keep your appearance among them untainted.""I do not think it is as easy as you believe it might be," he admonished, turning away. "So your skills at deception and stealth have faded. I see. You do not think you are capable of evading them," she returned."Not an entire army!""You rule the entire army! And you rule the generals that preside over the army! Assert yourself! I guarantee they will bluster and threaten, but in the end, they would not dare to take authority over your position. You are too well loved by your soldiers and too well loved by your people for them to do that. There should not be anything but respect for what you would wish, and you have yet to let them see you have that right." She put her hand to his shoulder giving it a firm squeeze. "Make it so, Aragorn," she quietly encouraged.He breathed a deep sigh, not entirely sure what to do, but realized she was probably right. Without acknowledging it, he had given them the liberty to rule him, and it chafed at his binds. He did not like to be leashed as it interfered with how he truly worked best on his feet. He needed to be free to move and for too long he had been chained in one place. It was time to find Strider again and to truly resurrect the man again, in more ways than just name. He looked at her and smiled, gently taking her blistered hand and kissing it. She was right, he realized. She had been right in many ways, though he had not bothered to listen. She looked at him and smiled, and for the first time in a long time he thought he saw her fully as she truly was. He smiled. "I suppose you would want to talk about making that journey into Poros as my ambassador then?"She smiled back, laughing. "Later, Estel. I think we should table that issue as at the moment I am more interested in finding a way out of this hole and getting to Gimli's side."Aragorn jumped in surprise. So caught up had he been in their conversation that he had nearly forgotten their mission, and now that he had been reminded his mind immediately went to work again on means to get them out and on to the prior emergency: Gimli. He hoped the Dwarf was faring well though there was nothing he could do at the moment to aid his friend. He had to believe in the wily nature of the Dwarf and that somehow he would survive that fall and manage his own recovery for the moment. And in the meantime, he knew he had need to find their way out. Another idea flashed through his mind, though he immediately dismissed it as he knew it might be a feeble effort. Fear, desperation, and enlightenment rose and fell in his soul in split-second intervals, but before he focused his attention entirely on finding their escape he decided one thing that was pressing for his attention. He turned Arwen to face him, holding her at arms length. He had to apologize. But reading him she did not give him the opportunity.Instead, she smiled into his eyes, a look of glory and love dancing across her face and he found himself lost in that as she uttered, "Hold me, Estel." And he did. He took her firmly in his arms and held her tightly to him. And then he bent over her and kissed her with a passion that was anything but gentle, for he knew now he could not break her in this way. He finally understood. She was not made of glass. She was as hard as steel.
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