FIRE: Burning

SUMMARY: Ñolofinwë and others reflect on their choices while encamped on the shores of Araman, waiting for what will never come.

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"Dost thou think he will send the ships back?" Findecáno asked his atar as the Noldor huddled on the shores of Araman.

"I do not know, yonya," Ñolofinwë replied, looking east across the dark waters of Alatairë where his brother — half-brother, a part of him whispered contemptuously — had gone, having stolen away with the ships, he and his sons. He glanced at his oldest son and heir and sighed inwardly. Findecáno’s expression was one of hurt and confusion. Ñolofinwë knew well the deep bond of love and friendship Findecáno had for Nelyafinwë, knew that the two were otornor, but he feared that bond would be severed by what Fëanáro had done, was doing to them all in his madness.

"Did ye notice whom he left behind?"

Ñolofinwë turned to see his nephew Findaráto approach with his siblings. Findaráto’s expression and those of his brothers appeared grimly amused. Artanis’ expression, however, could only be called wrathful, her grey eyes glinting balefully even in the starless mists that enshrouded them.

The second-born son of Finwë nodded. "He took all those who have pledged loyalty to him."

"Kinslayers," Turucáno said darkly. He was standing with Elenwë and Itarildë on either side of him, huddled inside his cloak, for they were beginning to suffer anguish from the unrelenting cold and clinging mists.

"What will we do if he doth not return with the ships, though?" Findecáno asked. "Surely he will not abandon us." And in the pain they all heard in his voice they knew Findecáno really meant that he hoped that his otorno had not abandoned him.

Findaráto put a comforting arm around his cousin. "We will see," he said quietly. He himself held little hope that their uncle would return for them. He feared that Findecáno’s trust was about to be betrayed, if not by Nelyafinwë then certainly by Fëanáro, for Findaráto was convinced that his uncle’s will had enslaved his sons so that they would not gainsay anything their atar did.

"If the ships do not come, do we go back?" Aracáno asked. The youngest son of Ñolofinwë shivered, drawing his cloak closer.

His atar gave him a considering look. "Is that what thou wishest, yonya?" he asked and there was neither rancor nor disapproval in his tone.

Aracáno looked down at his feet. "I do not know," he whispered. "I miss ammë."

A spasm of pain flashed across Ñolofinwë’s face but was quickly shuttered and his expression became unreadable to them. "We all do," was all he said.

"Look!" someone cried and they all turned towards the voice to see one of the guards stationed further along the shore pointing eastward. They peered through the enshrouding mist and it was as if a great wind came sweeping across the ice-dark waters, the tumult of its sound causing them to wonder, for it was full of wrath. And then, on the horizon a great light, red and baleful, rose into the sky and they could see a great smoke, dark and billowing on the wind.

"What doth it mean?" Itarildë whimpered, huddling closer to her atar.

For a long moment the only sounds were the endless swishing of the restless sea and the wind blowing away the mists clinging to the shore. The Noldor themselves were too shocked to speak or move as they slowly comprehended what their eyes showed them.

Finally, though, Ñolofinwë spoke, and it was as if it were a death-knell to their fëar. "The ships are burning. We have been betrayed."

There was a collective gasp among the Noldor and then there was much weeping and cursing as the import of their lord’s words became clear.

"What do we do now?" Aracáno asked fearfully, hunching further into his cloak, the despair that was beginning to overtake him evident in his posture. Findecáno gathered his youngest brother into his embrace, trying to comfort him.

"Go back," Elenwë said, giving her husband a hopeful look.

Turucáno shook his head. "Go back to what, meldanya? Shall we slink back to the Valar in shame like naughty elflings promising never to be bad again?"

"What other choice have we?" she demanded hotly. "We stayed our northward trek for fear of the grinding ice. We were to cross the Sea in the ships. We dare not attempt the journey northward. I fear me that we will not survive the terrors that await us if we go on."

"I will not go back," Findaráto declared loudly, his eyes glittering with a cold fire that had nothing to do with the flames that still rose heavenward on the horizon.

"Nor will I," Ñolofinwë said more softly, yet there was a steel in his voice that they had never heard before and his children and his brother’s children stared at him in wonder. They could see the anger burning in his eyes, anger and something else: the bitter pain of knowing oneself betrayed. "We go on," he continued, still speaking softly as he picked up his gear and slung it over his shoulders. He gave them all a determined look. "We go on. I have a tryst to keep with my brother."

Then he started walking northward along the shore. For a moment the others stared at one another in uncertainty, then Findecáno nodded, picking up his own gear and shouldering it as he silently went after his atar. The others soon followed and behind them came the rest of the Noldor, still weeping and cursing the name of Fëanáro.

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Atar: Father.

Yonya: My son.

Alatairë: Great Sea, the name of the Western Ocean that separates Valinor from Beleriand; the Quenya equivalent of the Sindarin Belegaer.

Otornor: Plural of otorno: Sworn brother.

Ammë: Hypocoristic form of amillë: Mother.

Fëar: Plural of fëa: Spirit, soul.

Meldanya: My beloved.

Note: Since these people have not yet reached Beleriand, their names are given in Quenya. Below are the Quenya names and their Sindarin counterparts. As Elenwë and Aracáno never reached Beleriand, they’re names were never Sindarized. Tolkien at one point gave Ñolofinwë three sons rather than the two we know of from the Silmarillion. The third son, Aracáno, supposedly died crossing the Helcaraxë and so never came to Beleriand or received a Sindarin name. As was a common practice among the Elves of this period, Ñolofinwë named this son after himself, giving him his amilessë or 'mother-name'.

Artanis — Galadriel

Fëanáro — Fëanor

Findaráto — Finrod

Findecáno — Fingon

Itarildë — Idril

Nelyafinwë — Maedhros

Ñolofinwë — Fingolfin

Turucáno — Turgon