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Fiondil's Tapestry  by Fiondil

SKIRTS: Fashion-sense

SUMMARY: Two Valar discuss the latest in fashion.

WARNING: You know the drill.

****

Late in the Seventh Age:

What is that?

Itís called a kilt.

Looks like a skirt.

No, no. Not the same thing. Neri wear it.

Neri!? You mean Mortal men? I donít recall seeing any ellyn wearing that.

Hmm...

Who are these paragons of fashion anyway?

Call themselves Scots.

Scots?

Yes. If you squint... theyíre distantly related to the Rohirrim and the Men of Dale.

No Rider worthy of his spear would be caught dead in one of these. Theyíd look bloody ridiculous!

Oh, I donít know... I can see someone like Thengel or …omer getting away with it.

ManwŽ, why are you giving this to me?

Come now, NŠmo. I just thought you might want to try something a bit more... er... modern.

Says he who thought houppelandes were silly looking.

Not the same thing. Now, are you going to try it on?

No. You think itís so great, you wear it.

Fine, fine.... There! What do you think?

Excuse me while I think myself to the next galaxy over before I start laughing.

Hey! Itís not that bad. Varda thought I looked rather dashing.

Varda wears stars in her hair. Sheís not exactly the right person to ask about these things.

Better than those togas and more colorful.

Please! Donít remind me... an entire nation running around in bedsheets. I still have nightmares.

So youíre not going to even try it on?

Look at the color combination! Are these people color-blind?

Well, I admit itís a bit garish...

ManwŽ, thereís nothing wrong with what I wear.

Youíre always wearing black.

Am not.

Are too.

Am not.

Are too.

Well every time I turn around youíre always in blue!

But blue is a pretty color. Everyone likes blue... black on the other hand...

Nothing wrong with black... besides I am supposed to be somewhat sinister looking. Do you think anyone is going to take me seriously as the Doomsman of Arda wearing that! The only doom Iíll be spouting will be my own.

Fine... here, what about this pattern? They call it the Black Watch.

They name their kilts?

No, the patterns. They call them tartans. Ask VairŽ. Iím sure sheís up on her fabric arts.

If I find out she put you up to this...

Are you going to try it on or not?

No!

Coward.

Oh, all right.... Here, let me have that.... So. What do you think?

Excuse me while I go find a quasar to hide in before I start laughing.

****

Neri: Plural of Nťr: An adult†male of any sentient species.

Ellyn: Plural of Ellon: A male Elf.

Note: A houppelande, worn in the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries, was the common dress for both sexes. It was a robe or long tunic, belted or with a fitted bodice, usually having full trailing sleeves and often trimmed or lined with fur.





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