APPOINTED: A Secret Voice

SUMMARY: Ulmo learns from Eru his true purpose in Eä. Takes place in the Timeless Halls.

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Ulmo was standing in the midst of the watermeads of the Timeless Halls enjoying the garden around him. He was always happiest near water and fascinated by the never-ending ebb and flow of its courses. The yellow and white waterlilies with their dark green pads floated nearby and he drank in their beauty and sighed with contentment.

"It pleaseth thee, my Child, these watermeads which I have created for thy pleasance?"

Ulmo turned to see Atar there, smiling warmly at this Child of His Thought, and his aura brighten from its deep purple-blue hues to something closer to bluish-green. "Oh yes, Atar!" he exclaimed as he approached the One, receiving a warm embrace and a kiss. "They speak to me and I could never have imagined such beauty."

"What do they say to thee, Ulmo?" Atar asked indulgently.

Ulmo had to still himself and think for a moment. "I am not sure, Atar," he said hesitantly. "For some reason they seem to speak of...breaches and cracks through which the waters might flow." He paused for a moment before continuing. "It is almost as if... as if the waters revel in seeking ways around obstacles and barriers. Why is that, Atar, and why do I... I joy in their seeking and finding such ways to escape the boundaries which thou hast set?"

"Ah, that is what I have come to speak to thee about, my Child," Atar said gently. "Come, let us walk through these gardens together."

Ulmo eagerly followed his Atar as they wandered through the gardens, admiring this flower and that tree, but otherwise speaking not until they reached a certain place where a great grey wall blocked the way and against which the waters lapped.

"Seest thou, Ulmo," Atar said, pointing to the wall, "how this wall is a barrier to the water, preventing it from reaching the lower gardens?"

Ulmo nodded. "The water cannot flow whither it willeth but must be contained within its proper sphere."

"Thou’rt correct," Atar said with a smile, "but seest thou." He pointed towards one region of the wall and Ulmo saw a hairline crack in the otherwise impenetrable granite and looked at his Atar in wonder.

Atar merely nodded and indicated that Ulmo should cross over to the other side where he saw a thin trickle of water flowing through the crack. Only here, in this one little corner was the beauty of the wall marred. Ulmo gave the One a quizzical look. "Why hast thou allowed this imperfection to exist, Atar? What purpose doth it serve to weaken this wall which hinders the water from overflowing and drowning the gardens below us?"

"It serves as a lesson for thee, my Child," Atar replied with an amused smile at Ulmo’s confusion. "Seest thou how this wall shapeth and defineth the garden above?" the One asked and Ulmo nodded. "This wall is somewhat like the wall of Doom which none can breach," Atar continued, "for it is part of the Themes which I propounded for the creation of Eä, but behold! even against Doom can one prevail if one knoweth the key."

"What is the key, Atar?" Ulmo asked, still feeling confused.

The One looked at the Child of His Thought with great tenderness. "Thou’rt the key, Ulmo. Thou’rt the means by which Doom may be circumvented."

"I... I am the water?" Ulmo enquired.

"Nay, my Child, thou’rt the crack in the wall which allows for opposition to what must be."

"But if I oppose thee...."

"Not so, Ulmo," Atar countered. "Thou canst not oppose my Will in this, for it is for this reason that I have made thee. Thou’rt my secret voice against the tides of Fate, the chink in the armor of Destiny. There will be times, my son, when thy brethren will take a course not good for ye whilst ye dwell in Eä, though I shall hinder them not in their choices. Yet, I would have thee be my... loyal opposition, ensuring that my Will be done in Eä."

Ulmo thought about this for a while. "I do not wish to go against my brother Manwë, for we love one another dearly, and I would not wish to lose that love."

"Nor shalt thou," Atar assured him. "Thy brother is far wiser than thou knowest, Ulmo. He will see thy opposition for what it is... my voice when all other voices are drowned out by fear or anger or mistrust. Thou shalt be a light where darkness hath been decreed."

Ulmo sighed, not sure that he truly understood what his Atar was saying. "I would not have made thee thus if I did not believe thou couldst carry out my Will in this, Ulmo." There was something in Atar’s tone, a kind of pleading and even sadness, which Ulmo had never heard before and he stared at the One in wonder.

"If... if thou thinkest I can do this, Atar," he whispered, "then... then I will be thy secret voice, the breach in the walls of Doom and Fate that governeth us all."

The One smiled and embraced His Child, giving him a kiss that sent Ulmo into paroxysms of joy that he had pleased his Atar. "I thank thee, my Child," Atar finally said.

"But, I still do not understand how I should do what thou wishest for me to do, Atar," Ulmo protested.

Atar smiled and pointed to the watermeads. "Listen to the water, Child. Listen with all thy heart and soul. Let the water show thee the way."

Ulmo nodded and moved out of his Atar’s embrace to once again immerse himself in the water, reveling in its music. He followed its courses with his mind and marveled at its persistence to seek a way past the wall which was an adamant testament to the inexorability of Atar’s Will in all things. Then, he allowed himself to flow with the water towards the hairline crack in the wall, fitting himself within the fissure, seeing how the water had found this one weakness in the granitic solidity and had exploited it.

As he followed the course of the fault out the other side, he came to the realization that he was the flaw. He was in fact Atar’s secret weapon against the implacability of his brethren’s own Wills when they would make decisions out of fear or anger rather than out of the love which flowed from Atar into them all. It would not be an easy task and he sensed that it would be a lonely, perhaps even a thankless, undertaking that would set him apart from his brethren. He sorrowed at that, for he truly loved Manwë and joyed in their making music together.

"Thou shalt always have that, Child," Atar said to him. "Do not fear the loss of Manwë’s love, for it can never happen. And if it be a lonely road thou travelest, knowest thou that thou shalt never travel it alone, for I shall always be with thee."

Ulmo made his way back to where the One stood. "With thee beside me Atar, I have no fear," he said fervently. "I will be thy secret voice, Atar, thy chink in the wall of Doom and Destiny. I will be thy Light in the Darkness. I love thee, Atar."

"And I love thee, my Child, now and forever." The One took Ulmo into his embrace once again and kissed him and then together they wandered through the pleasance, enjoying the gardens and speaking of many things, including walls and the breaching of them.

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Pleasance: from the 14^th century: 1. a feeling of pleasure, delight or joy; 2. a secluded garden or promenade, usually part of an estate. Atar uses this word with both meanings in mind.

from Unfinished Tales, ‘Of Tuor and His Coming to Gondolin’:

"But behold!" said [Ulmo], "in the armour of Fate (as the Children of Earth name it) there is ever a rift, and in the walls of Doom a breach, until the full-making, which ye call the End. So it shall be while I endure, a secret voice that gainsayeth, and a light where darkness was decreed. Therefore, though in the days of this darkness I seem to oppose the will of my brethren, the Lords of the West, that is my part among them, to which I was appointed ere the making of the World...."