Chapter Twenty-Two: Now I See

Frodo woke in the morning to hear Sam’s voice in his head. I’m proud of you, my dear.

I never wanted to let you know about all that. I told Lady Celebrían that I always wanted to prevent my brothers pain, not cause it.

But sometimes you have to cause pain, dear, so something can heal right. Remember that time Mr. Merry broke his hand in that fall and there was no healer at hand and you had to set the hand yourself? It hurt something awful, but when the healer looked at it later, she said that if you hadn’t done that, the bones would have never stitched together right and maybe Mr. Merry would have lost the use of that hand? Or when I fell into that thorn bush a year after you came to live with Mr. Bilbo and you had to pick all those thorns out of my hand? It hurt fierce and I was sobbing that hard and begging you to stop. I think you were crying more than me, but you didn’t stop until all the thorns were out, my hand cleaned and bandaged, then you kissed it to speed its healing. Remember that? Healer Grooch was that proud of you for that too, saying an infection may have developed otherwise. It hurt to get your infection out, but it helped too, didn’t it?

Yes. Frodo took a deep breath and realized that he felt cleaner inside than he had felt since the Quest had begun, in fact since the Ring had come to him.

Look in the mirror, dear.

Intrigued, the elder hobbit raised an eyebrow, but Sam didn’t say anything more. Frodo obediently padded over and looked at his reflection. He felt Sam’s smile and love fill him as it always had and he leaned closer in to see why. He wished he could see his beloved brother and guardian there, but instead he saw himself and some silver in his dark curls.

"It’s let me go," he murmured with some awe. Oh, thank you, Papa! Thank you, Sam!

This is your doing as well, My child.

Am I almost done? Can I come to You soon?

When your journey is complete.

When will that be?

I will call you.

After breakfast, Frodo made his daily visit to the iaun and was surprised to see his uncle curled up on one of the benches fast asleep. He smiled and sat down next to him and stared at the lamp, his lips moving in silent prayer. As always the love and peace of the place and the Person in it filled him and he let it seep into the last corner of his soul. So many places within himself he had lost to the Ring, but slowly those were being reclaimed, cleansed, made new and shining again. He hadn’t realized how much pain he still held in himself from wanting to protect Bilbo and Sam and how much shame and perhaps some lingering pride kept him from pouring out what he had the night before. How much lighter he felt now!

Thank you, Papa, for giving me the strength. And I will have to thank Lady Celebrían.

That strength has always been within you, my child. You just had to remember where it was.

Bilbo was still sleeping when Frodo rose for elevenses. He had prayed through second breakfast and his stomach was beginning to rumble more than he could ignore. How wonderful it felt to feel hungry again! It had been so long since he had felt a normal hobbit appetite.

Is this all part of letting it go, Papa? Am I truly becoming just a hobbit again?

Frodo felt a gentle, loving laugh in his mind, deeper and fuller and more beautiful than he had ever heard before. My beloved child, you have always been and have never been ‘just a hobbit’.

An overwhelming love washed over and through him. He wrapped his arms around and let it fill his heart. So long he had felt that heart had lain empty of anything but grief and torment, but slowly it was beginning to fill with light again. It had always held Sam’s love and Merry’s and Pippin’s and he realized more and more how his soul had held his Creator’s, but even with all that sometimes it seemed nothing could fill the emptiness that overwhelmed him for so long. He looked over at Bilbo who was now softly snoring, still drowned deep in slumber. Frodo leaned down to kiss his curls. I’m so glad he has found You, Papa. I’m so glad I found you.

Then he got up, still with a smile on his face, bowed deeply toward the light and left, his hand held out as always for Sam. Thank you for staying with me, Sam.

Where else would I be, dear?

Frodo’s features quirked. There are several I could think of, but you would still have to be alive.

I am, even more than you are, though you are becoming more alive all the time.

Frodo smiled and looked to where there was a slight luminosity. Riddles, my Sam? Does becoming more and more alive mean you start talking more and more like Gandalf?

Sam smiled. Wait and see, dear.

They met Celebrían in the hall and she immediately recognized the change in Frodo. She sent her own silent thanks to Ilúvatar and then knelt to look into the former Ring-bearer’s eyes. His light was not so fractured now. Before it had been like a broken mirror, but now it was shining whole and complete. She placed a slim hand gently on his shoulder and he smiled at her. How long had it been since he felt like smiling?

"You have made much progress, Iorhael."

Frodo beamed. "Tancave, herinya. Thanks to you and Papa."

How many times had Frodo fallen asleep with her words in his mind and prayers of thanksgiving on his lips for her guidance? He gave silent thanks once more to Ilúvatar for the gift of this particular Elven child of His.

"To recover from such an assault is like crawling over shattered glass on your hands and knees," Celebrían said. "You leave a lot of your blood behind, but the poison is bled out also. I’m glad you have found the strength to make that journey."

Frodo looked at her in surprise. "You know what I said?"

Celebrían smiled. "I can tell from the way your fea shines because I have been told that mine began to shine just like that once I realized the same things. Vanda carna, calmar.

"Haryal alassenya," she said with a kiss to his head in blessing. "Olórin is not the only voronda Narendur for we all are, but you are among the greatest. Now at last realize why I had to suffer: so I could help guide you through yours. It seemed so long to be without any good purpose, though Atar told me that it had meaning. I trusted but I didn’t truly believe until now."

"Hantanyel, herinya," Frodo said and embraced her tightly.

* * *

"I am Pippin’s hero," Frodo said to himself as he lay down to sleep that night. "And Merry’s." This time he believed it.

"And mine," Bilbo said with fond love.

And mine, came Sam’s voice.

And mine, came Another’s. He sighed and slept the innocent sleep of a child.

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A/N: Tancave is Yes. Vanda carna, calmar is Well done, child of light. Haryal alassenya is You have my joy. Voronda Narendur is faithful Servant of Fire.