Chapter Eleven: A Short Cut

Frodo spent some time looking in the mirror as Marigold suggested, but he could not bear to do so for long. A stranger looked back at him with ravaged eyes exposing a soul just as torn. He looked away when he realized it was himself. Instead he went back out to the garden and toiled away, trying to forget what he saw. He shouldn’t have looked. He already knew what he looked like simply by the way he felt.

It’s hard to see your own light, came Sam’s voice. But it’s there, dear. Don’t stop looking for it.

Have you ever seen your own?

No.

It’s so bright, my Sam, so very bright. It has been since I first met you and I am humbled that it shines even now after all I did to you.

Yours is bright also, my Frodo. It’s surrounded by darkness but it’s shining out around the corners and it’s not going to go out because it’s not just your Light. In fact I can see it clearer now because it’s shining through the black. Don’t look for it with your eyes, you cannot see it there. Only the heart can see such things.

I buried that with you in Gondor.

Then it is in my keeping and I am here with you and so your heart must be also.

Sam could see his beloved master was not convinced. You did not murder me, dear. You did not will my death, the Ring did, but it did not triumph because it was not allowed to. There is another Power behind all this, that is stronger than any of us, stronger than the Ring.

I have felt it.

Then you have felt that Love too?

I felt support while on the Quest. I haven’t felt it since then.

It’s there, dear. You are hurting still too much to feel it, but it’s still there. It can’t fill you though when you’re already filled with guilt and loathing. Rose was right when she said the Ring damaged you more than it did me. Let go of what it filled you with and let the Light in.

I don’t know how to do that, Sam. The way around me is still so very grey. It’s not the complete black it once was, but it’s still too dim for me to see my way forward very far at all. The light seems so far ahead of me.

You are already doing it. Keep walking. I’ll walk with you. The Road is not so long when someone is beside you, but I cannot take the steps for you. You must travel along it yourself.

I have for months now and it does not seem to be getting any closer. I fear I will never reach end of it.

Then let me show you a short-cut.

Short-cuts make for long delays and I don’t think I could bear being on this Road any longer. I am already so weary.

Just pretend that Strider is with us then. Didn’t he say his cuts never went wrong?

Frodo sighed. Yes.

Sam led Frodo on a walking tour throughout the Shire’s meadows and fields.

Hold on to what is good, even if it is a handful of earth.

Hold on to life, even when it is easier letting go.

Hold on to my hand, even when I have gone away from you.

Frodo held out his hand as Sam told him. He stopped at his favorite places, rested against his favorite tree and touched the bark. He felt the wind caress his cheeks, dry his tears and blow through his curls. He felt the ground under his feet, the tickle of grass through his toes. He tilted his head up to feel the bright sun against his face. All of it was like a balm for his soul and the best part was Sam’s hand in his. He thought perhaps he felt that other Presence, but he was not sure as it was like sunlight flickering through dense woods: here one moment, lost the next. He felt more sure of Sam’s love and presence which never faltered.

That night when he returned home, he fell asleep wrapped in such deep love unlike any he had ever felt. It felt as though he was floating on air, or wrapped in soft cloth as he had been after a bath and held safe in his father’s arms. He felt clean again, fresh, new. He knew just outside the warm cocoon he found himself swaddled in, the pain and dark remained, but for the moment, he was isolated from both.

I’m glad you’re with me, Sam.

That’s not me, dear. Didn’t I tell you there was another Power in the world that loves you? One who knows your sorrow and guilt and forgives you and weeps with you. He has been with you even when I couldn’t be. I am with Him now and we are holding onto your heart together.

"Thank you," came a very soft murmur from a slightly less troubled hobbit.

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A/N: "Hold on" is from a Pueblo Indian verse.