Chapter Nine: A Gift and a Blessing

Frodo swore he could hear Sam groan when he learned what his master wanted to do the next morning. "You don’t have to come," the elder hobbit said, blithely ignoring all of his friend’s protests, "but you’ve already told them about me so I am going to tell them about you." His lips curled into a faint smile. "Now it’ll be your turn to sit down and be still."

Sam’s protests died when he saw that smile. They walked down to Number 3 together.

You still don’t have to come. It’s going to be terribly embarrassing for you, I’m afraid.

Frodo felt no other answer than his brother’s continued presence beside him. His smile deepened as he held out his good hand. It would seem to anyone else that his fingers curled around nothing, but Frodo knew better. His maimed one he buried in a pocket in his breeches.

The Gamgees and Rose were gathered in the parlor. Frodo began to speak slowly. He knew he would be in tears before the end, but he wanted to pay some tribute to his dearest friend, so they would understand who the true hero was.

"I wanted to tell you about Sam. I know I am not telling you anything you don’t already know, but I wanted to speak of my own love for him and my gratitude that he has so enriched my life. He has ever been a gift and a blessing to me as he has been to all of you. He has loved me with such perfect, abiding, unconditional love that I have treasured since we first met when I first came to Bag End. He welcomed me as one would a brother and so he has ever been to me."

Frodo paused. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "When we had to leave, he would not bear the thought that I would leave alone. He has always been at my side, my guardian, my light. I cannot tell you what a comfort that has been to me, especially after my uncle left and while we were on our Quest. The Ring was twisting me inside out, but he stood by me through it all, strengthening me and keeping me from being utterly lost. I could not have survived its ravages without him. It is my greatest regret that I did, but he didn’t, that in the end I betrayed all that love."

"Sam tried to explain it to us," the Gaffer began into the silence that fell after those words, "but we none of us understand. How could a simple piece of jewelry be evil?"

Frodo took a long time in answering. He stared at the floor as he thought how he could explain to a bunch of hobbits who could not read and did not know or care about the tales that could help explain it all, the ones that he and Sam were so enamored with themselves. He felt very much a stranger, an outsider, not even a hobbit anymore, but someone changed by experiences no one else could ever understand, but for his Sam, his cousins and the others of the Fellowship. But he knew even they could not know what it meant to bear a Ring of Power and to be destroyed by it. And he was very grateful they did not know, none of them, though it made him feel isolated and lost and very alone. Only Bilbo would have the slightest idea what it was like and Bilbo was far away. He felt Sam’s hand tighten around his and his own fingers clutched seeming nothingness a bit more.

"The Ring itself wasn’t evil," he began slowly, "but what Sauron poured into it. We hobbits have lived a very sheltered life here in the Shire. The world is larger beyond your dreams. Some of it is very beautiful, lovely beyond words: the Elven lands are such. Some of it, like Mordor where the Ring was forged and the only place it could be destroyed, is very dark and terrifying beyond anything you could possibly imagine. There are beings in the wide world far beyond we simple hobbits in stature, wisdom and power. Sauron had long ago abandoned wisdom, but not power. He had poured practically every bit of it, every bit of himself, into a Ring he fashioned to rule all the world and he came so close, so very close. The Ring had to be destroyed before Sauron could possess it once more. That’s why we left. Gandalf had already told me its history and that it destroyed bit by bit anyone who bore it. I was the last of those bearers and it did destroy me and through me, Sam."

"Mr. Bilbo should have just taken it with him when he left or never picked it up in the first place," the Gaffer pronounced. "Been nothing but a heap of trouble, it sounds like."

"I have wished that he had left it so many times I could not tell you, but there was a reason for it. Gandalf explained it all to me, that Bilbo was meant to have it then and so was I. If it awoke while Bilbo was wandering solitarily in the woods, it could have easily overthrown him and drawn evil to itself and we would have all been lost, or worse. It could have been found by another bearer and the world would have ended as we understand. We would all be under the dominion of the dark power. Mordor is hundreds of leagues away from here, but we would have felt its bite even here had Bilbo not found it and kept it safe until the time came that it could be taken away. I do not understand why we were chosen anymore than you all, but we were and we have all tried to fulfill the task before us. Sam fulfilled his perfectly. I did not."

The Gaffer shook his head. "Begging your and Mr. Gandalf’s and Mr. Bilbo’s pardon, but all this trouble started when that wizard took Mr. Bilbo on that wild adventure when I was a mere lad. If he hadn’t done, then that confounded Ring would have never been found. You wouldn’t have been hurt by it. And my Sam would still be here. I’m not blaming you for Sam’s death, Mr. Frodo, Sam’s explained it as well as he could, ’tain’t his fault that no one can understand, and I’m not blaming Mr. Bilbo. I think if anyone is to blame it’s that crazy wizard, begging again Mr. Gandalf’s pardon. What were you doing anyway that got you into such a position to do harm?"

Frodo sighed heavily. The nightmare of that time flashed through his head and he nearly fainted at the power of it, the memory of the terrible pull of the Ring, his near surrender and the fatal consequences. Sam held him up. "The Ring was very sensitive to whenever the servants of its master were close and it tried to get me to put it on so I would reveal myself to them and they could take the Ring from me and return it to Sauron. It very nearly succeeded as it had many times before. I wasn’t strong enough to fight it off. The only thing that stopped it at times was Sam. It had me in its control and in its rage at being thwarted once more, Sam died. I killed him because I couldn’t control it."

The Gaffer shook his head. The others sat silently, then Rose spoke up. "I still don’t understand and I don’t think I ever will," she started softly. She looked into Frodo’s tear-streaked face. "But the one thing I do understand, is that you didn’t do it, Mr. Frodo. Sam made that very clear and my Sam don’t lie. I know you believe that you aren’t either, but you weren’t yourself at the time. I know you’ve loved Sam as much as he has loved you and you still do as much as he still loves you. He wouldn’t love someone who killed him. I’m thinking that this Ring damaged you a whole lot more than it did him."

The only sound in the room was Frodo’s sobs.