Chapter Three:  Learning

“Can we go back to that beautiful room again?” Sam asked at breakfast the next morning. “I’m...”

“Missing Rose and everyone else?” Frodo supplied when his brother trailed off.

Sam flushed slightly. “It’s not that I’m unhappy being here, it’s just...”

Frodo clasped his dear one’s hand. “I understand completely, dearheart. I spent many a day at the dock when I first came, looking east. This is a big change for you, just like it was for me, and you left much more behind than I did. I’m rather in awe that you could and I am so grateful that you made such a sacrifice for me.”

Sam curled his fingers around Frodo’s. “I don’t think I would have had much time left there."  He looked into the eyes of his treasure and smiled.  Frodo could have drowned in all that love there.  "I wanted to spend my last days with you.”

“I’m so glad. You’ll be surprised perhaps by how much time I hope we’ll have. Years probably.”

 Sam smiled. “Then all the better. I’ve missed too much of your life already.”

“And I yours and all your children’s. But I have been greatly blessed to share in it what I could. It still seems like a dream that you are here. I’ve longed for it and prayed for it for so long.”

“It’s not a dream, or if it is, I don’t want to wake up.”

“This whole place seems like a dream at times, but it’s even more real than the Shire, if that makes any sense. I’ve dreamed of times, or I think I have, of what the world beyond is like. We are closer to it here than any mortals are allowed to be on this side of the veil. But when we approach the Gates and enter in, then this will indeed seem like a dream, a pale, pale vision of what our life will be like. I do not envy the Elves who are bound to this world until it’s forever over.”

Frodo eyes had grown far off and his voice had become wistful, as though he was longing for something he had already seen or been to, but could not quite reach at the moment. Then he focused on his Sam, smiled brightly and squeezed his hand. “Spend all the time you need in that marvelous room, my Sam. I’m glad you want to do it.”

“I want to learn more about Iluvatar too. It was Him that was looking over us, even more than the Lady was, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, every moment of our lives, He has been there. You considered yourself Bilbo’s and my servant, but who you were really serving was Him. So was I. So is anyone who rejoices in the Light, Hobbits, Men, Elves and Dwarves. Gandalf I think is one of His special emissaries. I have yet to figure him out completely.”

“I can’t thank Him enough for all He’s done then.”

“None of us can, dearest. But it’s enough that we try our best to do so anyway.”

“That’s another reason I want to be there.”

Frodo smiled and Sam rejoiced a little more each time he saw it. He knew he would never get tired of it and he sent a small prayer of thanks.

“Then let’s not waste any more time,” his Elven hobbit said. “This whole island is full of His Presence.”

They walked down together, hand-in-hand. Sam bowed with his brother and then sat down with him. Frodo spent some time in silent prayer and then he left. Sam was gazing at the light when Gandalf entered.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it, Mr. Gandalf? It’s like whenever I looked into Mr. Frodo’s eyes, or my mum’s or my Rose or one of my children’s and I’d see such love, but this...this...” He broke off, frustrated in his attempt to describe what his heart felt.

The Maia smiled and patted his friend’s hand. “Yes, Sam, this,” he agreed and Sam knew the wizard completely understood what words couldn’t convey.

“Why didn’t we know about this in the Shire?”

“I don’t know why Iluvatar chose to keep Himself hidden from hobbits, but you were never outside His sight or His love. You saw it and felt it just as you say - whenever you looked into the eyes of someone you loved.

“Frodo did as well. For His own reasons, Iluvatar chose to work through others to show Himself then reveal Himself directly. So he created you and placed you at your master’s side as a reflection of Himself, so that every time Frodo looked at you, he would see love, yours and his Creator’s. He needed that on the Quest, even more than he needed food and water.”

“I wish I could have given him more of that. We were so hungry and thirsty.”

“You gave him everything he needed, Sam. He needed a piece of the Shire beside him, a light to counter the growing darkness, a reminder of what and for who he was doing all this. You were all that for him. Nourishment is much more than just food. And Iluvatar was always with him even when you couldn’t be.”

“I’m glad he was never alone,” Sam said after a long, thoughtful pause.

“No one is. You are as much a reflection of the glory that is Iluvatar as Frodo is, as any of His creation is. You’ve always seen Frodo as he truly is - a being filled with such radiant light and grace as no other hobbit ever has been. He was created so so he would be ready for fulfill that one specific task that Eru had set aside for him. The Creator was very glad that when He stirred Frodo’s will and heart to accept the Ring at the Council, that Frodo returned that gift freely and offered himself back to his Creator, even if he didn’t truly know Who he was saying yes to.”

Sam was silent for a moment, deep in thought, then he said, “He told me about dreams he had before we left, about the Ring and the Eye and how much they frightened him, but how he felt comforted afterwards by a presence he didn’t know how to explain. So I am glad he was always protected, but begging both your pardons, if he really was, why did he suffer so much? Did Iluvatar know everything that was going to happen?”

“Yes, from all time, He knew.”

“Then why did He allow it to happen that way? Couldn’t He have stopped it?”

Gandalf’s heart ached for the plaintive tone in that dear voice. “Yes, but He chose not to. Instead, He gave you both His grace. To Frodo, it was enough strength to endure and you enough love. That was all you needed. There were things that Frodo needed to learn that he could only through suffering. He had to carry the same burden as Smeagol so he would later be able to exercise the pity and mercy that would be his own salvation, the same pity and mercy that Iluvatar would grant to him because he had granted it first to a fellow creature, a child of Eru just like himself.”

Sam almost snorted. “How could Stinker be that? That’s all he was, sneaky and stinky.”

“But he had not always been that way,” Gandalf said. “Even Sauron was first a child of Iluvatar, but he forsake that gift and glory when he chose another master to serve. He was past redemption, but Smeagol was not. Iluvatar allowed his path to cross with Frodo’s so they could both learn that and have the possibility of salvation. Eru knew what choices they would both make, freely and under duress, but He does not desire any of His children to be lost and so provides many chances for redemption. But He leaves the final choice up to the free will of His creature. You helped in those choices, for both of them. You had things to learn too. You gave pity and mercy at the end as well. The Quest would have failed without it.”

There was silence for long moment as Sam tried to absorb everything he had been told, then more questions bubbled up within him. “Is that grace as you call it the light that’s always shone from Mr. Frodo?”

Gandalf smiled. “Yes. You’ve always seen it, haven’t you, Sam?”

The hobbit looked up surprised. “Didn’t everyone? It's so clear.”

“No, most didn’t or couldn’t. Bilbo did and I believe Merry and Pippin could and perhaps some others. Faramir mentioned it to me once as well. I know Aragorn was aware of it and of course, the Elves recognized a kindred spirit, one of their own almost, clad in a hobbit’s skin. But I don’t know if anyone else saw it. I don’t think even Frodo himself was aware of it until he came here. It’s hard to see yourself sometimes as you truly are.” He looked over and smiled at the hobbit. “You shine just nearly as brightly, Sam.”

The gardener and former Mayor looked up shocked. “Me?”

"Frodo always saw it best and I dare say Bilbo did also. Nothing happens by chance. You were meant to be the guardian of Frodo’s soul, so when even his great heart failed, you didn’t. And you were both meant to come here to understand that what you always saw in each other was just a reflection of Iluvatar’s love for you.”

“I wish I could have protected him better from all his hurts inside.”

“That was Iluvatar’s province, Sam. You did everything you could. Your Creator did the rest.”

Sam looked back up at the light. Thank you, thank you, thank you.