16. The Dream-fish

Dear Sam,

The house is nearly ready.  As soon as the furniture is all moved in and the house is fixed up, Bilbo and I will leave the House of Elrond, which will go to Gandalf, and take up residence in the cottage.  Now I found myself feeling a great many qualms about leaving the house in which I’ve lived for one full year and known joy and delight, made friends and helped to keep up when I was allowed…and….Well, I think I already told you about the lovely dreams I’ve had, about the little fish-maiden in the bath-house and everything…but I don’t think I ever told you of the fish in the fountain in our room. 

It would be hard for me to say just when the dreams started.  I’m thinking it was a couple of days after Lyrien sent me the shell with the berries and the mushroom and the pearl …well, they do seem to have coincided with the receiving of that little gift.  I kept the pearl on my desk, but it proved so distracting that I finally put it in the fountain, floating in the shell.  And that night as Bilbo and I sat beside it smoking our pipes and watching the little goldfishes, I suddenly saw a fish I hadn’t seen before.  It was silvery-white like a star and larger than the others, and I can swear it was luminous, and I could hear a faint music issuing from the water. 

“Bilbo, look!” I said pointing, and he leaned forward, and I could tell from his look that he had seen it too.  And that night I had the dream for the first time.  But the next day I watched for the fish, but it did not show. 

A week later, I saw it again, and that night I had the dream.   Now every time I see the fish I have that dream, so now I call it the Dream-fish…and now that I was about to move…well, of course we can’t take the fountain with us, so would I lose my little fish-girl?  I fretted about it, although I’ve told no one of the dreams but you, and the others probably assumed I was merely apprehensive about leaving the place that has been home to me for a year.  Lady E. had said I would have my heart’s desire within two years, and I know what it is now.  I shall compose a hymn to Irmo Lord of Dreams.  But within two years?  Now I see I’m going to really have to train myself to patience!

Today we were at the sea-shore, Lord E. and Lady C., Lady E., Dûndeloth, Gandalf, Ríannor, Bilbo, Galendur, Tilwen, Lyrien, Seragon, Niniel, Marilen, and I, spending the day picnicking and boating and in general just enjoying the summer day.  It was particularly heartwarming to watch Lord E. with his lady, the two of them seeming in a world of their own…I think he’s fallen in love with her all over again.  We had finished our luncheon and were sitting around looking out to sea, the little girls paddling out in the surf, when I heard a soft voice of singing.  I seemed to be the only one who heard it.  Bilbo had fallen asleep in a canvas chair that had been brought for him, in the shade of a kindly tree that bore large flowers of scarlet and gold.  I picked one and put it in his hand and kissed his head, and that was when I heard the singing.  I slipped off in the direction where the voice was issuing, forgetting about the others.  There was hardly anyone else about, a fisher or two, a couple of boys, and many sand-pipers, and none of them seemed to be hearing the singing. I don’t know how far I ventured out, but I walked along the snowy sand with the water teasing at my ankles, and at times I thought I heard soft laughter.  I wandered along until I saw a strange sight, high on a white cliff that jutted out over the waves.  I stood there gazing I knew not how long, when suddenly a voice behind me startled me out of my reverie. 

“Baggins!  What in blazes are you doing?”

“Shh,” I said, too intent even to be angry with Galendur for following me.  “Look,” I pointed up at the cliffs.  “Do you see her?”

“Well, I’ll be a balrog’s auntie,” he said.  I felt relieved to know I had not merely imagined her.  “How in the name of all the Valar did she get up on that ledge?  There’s scarcely a good foot-hold or hand-hold that I can see.”

“I don’t know,” I said, having been wondering the same thing.  “She’s but a child, from the size of her.  Perhaps we should help her.”

“How?  We haven’t a prayer of climbing up there.  We could go the long way and approach her from above, but we’d need a rope to let down, and we didn’t bring any.  I don’t think there’s one in the boat long enough.”

I think she had become aware of our presence, for she had stopped singing and appeared to be looking in our direction.  My heart leaped.  Galendur laid a hand on my shoulder.

“Know what I think?” he said.  “She’s no child.  Look at her.”

“She’s too small for an Elf,” I said, my insides feeling as if a flock of butterflies had taken up residence there.  “She can’t be as big as I.”

“Hmmm….” Galendur put a hand to his chin.  Then I saw her wave at us, and it seemed she smiled.  She wore a short gown of pale sea-green that barely came over her knees, and her feet and arms were bare.  Then she stood up on her ledge, while I hoped she could swim, for she was in certain danger of falling into the water.  I almost hoped she would, so I could run out and rescue her.  Her hair was long and wavy and dark gold in color.  Then to my consternation, she began climbing the cliff-side until she was on the very top, the sun illuminating her so that her hair looked a bright golden bronze, like the wings of a butterfly in the light, then waving to us once more, she bent her slender legs (which I could see had a very pretty shape) and did a most spectacular dive, incredibly far out over the water, which she entered with scarcely a ripple.

I stood there with my mouth wide open, probably looking very silly indeed.  There was no way that tiny girl could have dove out so far!  It was as if she had flown, like a bird, but she did not have wings.  I watched for her to resurface, but she did not, and I felt a twinge of terror.   Then I saw something, but it was only a dolphin, and I nearly wept with disappointment. 

“Let’s get the boat,” Galendur finally said.  “Maybe we can spot her out there.”

Hoping against hope, I helped Galendur to untie the Lady Vana, while the children came running up, saying, “May we go too?”

“Not this time, darlings,” Galendur told them.  “When we come back we’ll take Lord Elrond’s boat and all go for a sail.  But Baggins and I need to go look for someone.”

He explained to them hastily about the girl. I got into the boat and Galendur followed.  I asked if I could steer and he let me, and out we went, but we saw no sign of the girl.  And yet, strange to tell, the water seemed somehow brighter in the place where she had dived!

You may think I would have been overcome with disappointment, but instead, at seeing that luminous water, I felt like singing and dancing and skipping through meadows like a newborn lamb and climbing trees like a squirrel and running up and down the beach like a wild horse.  She is REAL!!!  My joy must have showed, for Galendur looked at me in some astonishment, then told me I looked as though I’d swallowed the beacon on Lady Elwing’s light-house.

We did not see my girl again, but all the rest of the day, I was so light of heart, everyone must have wondered if I had started taking leave of my senses, for I tried walking on my hands—I used to be able to do that when I was a lad, and could still manage it, although not nearly as well.  I climbed a tree and swung crazily back and forth, making bird-calls for the girls, which amused them very much, and poured a handful of sand down the seat of Galendur’s trousers and underdrawers while he was squatting in the sand helping the little ones build a sand-castle, and showing a bit more of his rear than was seemly.  Bilbo awoke and asked what I had been drinking and could he have some too.

Later on, I drew Lady C. aside and asked her, “Pardon me…if this doesn’t sound utterly stupid, can you tell me…are there water-sprites on the Island?”

She looked at me the way one would expect, and said, “Why, I don’t know.  I have heard a few tales of sea-folk, but have seen none, to my knowledge.  Why do you ask?”

I told her of the girl, though not of my dreams.  “Galendur saw her too, so I know she was not a figment of my imagination.  And Lyrien told me of a fairy she saw—I thought she was making stories at first, but it’s really not like her…” 

I told of the golden mushroom and the pearl—she knew of the pearl, it having been set in my circlet.  And then there was the circle of golden mushrooms about the bath-house, which back in the Shire would have been called a fairy-ring…strange it should have just sprouted up overnight around the bath-house, and others had noticed it as well.

“You’d think I would have had done with golden rings forever,” I laughed a little crazily, “but this…well--I’ve heard a legend that one of my Took ancestors took a fairy-bride,” I found myself saying.  “And once when I was a little lad, I saw a fairy dancing on our lawn.  I had gotten up to visit the privy in the night, and heard a strange music coming from outside.  So I ventured out and there she was…well, I supposed that fairies were tiny, like butterflies, and had wings but this one was my own size—I think I was about nine or ten at the time—and if she had wings I don’t remember, but she was all alight.  And when she noticed me looking at her, she disappeared.  I didn’t see her again, and I decided I had dreamt her after all.”

Lady C. looked thoughtful and she took my hand as we walked along.  Lord E. was talking with Gandalf and Dûndeloth. 

“This is a land of miracles,” she said, “where beautiful things happen when we least expect them, and dreams can come true.  I know that you were brought here so that you might experience all the peace and joy that you deserve, and so I see no reason to doubt you, and that your heart’s desire may come about sooner than you may know.”

Before we left the beach, I picked another of the beautiful scarlet flowers from Bilbo’s tree, kissed its petals and flung it out as far into the waves as I could.  The sun was sinking over the mountains and I could see the light-house beacon beginning to glimmer among them.

Well…whatever apprehensions I have had about moving are nearly gone now, Sam!  But...two years??