36 ~ Nightmares

The next day at noon, Rosie hitches Bill to the wagon and heads off to help Mr. Goodbody with the children and take them a dish she had made for tea.

Sam and I stay home so there aren’t too many people in the way.

At first I sit down in the study to write, but I cannot focus my thoughts on paper, and I realize I am too tired to write at the moment. The events of yesterday have left me drained.

I head out of the study, Wanderer trailing behind me, and flop down on the couch in the parlor. I stretch out, resting my head on the arm, pull a nearby blanket over me and fall asleep listening to the sound of Sam humming in the kitchen.

* * *

Darkness. That is all I can see. Darkness without end. My feet are moving, and I am walking, but I don’t know where I am headed.

I hear a Ellis’ voice saying, “I don’t want her to die too…” and I glance around, frightened. I look down and see… water, vast dark water, starting at my feet, with paths winding through it. I think instantly of the marshes outside of Mordor, and shudder. I gaze into the water, expecting to see the cold bloated faces I have seen in many nightmares since. They are there, but on face is different. Familiar.

“Mum?” I murmur, gazing at her dead distorted body in horror.

I stumble back, then turn and run, as far away as I can.

Ahead I see a light. It is directly in front of me, and I run towards it. But as I get closer the edges begin to take shape and I find myself standing before my worst nightmare: the Eye of Sauron.

Crying out in fear and pain from his gaze, I attempt to leave, but his Eye has be enchanted as the gaze of a dragon would.

“You cannot run, Halfling,” his voice cackles in my ears, loud and harsh. “You belong to me, your soul is lost.”

I shake my head, knowing they are lies, but something in me keeps telling me it’s true.

The Eye advances on me, attempting to drown me in flame and I fall back, shrieking in terror.

And suddenly I am awake with Sam by my side, shaking me gently.

“You had a bad dream, Frodo,” he states. “Are you all right?”

I shake my head, looking at him, frightened, trying to slow my racing heart.

“What did you dream of?” he asks.

I shudder and say, “Him.”

Sam meets my pained look and nods in understanding. “What did he say?”

I shake my head. “I haven’t dreamt of him in a long time,” I say, changing the subject. “I forgot how terrifying it is.”

Sam nods. “Are you going to be all right?” he asks. “Do you want to come with me while I make supper?”

I gaze at him blankly, unsure.

“You’re trembling,” he says, sitting by me, and pulling his feet up under him. “Supper will have to wait, I suppose.” He pulls me onto his lap, and pulls the blanket back over me so I am not cold, and holds me close to him.

I cling to his jacket, hiding my face in his shoulder, trying to calm myself. I hear Sam murmur, “What did he do to you, love? Why couldn’t I stop him?”

I know he’s talking to himself, but I say, “You wouldn’t have been able to stop him, even if you had a chance to. He would have killed you.”

He meets my eyes for a moment, then says, “Do you want to tell me about it? It might make you feel better.”

I hesitate, feeling tears come to my eyes.

“Go on,” he says. “I won’t be frightened or appalled by anything you say, love.”

I wonder if he’d say that if he knew what I know. I open my mouth, then hesitate again. After a moment of staring into his loving brown eyes, I look away and shake my head. I realize Ellis and I had talked about this very thing a few days ago, but I can’t help it.

“I can’t,” I say sorrowfully. “I just can’t face that.” I bury my head in his shoulder again and feel his arms tighten around me.

“You haven’t had a nightmare that bad in a while, have you?” Sam asks, gently rubbing my back as I tremble in his embrace.

I shake my head. “I thought they were gone for good,” I say sadly. I lay still a moment longer, then look up at Sam. “I don’t want to keep you from your work, Sam,” I say, my fear slowly receding.

“Are you sure?” he asks, meeting my eyes.

I nod. “I’ll come with you, but you needn’t hold supper on my account,” I say, smiling gently at him.

He falters, wanting to be sure I am well, but then slowly lets me go, and I stand shakily, allowing him to get up and follow him into the kitchen.

I sink into a chair at the table, and Sam puts the kettle on the stove for tea.

A few moments later, Rosie comes through the back door, smiling as Sam hands me a mug of peppermint tea.

“Mrs. Goodbody’s doin’ splendidly!” she announces, beaming at us. “She ate a little, and was sittin’ up, so the little ones all brought ‘er pictures they’d drawn on the paper you sent them, Mr. Frodo.”

“Good,” I say, sipping the tea carefully.

“Mr. Goodbody said he’d have Ferdi drive Ellis over for his lesson tomorrow,” she informs me.

I nod, then smile as Sam kisses her before they both go to make supper.