22~ The Thirteenth

It is now March, and I am beginning to fear what might happen in the up coming weeks. March. It has almost been one whole year since the attack by Shelob and since the destruction of the Ring. My mind wanders back to October sixth, how the pain in my shoulder returned, and the evil visions that had assailed me that day. I wonder, shall it be the same on the thirteenth? And what of the twenty-fifth?

Sam will be gone the week of the thirteenth. I am scared of facing whatever may come alone, but glad that he will not be here to see whatever happens to me, whether it be returning illness or unpleasant dreams. Sam has been gone a lot lately, working on other parts of the Shire. He is almost done, and soon will not have to be gone so much. He says that he’ll move in with me once Bag End is finished so I won’t be lonely.

I know Rosie is concerned about me. She’s noticed that I tend to lock myself in my room now to write in the afternoons, and that I’ve declined more than one recent party invitation.

“I hope you don’t mind, Mr. Frodo, but you’re like another brother to me, a very special one, mind,” she says. “I know somethin’s wrong. I just want you to know I’m here if you need somethin’.”
 

I smile, remembering the mothering gaze in her eyes. She’ll be a wonderful wife and mother to Sam and their future little ones. For a brief moment I wonder if I shall be alive to see them all, but I push the thought from my head, and turn back to my writing.

* * *

No one knows what is happening to me. They know I am ill, but they don’t understand why. My body aches, a feeling I remember clearly from when the spider’s poison spread, paralyzing my mind and body.

I remain in my room, though I did attempt to get dressed this morning. But doing much else is futile, and I lay back down on my bed, praying this will end quickly.

I close my eyes. Visions of orcs and giant spiders fill my mind. I hear their voices again, evil and cruel. I see their whips and feel their rough hands pawing me for my things, stripping me of everything I own.

I shriek in terror and one of them takes his whip, cracking the butt of it across my shoulders. I cry out in pain, clutching my wounded shoulder, and he laughs as though it was funny.

My eyes are wide open now, though they do not see anything real. I see another orc grab at my elven cloak, ripping a hole in it, and one of his companions grins evilly, saying, “Where’s yer elf friend now, little rat?”

I shudder and sigh, reaching for the chain about my neck.

Sam is gone.

The Ring is gone.

I am alone doomed to die at the hands of these hideous creatures.

* It is gone forever, and now all is dark and empty.

I cling tightly to the jewel around my neck and the pain subsides a little. I wish Sam was here. He could save me from this. Slowly I begin to remember what Arwen mentioned to me in her letter, and I realize that there is someone by me at all times, One who can save me even when my dearest friend cannot. He is always there.

Not sure what to do, I find myself praying to Iluvitar for strength and courage to continue, and for peace. I sense some relief almost instantly, though the pain in my body remains. The visions disappear and I feel as though I am being held in someone’s arms, comforted and protected, giving me the will to go on.

Wanderer enters the room, and sensing that something isn’t right, he lays down beside me, not begging for attention, or clamoring for food.

I hear someone at the door, and look up to see Rosie standing there, leaning against the doorframe.

“Are you all right, Mr. Frodo?” she asks, looking concerned.

“I will be,” I reply. “Thank you.”

She comes closer and lays a hand on my forehead. “I think you’ve got a fever, Mr. Frodo.” Quickly she pulls the comforter of my bed out from under me and lays it over me. “Do you want to take something for it?” she questions.

I shake my head. I’ve had enough of medicines from Aragorn. “No thank you, Rosie. I’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

She nods. “As you wish.” She turns and leaves, and again I am alone, save for the purring cat by my side and the unending love of my Creator surrounding me.

* * *

Merry and Pippin came to visit today. They told me that they’d seen Sam in Michel Delving and he’d asked them to stop by and visit me. I don’t mention my illness the day before, but they know something happened.

“Gen’s wife is having another baby, Frodo,” Merry informs me as we sit down for elevenses. “Gen told us a few days ago, and I was going to write you but we ended up coming out here.”

“How many children do they want?” I ask. Gen seems so grown up now. He was the youngest of the three of us, Brend was only a few weeks older than I.

“A lot,” Pippin answers. “Gen wants at least seven. But Heather wants more.”

“More than seven children!” I exclaim. “Isn’t that a lot?”

“Quite a lot,” Merry says, nodding. “Though Sam told me that Rosie told him she wants at least twelve.” That much I’d known as she’d told me herself once. I hadn’t thought she was serious.

They stay and talk with me all afternoon, and every once in a while, one of Rosie’s brothers would join us for a moment or two. But before long they say they have to leave, as they wanted to get to the Took Smials by nightfall.

They both hug me close and kiss my forehead, and I return the gesture. “We love you, Frodo,” they say, and turn to leave. 

I wish they didn’t have to go, but they have business to attend to. I watch as they head down the path, and mount their ponies. They wave at me, then ride off into the distance.

I turn and go back to my room. I flop down on my bed and sigh. They only ever stay a few hours anymore, and, even though there are always other hobbits around, I can’t help but feel lonely without them and Sam here.

My thoughts turn to my uncle. I miss him so much, and in a split second I realize that when he leaves Middle-earth, I shall never see him again. Unless… unless I go with him.

I shake my head and sit up suddenly. Wanderer leaps onto my bed and settles himself in my lap, looking up at me as if to tell me he won’t leave me.

A/N: the quote in the * is from The Return of the King, The Grey Havens.