Chapter Three: The House of Iluvatar

It may surprise you, Sam, that the most beautiful place here is a small, almost completely dark room filled with a dozen long benches and lit by a single red lamp hung from the ceiling at the front. It softly illuminates the image of a sun that is placed in the center at the front. I have spent many hours here, just staring at the light and it never ceases to move me, to soothe me, to bring me peace that I so desperately need. Gandalf first brought me here after I had been here only a few days.

I had woken in tears that first morning to the sound of a beautiful, pure voice singing. I listened to it and I began to cry even harder. My heart, already broken by my pain and longing to be with you, broke again for the beauty of that voice, like it was coming from a being not even of this world. It calmed and comforted me, though I couldn’t understand all the words. I’ve heard it each day since and it never ceases to help ease my burden. I’m understanding more and more of the words as Bilbo is teaching me more and I’ve made a few acquaintances here also that are tutoring me as well, but I haven’t had the heart yet to truly apply myself to it. But even without my ear understanding everything, the song reached my heart and soul and was understood there. The melody and the love that pours from that voice I cannot even describe to you. You’ll have to hear it for yourself, my Sam, to really understand. Words fail utterly, but here is what I understand so far:

“To Eru, the Creator, the One of all, praise and thanksgiving for the day begun.

The Sun has arisen from her place of resting,

To warm the wide world with her bright shining rays.

We lift up our voices in songs of thanksgiving,

And join with all nature in singing Thy praise.

We look on the forests and fields and the rivers,

The majestic peaks and the hills and the dells;

And we, Thy children, cannot but extol Thee,

O Eru, our Lord who hast made all things well.

“To Manwe, praise for the Lord of the Breath of Arda and the winds that blow.

To Elbereth, praise for beauty beyond compare, for the light of the stars that guide us home.

To Ulmo, praise for the Lord of Waters on which we sail.

To Aule, praise for the Master and delighter of all crafts...”

There is more, but now upon reading it, I see that words truly do fail to describe what you hear.

I thought it was one voice originally, but the more I listened, I could hear minor variations and I’ve even begun to have my favorite. It is a sorely needed piece of peace, of calm in this world that still is so new and bright and sharp. Too sharp.

I asked Gandalf what the song was after hearing it for a few days and he smiled and took me to this room. He bowed deeply as he entered and after a moment so did I, though I did not understand why, then he brought me to the front and explained that that image and the lamp are symbols of Iluvatar’s Presence and love. He’s the One who created the Elves, Men and you and me and all hobbits. He’s the One I’ve been praying to, the One Who protected us on the Quest and helped me so much afterwards and I’ve been praying you will learn of His presence also and be helped by it.

“You have been His faithful servant, Frodo,” Gandalf told me in a quiet voice as I looked at the image and the lamp. But I could only think of how unfaithful I had been. Still there is something to this place, something that drove deep down into my soul and illuminated all the darkness still there. It is an awe-inspiring place to be and I can’t wait to show it to you. Gandalf then sat down and I next to him. The bench was so high that my feet dangled over the edge, but I felt I belonged. Remember when I told you that after I had nightmares before the Quest, I felt a Presence afterwards comforting me? It was Iluvatar, Sam. I’ve felt His presence before, but this is the first time I saw it with my physical eyes and not just the eyes of my heart. I was drawn to the lamp. It felt that it was welcoming me, inviting me in, just like the Light and Love I had felt before during some of the darkest times of life, after I had drawn Sting on you and so many other times. Gandalf continued to explain that this room was the primary place where Elves worshiped their Creator, who Gandalf also served. I felt like I was home. I didn’t want to leave. We sat there alone in the silence for a long time. Except during formal services that take place each day at dawn, there is no talking here, just looking at the lamp and listening. There is communication that takes place here deep within the heart and soul that needs no words.

Gandalf told me years ago that there were other Powers at work in the world than just those of evil and he’s told me more since then. The first time and all times I’ve come to this room and everywhere I go here, I feel surrounded by love, just like I was with my parents, Bilbo, you and my cousins. I realized all of that was a reflection of the Love that streamed out from that lamp into my battered, troubled heart. I leaned into Gandalf and sobbed very hard into his robes then, not so much because I was still so hurt, but more because I was sorry that I had failed this tremendous Love, that I had claimed the Ring and still want it even now. He held me silently until the tears finally stopped, then directly into my heart, I heard him singing.

Sleep now, dear one, and have no fear,

For none shall come to do you harm.

May Eru’s love surround you

And keep you safe from all alarm.

Sleep while Eru watches over you,

There shall be nothing to break your rest.

All the night through He’ll protect you

And your slumber will be blest.

Sleep now ’midst your woe

And know that whate’er you say or do

Though you may weak and weary

Eru will fore’er love you.

I fell asleep that night right there with Gandalf holding me and I him. When I woke, I was laying alone on the bench, but I felt more at peace than I had been since I had come. And looking at the lamp, I realized why. I had slept under that light, wrapped in such incredible Love and forgiveness. I felt my tears had been wiped away, my hurts bound and soothed. I cried more then because I still felt far from worthy of all I felt so strongly, but still it was given, to me, a broken, troubled, little hobbit. I can’t tell you how wonderful that felt. You and Merry and Pippin gave me so much of the same love, the same forgiveness and I felt often unworthy of that also, but still you gave and still I received it.

I have been back to that room many times since. I had forgotten how comforting the dark could be, but here in such dark, I am surrounded also by such Light. I can’t wait for you to see it, my Sam, and experience it for yourself.

I am far from healed, but I have hope now that I will be, more hope than I’ve had since I got here.

A/N: Gandalf’s song is from Galadriel.  The song of praise is from Galadriel and me.