Chapter 3:  Journeys and Revelations

Holding onto his naneth’s hand, Thranduil walked.  Most of the other elves around them were walking too, though some had horses.  His ada had a horse, but he did not get to ride with him very much.  His ada was at the front a lot and sometimes he was riding where Thranduil could not see him, but he knew that his ada was making sure that the bad elves did not come back.

He was glad that he did not have to carry anything like some of the other elflings did; he was having a hard enough time walking without carrying anything.  He was tired of every day just walking without seeming to really be going anywhere. 

At first it had felt like an adventure, but that did not last long because he was hearing things from the older elflings that made him realize that everything was wrong.  Gildin said that not just warriors were killed, but nana’s were too and so were elflings.  When he had heard that, Thranduil felt something strange inside that he did not recognize.  Thinking about it now made him feel it again.  He felt like something was missing – something that he would never be able to find again because it was broken and the pieces of it had been scattered about the leaf litter on the forest floor.

“Nana, I can walk by myself,” he declared as he worked his hand from his mother’s.  “When are we going to stop?”

Aniraêl looked down at Thranduil as she let go of his hand.  “It is still early, little one.  We have a little way to go yet before we stop.”

“ I am hungry and I want to stop.”

Thranduil thought all they did was walk all day long.  It seemed once they got up and everyone finished dressing and eating, they started walking again.  Sometimes nana carried him and sometimes ada carried him, but most of the time ada was up front or off somewhere else making sure that nothing bad happened to them.

Thranduil scowled.  Nana had not answered him.  That meant that they were not going to stop.  “I am hungry now.  I want to stop now.”

His nana pulled out a piece of wrapped up fry-bread and handed it to him.  Thranduil looked at it as he walked next to her.  They had eaten fry-bread for breakfast with berries and he knew that this was left over from the morning.  He did not want to eat it.  He wanted something else.  Something better.  Something like they used to eat. 

Thranduil’s face contorted in anger and with a welling up of emotion he stopped walking and threw the bread as hard as he could.

“No!” he screamed as he stood in the middle of the path, fists balled at his side.  “I want something else and I want to go home!” 

Tears began streaming from his face as he stood still in uncontrollable rage.  He was hungry and he was tired and he wanted his bed and he was not taking one more step away from the only home he had ever known.  He wanted his friends and his family and his toys and his blankets.  He did not want leftover bread from the morning and a bedroll in front of the fire.  He did not want to walk anymore.

“Thranduil!” he could tell by his nana’s voice that she was surprised and not happy with him but he did not care.  His nana tried to take his hand and spoke to him in a calm voice.  “I know you are tired, but come.  I will tell you a story while we travel.  Would you like for me to carry you for a bit?”

“No!” he screamed back at her.

Anything said to him was lost to him as Thranduil sat down in the middle of the path, completely unaware of anything around him, and vented his anguish in the only way he knew how.  He screamed.  Each time his nana came closer to try to calm him, Thranduil’s arms flew up, flailing at the air to keep her away as he shook his head. 

Thranduil thought he heard his name called again, but it did not register at all and the next thing he new he found himself grabbed from behind and lifted into a pair of strong arms.  Thranduil tried to break free, struggling with all his might to free his arms and kicking his legs while screaming his anger at the world.  He twisted and turned in his struggling but only found himself held tighter.  A familiar voice was speaking to him telling him to stop, but it was only when he finally realized that all of his fighting was not helping that he stopped screaming and, with a sob, stopped his struggles.

It was only after Thranduil stopped struggling and hung limp in the arms gripping him that he realized his ada had come.  He found himself turned in his ada’s arms and held to his chest.  Thranduil did not put his arms around his ada’s neck.  He just leaned into the familiar figure of strength and sobbed until he had no tears left.

Thranduil did not know how long his ada held him without saying anything.  He just stayed still for a little while, then wiped his eyes and sighed as he turned his head and rested his cheek against his ada’s chest.  He found himself lifted up onto a horse and gripped the mane until his ada swung up behind him.

They rode forward to the head of the group of elves moving along the path and relieved the officer who had been leading the way.  Thranduil looked at his ada. He knew he should not have screamed like he did or thrown the snack that his nana had given him.

“I am sorry, ada,” he said quietly when he caught Oropher’s eyes.

He turned back to look at the trail ahead of them.

“I think you need to tell your naneth that you are sorry, ion-nín.”

Thranduil hung his head and nodded.

“Why did you not use your words, Thranduil.  Why would you treat your nana in such a way?”

Thranduil was not sure he could explain it to his ada.

“I… I did not want bread,” he whispered.

He knew if he could see his ada’s face there would be a frown.  He was not supposed to scream.

“Sometimes,” he heard his ada say in a voice that did not sound as if he were as angry as Thranduil thought he would be, “bread is all we have.”

Thranduil knew that bread was all they had.

“I do not think this was because you did not want bread, little one.  Were you thinking about the things that you saw when you and nana were trying to get into the forest?”

Thranduil shook his head.

“Are you afraid?”

Thranduil nodded. 

“It is alright to be afraid ion-nín, but it is not alright to scream and kick at your nana or at me.  If you are afraid, you should try to talk about it instead.  Your nana and I will always try to listen to you and understand what you are feeling.”

Thranduil nodded again, feeling ashamed of screaming like he had.  He did not mean to scream at his nana and he did not want her to be angry or ashamed because he had not behaved the way he should have.

“Sometimes it is hard to say what we are feeling, but it is always better to try than it is to hold it inside until you cannot do anything but scream.”

“I will talk next time, Ada.  I promise.”

“You will also tell your nana that you are sorry for behaving so badly.”

Thranduil nodded and spoke quietly, “I will tell her.”

***

Thranduil stared into the fire.  He was tired but he did not want to go to bed.  Ever since they started traveling away from the only place Thranduil had ever known in his whole entire life, he did not want to sleep.  It was only partly because of having to leave behind all of his toys and things. 

His eyes moved to his grandmother.  Even in the warm glow of the firelight he could tell that she was sad.  He was sad about his grandfather too, but his grandmother was even sadder than he was.  Ada said she might go away.  Thranduil did not want her to go away.  He got up and moved to sit in her lap.  Even though he could tell that his grandmother loved him and was glad to sit with him, he could also tell that she was not happy and that made him sad all over again.  Sighing, he leaned back against her and stared into the fire again, knowing that he would be sent to bed soon. 

Thranduil looked over at his bedroll.  He missed his bed.  He also missed his room.  Frowning, he thought about some of the other things he missed.  He missed playing with all of his friend and laughing with nana and ada coming home and getting to dance around in the Great Hall when the king had celebrations.  Tears began to sting in his eyes again.  He tried to blink them away.  Thranduil was tired of thinking about not getting to have his things with him or all of his friends with him and he was tired of grown-ups who stopped talking when he was around and hushed voices they used when they thought he might be listening.  He was tired of hearing the names of friends and family who he knew he would never see again.  He was tired of walking.  Thranduil did not know how many days they had been walking, or in his case occasionally carried.  He was just tired.

Sniffling a little, but trying desperately not to, he reached up and dragged a sleeve across his eyes before taking a deep breath.  His ada would not cry.  He looked over at his ada.  Thranduil knew that his ada was sad too, but his ada was very good at doing things even though he was sad.  Thranduil decided he was going to do something he wanted to do even though he was sad.  Still staring into the fire, he let out his deep breath and took another before opening his mouth and in a shaky voice began to sing, very softly at first as he struggled to keep his voice from faltering too much.  It was not a great ballad or an ode to a warrior.  It was just a simple song about forest creatures that he used to sing with the other elflings.

He felt his grandmother stir and then heard her warm and soft voice join with his.  Thranduil did not know that his grandmother knew the song about forest creatures, but hearing her singing softly with him gave him the encouragement he needed to sing a little louder.  He felt better as he sang with his grandmother and soon realized that others were joining in as well.  Soon the little forest clearing was filled with the sound of the voices of all the elves traveling with them as they joined in singing about the little creatures of the forest and the songs that each of them sing.  Suddenly Thranduil felt better than he had in several days.  His nana was singing and he could even hear his ada’s strong voice in the chorus of elves.  Thranduil managed a small smile. 

*** tbc ***