Title: What Gandalf Saw
Author. Anso the Hobbit
Beta: Marigold
Characters: Merry, Pippin, Esmeralda, Saradoc, Gandalf
Timeline: Brandy Hall, SR 1419
Summary: Despite all that Merry and Pippin went through during their time away, some things never changed.
Note: Written for Marigold`s Challenge 20 where I was asked to include in my story an ill or injured Pippin asking for a story about little Merry and Esmeralda and Saradoc meeting the lads on their return to the Shire.
Disclaimer: Not mine. They just own me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Esmeralda Brandybuck had taken up humming again now that the lads were safely back home. She`d stopped for some time, too given in to the sorrow and despair that all of them had felt so keenly, she and her husband most of all. Now she hummed an old lullaby while preparing a huge tray of second breakfast for four hobbits – herself, her husband, her son and her nephew. The tray was groaning with breads and jams, scrambled eggs, boiled ham, broiled tomatoes, sautéed potatoes, three kinds of cheese, honey, and a large pot of tea.

She added a dish of sweet butter to the tray, and thought about the day her lads had finally returned.

It had been early in the morning when they came that first time after being gone so long. Later Merry had told them that they rode through the night and camped on the other side of the River so that they could arrive with the rising of the sun. The very first news of the lads` arrival in the Shire that came to the Hall had come from the hobbits at the Gate. The hobbit who had come to bring the news to Saradoc was quite surprised at the manner of Merry`s return and he eagerly told them that Merry and the others had returned clad in shining armour and with swords and helms, stern and authoritative as never before seen.

Still, Esmeralda was not prepared for the sight that met her in the courtyard of Brandy Hall the morning Merry and Pippin had arrived. Frodo and Samwise Gamgee were staying behind in Hobbiton, living with the Cottons until Bag End and Bagshot Row could be restored into proper living quarters again. It was the unfamiliar but compelling and high note of a horn that heralded that someone was coming, that Merry and Pippin were back. As they rushed out to greet them Esmie had tried to prepare herself for what she would see. The image she had held fast to was of a joyful Merry, a gleam of mischief in his eyes and a happy smile on his face. The face she beheld at first when she saw him jumping down from his pony was not that, but the face of a hobbit burdened with the toils of hard work and a rough life. Seeing her though, his face lit up, and Esmie had felt like one does when the sun comes back after being hidden behind heavy clouds for a very long time, warming up the cold and frozen earth. Her Merry-lad was back! A bright smile lit up his face, making his features joyful and as merry as his name. She drank in the sight of him, taking in every line and curve of his face, the unfamiliar brown scar on his brow, the light in his eyes - everything. Merry had happily dove into her outstretched arms and she had hugged him so tight, so tight, drinking in the smell of leather and pony and her very own Merry, kissing his face over and over before standing on tip-toe to cup it in her hands, earnestly looking into the blue depths of his eyes, recognising that there were tales he probably never would tell before hugging him again and finally, finally letting him go to Saradoc, who with tears of pride and relief on his cheeks, pulled their son into his own arms, looking as if he meant never to let go again.

She had hugged Pippin just as tight, and then Merry and Saradoc had pulled them both into their embrace, and for long moments there was laughter and tears and everyone talking at once. When all of them finally let go, she had shooed them inside and laid a welcoming feast in the Great Hall, despite the rationing and shortage of food. There had been song and dance and merry laughter wafting through the Hall that day, with the smell of dishes they had only dreamt about in the months that had gone by after Lotho and later Sharkey took over management of the Shire. It was a feast and homecoming that would be remembered for a very long time.

Buckland had not been spared in the destruction and the vast, sprawling Hall was bursting at the seams with sheltering hobbits from all over Buckland. Farms and homes and businesses had been taken over here as everywhere else and ugly brick buildings had been built here and there to no good purpose. They hadn’t tried to destroy the Hall yet. Esmie thought that perhaps they had figured that if they wanted to keep the hobbits alive to work and feed them, it was probably better that all of them lived in the same place than having them strewn about the country like. It would make it easier to keep an eye on them.

Thus it was that when night fell and the feast had come to an end, Pippin and Merry were sharing Merry`s room – Esmie had managed to keep the room just as it was when Merry had left over a year ago to celebrate Frodo`s birthday and help him move. At the moment old Aunt Lavender slept in Pippin`s room on the other side of the wall from Merry`s room so that Esmie could keep an eye on her, fragile and forgetful as she had come to be lately. As soon as things settled back to normal and other hobbits could return to their own homes, she could move back to her own apartments near Aunt Hyacinth.

Esmie had suggested she could put Aunt Lavender in Frodo`s room now that Pippin and Merry had come back, but Merry and Pippin`s reaction made it perfectly clear to her that there was really no other option than to have them together in one room. Even a single wall to separate them was too much now and she wondered what had happened to make them so dependent upon each other, as they had not been since Pippin was very small and often ill. Both lads had blanched at the suggestion and shared a quick, frightened glance. Certainly they had always been uncommonly close, but for the most part had always slept in separate rooms, although as a little lad Pippin had been found waking up in Merry`s bed more often than not. Now Pippin had stepped closer to Merry and gently touched his arm, while Merry had given Pippin a quick, relieved glance before turning back to her, smiling. “Aunt Lavender must stay where she is Mum, we don’t wish to displace her. We`ll just put a spare bed in my room. I`m sure there must be at least one somewhere that`s not in use.”

During those first days Merry and Pippin had been in and out of the Hall almost like the old days. They had much to do with the reconstruction of the Shire and with chasing out the remaining Ruffians. When they were at the Hall they often held long meetings with Saradoc and the Steward to see what could be done for Buckland. They travelled often between Hobbiton and the Great Smials, but no matter where they went or what they did, they were always together.

Esmie had hoped that things would soon settle back to normal again, but so far they hadn`t. Both lads had stories to tell and what they didn`t say while awake was revealed through nightmares or talking in their sleep. On more than one night Esmie or Saradoc had found one or both of them awake and seated in the kitchen or the parlour, a cold cup of tea on the table or a slice of bread gone stale on an untouched plate. If they were both awake they talked with each other, sometimes they cried, other times they stared into the distance, lost in their memories. Sometimes, Esmie and Sara could find one of them tucking the other up nicely in bed with a hot water bottle or heated bricks and often they kept the room bright with lit candles and the fire burning fiercely. In the morning they would be merry and happy again but Esmie had seen the haunted look in their eyes and the sorrow and exhaustion that slowly made it clear that neither of them were doing as well as could be hoped. At last they had started discussing if maybe it was for the best if they moved out to Crickhollow for some time over Yule.

It was closing in on Yule when a sudden storm of snow and ice cold winds hit Buckland fast and hard. They all breathed a sigh of relief when the Brandywine didn`t freeze, but the storm brought illness to the Hall and never had the healers had their hands full of so many cases of colds, influenza, and even the Winter Sickness. People had not exactly been starving but they keenly felt the shortage of food and more people than usual became sick. Merry and Pippin had not been at the Hall when the storm first hit but they arrived with a second bout, taken completely by surprise as the foul weather hadn`t reached Hobbiton yet where they had been staying for a week with Frodo. When they arrived at the Hall they were covered in snow and stiff with cold.

Quickly, mindful of Pippin`s former fragile health, Esmie saw to it that they had a hot bath and got some hot food and drink down them before she bundled them both up in bed with hot water bottles and hot bricks and insisted that they get a good nights sleep.

Now she carefully carried the heavily loaded tray to Merry`s room, so that the smell of breakfast would wake the lads up, hoping that they were no worse for wear. Opening the door with her shoulder she deliberately rattled the tray and just as she had thought it would, a bit of curly head poked out from beneath the covers.

“Auntie?” Pippin said muzzily, coughing a little. “Is it morning yet?”

“Yes it is my love.” Esmie put the tray down on Merry`s desk and walked over to the window to draw back the curtains. “Time to rise.”

Pippin emerged and drew his hands through his curls, mussing them even more. In the bed next to Pippin Merry was still snoring on, and Esmie went over to him, watching her son sleep for a moment and treasuring the ability to do so before kissing his brow and stroking his hair back from his face, just as she had done countless times over the years. “Time to wake, Merry-lad. It`s second breakfast already.”

“You`d better remove the cover from those eggs, Auntie, you know how hard it is to get Merry up in the morning. The smell of food always does the trick though!” Pippin said, sitting up.

Esmeralda laughed and gave Pippin a hug, then ruffled his errant curls on her way over to the desk to remove the cover from the eggs.

A few minutes later Saradoc entered and the four of them made a lovely breakfast. Merry had protested having his breakfast in bed, but Esmie didn`t want to take any chances with the two of them, after they had arrived so cold and wet the day before, both of them sniffling and sneezing, and Pippin with a worrying little cough. “Also,” Saradoc said, looking at them in turn, “you`re both exhausted, it won`t do you any harm to take a day off and take some rest. You both need to sleep more.

“We still have to chase out the last of the Ruffians,” Merry said, yawning and setting his teacup down on the bedside table.

“You can`t do that all by yourselves, and no-one expects you to. Besides, what good will it do anyone if you lads became sick? Then you wouldn`t be able to chase them out at all,” Saradoc said. “I`m sure the others will manage a day without you.”

Merry sighed. He was bone-weary tired and sleep was sneaking up on him again fast, warm and full that he was. “You`re right Da, and I do think I could do with a nap.” He yawned again and snuggled down in his blankets, asleep even before he could draw the covers up around himself.

Saradoc watched as Merry fell asleep again and tucked the covers nicely up around him. “Merry doesn`t sleep much, does he?” He stated more than asked.

“He sleeps,” Pippin said, busying himself with the last of his food.

“Yes,” Esmie said. “But he doesn`t sleep as much as he needs to. I can see that for myself, Pippin.”

“How are you sleeping lad?” Saradoc added. “You don`t seem to get as much sleep as you need to either.”

Pippin sighed and put his fork down. “I suppose not.” He looked at his uncle. “Merry has a lot of nightmares.”

“I know that he does,” Saradoc said, looking at Pippin for a long while. “And you have them too.” There hadn`t been much time yet to talk in depth about what had happened, but Saradoc had a fairly good idea about some things, the things that troubled the lads the most and came out in their dreams or when they talked in their sleep.

“Yes.” Pippin`s face clouded over and he looked long at the softly snoring Merry. He shook himself a little and turned his gaze back to them and smiled brightly. “Well, let`s talk about something else, shall we? Will you tell me a story? Something from when Merry was little? Something I wouldn`t remember.”

Esmie laughed. Despite all that had happened, in one aspect Pippin hadn`t changed. He still wanted a story when he was forced to stay abed and he had always best loved stories of times before he was born or before he could himself remember.

“All right sweetie. Sara, why don`t you carry the tray out into the kitchen and I`ll keep our favourite nephew company before he too has to take a nap?”

“I will.“ Saradoc collected Pippin`s plate and cup and piled them on the tray and bent to kiss him loudly on the head, which had all of them laughing. “I`ll be going then,” Saradoc said when the laughter died down a little. He kissed Esmie on the head too and closed the door silently behind him.

“Now then. A story from when Merry was little then, hm…?” Esmie rose to plump Pippin`s pillows and tucked the blankets up around him. “Let`s see… Oh, yes. Have I told you about the first time Gandalf saw you and Merry together?”

“No, I don’t remember that one!” Pippin snuggled down in his blankets. “Please, tell me. Gandalf was with us for most of our travels but he seldom had time to tell us stories.”

“No, I suppose he was as busy as the rest of you! Well then. I think you were about a year old, maybe two. We were all staying at the Smials for a birthday… it must have been Thain Ferumbras’ birthday, and your family was still living at Whitwell then. There had been a great party and Gandalf was there to talk to the Thain about something. I don`t know what it was, but I saw him as he came out from talking to Ferumbras...”

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

The Great Smials, SR 1391, so Merry is 9 and Pippin is a little more than a year…

Gandalf had come to the Shire to visit his old friend Bilbo and to have a bit of a holiday, when the Thain invited him to the Smials to take part in the celebration of his birthday. Bilbo and Frodo were also of course invited, along with numerous Tooks and also a few Brandybucks that were either relations or of sufficient importance. Gandalf had just finished talking to the Thain and wanted to go outside to have a smoke and stretch his back. The Smials sported quite high ceilings, but not high enough for the old Wizard to walk comfortably. He was used to it though, visiting Bilbo as often as he could, and now and again visiting at the Great Smials or Brandy Hall.

Now, getting from the Thain`s cosy office to the gardens could be a tiresome task for someone so tall as Gandalf was. Numerous hobbits always wanted to talk to him as he walked the hallways, and chandeliers hanging from the ceilings and the low doorways made it quite a back-bending trial. Gandalf was just negotiating a bend in the hallway when he heard a baby begin to cry. Before he could even poke his head through the open door a little lad darted out from the room adjacent, shouting to who Gandalf supposed was the baby`s mother that he`d take care of the baby. Gandalf watched with interest as the lad ran into the room and took the baby up from the cradle, cuddling the wee one close and singing softly while walking back and forth.

Gandalf stood for some time watching them, and wondered how it was possible that such a little lad would handle a baby with so much tenderness and care. Gandalf knew the Master of Buckland was here with his children and grandchildren, and he was quite sure that the older of these two lads was a Brandybuck. If his memory served him right, Gandalf had seen this Brandybuck lad once before but the child had been just a bit older than a toddler then. The Brandybuck lad kept murmuring the baby`s name - Pippin - and Gandalf remembered that he had heard about the arduous birth of the lad that probably would be Thain some day if Ferumbras got his way and made his cousin, farmer Paladin Took, his heir.

The lads hadn`t noticed him yet, and Gandalf watched in marvel as baby Pippin soon responded to his cousin`s gentle ministrations, laying his weary head on the other lad`s shoulder and sucking his thumb. The little Brandybuck - Meriadoc was it? - was stroking Pippin`s curls and patting his back while whispering soothing nonsense and reassurances into the baby`s ear. When the baby finally stilled, the other lad hugged him tight and carried him back to his cradle. Gandalf watched as the little one tucked the baby in, singing a lullaby and gently rocking the cradle. Baby Pippin kept his eyes on his cousin and fell asleep with a contented smile on his face, one hand around his cousin`s finger.

The older child continued for some time to rock the cradle and softly sing, never taking his eyes off the baby and never seeing Gandalf peering in at them through the doorway. When the baby was sleeping peacefully he looked up and saw Gandalf standing there. Gently he extracted his finger from the baby’s hand and the little face beamed in joy. “Gandalf!”

Gandalf drew a breath to greet the little one but before he could even say hello the hobbit lad threw himself at him and Gandalf had to catch him up in his arms to prevent him from falling. “Hullo yourself,” he said, smiling. “That is a nice little cousin you`ve got there.”

“He`s my Pip,” the lad said proudly and now Gandalf remembered. Bilbo had told him about the affection little Meriadoc showed for the new Took baby, and indeed Gandalf had now seen it for himself.

Merry chattered away, and taking a better hold of the little one, Gandalf bent to close the door to Pippin`s nursery. Merry squirmed around in his arms and hid his face in the voluminous cloak, giving a tiny whimper.

“Merry?” Gandalf stood up and gently extracted the little hobbit from the folds of his clothes. “What`s wrong?”

“Too high,” Merry muttered, not wanting to look.

“If my memory serves me correctly I think you were quite happy to ride in an old Wizard`s arms the first time I met you?”

Merry nodded. It was just last year, really, that Merry had started to be scared of heights after falling down from a small ladder in the kitchen while getting an old bowl that stood high up on the top of the cupboards for his mum. “I wasn`t scared before, but I fell down from a ladder and since that happened I`ve been a bit scared. .”

“Ah, I understand.” Gandalf smiled at that and shifted Merry around a little so that Merry couldn`t look down but was safely nested in the crook of his arm instead. “Better? Or do you want down?”

“No, it`s better. Thank you.” Gandalf felt Merry lean in against his chest and he started walking, mindful of not jostling too much. “Merry, I was about to go outside for a pipe and a stroll. Would you like to join me for a walk in the gardens?”

“Yes!” Merry squealed, forgetting his fear of heights and bouncing in Gandalf`s arms while instantly starting to chat about the Thain`s birthday party and Frodo going to live with Bilbo and everything else that he could remember that had happened since he had last seen Gandalf, a very long time ago. Taking a breath he said, “It`s awfully long since I saw you last, Gandalf. What have you been up to? You should come to visit more often!”

“Indeed! That is what Bilbo says too, and I suppose it has been some time. Now, how about that trip outside, eh? I do believe I have a toffee somewhere too. Would you like that?”

“Yes, please!” Merry said.

“I thought so,” Gandalf chuckled. The last time, well, the first time, he had given Merry toffee, the lad had fallen asleep in a pile of toffee paper after a rather glorious celebration of Frodo`s birthday.

“How old are you now?” Gandalf asked.

“I`m nine and Pippin is already one,” Merry stated.

Gandalf nodded. “He is?” Gandalf frowned to himself. The baby hadn’t appeared to be as old as that.

“Yes. But he is small for his age. And he has been sick,” Merry said sadly.

Gandalf stroked his hair. “I know. But after I saw you with him tonight I can imagine that you are very good at looking after him.”

“I try to look after him. I love him very much.”

“I am sure that you do. And I think he loves you just as much.”

“I know that he does. He always stops crying when I come to rock him or sing to him. He can`t talk yet but he`s already making a sound that sounds like ‘Merry’,” Merry said proudly.

“He is? Well, I`m sure he`ll learn to speak very soon and then you can teach him everything you know.”

“I will,” Merry said. ”I have so many things to teach him. I can read and write a little now, and I can swim and draw and make apple tarts if Mum helps me just a bit.”

“That is wonderful, Merry. I am sure you`ll be a good teacher to Pippin when he grows up.”

“Yes. And Frodo can help too.”

“I`m sure he`d like that,” Gandalf said.

“Gandalf?” Merry said after they had walked for a while in silence, his mouth full of toffee. “Do you think Frodo is happy living with Cousin Bilbo? I mean, Bilbo is a very nice cousin, but he is a bachelor and Mum says that Frodo needs a mother too, but I think she says that because she misses Frodo just like I do, and wants him to come live with us again. Just like I do.” The sunny face clouded over a little, and Gandalf watched the smile being replaced by a quivering frown. “I miss him horribly you know,” Merry whispered.

“I know, Merry-lad.” Gandalf sat down on a bench, Merry in his lap. “I think both Bilbo and Frodo are very happy now though. But, you know, Frodo told me that he misses you a lot too, and has never forgot how much he loves you. Surely he must have said that to you?”

Merry nodded. “He has, but that doesn`t make me missing him go away.”

“No, I suppose not. But you do visit?”

“Oh, yes! And we`re together here now, and Da said that we`re going to Hobbiton with them when we leave here next week. And then Frodo and Bilbo are coming to the Hall for Yule, and so is Pippin and his family.”

“That is excellent. And I`m sure you`ll have lots of visits later too, and in a few years you`ll probably be old enough to pay visits all on your own.”

Gandalf looked down at Merry. The little lad was earnestly looking back up at him. There was no doubt that he loved both Pippin and Frodo very much. Gandalf knew Frodo loved Merry just as much as Merry loved him, and Frodo had talked a lot about his little cousins before they had left Bag End. As the ways of Wizards are, Gandalf knew then, that those three lads meant the world to each other and that no matter what happened, they would always remain the closest of friends.

“There you are!” Gandalf and Merry turned simultaneously as Frodo came walking towards them. “We`ve been looking all over for you Merry. It`s time for bed.”

“No!” Merry squirmed further into Gandalf`s arms, trying to hide in the voluminous robes, covering his head with Gandalf`s long, grey beard.

“What`s the matter Meriadoc?” Gandalf said, gently plucking his beard free of Merry`s small hands.

“Oh, it`s the usual trick,” Frodo said, scooping Merry up from Gandalf`s lap. “You`d think he`s as sunny as the day is long but try put him to bed, and you`ll see another side altogether.” Frodo hoisted Merry up on his shoulder and tickled him while turning to go back inside the Smials. “He could wake the dead the way he fusses sometimes. But you`re too old for that now, aren`t you?” Frodo playfully swatted Merry`s behind as the younger cousin dangled over Frodo`s shoulder.

“I want to go to bed when I`m tired. Not when you say I should,” Merry protested.

“Well, let`s ask your mum about that then, shall we? Say goodnight to Gandalf.”

“`Night Gandalf,” Merry said cheerfully and waved, still dangling upside down over Frodo’s shoulder.

“Good night Merry. Sweet dreams.”

“Will you tell me a story about Gandalf, Frodo?”

Gandalf chuckled and watched the two lads disappear into the Smials.

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

“Pippin?” Esmeralda looked at her nephew, but he had fallen asleep and he looked so peaceful, a small smile on his face.

Gandalf had come to her that night long ago and told her what he had seen, and that he sensed a special bond between the three lads. She had known that already of course, and she smiled fondly as she tucked the blanket up around Pippin. The exact troubles that had brought Merry and Pippin to follow Frodo into danger were not yet fully revealed to her. But she was not in doubt. They had done it out of love, for Frodo, for each other, and for the Shire. She kissed them both then turned down the lamp and settled back into the chair to watch her lads sleep.

END