A/N Thanks to Gwynnyd for her beta assistance. Tolkien owns all accept my demented mind.

Happy birthday Binka!!! I hope you like it Binka-dinka-doo.

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Feanor, mighty amongst the Firstborn, crafted me filled with the light of Telperion and Laurelin; hallowed by Varda.

Melkor, lusting for my radiance, stole me in the night. His prize treasure, I graced his iron crown.

Many covet me, thirsting for my light to quench their need. Elves died for me. I’m unique – irreplaceable - greatest of the three most perfect gems ever wrought by mind and hand. Wars were fought for me!

Now, could someone please explain to me why I am lying here at the bottom of the damn ocean, covered in barnacles, and surrounded by fish poop?

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