#2 - Pork Chops and Apple Sauce

Halfred is 22, Holly Goodlove 20, Daisy and Halfast 19, Viola Goodlove 17, Jasmine Twofoot 16, May 15, Robin Smallburrows 12, Sam and Tom 11, and Finch Fernbrook is 10 (about 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9 ½, 7 ½, 7 and 6 in Man years)

1391 SR
 

“All right now, lads and lasses, listen up,” Daisy called over the noise in the cooking tent. She clapped her hands for absolute attention and surveyed her crew critically.

The adults had been wary about letting the children cook the main dish by themselves, but Daisy had insisted they could manage it. Looking at her crew, she knew she was right.

Holly and Viola Goodlove, the daughters of Odo Goodlove and good friends to Daisy, worked as cooks for Mr. Goodbody, who was always throwing grand and impressive gatherings. They were quite accustomed to cooking for a large crowd. Jasmine Twofoot, Daddy’s third child, was May’s special friend. She lived at Number Three just as much as she did Number Two and knew how the Gaffer liked his food. Tom Cotton had brought his friends, Finch Fernbrook and Robin Smallburrows, with him. Tom was certain to be a decent cook and capable enough to complete the tasks assigned him. Daisy wasn’t so sure about the other two, but her siblings and cousin Halfast would keep an eye on them.

Daisy nodded with satisfaction as May came up beside her, finished with preparing the cooking stations. “All’s ready, Daisy,” she announced.

Daisy checked her sister’s preparations and was quite impressed. The cooking would go smoothly, as would the serving, with everything set up the way it was. There wouldn’t even be a need to move the food after it was cooked; it could be served right where it currently sat.

“Good job, May,” she praised and her sister grinned toothily, causing Jasmine to giggle. Oh dear, she’ll have to keep those two apart as much as possible if any work was to be done.

“This’ll be fair easy what with all the hands we got helping, and we’ve plenty to be cooking with for feeding everyone,” Daisy went on. From the corner of her eye, she saw movement near the center cooking station. Without turning her head, she raised her voice just slightly, making her voice stern. “Enough, that is, so long as no one goes sneaking tastes afore time. If I catch any of you at it, it’ll be your hands and that’ll be fair warning for you all.”

The younger children nodded obediently while the older children shared knowing smirks amongst themselves. Mother Daisy didn’t earn her nickname for nothing. Robin dropped the carrot that had been traveling towards his mouth and dashed over to stand with Sam and Tom, trying to look innocent.

“These’ll be your assignments,” Daisy went on. “Fred, take Tom and Finch, and cut up and steam the vegetables. Once they’re steamed good, drain them and add the vinaigrette. Just enough to coat, now. We don’t want to be overwhelming the rest of the food. May and Hal, take Sam and Robin and prepare the apple sauce. You know your way about it; make sure Robin does too. Holly, Jasmine and Viola, we’ll be broiling the pork and we best get started as that’ll take the longest.”

Halfred grumbled about his assignment. He’d rather be helping with the apple sauce, and that was a fact, but he accepted his sister’s authority in the kitchen, tent or no. He also didn’t doubt his sister’s warning against any early tasting, and vegetables were far easier to resist, for all that they looked so delicious. No doubt that was why Daisy gave him this assignment.

He led Tom and Finch to the center station, where two large baskets stood, stuffed with large, golden squash the size of kick balls, and carrots as fat as fists. Two copper drums were suspended over small fires, just enough heat to warm. He would have to remember to build the fires up once they reached the halfway mark with the dicing if the water was to be hot enough for boiling when they were ready for it. In the meantime, he handed the lads two small knives for the carrots.

“Small slices now, lads,” he instructed and showed them how to hold the carrot firm to the cutting board. “Move your fingers back as you go. If you run out o’ room for your fingers near the end, then stand the rest of the carrot up and cut sideways, like so,” he continued and demonstrated for them. “Put the slices in those bowls there till we’re finished, then we’ll put them in the water all at once.”

“Why?” asked Finch.

“Because, it’ll take us a time getting it all chopped up,” Halfred explained. “We don’t want the early carrots to be getting soggy waiting for the others. Have you ever eaten a soggy carrot?”

Tom and Finch wrinkled their noses in answer.

“Aye, that’s why, then. Now get to it,” Halfred said and watched as the lads chopped their first few carrots. “Smaller slices,” he advised after their first effort, and after that, the lads had it all in hand.

Halfred turned to the squash then. The shells of the squash were hard, and required a sharper and longer knife to cut through them easily. He sliced them open one by one, spooning out the center and peeling the shell before cutting the squash into smaller pieces.

Meanwhile, May and Halfast had taken the other two lads to the last station in the row, where two large bags of green apples sat next to two flat pans set over cold fire pits. A large vat of butter sat on the ground next to one bag of apples, in the shade. Two satchels also lay next to the butter, containing the brown sugar and cinnamon powder.

“All right, we’ll core and slice the apples and put them straight away in the pan. It’ll save time for later. Do you know how to core apples?” she asked Robin, since she knew already that her brother and cousin did. Robin nodded, but he was biting on his lower lip uncertainly. “Are you sure? Here, lad, watch me.”

She picked up a paring knife and took an apple in hand. She cut straight into the apple by its stem and cut out the middle in a circular motion, pushing the core out with her finger. “Easy as pie,” she said. “Then you cut it sideways into thin slices shaped like rings, see?”

She finished and looked up to see that she had Halfast’s attention as well. Sam was already working, going onto his third apple.

“So that’s how you want it done, is it,” Halfast said and nodded. “Good to know, or I’d have gone about it all wrong.”

Robin smiled at him gratefully and he watched them each a few times before attempting his own. Sam nodded encouragingly and after a few more attempts, Robin was confident of his job and gradually became faster.

Once Daisy was satisfied that everyone was doing their part, she joined the other lasses at the first station. Each lass had her own vat of cooking water, which was already warming over low fires. Holly and Viola had taken the first two, and Jasmine was working at the last, as close to May as she could get. Daisy took the third and commenced working. There was no need to give any instructions here: they all knew what to do.

They trimmed the fat off the pork and tossed it into the water so it could dissolve and add flavor to the meat. The pork they placed in similar vats behind them, salting and peppering them as they went, working without pause. When all the pork slices were ready, they would add them to the water for cooking.

After a time, boredom set in, and the youngest children became listless as they listened to the sounds of play and games from outside on the Party Field. Halfast and Halfred knew just the cure, an old game of theirs that would work so long as a few of the younger children didn’t know how to play.

“So, Hal,” Halfred said, “are you going to the Free Fair this year?”

“I am, Fred,” Halfast answered, catching onto the game immediately. “And I think I’ll take a hammock, if that’s acceptable o’ course.”

“Aye, it is. You can come along. I’m going to take me a hammer, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. The more, the merrier, as they say.”

“Are you going, Sam?” Halfred asked.

“Aye, I’m taking strawberries if I may.”

“You can come along then also,” Halfast said.

“Do I have to take something?” Finch, Robin and Tom asked at the same time, and everyone else grinned. Now the game could begin.

“Everyone has to take something,” May said. “I’ll take a… hmm… a mallet.”

“A mallet?” Tom asked, not understanding in the slightest. “Why’d you take that?”

“It’s just a game,” Sam said. “You have to say what you’re going to take, see, and then we’ll tell you if you can come.”

“Why wouldn’t we be able to come?” Robin asked.

“Because, if you bring the wrong thing, you can’t come. Tell us what you’re bringing,” Daisy joined in now.

“A pie?” Finch guessed. A pie sounded much more sensible than a mallet or a hammer at any rate, and it’d be much tastier too.

“Sorry, you can’t go,” the Gamgees chimed at once.

“Why not?” Finch asked, insulted. “What’s wrong with pie?”

“Nothing, only you can’t bring it,” May said. “Just listen to the rest of us and try to figure it out. What will you bring, Daisy?”

“I’ll bring a dog,” Daisy said.

“But you don’t even have a dog,” Tom pointed out.

“You, Jasmine?” Daisy said with a laugh, continuing the game.

“I can never think of anything to bring,” Jasmine complained, then began with her usual items. “Jack cheese. Viola?”

“I most certainly can never bring anything,” she said.

“There must be something,” Holly said. “How about if you bring… violets, and I’ll bring homemade stew.”

“That’s cheating,” Halfred said. “You always bring homemade something or other. Think of something else or you can’t come.”

“Since when it that a rule?” Holly shot back. “I can bring homemade whatever I wish.”

“Robin, what are you bringing to the Fair,” Daisy cut in before the argument could get out of hand and stop their work.

Robin shrugged, completely at a loss. “A rabbit?” he guessed.

“You can go!” Sam exclaimed.

“Wait a minute,” Tom said. “How come he can take a rabbit and go, but Finch can’t take a pie and go?”

“Because, that’s the rule,” May answered evasively. “I’m going to the Free Fair, and I’m taking a mouse.”

“Ew!” Jasmine exclaimed and giggled.

“This doesn’t make any sense,” Finch complained.

“Just listen to what we bring,” Sam said, quite uselessly as far as his friends were concerned.

They went through several more rounds, some faster at thinking up items than others, so the game moved slowly, for all they were enjoying themselves. Or at least, most of them were. After Robin’s first successful guess, he was never able to bring anything that would allow him to go again. He, Tom and Finch were growing beyond frustrated, much to the amusement of the others. Finally, Sam took pity on them and tried to make the trick more obvious.

“Listen carefully,” he said. “May is taking a mallet, a mouse, a mitten, a mortar, and some mallow. Halfred is taking a hammock, a horse, a hobbit, a hob, and a hamper. Jasmine is bringing jack cheese, juniper, jasper, a jar and jonquil. Viola is taking violets, a violin, vanilla pudding, a vole and a vane. Daisy is taking a dog…”

“Oh!” Tom suddenly exclaimed as he got the trick. “So, if I took a tent, I could go?”

“Yes!” Halfast said.

“Or a tenpenny nail? Or ptarmigan?”

“You’ve got it.”

“I don’t get it,” Robin and Finch said, still at a loss.

“Can I tell them?” Sam asked Halfred.

Halfred nodded. “Yes, I think it’s about time they’re let in, but then we’ll have to find something else to play.”

“We can do Round Robin,” Sam suggested, then turned to his friends. “See, how it works is, you bring something that starts with the same sound as the beginning of your name. You, Robin, can come if you bring a rabbit, but you can’t come if you bring a hat, a purse, a coat or a bench. Finch, you can come if you brought a fence, or a… fff… fountain. See?”

“But you can't be carrying a fountain to the Fair,” Finch said.

“You're not actually going to be taking any of these things, Finch. It's just a game,” Holly said.

“I can go if I bring reeds?” Robin asked, and Sam nodded.

“Oh, that’s a good game! I can’t wait to play it with my brothers,” Finch said, getting it at last.

“It helps if there’s more than one person who knows how to play it,” May said.

“We’ll all three play it with our siblings together,” Robin said. “It’ll be fun! And we'll tell them that they do have to bring whatever they say to the Fair.”

“We'll wait until just before the Fair then, so they won't forget,” Finch put in, and the other lads agreed.

They went through a few more rounds to make sure the other lads did indeed get the rule. Halfred built up the fire while they were at, seeing as they were now at the halfway mark. They never paused in their work, even during their game, and the job was going quicker than they could have hoped for. When Halfred was satisfied with the fire, he went back to cutting the squash and glanced over at Sam.

“So, will you be starting the Rounds, Sam? What shall we sing about?”

“Pork chops and apple sauce, of course,” Jasmine said. “Get on with you, Sam.”

Sam blushed, not wanting to go first but there was nothing for it. He had suggested the game, so it was only proper that he start it. He thought about his first verse as he cored a few more apples.

“Well?” May goaded.

“I’m thinking,” Sam said and huffed. No, he was stalling. “Very well. Here it is then, for what it’s worth.”

Sam:

Gaffer loves his pork chops,
They go down very good,
They go with near everything,
And that’s just how it stood.

Halfred:

It stood so with the Gaffer,
And with his friend Old Tom,
And apple sauce on top of it,
Is… much better than some.

“Oh, that was horrible,” Halfred chided himself.

“It’s better than your last attempt,” Holly offered assurance. This wasn’t Halfred’s best game.

May:

Tis better than parsnips,
Tis better than crumbs,
He eats it every day now,
As witnessed by his bum.

The singing stopped as everyone burst into laughter. “Good one, May!” Jasmine said.

“Oh, the Gaffer’s ears be burning now,” Viola laughed.

“You’ve gone and ended the game, May,” Daisy said when she got her breath back. “No one’ll beat that.”

“We’ll see,” May said smugly. “Jasmine, you go next.”

“We’re going to be switched for this,” Sam snickered helplessly, sending the others into giggles again. At last, Jasmine mastered herself and went on, despite her better judgment.

Jasmine:

His bum has got quite big now,
Gets bigger every day,
We know what it’s really from,
But he says he stuffs his pants with hay.

Halfast:

And now he’s added apple sauce,
To his meal of choice,
He eats it e’ery day almost,
And never gets tired of it.

“That doesn’t even rhyme!” Tom said. “At least Fred finds rhymes.”

“I’m not good at this game,” Halfast defended himself. “You go next then.”

Tom:

Apples are his favorite
Fruit for eating plain,
He eats them in the glowing sun,
And in the pouring rain.

Viola:
 
He eats them when it’s windy,
And even when it’s snowing,
He eats them as he watches the sun
Wake up in the morning.

Daisy:

But the apples come in second,
To the pork chops that he loves,
Tis the meat that makes his mouth awater
Enough to soak his gloves.

Robin:

He’s tried to give it up now,
And eat somewhat diff’rent,
But he always comes back to it,
Just as I would warrant.

Holly:

They say that he’ll eat it,
To his dying day,
And even then, he’ll laugh and grin,
And claim his bum is hay.

Finch:

‘Cause it’ll be real big then,
As big as any house,
And it’ll all be worth it,
For pork chops and apple sauce.

Hamfast:

I think that I would rather
Wallop my children good,
For making up a silly song
In front of the neighborhood.

“Gaffer!” the children cried, and paused, horrified. How long had he been standing there?

Hamfast looked at them sternly, his arms crossed and steam all but coming out his ears. For a long moment, they stood frozen, until Hamfast’s resolve melted and he burst into tearful laughter. “They want to know if you wouldn’t mind a singing it again, and sing it louder this time so as those near the back can hear it proper,” Hamfast said and walked out of the tent, laughing the whole time.

The children remained frozen still for several more moments, recovering from the shock of discovering that everyone had heard the song. Then they started laughing too, relief and embarrassment flooding through them.

“So, an encore is it?” Halfred said. “Does everyone remember their verses?”

“Well enough, I wager,” Holly said, “but Hal, instead of ‘to his meal of choice,’ say ‘to the meal he loves so well.’ And instead of ‘he never gets tired of it,’ say ‘as his bum will tell.’”

Halfast nodded and went over this new verse in his head, then they started again from the beginning.

Before long, the water was boiling and the lasses finished with the pork. They dumped the meat into the waiting vats for broiling and washed their hands. They cleaned up their station and washed their utensils and cutting boards, then went to help the others as they finished their own dishes.

The vegetables were added to the coppers for five minutes of steaming, and the butter was added to the flat pans with the apple slices. A fire was started beneath the pans, and soon, the butter was melting into the apples and sizzling deliciously.

The vegetables were strained next, and placed back into their bowls, vinaigrette poured over them, just enough to coat. The brown sugar and cinnamon were stirred into the apples, which crumbled into soft, juicy pieces. Lastly, the pork was tested with long forks and declared ready, and Daisy threw open the tent flaps.

Almost immediately, the guests were lining up, Hamfast with little Marigold on his hip at the forefront. He beamed at his children and their friends, chuckling still. The younger lads were released to join the line. With no less than fifty relations and friends to serve, it would be some time before the servers would be able to eat and they didn’t want the younger lads to starve longer than was necessary.

The others took their places to serve the meal, three to the pork chops, two each for the sides. Daisy took her father’s plate and placed a succulent pork chop right in the center, and a smaller one for Marigold next to it. Halfred added a spoonful of squash and carrots around the meat, and May poured apple sauce over it all. They couldn’t help but laugh as Hamfast licked his lips in anticipation.

The feasting went on long into the night, and the pork chops were declared the best anyone had ever had. There was much more food, prepared by others as compliments to the main meal, and barrels of the Gaffer’s home-brewed ale and cider to wash it all down. Later, there was dancing. Holly and Viola added their beautiful voices to Jolly and Robin on the lute and Finch on the lap harp, and they played and sung many of the Gaffer’s favorite tunes. After the dancing came the cake, and then the gifts.

Marigold received a bracelet of colored-glass beads, which she immediately began to play with. Halfred received a new knapsack, as he would soon be returning to his apprenticeship to Northfarthing and his old knapsack was worn beyond repair. Daisy’s gift was a pair of new winter gloves.

May received a mathom, a pair of earnings that had once belonged to her mother. She was fifteen now, and allowed to pierce her ears, and the earrings shaped like honeysuckle bells were her favorites. Her eyes watered as she gripped the small tin bulbs in her palm and leaned over to kiss the Gaffer’s cheek.

Sam’s gift was the most unusual and caused a bit of a stir: a little blank book for journaling. Sam jumped up and nearly knocked Hamfast off his chair with the force of his hug. “My own journal!” he exclaimed, clutching the little book to him. “Thank you, Gaffer!”

After the gift giving, the dancing started anew, and nearly everyone went onto the dance floor for a few more songs. Hamfast sat back in his chair, Marigold sound asleep against his chest, and watched his other children with pride in his eyes. He smiled wide for all the Shire to see, not feeling his years in the slightest.
 
 

The End
 
 
 

GF 7/25/05