Chapter 8, Bitter Memory   [Part One of Three]

Settling back into the blankets in a futile effort to ease his many aches and pains, Elladan searched his memory for details, carefully ordering in his mind the long-ago events. 

He looked at his expectant audience and wearily considered why he was even bothering with this additional story.  Estel was being so thickheaded that Elladan was fairly certain the foolish youth would misunderstand again.  As a wave of exhaustion washed over him, he was sorely tempted to just say “never mind” and go to sleep.  But that ever-present sense of duty stopped him as usual.  It was his job as the big brother to teach Estel and so that was what he would do.  Moreover, if he was honest with himself, he knew he was doing this for Elrohir’s benefit as much as Estel’s.  If he could make Estel understand, he knew his littlest brother would find a way to make things right with Elrohir.  

Having decided to go ahead with the story, Elladan forced his fatigue and hurts to the back of his mind and began, “This story takes place on a training mission when Elrohir and I were youths, akin to your age, Estel.  We had been out in the forests nearly two seasons learning a variety of skills—the same training you will begin this coming summer.”

Estel’s eyes lit up for a moment at the reference to his upcoming training.  He had been anticipating it for years—the culmination of training as a junior novice.  After passing this final trial, younger trainees moved up to become full novices and their training became more intense and focused—he couldn’t wait!  He knew he would miss his family when he went without seeing them for months, but he had been practically counting the days ‘til he would be out from under the protective arm of his brothers.  Up to now, one or both of the twins had participated in all of his major training missions, and although he loved being with them, for the first time he would succeed or fail on his own and he relished the chance to prove himself. 

For just a moment he was distracted with youthful ideas of glory, but he quickly brought his mind back to Elladan’s story as the elf continued.

“We had almost completed our training, but as you know there is always one final set of tasks—for our class, it was to successfully hunt large prey and interact with other races.  Specifically, we were to pair up by twos and hunt the elusive wild boar that roamed the area, then prepare and deliver the boar to a nearby human settlement.  Elrohir and I were…ah…not in our trainers good graces at the time and they initially refused to allow us to team up.  But, after what I will shamefully admit was ceaseless pestering, they changed their mind…at the time we believed it was just to shut us up.” 

Elladan smiled wryly at the memory.  What a trial the two of them must have been in those long-ago days.  Full of spirit and playfulness that wasn’t always received in the manner intended.  He felt a sharp pang of melancholy as he remembered a time when they had still been innocent to the cruelties of the world.  Could he ever have really been that naïve?  Shaking his head to reorder his wandering thoughts, then wincing with the painful reminder that he still had a concussion, he continued, “Ro and I were fully aware that the training masters had become impatient with us, and knew this was our last chance to redeem ourselves before we returned home.  Thus, we were determined to be the first pair to succeed in our mission and return to camp, proving that we had been paying attention after all.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Years ago…

When the training masters allowed the twins to pair up, every one of them assumed the twins would fail dismally.  Six months of watching Elrond’s sons treat the training mission as a lark had convinced them that the two had no chance for success.  It was the rationale behind the initial refusal to allow them to hunt together—they took their duties to train younglings seriously and the thought that they would have to keep two of them back, not to mention that they were Lord Elrond’s sons, had prompted them to separate the two, hoping they might be inspired to focus better with another partner.

When at last they did finally relent, however, it was not due to the twins’ pleas.  After reflection, they decided that protecting the pair from their own faults would not ultimately be in their best interest.  All hated to see the twins fail, but the best lessons are often those learned the hard way.  Frivolous attitudes on the part of a warrior could be fatal—it was well they learned now, when the lesson would not be so costly, that there was a price to pay for misplaced playfulness.  As humiliating as it would be for the twins when they failed, in the end it was the wiser path.  Thus, it was with a certain amount of fatalism that the warriors watched the twins run into the forest.  They were confident the two were clever enough to keep themselves from harm, but no one believed the twins had learned enough to be able to pull off this last task.

Even wise, experienced elves, however, can sometimes miss what is right in front of noses.  What they had failed to see was that the twins’ behavior was simply a result of their enthusiasm and energy rather than a desire to create mischief.  The touch of human blood in their veins leant them a certain exuberance that was not the norm for elves and so their lighthearted antics were often perceived as a disregard for authority and contempt for lessons rather than the simple joy of living that would later be treasured by all as a much-loved quality of the twins.  The two had, in fact, been absorbing their lessons as well as the other novices, but in their youth had not understood that their playful demeanor was being misinterpreted.  Without doubt they knew they were constantly being reprimanded, but hadn’t really understood until the end that it was as a result of their conduct rather than their abilities. 

It was that budding realization that was uppermost in their minds as the two raced away, acknowledging that their own behavior had led to their disgrace as the group’s worst novices.  It was a sobering thought, but they also realized that they still had a chance to surprise everyone with what they’d learned.  With that underlying goal, they ran until they were certain they were not being observed, and then sat down to carefully plan out their strategy.

Two days later, Elladan and Elrohir were rewarded when they found the faint tracks of a large boar.  Their instructors had warned all the novices that it usually took many days to spot their signs, so they were awash with excitement, fervently hoping that an early success would help erase at least part of their trainers’ ill opinions.

They tracked the beast for almost another day, finally cornering it midday near the edge of the northern boundary that had been set for their test.  Working in perfect unison, they crept up silently upon him, readying their bows for the kill when their quarry lifted its head and seemed to look right at them.  For a heart-stopping moment, the twins froze, hoping the beast hadn’t sensed them.  Then when it dropped its head again, the twins noiselessly raised their bows and with unerring accuracy, shot their arrows as one and swiftly brought it down.

It was quite honestly anticlimactic after months of training to so quickly drop their prey, but the ease in which they accomplished their task couldn’t diminish their pleasure. 

“We did it,” said Elrohir with satisfaction as he approached the still beast a moment later.  The tension that had been enshrouding him for the past couple of days melted away as he added with a joyful laugh, “We really did it.  Even Glorfindel will be proud of us now.”

Elladan grinned at his brother and nodded.  Of the two of them, Elrohir had always found it more troubling to be scolded, but the elder twin had also felt the sting of being on the receiving end of so many reprimands and was delighted to think they would soon be sharing triumph, rather than disgrace, with Glorfindel, their beloved mentor.  The awe-inspiring elven warrior always came to celebrate the end of junior novice training, so it would be especially wonderful to see him and tell him of their success.

Yes, this was a good day—nay, a great day.  Unless some random disaster struck, they could complete their task and be back at the main camp in just a few days.  The only remaining challenge was to prepare the boar and present it as a gift to the nearest human village as a sign of friendship.  Nothing could be easier.  This was often the hardest task for novice warriors who rarely interacted with those outside Rivendell.  But as the Lord’s sons and young lords themselves, Elladan and Elrohir had been practicing diplomacy since they could remember and were confident they would have no trouble.

“Let’s do this quickly.  Brightfalls is just a league or so to the north and if we hurry, we can present them our gift and be on our way before sundown,” said Elladan, a happiness in his voice reflecting his growing pleasure.  It was hard to remember the last time everything had worked out so perfectly.

In complete agreement with Elladan’s desire to finish the test and return with their good news, Elrohir knelt down beside the boar and removed the sharp hunting knife that all novices were issued.  The two hadn’t even touched the beast, however, when a large ‘crack’ startled them and they leapt to their feet as something crashed out of the forest. 

Later...much later...the twins would discuss the next few moments, trying to piece together exactly what transpired.  How could they have been caught unprepared?  How could they not have known there was danger about?  They never could put together a clear picture of those moments, though.  All they knew is that one second they were joyfully considering their triumphant return to camp, and the next some...thing was upon them. 

They reached for their weapons, but their delayed reactions weren’t quick enough to prevent the large, dark shape from slamming into Elladan and knocking him on his back.  Huge teeth seemed determined to rip out his throat, and he suddenly found himself in a fight for his life.

The twins may have been caught unawares, but their instructors would have been pleased to see how quickly their training kicked in despite the shock of the attack.  Elladan used all his strength and skills to keep the sharp teeth from his neck while Elrohir lunged forward at whatever was savaging his twin.  He plunged his knife into its back with one hand, attempting to reach around the beast’s neck with his other arm and pull it away from Elladan.  Whatever it was, it was strong and the elven youth was struggling desperately to save his twin, when the beast dropped its attack on its initial prey and spun to address the new threat.  Elrohir had barely a moment to note in utter astonishment that it was a large dog before he found himself under attack and had to start fighting with all the skills in his possession. 

The twins’ had never been given lessons specifically on fighting dogs, but when you were trying to avoid razor-sharp teeth and claws, the basic principle was the same be it warg or dog.  Quickly putting his training to use, Elrohir was soon able to mortally wound the beast while acquiring only minor scratches himself.

Within minutes it was all over, but the adrenaline rush left the twins breathing as if they’d been sprinting for miles.  Shaken, Elrohir made sure the beast was dead and then turned to Elladan, who had only managed to rise to his knees.  The elder twin tried to steady himself by breathing deeply, only to be startled by Elrohir, who fell to his knees in front of him and grabbed his shoulders in a strong grip.

“Elladan, how badly are you hurt?...............Elladan?.....Answer me!” Elrohir shouted, shaking his brother when he didn’t respond.

Shock and pain leaving him grumpy, Elladan pulled away sharply, nearly falling on his backside, and snapped, “Just be quiet and give me a moment to think!”  Forcing himself to his feet, he added, “And don’t hover!”  He hated it when Elrohir hovered.

Elrohir stood up as well and approached his brother.  Stubborn orc.

“I’m not hovering, you idiot,” he said with impatience, his own reaction causing him to respond sharper than normal, “I need to see how badly you’re injured.  Now sit back down and let me look at you.”

Elladan, hurting, still in shock, and definitely off-balance from all that had just happened, wanted to take a minute to regroup and took another step back, saying testily, “I’m fine.  Just leave me alone.”

Elrohir grimaced—obviously his stupid brother was going to be difficult.  He closed in on his twin, and tried once more to take charge, “Don’t be foolish—you’re bleeding.  So sit down.”

Elrohir grabbed his twin’s arm and tried to guide him down, but Elladan pulled away, stumbling as he stepped back.  Now, in addition to being out of sorts, he was angry with his twin’s manhandling and said crossly, “I said leave me alone.  I’ll tend to myself.”

“And how do you propose to do that?  Your hands are shaking too much to do much good.  You’re being stubborn.”

It was true, Elladan’s hands were shaking from reaction, but hearing his brother point that out only made him more upset.  He was a warrior.  Well, a warrior in training.  A stupid dog attack shouldn’t bother him.  Not willing to concede that the whole experience had unnerved him, he dug in his heels.  No.  He didn’t need anyone’s help.  Let alone his “little” brother.  Determined to regain some semblance of control, he allowed scrambled thoughts to guide his tongue, putting voice to thoughts that just flew into his head without consideration of their impact.

“You can’t tell me what to do.  I am in charge here,” he said with his thumb pointing back at his chest.

Elrohir’s drew back, confused.  “What?”

Still not thinking of the consequences of his words, relieved to feel that he was taking control of something, Elladan responded, “Don’t be stupid.  We both know I’m the leader.”

When Elrohir just stared, not disputing his words, Elladan felt he was making progress and unknowingly dug himself in deeper with his brother, “Well, surely you noticed at some point in your life that I am the elder?”

Elrohir had been hoping he was misunderstanding his twin, but now he responded in anger when he confirmed where Elladan’s train of logic was going.  He practically growled, “By mere moments.  Not in any way that matters.”

Irritated at being contradicted, Elladan scowled.  Why was Elrohir being simple?  Obviously as eldest, he, Elladan, was always meant to be in charge.  Everyone knew that.  Elladan nodded and said, “Of course it matters.  Which of us has always taken the lead?  Hmm?  Who always speaks for us?  Answer me that.  You know as well as I that I always have been and always will be in charge.  Denying it won’t change anything.  So, don’t tell me what to do,” he finished with satisfaction.  There.  Problem solved.  Now things were back to how they should be in his world.  Him deciding what needed to be done, Elrohir following..

Of course, Elladan’s satisfaction with his argument didn’t hold much weight with Elrohir.  Disgusted with how things had gone from the joy of their successful hunt to concern for his twin, and now to Elladan’s unbelievable assertion, he drew himself up as tall as possible, and hissed, “Never have I heard such a heap of troll dung.  You?  Our leader?  Of all the arrogant, egotistical things I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth, that has to be the worst.  You have no authority over me, you narcissistic halfwit!”

That was it.  Elladan was floundering for control and had no other outlet for his frustration than his pig-headed brother.  He was hurt, stressed, and feeling like nothing was the way it was supposed to be.  To have his twin calling him names was too much.  Throwing common sense and restraint away, he pushed Elrohir hard and shouted nastily, “No authority?  Grow up!  Just who do you think is Ada’s heir, anyway, hmh?  Is it Elrohir?”  He laughed derisively.  “Not likely.  Try ‘Elladan, first born son of Lord Elrond.’  Not ‘you.’  Not ‘us.’  Me!” 

Anger whooshed out of Elrohir, replaced by shock and hurt so bad that his twin’s words penetrated him like a knife wound and he found he could barely find breath to speak.

Almost hoarse, he stuttered, “I...I have been content to have you lead most of the time, but that doesn’t mean it is your birthright.  You...you just seem to enjoy it a...and I don’t mind.  But Ada has never said you outrank me.  He never told me you were his heir and I was beneath you.  Between us...we are equals.  EQUALS.  You lead at times, yes, but that is only because I choose to follow.  Not because I must.”

Elladan had been fully prepared to pursue his foolish debate.  He had even thought ahead to what argument he was going to use next.  However, his twin’s tone and expression stopped him cold—never before had his own words caused Elrohir to look so horribly hurt.  He felt sick, literally, as an icy sanity flowed through him and the shroud was pulled from his thoughts.  His stomach clenched and threatened to expel all he’d eaten that day.  What in all that was good in Arda had he been saying?  He took a step closer to his brother, wondering how he was going undo the damage his words had caused, when another figure erupted from the woods and was instantly upon them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait!”

Elladan was pulled from his story with the interruption.  Turning to his listeners, he frowned and asked, “What?”

Surprisingly, it was not his brother who had interrupted, however.  It was Legolas who spoke up. “Go back for a moment.  Regarding your conversation with Elrohir.  You alone are the Imladris heir?  Elladan, I...I am so sorry.  I never understood...” he trailed off, unable to come up with words to express his shock.  He had always been viewed the twins together as Elrond’s heirs—never one over the other.  He felt so embarrassed that he had never properly understood the hierarchy between the two.  As a member of another ruling family, this kind of misunderstanding was a huge diplomatic blunder and he wondered if he’d said or done anything over the years that showed his ignorance.

Elladan didn’t appear to be upset, though.  If anything, he looked sheepish.  He wished he hadn’t had to tell that part of the story—it was shameful to him, and in fact, that one stupid moment of utter lunacy on his part had cost him dearly.  Shrugging as much as his aching body would allow, he answered, “Ah, I expect you have always understood the proper relationship just fine—Elrohir and I are, and always have been, equals.  I was simply being, as Elrohir so eloquently put it, an arrogant halfwit at the time.  I have no defense except to say that the attack left my thinking rather twisted.  And let us not forget, of course, that I was also young and foolish.”  His mouth twisted as he glanced at Estel and added, “Something that can be rather common in adolescents, you know.”

Rolling his eyes in annoyance, Estel said, “Aye, Elladan.  Enough, please!  You’re not being even remotely subtle, you realize.  Now if you don’t mind, I’d rather you continue your story than waste your energy trying to insult me.”

Elladan was tempted to tell his little brother that he wasn’t trying subtle.  In fact, he was quite willing to tell Estel just how annoying and stupid he was being.  But, knowing how pointless such an action was right now, Elladan resettled himself and once more went back in time....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of Part I ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N:  Uhm...what can I say?  It’s been, SO, SO LONG since I posted the last chapter that words escape me.  Uh...Sorry?  I really never in my wildest imagination thought it would take so long.  I’m not even going to try to explain it away--just apologize to anyone who had been reading the story.  Believe it or not, though, I have never given up determination that I’ll finish this story.  Soooo, in order to get things moving again, I’m sending out this chapter in three parts.   This first part is short on substance as it only sets up the rest of the chapter, but I’m hoping posting it helps to coax back my muse and I’ll get the rest of it written shortly.  Anyway, again, I really am so sorry for the long wait.  :(