Chapter Eight: Aldamir

When Legolas hit Belas, I would have leapt down from my perch in the tree but that Orocarni caught my arm. “Please, my lord, allow us to handle this.” I nodded, holding my position with a grip so tight my fingers burned. I was angry, angrier than I had been in a long time. Belas had gone too far and he would be dealt with, but I was most angry with Legolas and Daeron for getting drawn into such a fray. A part of me was touched by their loyal defense of me, but as a commander I could not tolerate such undisciplined behavior. Though by my own policy, I had always left novice discipline in the hands of the masters, this was almost too much for me to bear. I wanted to drag Legolas from the clearing and shake him like a rag. He knew better. So did Daeron.

Before I could manage to get my impatience to act under control, I heard the unmistakable sound of spiny legs grating against bark. Nothing in the forest made this sound except a large number of spiders, and they were approaching us through the trees as quickly as a cold rush of wind. A chill went down my spine.

Orocarni had dropped to a lower branch only moments before to intervene in the fight; his head immediately whipped around toward the sound. Scrambling further out on the branch where he stood, he shouted, “To arms! Daeron! Get them moving!”  All around me, Elves sprang into motion. Tabor, my guard, leapt to the branch above me, his bow taut and readied for release. Seregon moved off to my right with his guard, Lathien, shadowing him closely. Instinctively, I found my bow in my hand. With an arrow nocked, I stood and waited for the battle that would be upon us in seconds.

With the first glimpse of the great spiders spreading through the trees with the speed of a wave rippling to the shore, Seregon and I released simultaneously. My heart lurched as I saw the red band that encircled the front section of each hissing, charging foe. My first arrow found the enemy quickly enough, but there were far too many to count. I barely had time to register anything more than the instant ken that the fat body was knocked back by the force of the impact before I was releasing another bolt.

Between draws of my bow, I glanced to the novices on the ground. As untried as they were and out in the open, I feared for their safety. But I could not cease shooting to get to them. Shouts echoing from the novice campsite told me that they were also meeting with attack.  I glanced down again at the novices in the clearing and saw that they were paired and shooting as quickly as they could draw and release. Every time I saw that they were still standing, I felt another moment of hope.

Red-ringed black bodies fell in heaps upon one another as our arrows flew. Yet the many creatures meeting with death did not serve as a warning to their fellows. With what seemed like a never ending influx of new spiders, they merely fanned out through the trees, seeking to avoid our bolts. Climbing higher to get above us, the spiders made the trees look like a vile, undulating darkness set to devour us. Everywhere I looked, spiders were swarming.  

From above, I heard a low hiss and a gravely voice spit out, “A feast is ours!” I swung around to aim upward and had only an instant to step aside to avoid the crashing body with Tabor’s arrow embedded in it. Within the blink of an eye, Tabor had returned to methodically eliminating a spider with each arrow he released.

Seregon dropped to a lower branch, aiming his shots toward the ground where spiders were scurrying toward the novices in the center of the clearing. Legolas and Daeron were releasing into the oncoming spiders while Belas and Alar battled to keep the ones that circled around to the back of them at bay. A lone spider crept out onto a limb above where the novices were surrounded. Quickly sighting it, I put a bolt into its eye. It whirled from the branch and fell at Daeron’s feet. Daeron drew his blade, but upon seeing the spider was dead turned and swung instead at another that skittered toward him on the ground. Black blood sprayed out in a wide arc, covering Daeron’s tunic, leaving inky blotches and growing dark pools leaking out onto the forest floor. He continued to slice through the spiders that tried to approach them while the others sent arrows flying into the teeming mass that surrounded us, but a glance at their quivers told me that they were almost out of arrows. I knew I had to get to them.

Releasing one last bolt, I jumped to the ground with Orocarni and Tabor following. Orocarni’s blade was covered with black blood within seconds. “Seregon!”  I shouted. “Watch overhead.” His bow swung back up, but his quiver bore few arrows as well and there was no time to salvage arrows from the bodies.

As I made my way toward the novices, I saw Legolas release his last arrow and pull the two knives strapped to this quiver. Belas and Alar quickly had their blades in their hands. Shoving my sword into the belly of a spider poised to strike, I darted forward, fighting my way toward the novices with Orocarni and Tabor on either side of me.

As I was finally making headway to the novices, leaving as many hacked carcasses as I could in my wake, a fat spider hissed angrily at me as it dodged my sword and turned to spew a spindly rope of web that fell at my feet. It swung around to face me. “You will pay,” it hissed with a sound like wet wood thrown onto a hot fire.

“Then come for me!” I snapped.  It darted forward and then skittered back as I swung at its head in a wide arc. Jumping over a dead spider that had curled up like a dried leaf, I swung my sword in invitation. “Come on. Do not waste my time.” It scrambled back further, but was met by a wild-eyed Daeron. With one fell drop of his sword, he separated the head of the spider from the body. Another darted toward him. “Behind you!” I shouted. He swung his sword around just as the spider leapt for him, sinking metal deep into the black belly. Spewing blood rained down on him.

Too many spiders still ran through the trees looking for an opening to drop on us. Pulling an arrow from a shriveled corpse, I shot at one moving toward the novices. It dropped with a satisfying thud.

A new sound came from the direction the spiders had come. With great relief, I recognized the whistles and shouts. A group of warriors were flying through the trees, their arrows dropping spiders as they advanced. At the lead, I caught a glimpse of the very welcome and comforting sight of my brother. Erelas jumped to the ground, cutting his way toward me and the novices.

My hands were slick with black blood and sweat on the hilt of my sword. I gripped it tighter, hoping to see an end to this in moments now that Erelas’s patrol had arrived. To my back, I heard Daeron cry out. “Legolas! Above you!” My heart stopped as I whirled toward my brother.

Swiftly, a spider advanced on me before I could make any move toward my youngest brother. I caught its leg with my blade, severing it. When it stumbled forward, I lobbed the head from its body. As I withdrew my blade, I saw the slick black body drop on top of Legolas. I lunged forward, but he plunged his knives upward, catching the underbelly as the tip of my sword caught only a slice at its back. Daeron lifted it from Legolas, his sword firmly embedded in its eye, and furiously flung it to the side. Immediately, Legolas was back on his feet, his blade slicing into the thick hide of another spider as it reared up to strike. Feeling as if my heart was pounding out of my chest, but relieved nonetheless, I stabbed a spider scurrying toward Belas. Alar’s blade caught the spider on the other side, effectively pinning the jerking body between us like meat on a spit.

Suddenly, I could find no more spiders moving on us. I stood panting as I searched the trees and ground for signs of any that still lived. Erelas whistled and his patrol snapped their attention to him. “Secure the campsite,” he ordered. A group of warriors left quickly and soundlessly. Pointing to another group of his warriors, he ordered, “Make certain none have escaped.” Four warriors were in the trees and gone from my sight in seconds.

After a quick survey, I found that all the warriors and the novices were standing. Relief spread through me; both my younger brothers were safe “Account to me!” I shouted.

“All are well,” Erelas replied of his patrol.

“None harmed,” Orocarni reported of his charges.

At the edge of the clearing, I saw Seregon, his blood-stained sword still gripped in his left hand while his right arm was secured around the shoulders of a helplessly-retching Daeron. A small smile crept onto my lips; Daeron had fought well, but the enemy had been the most heinous imaginable for him. I knew Seregon was proud of the strength of his younger brother in the face of this foe; I shared in that pride.

Glancing at Alar, I found him standing statue-still, his sword gripped tightly in his hands, ready to take on any that should come to him. His eyes were wide with fear and his lips were set into a thin line. I waved to him to stand down. Only a marginal slackening of his stance was notable. All I could see of Belas was his back as he watched the woods in wait. Legolas’s head swiveled as he looked over the incredible number of dead spiders lying at our feet. He looked dazed, I thought. First battles often leave new warriors unsteady and the novices were at a disadvantage, not only with a lack of experience, but also with a lack of any real anticipation of meeting a true enemy.  Still, at that moment little mattered to me other than reaching him over the short distance that separated us.

As I started toward my brother, I pushed aside bodies lying near me with the tip of my sword, but I could not take my eyes from Legolas. Everyone else seemed to be shaking off the surprise of the attack, but Legolas’s eyes had taken on the glazed stare of someone who has been completely severed from what is taking place around him. “Legolas?” I said softly, as I reached out my hand to him. Swaying slowly, he began to sink to his knees. The knives dropped like stones from his hands. I let go of my sword. I barely had time to catch him as he fell.

Cradling him in one arm, I ran my hands over his torso and pulled at his clothing, looking for a wound. Seregon dropped to his knees at my side. He quickly removed Legolas’s wrist guards and unfastened his black-blood stained tunic. As I tilted Legolas upward to view his back, Seregon pulled the tunic and undershirt over his shoulders. “Here,” he said. “A bite on his left shoulder.”  Two needle-thin wounds were already puffed with swelling and ringed with a wide red circle.

I dug frantically in the pouch on my belt. “Steady, Legolas,” I muttered as my shaking fingers finally found the small tin of anti-venom. I dropped the tin to the ground and flipped it open to take from it one of the small wafers. “Open your mouth,” I ordered, but Legolas merely stared ahead, his eyes wide, fixed and without any glimmer of understanding. Lowering him gently to the ground, I grasped his jaw and forced his mouth open. My hands were shaking so badly, I fumbled as I tried to place the wafer under his tongue. Grasping the wafer again, I finally placed it. “Stay with me, Legolas!” I demanded, hoping to keep him aware to lessen his fear. “You will be fine,” I said. I did not expect him to answer, but talking to him calmed me as well, and I continued to offer reassurance as I sought my healing pouch again.

Seregon took Legolas into his arms and pulled him against his chest to allow me access to the bite. From my healing pouch, I pulled one of the small folded parchments out and dropped it to the ground. Orocarni crouched at my side with a water skin. I scrubbed blood from my hands and then retrieved the parchment. Orocarni flushed the bite on Legolas’s shoulder as I poured the contents of the parchment into my wet hand to make a paste of the white powder. Using my whole hand, I slathered the grainy mixture on the bite to slow the poison.

“Erelas!” I shouted.

“I am here,” he said from behind me.

I glanced over my shoulder to see him; his eyes were fixed on Legolas. “Get someone to remove the venom sacs from at least ten of these foul creatures,” I ordered. “The healers will need them.”

He tore his gaze from our younger brother and ran back to where his warriors were checking the downed bodies. I heard him issuing the orders.

When I turned back to Legolas, Daeron had made his way to us and was kneeling at Legolas’s side. The look on his blood-splattered face was one of sheer terror. After I had helped Seregon lower Legolas back to the ground and placed Legolas’s head in my lap, I put my hand on Daeron’s shoulder. “He will be fine,” I said. With all my heart, I prayed this would be the truth. “We will get him back to the healers as quickly as possible.”

Daeron said nothing as he continued watching Legolas’s every breath.

Melda dropped to one knee next to me and nodded toward Legolas. “How is he?” he asked.

“I have given him the anti-venom and placed the paste on the bite. We will take him back to the stronghold as quickly as possible,” I said. I sought Erelas again and saw him bending over a spider with another warrior as the warrior cut the venom sac from the dead spider. “Erelas!” I called. His head whipped around. “Send for our horses. Quickly.” He nodded and jumped to his feet.

“Did any take injury among those in the camp?” I asked, my heart still pounding.

Melda shook his head. “No, they are shaken, but otherwise unharmed. They are breaking camp. As you commanded earlier, we will leave for the stronghold within minutes. We should arrive back there no later than mid-day tomorrow.” He glanced over at Seregon. “I will take these three with me,” he said indicating Daeron and the two silent, wide-eyed novices standing behind him, “unless you should desire Daeron to go with you.”

Seregon would not wish to be parted from his brother, I knew this, but I also knew that he would not pull Daeron from the ranks. Seregon’s face was neutral, but I knew well the internal conflict he warred with at that moment. Without hesitation, he shook his head. “Daeron will return with the other novices, but I would wish to speak with him for a moment before you depart.”

Melda nodded. “Is there anything that we may do to aid you, commander?”

I shook my head. “No, as soon as our horses are retrieved we will make all haste back to the stronghold.”

“Then by your leave, my lord, I will likewise hasten the novices on our way,” he said.

“You may go,” I said. I smiled grimly. “Go carefully, Melda.”

“As always,” he said as he stood and saluted. After a brief hesitation, he bent low again and placed his hand on Legolas’s shoulder. He said nothing, but he gripped my brother’s shoulder firmly for a moment and then, standing quickly, took his leave.

Erelas knelt beside me. “The horses are here, my lord. Allow me to assist you getting Legolas settled.”

I slipped my hands under Legolas’s shoulders to gently lift him upward as Erelas took our younger brother tenderly into his arms. Holding Legolas close to his chest, Erelas whispered to him as he walked to the horses. When I mounted, he kissed Legolas on his forehead and carefully handed him up to me. “Be careful, brother,” he said. “You will be hindered by protecting Legolas if the need to defend yourselves should arise. I would not lose you or Legolas.”

I smiled. “I will take care of us both. We will be fine,” I told him, sounding far more calm than I felt.

“I can spare a few warriors for additional escort if you so desire,” he said.

I shook my head. “That will not be necessary. I would rather your forces make certain there are no more spiders in this area. And you will need your warriors to do a thorough search.”  I glanced at Tabor, already mounted. “Besides, Tabor would be insulted.”

Tabor gave Erelas a twisted grin. “Indeed,” he said. “I am capable of taking care of my charge.” Lathien gave a short, joyless laugh as he mounted, but I noted, his eyes did not stray from Seregon as he embraced Daeron in farewell.

“This night,” Erelas said to Tabor, “you will have two charges. Look over them well; they are mine.”

Tabor snorted. “And the king and queen’s.”

Erelas stepped back as his guard approached and handed him the thick leather pouch containing the venom sacs. Tugging on the drawstring, he handed it up to Tabor. “Go swiftly and with care. I will see you as soon as we have completed searching the woods and disposed of the bodies.”

Seregon mounted and raised his hand in farewell to Daeron as Daeron stopped for one last look at his brother before he disappeared into the woods toward the camp.  “Is he well?” I asked.

Still watching the woods where Daeron had gone, Seregon said softly as if his heart and his words were not in accord, “He will be fine.”

“Then we must go. Legolas needs to get to the healers,” I said, feeling as uncertain as Seregon must have felt about leaving Daeron behind, but we could not remove him from the novices simply because of our relationship to him.

We rode hard throughout the night, slowing only when the path did not allow the horses to run. I knew we would not reach the stronghold until daybreak, but the longer Legolas lay still and rigid in my arms, the more frantic I felt that we would not reach home in time. Seregon and I had speculated that the bite of these spiders could be more virulent than the spiders we were familiar with, and with my brother being the victim of such a bite, my fears nearly strangled the breath from me.  Periodically, I ran my free hand over Legolas’s face and neck checking for the fever that was sure to come. He was warm, but not feverish.

As we rode, I replayed nearly every conversation I had had with Seregon and the king about the spiders. I mentally reviewed every dispatch. Had there been some indication that the spiders would come this way? What had I missed that had resulted in a group of novices being attacked? I felt sick to my stomach when I allowed myself to imagine what would have happened if Seregon, our guard, and I had not been there to aid the masters and the novices, or if Erelas and his patrol had not been on the heels of the spiders. To not anticipate something such as this was inexcusable. How would I explain this oversight to the king? How would I live with myself if my little brother did not recover? In truth, I realized, there was no excuse; I had missed something that had nearly gotten a group of younglings and their masters killed. Bile rose in my throat as I considered that I had been negligent because my mind was elsewhere. I am not fit to command, I nearly said aloud.

As I touched Legolas’s face again, in the dim moon light, I could see the dark blot of a bruise that was forming on his face from his fight with Belas. A bluish ring had formed under his left eye and was spreading over his cheekbone. Perhaps there had been some truth to the things that Belas said: I was a fool, and I had allowed harm to come to my little brother.

My mind wandered back to when Seregon and I arrived to view the novices. We were delighted to see the last of the ‘orc’ fight. Poking Seregon in the ribs with my elbow, I demanded my fillet knife back; Melda had won. Daeron had already been taken out of the fight, but I had a few moments to observe Legolas with his practice sword as he fought with the home guard ‘orc’. My little brother was quick and steady, anticipating the ‘orc’s’ moves with accuracy. To this day, I still find myself awed by his natural ability to use his weapons. I knew then that Legolas would make a fine warrior, of that I had no doubt. Pulling him closer to me as we rode hard back to the stronghold, I was proud of him, yet I could not help the nagging fear that gathered in the pit of my stomach about the dangers I knew awaited him and every other warrior of the Woodland Realm. How would I survive if something happened to him or to Erelas? As it was, I already sent Erelas out to face danger daily, and soon I would send this innocent brother along with our cousin onto the perilous path of this forest’s defense. All I had was faith in their training and faith in them--and a continual prayer in my heart for their safety.

Night was giving way to the first dim gray of day as we drew near the stronghold. I pushed the horses harder; Legolas was shivering as the expected fever began to take hold. Otherwise, I felt no movement from him at all. I had held out hope that the anti-venom would begin to work sooner. Experience has taught us that the spider venom paralyzes its victim, but often after the anti-venom is given, some faint movement will come back into the muscles quickly. Too many warriors and residents of these woods have learned that when the muscles begin to regain function, the pain is excruciating. Spasms, fever and nausea make recovery almost unbearable in the first hours of healing. I have seen the stoutest of Elven warriors struggle to keep from screaming in pain. I have never been bitten, but when Seregon was, I sat by his side as he went through the horrors of purging his body of this foul venom. With prompt and proper treatment, he survived, and I had to believe that Legolas would too. But my deepest fear came from not knowing what to expect of this new spider’s bite. After a bite from the black spider, I would not expect that death would come for days and then from dehydration, but with this spider, I had no way of knowing how quickly it would bring about death.

At first light, we rode across the bridge to the stronghold. Guards from the Great Doors rushed to meet us. “Send for a healer,” I shouted. “And summon the king and queen; their youngest has taken injury.”

Two grooms from the stables ran forward as Seregon dismounted quickly and came to me. He held his arms up to take Legolas. Once I was on the ground, I pulled my brother back into my own arms and ran toward the palace with Seregon following closely.

Flinging open the door of Legolas’s chamber, Seregon stepped back for me to enter. I placed Legolas gently on his bed and immediately began to strip him of this clothing. Seregon pulled his boots and stockings off and tossed them to the floor where I had thrown Legolas’s soiled clothing.

I heard my parents before I saw them. Naneth swept into the room still in her dressing gown and robe. She was pale and focused only on her youngest son as she pushed past me. Sitting down on the bed side, I saw her hand shake slightly as she placed it on his bare chest. “What has happened?” she demanded as she began the close inspection that only a mother can offer.

I looked up to find Adar staring at me with such intensity that I flinched for a moment. “Spider bite,” I said. “Late yesterday evening. We have ridden all night. I have summoned a healer.” He made no comment as he continued to simply stare at me. I felt his blame pierce me all the way to my core. Slowly taking his eyes from me, he went to Legolas’s bedside and knelt next to Naneth. He gently swept Legolas’s hair from his face.

“Aldamir?” Adar said.

“Yes, my lord,” I answered, my heart pounding wildly with worry for my brother and with expectation of my father’s wrath.

“Was anyone else harmed?” He turned to look back at me. “Are you hurt?”

“No, my lord,” I said. “Legolas is the only one to take injury.”

At that moment, Guilin, the healer, came scurrying through the door with an apprentice carrying a large carpet bag following.

“Please,” he pleaded with us, “allow me.”

Adar and I stepped back, but Naneth remained seated on the bed next to Legolas, her hands still running over him as if searching him for additional hurts.

“Please, my lady,” Guilin said softly.

Adar stepped forward and took her hand. “Come, Lalaith. We will be here if he needs us.” Never taking her eyes from Legolas, she allowed Adar to guide her to stand between us. A soft ragged breath came from her as she leaned into Adar’s side. His arm slipped around her shoulders to hold her closely to him.

“Tell me what happened,” Guilin said as he began to examine Legolas.

I related the sequence of events, including the treatment that I had already administered.

“Then you have given him only one measure of the anti-venom?” Guilin asked.

“Yes,” I said.

“Has he taken any fluids since that time?” he asked.
 

“No,” I answered. “He has shown no signs of movement, and I feared he would not be able to swallow.”

Guilin nodded. “I do not think he can swallow,” he said as he turned to his apprentice. “Give me another wafer and prepare the tincture for his fever. I can put that under his tongue as well until he can drink.”

Watching silently as the healer treated my brother I shuddered at how pale and still Legolas was. I knew that at this stage of a bite, the victim would appear dead, but to see my brother so deathlike was frightening beyond any foe I had ever faced. When Seregon had been bitten, I recalled how I had constantly felt for his heartbeat or leaned close to hear his breaths. Only in the rarest incidence has an Elf died so quickly from a bite, but I was again reminded that I could not compare my previous experiences with Legolas’s. Anger flared inside my chest at the darkness that hunted us. Most of all, I was angry with myself for allowing my brother to fall victim to the shadow’s death march across this forest. He was too young, too inexperienced and I had failed in my protection of him. How would my parents ever forgive me? Adar had every right to his anger with me. But I feared my mother’s disappointment even more. I did not wish to disappoint either of my parents, but a look of disapproval in her eyes could cut me to my heart. She had stood between Adar and me on more than one occasion, reminding us both that all things are bearable when we worked together and when we worked from a shared love. She believed in me. But her child’s life was not at stake when she had stood by me before. This failure was beyond any childish prank or poor choice that gained me her disapproval or Adar’s. I rubbed my eyes. What more hurt could I cause her than to allow this to happen?

Guilin worked quickly, administering the medications. Once he was satisfied the wafer had dissolved and the tincture had been given, he gently rolled Legolas to his side to view the bite.

“The bite looks good,” he said. “The root powder has stopped any further decay of the tissue. The wound will be tender and reddened for a while, but it is healing.” He turned again to the young apprentice. “Fetch warm water and a cloth to bathe him. I do not want any of this spider blood to seep into the wound or into his mouth or eyes.” She nodded and hurried into the bathing chamber to get what was needed.

As Guilin cleaned the wound, I felt Adar’s hand touch me lightly on the shoulder. “Go and get cleaned up,” he said. “We will speak of this when you have rested.”

I looked to him, knowing that he would see the pleading look on my face to be allowed to stay, but he gave me a faint smile and patted me again. “Go. He will be fine. Your naneth and I will be here. You too, Seregon.”  Naneth did not take her eyes from Legolas as she took the hand dangling at my side in hers and squeezed it. My heart caught in my throat. How could she be so kind to me when I had failed so completely?

Turning fully to face my father, I saluted and said, “As you wish, my lord.” Seregon bowed and followed me out the door. We did not speak as we parted to go to our respective chambers.

When I came out of my bathing chamber, I found a tray of food on the table in the corner. I dressed quickly and sat down to eat. Until that point, I had not realized how weary I was. There was no time to rest yet as I needed to go to my office to find what new communications had been sent from the field. I still had a campaign to lead on the following morning. Though I do not think I could have rested under such circumstances no matter what my duties had been, and I knew that I would not be welcome to hover about all day in Legolas’s chambers. Trying to go about my daily routine would at least offer me some feeling of usefulness when I could do nothing for my brother but stay out of the way. The morning fare was simple fruit, bread and honey and I ate it, but it held no interest for me. Eating was simply a necessity.

On my way to my office, I stopped and knocked gently on Legolas’s door, despite knowing that I had been dismissed. “Come,” I heard Adar say.

My parents were seated at the bedside; Guilin was missing. I doubted he would be absent for long, but had merely gone back to the infirmary to ready what he would need. I thought then about the venom sacs I had ordered Erelas to procure and assumed the healers were working with those. Tabor would not need an order from me to take them straightway to the healers. Guilin would most likely be anxious to discover what they were finding, I thought.

“How is he?”  I asked quietly.

Naneth reached out her hand to me and I took it. “He is resting,” she said.

“There has been no movement yet?” I asked.

“Not yet,” she replied. “Guilin feels it will be several hours yet before his muscles begin to regain feeling.”

Pulling me closer, she turned to peer intently into my eyes. “How are you, my sweet child?” she asked.

“I am fine,” I said, nearly choked by the tenderness of her voice. I knew that she was searching me for what I was feeling. Despite my weariness and worry, I pulled back mentally, closing myself off to her gentle probing. I could not reveal myself to her yet.

“You did not rest,” she said.

“I am fine, Naneth,” I repeated.

Adar watched us and, I felt, knew exactly what was transpiring. “Is there anything you need to report to me that will not wait until this afternoon before we meet with the village leaders?” he asked.

“No,” I said. “There is nothing that cannot wait. I will be in my office when you are ready for me.”

“The time I chose will depend on Legolas,” he said. “I will not leave unless he is settled. If I do not feel I can leave, I will have you meet with the leaders. I will speak to you first if I desire this.”

“As you wish, Adar,” I said.

Standing slowly, he came to me and put his arm around my shoulders as he led me to the door. Once we were in the corridor, he took me by the shoulders and turned me to face him. “This is not your fault, Aldamir,” he said. “There was no way you could have known that the spiders would travel so far or come so close.”

I nodded, knowing that I could not explain just yet how this was indeed my fault. I had been more prepared for his anger than his understanding. I wondered if Naneth had intervened to stay his earlier anger. Still, I knew that later, I would be required to answer to him for what had happened. I was grateful for this short time to gather myself before I would be required to tell him how I had failed.

Once I was alone in my office, I spent the better part of the morning reviewing the dispatches I had received from all patrols. Even after trying to read between the lines, I could find nothing that suggested to me that there was any indication of the spiders’ path. There was no pattern, no logical deduction to be made from information that largely told me that the captains knew little about the red-banded spiders. The reports repeated over and over that the warriors continued to find the dead bodies of the black spiders and they suspected the new spider of causing this decline in the black ones.

Before noon, I received two new messages. The first one came from Erelas.  A home guard warrior brought it from the eastern flank of their territory where he had met with Erelas’s patrol near dawn as they searched for any remaining spiders in the area where the novices were attacked. Then another arrived from Farendi from the western border. As I had ordered, Ferendi had sent out patrols to survey the black spiders still inhabiting the woods and to chart locations, giving us the information needed for our trips to and from the villages to avoid as much as possible any known infested areas.  Ferendi’s finding gave me great pause and for the first time since the sightings of the red-banded spiders, a small glimmer of hope. A plan began to form in my head.

Snatching up the map I had been using to track Farendi’s information, I went to Seregon’s office. As I entered, he stood, greeting me with a look of surprise and concern. Rarely did I charge into his office; I usually summoned him, as most of the maps and rosters are housed in Culalda’s office. I waved him to his chair as I sat down in one in front of his desk. “Here,” I said, as I passed the map over his desk to him. “Ferendi’s latest report has some very interesting information in it.” Using my finger, I began to point at different sections of the forest. “Ferendi has found more dried corpses throughout this section,” I said. “He has also noted that there are many abandoned nests where the spiders were once thriving,” I told him as I tapped the map with my finger indicating the areas. I glanced up to Seregon. “He also feels that many of the surviving spiders are fleeing back south, relinquishing their claim on this part of the woods.”

“Then their numbers have decreased?” Seregon said.

“From all accounts, this appears to be the case,” I said. “As of early this morning, Erelas has found no further evidence of the red-banded spiders. My hope is that they were destroyed in our confrontation. We are left with only the black kin to dispense with.”

“But how many of them are still clinging to their hold in the western forest?” Seregon asked.

“Too many,” I said. “But the numbers have decreased enough to where I believe we can give them a fair fight.”

“Then you think we have a chance of ridding the woods of the spiders?” he asked.

“That is my plan,” I said. “Their numbers are reduced enough that, with fortune on our side, a concentrated sweep will cleanse the western woods of them or at least, reduce the numbers enough that the villagers will need not fear them.”

As I laid out for him the troop changes and the plan I would use, a smile slowly spread across his mouth.  “This is feasible,” he said. “And little will be required to set this plan into motion. The troops are readied and waiting to move out. The borders are protected and the supplies are at ready. All we will need do is alter our tactics from village relocation to one of spider removal.”

“As we drive the spiders southward, I will have Erelas positioned at the elf-path to intercept them. His patrol will reduce the numbers of those that escape us,” I said.

Seregon sat quietly for a moment and then said, “Have you spoken to the king yet?”

“I have not,” I said. “I will speak to him before I go down to the home guard office to speak with Celelion. The king is still with Legolas, I am certain.”

“I cannot imagine why the king would object,” Seregon said thoughtfully. “If we can remove the spiders instead of the villagers, then it is by far the more preferable course of action.”

“I will go and speak to him and then, if I have his leave, I will set this plan into motion,” I said as I stood, taking the map from his desk. “Have notices readied to send to the villages of our plans, so that when we have the king’s leave, we can send the notes as quickly as possible so that they may prepare. I would have them all inside while we are driving the spiders and admonish them to remain inside until we send word they may leave the safety of secure structures. Also remind them that all areas where spiders might take refuge should be secured. And send a message to Erelas,” I added. “I will expect him to be waiting at the elf-path. From where he is now in the forest, he should have ample time to be in position.”

“The messages will be ready within minutes, my lord,” he said. He was already writing furiously as I left his office to find the king.

As I anticipated, I found my parents still in Legolas’s chamber. “We are beginning to see some slight movement in his legs,” Naneth told me. “But his fever is still far too high. Guilin just gave him something for it,” she said.

My heart ached for my little brother. He was now flushed with fever and the bruise under his eye from his fight with Belas had deepened to a dark purple and red blotch. As if sensing that I was looking at the bruise, Adar asked, “How did he come to have such a mark on his face?”

Feeling my spine become rigid, I said, “That is a story for another time, if I may, my lord. At this time, I would wish to speak with you for a few moments. There is information I think you will wish to hear.”

Naneth’s head jerked up toward me. I smiled weakly. “The news is welcome, my lady.” She returned to her vigilant watch over Legolas.

“Let us go into the corridor,” Adar said as he stood. His hand drifted over Naneth’s shoulder as he walked past her. I followed him out the door and closed it softly behind me.

After explaining the news from the patrols and what I had planned, he nodded and placed his hand on my shoulder. “This is indeed encouraging news,” he said. “Despite the grief the aberrant spiders have caused, they have in the end, aided us in ridding the woods of their foul kin.” He smiled. “You have my leave to do as you see fit. I hope that Legolas will be comfortable enough that I will be able to attend the meeting with the village leaders, but if not, then I would have you tell them what you have told me and explain your plans.”

“I will do so,” I said.

“Good,” he said as he gave my shoulder one last quick squeeze.

“I will go now and tell Celelion that I will leave him in charge of my office while Seregon and I are away and begin the preparations,” I said.

“You may go,” he said as he placed his hand on the handle of Legolas’s door. Stopping, he turned back to me and grimaced slightly. “He has been fighting, has he not?”

“The masters will send me a full report when they are back,” I said cautiously, “but most likely, I will not receive it until I return. I expect that they will handle any problems that may have arisen on the games.”

Adar nodded. “Your naneth will not be pleased.”

“I expect not,” I said, fully aware that Adar would not be pleased either that Legolas had allowed himself to be involved in such an unseemly display. Disciplinary issues regarding my youngest brother would have to wait. Legolas, like all novices, was responsible for telling his parents when he was disciplined for infractions, and I would not report the fight to Adar unless he ordered me directly to do so.

“Then I will speak with you later,” he said and went back into Legolas’s chamber.

As I came to my office, I ducked into Culalda’s. He stood as I walked only to the doorway. “Have Lord Seregon immediately send the notices to the villagers and to Lord Erelas that he and I discussed.” He nodded and followed me out into the corridor to go to Seregon’s office.

Feeling cautiously optimistic and with my direction clear, I left the palace to seek out Celelion and tell him of the changed plans. In the original plan he was to travel with us, but now that I had decided to have him command temporarily from my office, he would have to make adjustments of his own. Word also had to be sent to the gathered warriors.

As I descended the steps from the Great Door, I saw standing on the Green, two of Sordien’s party. They were speaking to another Elf I had not seen before. I supposed he could have been a part of their group, and I had simply not taken notice of him. Their conversation ceased abruptly as I came near. All three bowed. One of the group I had met previously, but could not recall his name, bowed again and swept his hand nervously out toward the strange Elf. “My lord Aldamir, this is Calith. He is from our village.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you,” I said, politely, but edged slightly around him to be on my way. At that moment, I saw Elenna running from the path leading to her aunt’s cottage, her skirts gathered into her hands and her hair flying out behind her. The troubled look on her face startled me. I took a step toward her.

Calith, unable to see her, spoke, “It is my pleasure to meet you, my lord. Some of my friends and I have only arrived this morning to accompany those from our village back home. I am told that plans have been made.”

Having momentarily forgotten about him, I turned back to him to give him as quick an answer as possible and then, excuse myself to go to Elenna. “Yes,” I said absently, but could not help but wonder why he and his friends had left the safety of their village to travel through such a perilous area of the forest to come to the stronghold. Surely he knew the king would see to the safety of village leaders’ party.

Before I could make my excuses to depart from him, he went on, “I will wait to see what the king would have us do then. My main concern is the safe travel of my betrothed, and I will travel when she does.”

“Your betrothed?” I said confused. Other than Calendon’s wife, I knew of no other female among the villagers’ party besides Elenna. Perhaps, I thought, he was betrothed to a maiden here and had merely come to collect her.

Breathlessly, Elenna came to a stop behind Calith. Turning quickly to her, he smiled and reached out his hand to place it on her arm. There was a sureness of familiarity in his touch that stopped me cold.

Distress turned to panic on her face.

“I am certain you have met,” Calith said, cheerfully. “I am pleased to say that Elenna and I are to be wed.”

A physical blow could not have struck me with any more force. My breath left my lungs like the scattering of a flock of startled birds, quick and frantic. A loud roar thundered in my ears as my blood pumped, rushing in rhythmic tremors. My whole body felt wildly out of control. The air itself seemed to crumble, and all I could see was Calith’s smiling face. My salvation was found only in the discipline of my years upon years of being a warrior, and I grabbed onto this lifeline as if it were the last rope to prevent me from drowning. Schooling my face to the neutral expression of a warrior setting his duty before his heart, I stood completely still. I could not chance a glance at Elenna. “Then you have my best wishes,” I said stiffly, hearing the voice of a commander facing certain ruin coming from me.

As I took a step back to try and steady myself, I noticed the other two members of Sordien’s party had placed a distance between themselves and Calith. They must have expected me to cut this Elf down where he stood, I thought derisively, and truly, the thought crossed my mind. But it would have been futile. To watch his blood seep out onto the Green in front of my adar’s palace would not make her love me. The part she had claimed of me, she had no use for.

As I turned swiftly to go, I heard Elenna say softly, “I can explain.”

Without hesitation or acknowledgement that she had spoken, I walked steadily away. My heart pounded in my throat until I felt as if I would suffocate. No rational thoughts came to me. The landscape of my world had tilted into something foreign and I could not navigate the strange pathways of confusion and betrayal. A pain of such intensity boiled within me that I felt as if bone and muscle, blood and organ were melting from within. I had no regard for where my feet took me; I simply walked until I recognized I was on the eastern edge of the training fields. Catching a low branch of an old beech, I slipped quickly into the tree, climbing until I was in the sturdy branches of the tree’s heart. Blindly and without forethought, I ran, jumping from one tree to the next as I fled toward the less populated forest. There was no caution in my steps as I recklessly dismissed the low, distressed, murmur of the trees. All I wanted was escape and for them to provide the way. When at last I had curved around to the river, I stopped, breathing hard and fighting the urge to scream at the top of my lungs in a primal release that harkened back to a distant pain that was born out of the birthing of Arda. But I could not. Instead, I sank weakly down into the safe, wide branches and merely sat there listening to the terrible rush of blood coursing through my ears.

Feeling so numb and so riddled by pain and doubt, I had ceased to feel anything that I could pinpoint and call by name. I was a blur of nothing and everything, absent from myself and yet wholly in the midst of a maelstrom that threatened all I believed about myself. Unable to settle my disjointed thoughts, I kept coming back to one question: How did this happen? How had I allowed this to happen? In my blind charge into Elenna’s arms, I had walked as meekly as a lamb to slaughter. I had always been cautious, never allowing myself to feel the things I had felt with her, keeping a proper distance from the frivolous behaviors of the young and unwed, always playing the part of the good son, the heir to the throne, the warrior, and the commander. My defenses had been well honed, my walls unbreachable. In the blink of an eye, I had abandoned my good sense, foolishly planning and longing for a life with this maiden. In the seductive circle of her arms, I had ventured further than I had ever thought to go until I was truly bonded in marriage and in the commitment of belonging to only one. My heart and body had betrayed me as surely as she had. I was sickened by my weakness. Never again, I resolved. I was a fool, a complete and utter fool.

The song of the tree at my back changed slightly as someone approached. I felt no warning in this shift, and truly lacked the energy to hide from whoever came toward me. But I knew this was my call back to my duty; my time alone had ended.

Seregon dropped onto the branch and sat down next to me. I kept my eyes on the slow moving waters below us.  “I saw them when I came out of the palace,” he said quietly.

The vision of her standing next to this Calith came afresh to stab me in the heart.

“She looked quite distressed,” he said. “But she told me which way you had gone.”

I stood abruptly. “Come,” I ordered. “We have troops to prepare.”

Seregon jumped to his feet and placed his hand on my arm. “Aldamir…” he started, but I shook him from me and started to climb.

“Aldamir!” he called again.

I stopped, staring into the thick greenery and strong boughs ahead. “I cannot talk now,” I said. “I have more important things to do.” Grasping the limb I would use to launch myself into the neighboring tree, I added tersely, “As do you.”

Wordlessly, Seregon followed me until I dropped to the path near the masters’ cottage. Setting a brisk pace, I went toward the home guard office to do what I had intended before being waylaid by my own ignorance. Seregon’s quiet presence remained at my back, keeping pace with me. I stopped suddenly, feeling ashamed of how rudely I had spoken to him. “Thank you, cousin, but I am fine,” I said.

Seregon place his hand on my shoulder and in the silent moment that followed, offered what little comfort he could give to someone who did not want or deserve any.

When we neared the home guard cottage, I had begun to prepare myself for what was expected of me. As commander of the troops, I had not the luxury of allowing my personal problems to interfere with my duty. And on this day, I was glad to have such obligations.

The waiting warriors milled about. After I had greeted them briefly, I went inside to find Celelion and his second, Duilin, working at their desks. Both stood as Seregon and I entered. Seregon stepped forward, removed a folded sheet of parchment from his tunic and flipped it open.  I stared at it for a moment, thinking how odd it was that something official had creases and bends when it should have been flat. Apparently he had been on his way to see Celelion as well when he encountered Calith and Elenna. “Instead of relocating the villagers,” he said, “we will make a sweep of the infested areas in the western woods and drive the spiders to the south. These are the three units as I have arranged them,” he said. “Send word to all listed and have them prepared to depart at first light in the morning. If you have any questions or need to address this in any way, see me.”

Celelion nodded. “As you command, my lord.” For a moment, he eyed me with a scrutiny that I found uncomfortable, but then, he seemed to dismiss whatever he detected and went on to say, “I will have the troops ready.”

“And you, Celelion,” I said, “I would have you remain at the stronghold and command in my absence. Duilin will temporarily command the home guard.”

“As you wish, commander,” Celelion replied. “I will have my office prepared by end of today.”

“Very well,” I said, and then went on, “Have all the troops mustered by this afternoon. I wish to address them briefly.” Celelion nodded again.  I glanced to Seregon. “While you and Celelion complete your preparations, I will speak to Hîrorn. I saw him as I came in.”

When I found him, Tree was standing with another warrior who had long gone back to the woods and like Tree, had returned with my call for aid. Tree’s head was bent low as he listened to what his friend was telling him. As I approached, I heard Tree say, “Are you certain he is here?” The other nodded, but then, upon seeing me, he straightened quickly and saluted. Tree turned slowly, placed his hand over his heart and bowed. “My lord, commander,” he said.

“Hîrorn,” I said, “I would have a word with you.”

“Of course,” he replied, following me to the side of the cottage.

“I have new information that has altered our task in the west,” I said, revealing to him the plans. “I would still have you captain a unit. Later this afternoon after I have met with the village leaders and addressed the troops, I would wish for you to meet with Seregon and me as we review tactics. The three units will need to know where our fellow warriors are at all times and what to expect of them. And I would welcome your thoughts regarding the terrain.” No one knew the woods better than he. He nodded. “I will send for you as soon as I know what time Seregon and I will be free to meet. The king is still with Legolas, and his condition will determine the time we will meet with the villagers,” I said.

Tree’s brows knitted slightly. “I heard he had been bitten. How is the little one?”

I cringed. By that time, I felt certain the entire realm knew. “As one would expect,” I said. “But Guilin feels he will recover and thus far, the venom of the red-banded spider appears to follow the same course as the ones we are familiar with.” I took a step to leave, struggling with the weight of knowing my brother was lying in the palace fighting a battle with spider venom for the right to his own body. I closed my eyes for a moment, hoping, at least for the time I needed to organize the troops, to banish the memory of Legolas folding under the assault as the venom coursed through him. The shock of Elenna being betrothed was so tightly interwoven with fear for my brother that I simply did not know if I could distinguish my feelings. For me, at that moment, pain was simply pain. Taking a deep breath, I glanced back at Tree. He was watching me closely, undoubtedly reading the pain and guilt I was trying so hard to conceal.  “I will send for you as soon as I know the hour we will meet,” I said.

As I turned to go, he called my name. “May I speak freely, my lord?”

I sighed. “When have you ever not spoken freely, Tree?”

A faint smile creased his mouth, but it was gone so quickly that I wondered if I had imagined it.

“I have known you since the day you came into this world,” he said. “I have served Oropher and Thranduil. My loyalty is with my king and commander.”

“I know this,” I said.

“Then you will know that a warrior does not serve for as long as I have and not grow to care for those whom he serves,” he said.

I nodded slowly, finally beginning to understand where this conversation might be headed. And the subject was one I did not wish to discuss.

“I do not offer my allegiance lightly, my lord. I would not have come back if I did hold such respect for the king and his family.”

“I understand, Tree, but I do not understand what you are trying to say,” I told him.

“Forgive me, my lord, but I knew about Elenna and her betrothal. I had heard the news from others of her village. Calith told them before they departed to come here. I was at a loss as whether to inform you of what I had heard. There is no silver ring upon her finger, and I wondered if Calith was simply dreaming as he is wont to do. He has pursued her since they were elflings.” He bowed his head. “I ask your forgiveness for leaving you unguarded. I should have spoken up.”

“You have done nothing wrong,” I said, struggling once again to prevent the pain from welling up from deep inside me. “This is of no matter. I am not in the position to engage in a serious relationship. I have duties that require too much of me.” I smiled as genuinely as possible. “Think no more of it. I would have you at my back any time. You have not left me unguarded,” I said, knowing full well that I was alone responsible for my own errors in judgment.

“Thank you, my lord,” he said. A quicksilver smile flashed to his face. “I will see that Calith is lost if you so desire?”

I laughed. “That will not be necessary, old friend, but I appreciate the offer,” I said. Coaxing a smile from me had been his design and in that, he succeeded. His reaffirmation of his loyalty to the king and to me was greatly appreciated during this time when I doubted myself so thoroughly. Having the respect of this seasoned warrior was more than I could ask for.

Seregon had come out of the cottage as I started back toward the palace. Catching up to me, he fell in beside me. We spoke little, and only then when he relayed to me what details I needed to know that had been reported to him by Celelion.

As we passed through the Great Doors, the guards saluted and the senior warrior turned to me. “The king left word for you, my lord, to come to his office when you returned.”

We stopped at the outer door of Adar’s office and I turned to Seregon. “Notify Galion and the steward that we will not require the rations for the villagers, but will require only what is needed for the warriors and the time of our departure so that they may prepare.”

“As you command,” he said.

“After I meet with the king and the village leaders, I will address the troops and send for Tree,” I said.

“The village leaders?” he asked, his brow wrinkling.

I forced a faint smile. “I can manage this.”

“I do not doubt you,” he replied. “However, I do not know about you, but I am in the mood to slay something, and it is a testament to my training that I had slain no villagers yet. Let us find some spiders quickly ere I lose control.”

I could not help but laugh. “Indeed,” I chuckled. “I will join you.” Waving my hand in leave, I said, “Go before we get into trouble with the king.”

I found Adar in his office, busily recording in the ledger where he kept notes to himself regarding rulings and thoughts about petitions.  Glancing up at me, he waved me to a chair. When he had completed the entry he was working on, he asked, “Is everything in order?”

“Yes, my lord,” I said. “Changes are being made that will ready us to leave. Unless unforeseen circumstances interfere, we will take our leave in the morning.”

“I see,” he said, slowly, with a serious gaze fixed firmly on me. Under his scrutiny, I felt naked and vulnerable as if I would have no need to tell him of my failings; they were so plainly written on me that he need only look upon me to know them accurately. Adar has a keen perception about most people and where his sons are concerned, he rare misses anything important. Between Naneth’s ability to read emotions and his to quickly glean out what was going on, I often felt as if I had no privacy. Whether Adar knew I was uncomfortable with his ability to know me so well, I do not know, but he did not waver in his stare. In return, I knew him well enough to know that by his thoughtful stillness that he wished to say what was on his mind, but he did not.

With the intent of venturing onward with my report, if for no other reason than to be done with it, I stopped before I uttered anymore of what I had to tell him. My heart lurched as it occurred to me that I was not his only concern. “Is something wrong? Is Legolas not recovering as expected?”

“When he is awake he is in a lot of pain, but Guilin is keeping him well sedated. Hopefully by tomorrow the worst will be over. Some time will be needed for him to regain his strength, but he will.”

“Then you wish for me to handle the meeting so that you can return to Legolas?” I asked, relieved and hoping to direct the conversation. I had reports to make to him and I would do so, but I wished for him to come by the information about Elenna at a time of my choosing. I realized that I would have to tell him soon since the news of Calith would come to him quickly by way of the palace gossip.

“No, Legolas is sleeping. Your naneth will send for me if your brother awakens,” he said, casting his gaze to his hands. I watched silently as he rubbed his thumbs together.

I said nothing for a heart’s beat, and then went on, “Would it please you, my lord, to hear my report of the spider attack now?”

“Yes,” he said.

My report was factual and detailed but devoid of any personal musings. The time for me to tell him of the missed actions on my part was drawing near, but my mind would not clear enough for me to place the proper words in order. I was overwhelmed by all I needed to say and the fear I felt of seeing anger and disappointment on his face. Instead, I recounted for him Erelas’s patrol’s arrival. He was already aware that they had come on the heels of the spiders for I had told him of the message I had received from Erelas that morning regarding any escaping spiders I had sent him to look for, and I gave him little new information, but merely stalled until I could gain my balance enough to confess with some shred of dignity.

Adar listened without comment, his face impassive and his breath calm. When I had nothing more to say that would delay the inevitable, I took a deep breath, and though I reminded myself that I was the commander reporting to his king, it was the errant son who opened his mouth and spoke.

“Adar….” I began, faltering as I struggled to find the right words. “I am sorry about the novices being subjected to the spider attack. I have reviewed the dispatches to see what I missed that left the novices and their masters vulnerable, but I cannot see where my mistake was. Still, I made an error in judgment somewhere in all this. I accept full responsibility for not recalling the novices sooner. I am deeply regretful for not having better command of the situation.” My face felt as if it were on fire. “And I am most sorry for allowing harm to come to my brother. I do not ask your forgiveness for I do not deserve it.  I expect that I will have to earn your pardon. But please, Adar, know that I would never willingly allow harm to come to Legolas.”

He leaned forward and placed his folded hands on his desk. “Aldamir, I am not angry with you. I meant what I said earlier; you are not responsible for this.”

I closed my hands around the arms rest of the chair, feeling leather and sweat slide in an uneasy companionship. “But I am in command. I am responsible for what has happened to Legolas. My error has caused harm to my brother.”

“You are young, iôn-nín,” he said. “And you are young in your duties of command. When you have commanded longer, you will come to understand that you cannot control all circumstances where someone might be injured.”

“If I had called them in sooner…” I said.

“Then they might have encountered the spiders somewhere else in the forest on their way home,” he said. “You cannot predict all possible outcomes. All you can do is make the best decision that you can given the information that you have.”

“How can you and Naneth ever forgive me?” I said softly. “Legolas is suffering now because of the decision I made.”

“There is nothing to forgive, child,” he said. “We can spend our lives asking ourselves what we could have done differently, but unless our actions would have truly changed the outcome, then it is time wasted. I see nothing that makes me feel you erred in your judgment. You made a reasonable decision based on the knowledge you had and the fact that the part of the woods where the novices were should have been safe.”

“But it was not safe,” I said.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair. “I know you feel the burden of guilt right now, but now I must ask you: Can you forgive yourself?”

“I do not know,” I said unable to meet his eyes.

“You have already in your time as commander made difficult decisions and you will make them again,” he said. “You must know that this part of your duty will not cease.”

I nodded miserably.

“Then you must be prepared to accept that things will not always go as planned,” he said. When I offered no reply, he said, “Aldamir, I have made decisions in my life I would take back if I could, but I cannot. I did what I thought was right at the time, but the consequences were difficult to bear.” I looked up at him and saw true pain on his face. In his eyes, I thought I saw the memories of long ago hurts playing out in detail. “I am the one,” he said, “who made the decision some 40 years ago that I needed to see Dol Guldur from a closer place. I felt my decision was sound. Your uncle, my wife’s brother and my closest friend died because I made that decision. His sons are without their father. His wife is without her husband. This was a most bitter consequence to bear. I still grieve for Tarondor, but I did what I thought was necessary.”

“Can you forgive yourself?” I asked.

He smiled gently. “Most days,” he said. “But I believe that Tarondor forgives me. He loved me as I loved him, and I know that I would not have held him responsible. These simple truths are the only solace I have.”

“I am sorry, Adar,” I said.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Aldamir,” he said.

I nodded. “Thank you, Adar,” I said. “I will not allow something like this to happen again.”  But it will was the unspoken truth he did not say and a truth that I knew I would have to face again and again. At that point, I did not want to think about what the future would bring.

When he said nothing further, I shifted uneasily in my chair.  There was more on his mind and I feared that I also knew what it was. My father is rarely reticent about discussing whatever he wants, but his approach to me since I had entered his office had been as if he found me fragile, and he needed to engage me cautiously. This was a thought that disconcerted me to no end, even offended me that he found me brittle. I had always and would continue to bear the full weight of my responsibilities.

I straightened my back as he dallied with the quill he had been using and when he still did not speak, I finally said, “Is there something else you wish to discuss with me, my lord?”

Slowly his eyes lifted and came to rest on me. “How are you, iôn-nín?”

A knot formed in the pit of my stomach and involuntarily, I pulled myself up even straighter. Humiliation flooded me. I was not surprised that he knew about Elenna, but I was more than uneasy that I was now faced with discussing this item on the list of my failings. I have always suspected that Galion is Adar’s chief informant in the palace, but adar would never admit such. Galion is in the position to hear the local gossip that is brought in with the servants and then weed out what he feels my parents should be told. This news had flown with a speed that surprised me. “I am fine, Adar,” I said, sounding stiff and formal.

Looking over me with the critical eye of a father, he said, “I regret that you should have to meet with Sordien today, but it cannot be helped.”

“I feel no discomfort with this meeting, Adar,” I said. “Such is my duty.”

“I would not have expected something like this from Elenna or Sordien,” he said, a flare of anger shooting through his eyes and disappearing as quickly as the lifespan of a glowing ember bursting from a fire. “I suppose this is what your naneth sensed,”

“Adar,” I began, searching for the words to tell him that I did not wish to discuss this aspect of my life. Everything in my life was fragmented at that point, and I did not think I could bear to disclose my feelings about my ruined relationship with Elenna.  His concern was appreciated, but I was managing to keep this hurt safely tucked aside at that point, and I did not wish it to resurface. I did not want to discuss this with anyone, especially not my father. I was humiliated enough that I had been taken so easily by a pretty smile and inviting eyes; the last thing I wanted was more pity.  In fact, I simply wanted to ignore that this entire affair had ever happened. “I do not know what to say, my lord. It is over and that cannot be changed. I mean no offense, but I wish to concentrate on my duty at hand. There will be time enough to sort this out later, if it is still important to me to do so.”

But I was offended that he had brought the subject up, angry even. Plainly Elenna did not find me good enough. I was angry with her for not returning my feelings and for deceiving me. I was angry with Adar for acknowledging my shortcomings. I was angry with the entire realm for bearing witness to my foolishness. But most of all, I was angry with myself. The only thing I was confident in at that moment was that I would never travel this path again, and I would never again allow anything to divert me from my duty. I had no doubt in my mind that Adar heard the festering anger in my voice. He showed no reaction to my curt reply, but no one could have missed my feelings on discussing this issue. I simply would not.

By his rigid stillness, I knew he did not want to let this go so easily, but he nodded slowly as if resigned to his son’s inability to deal with his own life. “I understand. Remember that your naneth and I are here if you wish to talk.”

“There is nothing to say, Adar, but I thank you for your offer.”

After another moment of silence, he stood. I came to my feet as he did, moving carefully for fear of disturbing the uneasy truce. Adar hesitated for a moment as if he would speak further, but to my relief, he did not broach the subject again “Then let us tell the village leaders about your plan to give them back their homes,” he said softly as he started for the door. I followed silently.

To my immense relief, the meeting with the village leaders went quickly. Sordien was unusually quiet. He did not look at me, nor did he address me at any point. He spoke only to the king. The discomfort in the room was palpable, but the joy and relief of the two village leaders, though reserved, was quite evident.

When the meeting ended, I went directly to my office where I closed the door and sat in silence for a moment. All that mattered was that facing Sordien was over, and I had survived it. I would move on to the next duty.

The remainder of the day went much as I expected. I addressed the troops, I met with Seregon and Tree, and I completed the last of those tasks that needed to be done before we took our leave. Once I was satisfied that all was in order, I sent Culalda home and Seregon to bed. Finally alone and lacking a duty to keep me from myself, I took a bottle of wine out into Naneth’s garden to listen to the soothing chorus of the night’s music.

In all my travels about the common areas and the guard cottages, not once had I seen Elenna or Calith. For this, I was grateful. A delicate balance existed in me, and I could not allow the scales to tip. For all my years of commanding, I do not think I have ever expended so much energy keeping myself on task as I had on this day. I was exhausted by the time I settled in the garden. I knew I would sleep that night, but before I could, I had to find some peace of mind. There was no better place to find this peace than under the dark cover of night, alone with the trees, the night singers, and the twinkling stars.

Adar came to me for a short while and we did talk, sometimes in generalities and sometimes on point. Though I did not truly want to talk about my private affairs yet, his presence comforted me, and by the time he took his leave to return to Legolas and Naneth, I felt better. He had been kind enough to not press me, but he said what he came to say. Despite my desire to keep to myself in this matter, I understood his concern. He was sending his son into danger the following day and needed reassurance for himself that I was ready. I had assured him that I was, though that was only a partial truth; but I would be by the time I was required to lead.

The following morning as the soft summer light broke over the forest, I stood on the Great Steps watching as the warriors assembled, and the horses were brought from the stables.

Seregon was busily moving among the warriors, making certain all was in readiness. Culalda brought me what dispatches had arrived that morning and as I read them, I was pleased to find that no orcs had been sighted above the elf-path. Erelas was in route to his position and would be stationed by the time we began the sweep. Farendi had sent a small group of his patrol to watch over the villages while the remainder continued to guard the border as usual. Everything was in order.

Amidst the controlled chaos, Adar and Naneth appeared at the Great Doors. Silence fell over the troops. I approached my parents and bowed. “My lord, my lady, all is ready. With your leave, we will depart.”

Adar looked out over the assembled troops with the keen eye of a warrior and a king. Naneth did not take her eyes from me. Shifting under her intense gaze, I could only hope that I was under control enough so as to not worry her or cast doubt upon my abilities to command. Keeping my thoughts focused, I let my love for her come to the surface of my thoughts. She smiled kindly at me.

When Adar turned from his review of the troops, he held his arms out to me. I clasped them in a warrior’s farewell. Once he accepted this tradition, he pulled me close and held me to his chest. “Go with care, iôn-nín,” he said softly.

“As always, Adar,” I replied.

When he released me, I turned to my naneth. “I ask your blessings upon your warriors, my lady,” I said. “May we offer protection to you and to those for whom we care.  And may we return safely to you.”

She smiled sadly. “You have my blessings, commander. Go safely, content in our love and gratitude.” She held out her arms and I walked into them. With a quick embrace and a light kiss to my cheek, she released me. “You take my heart with you, my child.”

“And mine always remains with you, Naneth,” I said.

Taking my place at Adar’s left, he addressed the troops. “May the Valar watch over you and hold you in their hands of light and protection. The entire realm recognizes your willingness to serve and offer our gratitude. May your travels be swift and your return even more so. Go with our blessings”

The assembled troops bowed their heads in respect and in acceptance of duty.

With the formalities completed, I took a step forward and turned back to my parents. “We will return within a fortnight. My love to you both.”

“Give Erelas our love when you see him,” Naneth said.

“I will do so, Naneth,” I smiled and turned to Adar. “By your leave, my lord, we will depart.”

“You may go,” he said. I saluted him and went to join the warriors. As I swung atop my mount, I saw the family members of the warriors slowly retreat back to allow us departure. Seregon rode to my side and the troops parted as we moved to the head of the column. In a small alcove of trees, my eyes fell on the assembled villagers that had come to see us off. Elenna stood behind her adar and his sister with her head bowed. Calith stood at her side. His eyes caught mine for a moment, and I did not like the look of triumph I saw there. Quickly, I averted my gaze and looked forward to the forest and to my duty.