A forty-second fic by Iorhael

Frodo’s smile faded as he turned his head, taking no time at all. He hung it down and all of a sudden his chest felt tight. He could not quit now. If he did, there would be no more chances. He would have to stay. He would have to suffer for the rest of his life.

Lifting his head, he threw his gaze far to the horizon, not knowing what made him smile just now. Relief from a burden – at least from having to choose between leaving or staying? Or was it the selfish thought that he would find peace and happiness somewhere – while his friends were left behind?

A smile?

He had smiled?

Frodo lifted the back of his hand to his face, rubbing away the wetness in his eyes with the cuff of his shirt.

The smile had washed out. Replaced by tears.

Why, oh why wasn’t he allowed to rejoice even for the briefest moment? Why did he not allow himself to feel happy?

“Because, my beloved little lad, you never think of yourself. When you want to do something, you always think of someone else. That is what puts you always in between.

You didn’t plunge into the wraith world after you were stabbed by the Witch King. You refused to surrender.

You insisted on thinking Gollum would return to himself despite Sam’s notions.

You resisted against the Ring until the end.

But I guess, my boy, time has come for you to grant yourself a little piece of joy. There is nothing wrong with a smile.”

The voice sounded like his father’s, Frodo thought. And it filled and warmed his heart to see that his father actually knew what had happened. He had not left Frodo just like that--the way he had always thought. Frodo now felt grateful to him for that and for showing the truth in his life.

He extended his hands and gripped the ship's rail, realizing that once again he stood in between two things that he desired. The comfort of home and the warmth of friendship on one hand, and the healing of his wounds and the freedom from restlessness on the other. But he knew he would not stay in this liminal place for very long. The ship was slowly heading to the Blessed Realm. Somehow he knew his father had been right. It was time to think of himself now, to throw away the burden from his shoulders.

~ fin ~