25th of Súlimë 26th of Súlimë, 2988 TA (I know not which and I care not)
She is gone. Nay, not gone. Not gone. I could not live if she were gone and yet I live. So ‘tis not gone, not ever gone.
But what light remains when the day is no more?
Finduilas Finduilas Finduilas All things whisper tears of night and write your name in pain into the emptiness of a dawn that lost its queen.
Come to me, star-crowned, come to me, wake me and let me dream no more.
The shadows whisper your name, dearest, And my treacherous heart beats the rhythm of your footsteps in the silence of oblivion.
Let me forget O for the world I would not forget, but I dread to remember her that I lost.
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Why did you come to me, Finduilas, to teach me bliss when you knew that you were doomed to fail?
Why did you ask, Finduilas, to share my shadows when you were born to walk in light?
Why did you follow me, Finduilas, when you were queen of foam-crowned wind and endless sea?
Why did you love me, Finduilas,
if love me you did if love me you could when you
Think not I doubt thy heart, dearest, Think not I doubt thy soul.
I curse the day you looked at me And smiled. NO!
and yet
I bless the day I curse
Finduilas, Finduilas, coward that I am, I am left to retrace your steps and try to remember how to live
There is a strange comfort in the dark of the abyss and the fading souls sing a siren’s song of salvation
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Who am I to believe that I could keep a star locked in mine own dark heart, or catch the dancing sea-foam’s gleam from oceans far? Who am I to believe that I could keep a star? The storm’s tempestuous soul will tolerate no bar, but fly or break apart. Who am I to believe that I could keep a star locked in mine own dark heart?
The words will not obey. Nothing of you in this. Just emptiness.
Imperfect as I have ever been, Finduilas. Too imperfect to keep that which was is perfection. Have you gone to the sea, beloved? To the singing shores that call you home?
---
Súlimë, when the winds wept and the stars mourned the sunlight lost.
Súlimë, when the tide came and the darkened waves swept you away.
Súlimë, when the dawn failed and the silent spring lost its heartbeat
---
My future is a mirror of decay, of shards like silver knives that paint the skies another shade of grey. My future is a mirror of decay, of thistles grown and thorns to line the way and tangle in our lives. My future is a mirror of decay, of shards like silver knives.
Must I always be selfish and ungrateful? Even now?
For Finduilas
I remember the waves on the darkening shore and the wind like a crown in your hair, and I knew as I fought I was losing the war. I remember the waves on the darkening shore,
I remember the keys to a lost kingdom's door I remember the keys to the secrets of yore were the stars in your eyes, pale and fair. I remember the waves on the darkening shore and the wind like a crown in your hair.
Words cannot begin to describe the pain, for they are veiled like a mist-shrouded morning.
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