Pippin is two, Merry is ten, Berilac is twelve, and Frodo is twenty-four. (These are Tolkien's hobbits and I am just messing around with them for a bit.)

"Peas"

“Fro-do, can the baby eat peas?” Merry called from the kitchen.

From his chair near the fire Frodo continued to read his book and nodded, “Yes, Merry. Peregrin can eat peas,” he said and then turned the page. The story was getting more interesting by the minute.

“Fro-do, how many peas can he have?” Merry called out.

“The same number as you or I if he’s that hungry,” Frodo responded and again went on with his reading.

There was giggling coming from the kitchen now. “What if he puts them in his nose?” Merry shouted.

“Fine, just not too many,” Frodo mumbled, not really listening now.

“How many would be too many?” Merry called out sounding curious.

“You be the judge,” Frodo responded as he began the next chapter of the very interesting book on Dwarf caves. This next chapter promised to explain how Dwarves selected the caves that they would expand. That last chapter on the tools involved had been very enlightening. He concentrated on his book and ignored the conversation coming from the next room.

“All right!” Merry shouted and then burst into laughter. “Are you counting?”

“That’s thirteen in just the right side!” Berilac said sounding impressed.

“Thirteen!” Merry announced in surprise.

Frodo wondered how Merry and Berilac knew that he was on chapter thirteen but he shrugged this off and begin to read about dwarf excavations. It was good of Merry and Berilac to feed the baby.

“Have him put more in the left side. I think he’s put all that he can in the right,” Berilac said from the other room.

“No, he hasn’t,” Merry objected. “Besides, he’ll quit if he can’t do it the way he wants to. He’s stubborn like that.”

“That’s just disgusting,” Berilac groaned. Then he laughed.

“I guess that side was full so he had to pull one out and eat it,” Merry reasoned.

“You shouldn’t eat things that have been in your nose even if they are peas,” Berilac said looking disgusted.

“Fro-do? If you put peas in your nose, can you take them out and eat them?” Merry shouted.

“What?” Frodo asked still only half listening.

“Merry wants to know what will happen if you eat a pea that has been in your nose!” Berilac shouted.

Frodo looked up for the first time in quite a while and frowned. “Merry?” Frodo asked. “What are you doing?”

“Feeding the baby!” Merry shouted while Berilac giggled.

“What are you feeding him?” Frodo demanded sitting on the edge of the chair.

“Peas!” Merry shouted louder. “I asked you and you said he could have them, remember?”

Suddenly there was the sound of someone sneezing. It was a rather loud sneeze and it was followed by howls from both Merry and Berilac. And then:

“Get these off of me!” Berilac demanded.

“Peregrin! Don’t eat those now!” Merry ordered.

“This is your fault! You said he had plenty of room in there!” Berilac groaned.

“I never said he wouldn’t sneeze!” Merry objected. “Mum will kill me if I don’t get these peas off the wall.”

“I will kill you if these disgusting peas don’t come off my trousers!” Berilac warned.

“Look! The peas on the wall make a star shape! How’d you do that, Peregrin?” Merry sounded amazed.

“You think Frodo knows?” Berilac asked far too loudly.

“He said we could,” Merry pointed out.

“Merry he’s going to eat those!” Berilac yelled.

“Well, stop him! I’m trying to get these here ones off the table!” Merry ordered.

There was another sneeze from the tiny two-year-old, who was seated in his high chair at the table, just as Frodo entered the kitchen. Something green splattered onto the highchair tray and the little child smacked his hand into the mess. He looked up at Frodo, grinned a rather green smile and waved his messy fingers in the air. “Owwww, gah!” he announced.

Frodo fought the urge to gag and glared over at Merry. “Feeding him?” Frodo sputtered.

“It started out that way, honest,” Merry said. “Didn’t it, Berilac?”

“Peregrin wanted those peas,” Berilac said.

“He’s the one that put them in his nose, Frodo!” Merry objected. “We just watched him. You told me to watch him and so I was watching him just like you told me to. I was watching him the whole time, wasn’t I, Berilac?”

“He was watching him, Frodo,” Berilac said.

“Besides, you said it was all right,” Merry said quickly.

“I did not!” Frodo said as he walked over to the table with a damp cloth in his hand and gave it to Merry. He wasn't exactly sure what he had agreed to while reading but surely it had not been any of this.

“What’s this for?” Merry asked, looking at the cloth as if he had never seen one before.

“Get those peas off of your cousin, Meriadoc,” Frodo instructed sternly.

“Berilac can get the peas off himself,” Merry said holding the cloth out toward Berilac.

“Not that cousin,” Frodo said sternly and he pointed to the baby who was staring down at his highchair tray and running his tiny fingers through some rather liquid-looking peas.

“But Frodo! He’s covered in them. He’s playing in them and those ones are the ones that were in his nose before he sneezed,” Merry said sounding slightly ill.

“The next time you decide to watch Peregrin put food into his nose, I want you to remember this day and these peas,” Frodo said leaning over and looking directly at Merry. “Then maybe when I tell you to watch the baby you will know what that means. Now, you will clean Peregrin up and Berilac will clean the artwork off the wall.”

“I wasn’t supposed to be watching him!” Berilac objected. “That was Merry’s job!”

“It was Frodo’s job until he gave it to me,” Merry growled as he approached the grinning baby.

Sighing, Frodo reached out and lifted the child by taking him underneath the arms from behind and held him as far away from himself as he could. “It’s a nice warm day. We’ll take him outside and dip him in the rain barrel,” Frodo announced as the child kicked his feet happily making the tiny bells on his trousers jingle, cooed, and then sneezed again.

“Can we hold him under?” Merry asked wrinkling up his nose at the sight of more green peas dripping onto the baby’s shirt. "I think we should because those peas are up inside his nose and that will wash them out."

"You just hold the door open and bring out something to dry him off with or I will hand this messy little Took to you and let you carry him," Frodo said.

Peregrin waved one green hand at Merry and said, "Fah!" as he spit one single pea at the ten-year-old and hit him between the eyes.

The End

GW 03/08/2006