Chapter 3: Helpless

Night had come over Rivendell and still Aragorn's condition hadn't improved. The ranger was caught in his delirious state, often screaming and thrashing around in his bed, only kept still by the force of his brothers and Legolas.

Time passed slowly for the immortals as they helplessly watched how their brother and friend struggled for his dear life. Many threads had they faced in their long life time, but never before they had felt such an agonizing despair.

Elladan, Elrohir and Legolas were warriors and thus used to be able to fight and defend the ones they loved. However, this silent battle in which they could do nothing but watch was wearying them, and cutting deeply in their hearts.

The pale skin of Aragorn and the dark circles under his eyes showed clearly his bad state, and the ragging breathing didn't make it better. Every time when another coughing fit seeked the ranger, the elves tensed at the painful expression in the face of Estel. Every breath seemed to be an obstacle for the young man, which was the more difficult to defeat the more time passed.

In his delirious state, he would often mumble and toss around, whispered words only he could understand, pleading for help and cursing invisible demons.

Even Elrond, who had returned to the room after studying a few of his books, couldn't clear the worry from his face. "I believe I know now what this is," he had told the three younger elves, "Humans refer to this as 'pneumonia', which can develop from simple colds. It can be dangerous if the fever doesn't break, but if we can manage to keep his temperature down, he should survive it."

He should survive it....

Never before Legolas had been that worried. If....if they just had stayed in Mirkwood, if they just had searched for a shelter....so many ifs, and they all had one in common: Aragorn's life was depending on it. The elf once again took the hand of his hallucinating friend, trying to calm him down.

"He's being haunted by nightmares," Elrohir said hoarsely and glanced at Legolas. "And we can't do nothing to help him..."

"Estel is strong," Elrond stated calmly. "His body is young and full of life. I firmly believe that he will survive this."

But Legolas saw the worry in the elder elf's eyes, and he couldn't believe his words. "Don't give up, nin mellon," he whispered. What trouble was Aragorn enduring in his dreams? They couldn't know, and they couldn't help. Strider was unable to hear them, unable to hear the comforting words. He was a prisoner in his own world in his mind, and only he could find the way out.

One way or another.

Another coughing fit shook the motionless body on the bed and immediately Legolas leapt forwards, pinning the ranger back on the pillow. The human gasped for breath, opening unseeing eyes and closing them again.

"Calm down, Strider, Calm down," Legolas whispered, as the ranger struggled against his grip.

The coughs subdued and silence sank once more over the room. Legolas sighed and closed his eyes in frustration. He wouldn't be able to stand this any longer!

'No! Let me!', he shouted as the shadows grabbed him from behind. Aragorn tried to kick at them, suddenly finding his strength again. Cold fingers were holdings his head and his arms, and he couldn't seem to escape them. Tears started spilling down the ranger's face. It was hopeless. Everything was hopeless, Legolas was dead and he couldn't find a way to flee...

'They shouldn't have named me Estel,' he whispered gravely and slumped to the ground. 'I don't earn this name, for I have brought doom instead of hope.'

'Pretty one, tired of fighting?' one of the shadows snarled and kneeled down in front of him. Aragorn glared at the creature, unwilling to talk with it.

'It's so easy to haunt you!'

'What do you mean by that?' the ranger spat out, not wanting to play this game any longer.

The shadow laughed cruelly. 'If you remember...then we will stop haunting you. But if you don't remember....you will never escape!'

Aragorn's heart hammered in his chest with sadness and fear. Remembering? He couldn't remember anything. How had he come here? What was he doing? Why was Legolas dead? And, most important of all, who were these creatures?

'Speak more clearly or stay silent,' he said between gritted teeth.

Instead of receiving an answer he was roughly shoved to the ground. 'Very well.'

And then they disappeared.

Aragorn gasped in shock and scrambled to his feet. The shadows had gone, leaving him alone in a part of the forest he had never seen before. The ranger spun around, searching for any signs, any tracks of the creatures. but he couldn't find any.

'Am I going crazy?' he slowly wondered. No noise could be heard. He was all alone.

The ranger carefully walked around, tracing the ground with his eyes. No footprint, no crack, nothing. In fact he could only see his own tracks. If he hadn't known it better, he would have sworn that he had come here alone, according to the ground.

Slowly he sank to the ground. 'This is wrong,' he murmured, 'It isn't supposed to be like that, it's simply wrong!'

It seemed as if everything slipped out of his control, out of his reach and he was unable to prevent it. His whole world turned upside down...and he was standing beside and watching!

Once again the picture of his dead friend entered his mind and shuddered. Aragorn would never, ever forget this scene; the blood which matted the blonde hair of the elf, the pale skin and the motionless body. The still face which would never laugh again, never jest with him, never scowl at him...no, he just couldn't believe it! Didn't want to believe it!

'Oh Iluvitar, what is happening?' the human whispered, looking at the sky. He didn't receive an answer.

Aragorn brushed through his damp, brown hair and flinched. If he just could grasp the memory...there was something with a river, but every time he wanted to grab it, the memory slipped away and left only a vague feeling of....yeah, of what? Fear? Pain? Panic?

Rather forcefully he stood up. 'Whining won't help,' the ranger growled, annoyed with himself. 'Legolas wouldn't want me to give up. I have to find out what's happening, if not for me, than for him!' Determined he set his jaw and started walking.

The forest was unknown to him. He had never been here before, and his first mission would be to locate his current place, so that he could find a way home.
Aragorn decided to search for a big tree which he could climb. From up there he would be able to see over the wood and maybe recognize a few landmarks.

It didn't take the ranger long to find such a tree. Remembering the numerous times when he had played with Elrohir and Elladan in the forest, he started climbing, his movements swift and noiseless. The tree offered thick branches and Aragorn found it quite easy to reach the top.

But when he wanted to grab for the last (and highest) branch, a sudden wave of nausea hit him. The human doubled over in pain, his free hand desperately searching for hold. The world seemed to spin around him and he felt the strangest of feelings, as if....as if his body was pulled away!

Aragorn gasped and struggled to remain standing on the tree. He was high over the ground and a fall would mean his certain death. His mind whirled and he imagined hearing voices - in his head. They were calling him by his elven name, but he didn't understand what they were saying.

'Go away!' the ranger shouted, fearing that he was loosing it now. Hearing voices when nobody was there was never a good sign. What had these shadows done with him? Had they somehow tricked his mind? Or poisoned him?

He pressed his back against the tree, his heart hammering in his chest. Surely they were playing their evil tricks on him, waiting until he became mad, until he gave up and did something stupid....Aragorn gritted his teeth. He wouldn't allow them to do that! He wouldn't give up!

'Calm down,' he took deep breaths, suddenly realizing the dull pain in his chest. 'It's all in your mind, none of this is true,' Aragorn tried to reassure himself. But unfortunately it didn't work. The deep ache only increased, making it difficult to breath. His lungs rattled.

//When the evening falls and the daylight is fading,
from within me calls - could it be I am sleeping?//

Grabbing the branch closer, Aragorn closed his eyes. He wasn't ill, was he? He couldn't fall ill, he would never make it to a safe place in time and Legolas didn't know where he...

And Legolas would never come to his help again because he was dead. The realization hit him full force, and the ranger hid his head in his hands and cried for his fallen friend.

He had never felt more alone in his life.

//For a moment I stray, then it holds me completely.
close to home - I cannot say.
close to home feeling so far away//

**************

Lord Elrond placed his hands on the head of his foster son, inhaling deeply. He had to pry the man out of his feverish nightmare, or he would be lost in the darkness forever. As he slowly sank into healing trance, the twins and Legolas watched anxiously.

Elrond could feel the distress in Aragorn's mind. The ranger was hallucinating and it was keeping him from the needed rest. He had to ease his mind so that his body could recover and fight the fever which was still raging through his body.

He spoke calming words in Elvish, hoping that they would enter Estel's mind and soothe his nightmares away. The lord knew that delirious dreams were often as real as life, and they mostly were so scarring that they left the poor soul who had to witness them crushed and frightened. Elrond just hoped that this wasn't happening right now, for he could fight against an illness, but not against the evil of one's mind.

Aragorn was weak, so weak...the numerous coughing fits had made it unable for him to breathe properly and the lack of air was eating his strength. Breathing took too much energy, energy which was needed in fighting the fever. Plus, the ranger hadn't eaten since he had come home yesterday evening and the lack of food was also doing nothing good.

They had to get him to wake up, and they had to do it soon.

Once again he whispered the calming words, sending them into the mind of his youngest son, hoping that, even in his delirious state, Aragorn would somehow hear and understand them.

Then he blinked and woke up from his trance, aware of the questioning looks his sons and Legolas sent him. "I think I have calmed him down," he said, "Although I fear that it won't hold long; the demons of his dreams are strong."

Slowly the elder elf stood up, brown hair disheveled and lines of worry etched into his elegant face. "You should go to sleep," Elrond turned to the three younger elves.

"Father, no!" Elladan shook his head. "How can we sleep in a situation like this? Estel needs us!"

"True, but he needs you at full health and not a weary elf who will drop down every second," Elrond's look was stern. "Elladan, please. I do not tell you to leave Estel, I just tell you to take a chair, sit down and rest a bit."

At first it seemed as if the older twin wanted to say something, but then he just nodded and plopped wearily down on the mentioned chair. A slight smile appeared on Elrond's face. "Thank you," he nodded and then spoke louder, "I will go to my room and prepare a special medicine. It will take me some time, so take good care of him and call me if his condition changes."

He received three weary nods. The elven lord turned around and hurriedly left the room. In the hall he met a servant of the house and winked him to him. "Can you please bring some food for my sons and Legolas?" he pleaded. "They will need it, and I fear I can't convince them to leave the room long enough to eat."

The servant nodded and made his way to the kitchen. Elrond sighed and walked to his study, eyes clouded with worry. He had always hated it, every time when his son had come home injured and poisoned. It reminded the elder elf painfully of the fact that his youngest son was mortal, and that once he would leave him - and there was nothing Elrond could do against that.

He felt helpless due to that fact and knew that his sons - and even Legolas - were feeling the same. It wasn't obvious when Aragorn was awake and healthy, for he was always full of energy and while quarreling around with him neither Elrohir nor Elladan thought of this dark fact.

But in these times, when the young human returned home and was sick, or was injured...they were always reminded of it.

He was so young, barely a child in an elf's eye, and yet it wouldn't take long until he had to go on his own, dangerous journey on which, Elrond knew, they couldn't protect him. Darkness was rising, and it was Aragorn's destiny to fulfill his heritage.

There were times when the elven lord wished that there wouldn't be such a heavy burden on the shoulders of his son. That he was just a normal human. But even Elrond couldn't change the past.

Although he had a great view from the top of the tree, it didn't help him much, for he realized that he was in an area of Middle-Earth he had never traveled before. Aragorn sighed. 'Figures,' he murmured gloomily.

He once again sat down on the branch, pondering what he should do now. His chest was still aching, but the pain had subdued to an agreeable level. The young ranger was in a rather difficult situation; he had no supplies, no weapons and he was caught in the middle of wilderness without any idea where he was. He was, to be quite frank, totally lost.

For a moment he wished that the shadows had taken him with them, but he immediately shoved the thought aside. He couldn't think like that!

Aragorn decided to climb down again and check the area for food instead of sitting and worrying - he wouldn't get anything out of *that*. But right when he wanted to start climbing, he heard the voices - again!

This time it was only one voice, and it spoke in the gray tongue. Dumbfounded the ranger listened, realizing in awe that this was, in fact, the very voice of Elrond. Joy swept over him, but was immediately replaced by worry.

It couldn't be his father, there was nobody in the near. And yet he could hear clearly the words which were spoken. Words trying to calm him down, and pleading him to wake up.

That didn't make sense. Aragorn was awake, wasn't he?

He dug his fingernails into his palm. Yes, it hurt. He was certainly awake, he was hurting, he could hear everything and...

The voice didn't stop.

'Father, where are you?' he cried in despair. He didn't receive a reply, and it drove him mad to be unable to answer. It was the most helpless feeling he had ever experienced.

His head started hurting, and once again he had to clutch for the tree in order to steady himself. If it continued like that, he would certainly fall to the ground and break his neck.

Aragorn was panting heavily. It drove him mad, this whole ordeal, and he quickly scrambled down the tree. On the last few meters he slipped and landed with a painful noise on the ground.

For moments he just lain there and stared at the blue sky which stretched over him. The ranger frowned in confusion. Something seemed wrong about this sky; somehow he had the impression that it should be raining. That it shouldn't be good weather...

Wait a moment. Raining?

There was something with raining, a memory, just hidden in his mind. He closed his eyes and tried to pry it away. Rain; rain in the forest and he had been traveling - with Legolas, yes. It had been cold and he...

The rain, cascading down from the sky and soaking them to the bones. Gray clouds, which covered the sky and made it impossible for the warm sunlight to pierce through. His wet fingers, numb with cold. The throbbing pain in his head as his headache grew more intense.

With a startled gasp he opened his eyes. Aragorn remembered! They were traveling home from Mirkwood when the rain had caught them in surprise, and then he had frozen terrible and caught a cold...but what was then? Blurry images of Rivendell and his brothers wandered this mind, he couldn't make out a connection between them.

A groan escaped his lips. His head was hurting more and more, and the ranger was growing frustrated. Couldn't he trust anything, not even his own mind?

He finally stood up, brushing the dirt from his clothes. Luckily he hadn't broken anything in the fall, but his back was bruised and hurt quite a bit. Aragorn decided to walk into the general direction of...well, he didn't know of what, but it was at least a general direction.

He staggered slightly as the world once again whirled around him. The strange feeling - as if his soul was pulled away - entered his consciousness.

This was getting even more confusing. Now the pain in his head was so immense that he clutched his temples in agony and let out a scream. Dropping on his knees, he shut his eyes in the pure terror of what was happening. The world circled around him, seemed to disappear and was replaced by other things....

He swayed like a drunken man, eyes wide in fear. Sweat started trickling down his forehead.

Suddenly he couldn't bear it anymore and jumped up. His feet started running, although he hadn't given them the order to run, and he raced through the forest as if he was hunted. Aragorn's mind screamed no, but his body wouldn't obey. Something was telling him that he was being hunted by evil things, and right on cue the shadows appeared once again.

They cackled as they followed the ranger through the woods. 'Flee!' was his only conscious thought, 'Get away! They can't get me!'

//As I walk there before me a shadow
from another world, where no other can follow.
carry me to my own, to where I can cross over...
close to home - I cannot say.
close to home feeling so far away.//

He had his eyes closed now. He didn't want to see them.

Legolas jerked up as a loud, howling scream disturbed the eerie silence in the room. Aragorn was lying on his bed, sightless eyes opened in fear and despair, screaming in sheer terror.

As quick as a lightning the elf was by his friend's side, as well as the twin brothers. They tried to hold him down, but the human seemed to have found strength from somewhere; he fought against them with all his power.

"Estel, calm down!" Elrohir commanded in fear, but the ranger wouldn't hear him. He was now trying to get out of the bed.

"No!" Elladan grabbed him from behind, his strong arms holding the human in place. Aragorn was still struggling madly.

"What is wrong?" Legolas asked frightened.

"I don't know," shouted Elrohir, desperately trying to calm his brother down, "Probably a nightmare, I really have no idea. Estel, please, stop it!"

The door of the room opened with a loud bang, and Elrond rushed in, casting a worried look at the scene. "What happened?"

Elladan shook his head, tears glittering in the normally so merry eyes. "We don't know. He was calm, and from one moment to the next he started screaming and going mad...OW!" he yelped in surprise and loosened his grip a bit. Aragorn had just bitten him in order to come free.

The human immediately took his chance and jumped forward, his gray-blue eyes opened wide in terror. Legolas grabbed him by the shoulders, but was thrown back by the force of the ranger. They both tumbled to the ground.

Aragorn was breathing heavily, whimpering slightly as the pain in his chest increased. He wasn't really aware of his surroundings, still caught in his devilish nightmare. He wanted to stand up, but was forced by Legolas to stay down.

"No!" Elrond commanded and the prince let his hands fall down, surprised.

"But we can't let him walk around..." Legolas objected.

"I know. But he's frightened if you catch him like that, and it will only make things worse. His mind isn't here right now, he's merely reacting on whatever nightmare he is having." The lord kneeled down in front of the ranger who had crouched down in a sitting position.

They were everywhere around him, he was caught! But he wouldn't give up without a fight, these shadows shouldn't get him, never! He could sense their presence as they tried to grab for him.

Away, he had to get away! He had to flee! But he was trapped, there were too many of them and they were so much stronger...

'Go away,' he screamed in his mind, trashing around and kicking his legs.

//Forever searching; never right, I am lost
in oceans of night. Forever
hoping I can find memories.
those memories I left behind.//

From his place on the bed, Elladan watched the scene and massaged his hurting hand. Blood was trickling down from the part where Estel had bitten him.

"Estel," Elrond spoke softly in the gray tongue, "Nobody wants to hurt you. You are safe. This is only a dream, nothing is real. Do you hear me? It's all an illusion! It's all in your mind, and you just have to wake up. Nobody wants to hurt you..."

Aragorn whimpered and pressed his back against the wall, resembling more a scared kid than the strong ranger he usually was. He seemed to stare right through them, his gazed fixed on terrors only he was able to see.

But some of the words seemed to sweep through, for he visibly relaxed. Moving carefully, Legolas slowly walked nearer and lowered himself to the floor until he was on eye-level with his friend.

"Wake up, nin mellon," he whispered. "Everything is okay, you won't be hurt. Just wake up and come back to us..."

The whole scenario changed from one moment to the next. The atmosphere grew....friendlier, and the shadows seemed to disappear behind, to melt away. Aragorn let his guard drop and slumped to the ground. He felt so tired, so exhausted....

Then a voice filtered through the clouds in his head, speaking clearly to him. 'Wake up, nin mellon', it said, and he recognized the soft voice of his elven friend.
In disbelief Aragorn stared at the dark trees around him and whispered softly. 'Legolas?'

//Even though I leave will I go on believing
that this time is real - am I lost in this feeling?//

"Legolas?" the word was barely audible, but nonetheless the three elves picked it up with their keen hearing. Legolas smiled in relief as the ranger addressed him. "Yes, it is me, my friend," he said and noticed how a look of utter disbelief crossed the face of the human.

"Try to get him into his bed," Elrond advised, "Without scaring him further, if that's possible."

The ranger shivered, his eyes still wide and his pupils dilated. It was quite obvious that his mind was elsewhere, and it troubled Legolas to see his friend like that.

"Come, Strider," he said soothingly and put one hand on Aragorn's shoulder.

Everything was hurting, but strangely he felt safe. He still didn't understand what was happening, but right now it didn't mind. He just wanted to sleep....wanted to close his eyes...

Memories flooded his mind and he was confused by the amount of images he was seeing. It was raining, Legolas was talking with him, he entered Rivendell and....no dark shadows. They had disappeared. Wearily, the ranger looked around, fearing to see the foul creatures in a circle around him, but the forest was empty.

He swayed slightly as his tired mind tried to connect the memories in a more or less logical way. Legolas was dead....Legolas was talking with him....the voice of Elladan, shouting something...

His father, serious face, talking in a calm voice, speaking Elvish and chasing the nightmares away.

His eyelids dropped as the tiredness flooded his whole body, leaving him weak and without strength.
Aragorn slumped to the ground, unconscious.

He had barely time to catch his friend as Aragorn once again faded into unconsciousness. Legolas held the still form of the human in his arms and listened to the even breathing.

Elrohir inwardly breathed a sigh of relief he didn't know he had been holding. Carefully he helped the elf prince to lay his little brother on the bed again, where they covered him with thick blankets. Face still pale, the human resembled more a child than the man he was.

Aragorn was sleeping now, and it seemed that the dreams had left his mind, but his fever was still high and the color of his face was pale. Elrond laid a hand on his forehead and spoke softly. "He must rest now. "

The twins nodded, and Legolas sat down on his chair again, hoping for the moment Strider would wake up and recognize him as the one he was. It was scary to watch how he was caught in his own, little dream world.

It was really strange...his mind was pending between two worlds, and both of them seemed real. It was like floating through darkness, the gloomily silence only interrupted by whispers in the gray tongue. Aragorn wasn't afraid any more, he was just mildly confused. He could feel soft cloth under his body, and wondered for a moment if he was still in the forest or somewhere else.

Voices whispered around him, but he wasn't frightened. He knew these voices, they were friendly. They knew him. They wouldn't hurt him. He would be able to rest.

//Like a child passing through, never knowing the reason.
I am home - I know the way.
I am home - feeling oh, so far away//

To be continued....