The First Snowfall

He heard the sound of the door closing and his eyes flickered hopefully to where the maid had once sat. Her chair was empty. Not knowing how much time he had, Legolas quickly scrambled out of bed. Snatching up his cloak and boots, he slipped out of his room in his stocking feet after carefully making sure that the hallway outside his chamber was empty.

He stopped briefly in a small shadowy enclave to put on his boots and cloak before making his way furtively toward the door that led to the garden. Several times he heard sounds of others approaching, forcing him to slip into the shadows and wait with enforced patience for them to pass. He was certain that others could not see him for he was very good at hiding. He had been taught how to hide by Tavaro himself and Tavaro was a very powerful warrior. All powerful warriors had to know how to hide from orcs and spiders. Tavaro had told him so himself. He did not know whether he could hide from orcs and spiders yet, but he knew he could hide from the servants and the occasional palace guard.

When he had heard from the maid of the snow that had fallen while he slept last night, he knew he had to find a way to the garden today. For reasons unknown even to himself, he did not want to ask Ada or Aldeon to accompany him. Somehow he thought it important that he did this on his own. After all, neither Ada nor Aldeon had been there the previous times. No, he had to do this alone if it was going to work. He had been forbidden to go outside by himself, but for this special occasion, he did not think Ada would mind, not if things were to work out according to his plans.

XXXXXXX

Once outside and when he thought he was a safe distance from the palace doors, he stopped to take in a deep breath of the snow-laden air, allowing the flakes to dance over his eager upturned face. He gave a small shiver, but it was not from the cold. The snow was as he remembered from the previous year. Perhaps it would be all right after all, he thought with renewed hope as he hurried toward the special place.

Soon he found himself in the secluded enclave, concealed from the passing eyes by the dense bushes and shrubs all shrouded in a thick covering of snow. He eyed the sweeping blanket of snow before him, feeling reluctant to disturb the pristine whiteness. His hesitation was a brief one however as he quickly dropped to his knees and began to pat handfuls of snow into shape. It felt strange to be doing this by himself. Every once in a while, he would stop in his self-assigned task and look about him hopefully and with longing. He was certain that he heard the familiar loving voice and the musical laughter, but as he searched eagerly about him, he found himself alone in the silence of this winter's day.

As his snow encrusted mittens continued to pat and shape the pliant snow, he suddenly wished that Tavaro were there with him. He missed his brother's laughter terribly. Tavrao's had not laughed the last time he was home from patrol and had looked almost as serious as Feren. And Feren had looked as if he wanted to kill something or someone, so fiercely he frowned. Legolas wondered a little fearfully whether Feren killed anything else other than orcs and spiders. He was certain that Feren would never hurt him no matter how fierce and angry he may appear, but he was beginning to feel a little frightened of his older brother. Even Aldeon was not smiling as much as he did before. When he did, his oldest brother looked as if he did not want to be smiling at all.

Only Ada seemed to be the same, though he was hugging him a lot. He did not mind. Ada's hugs were not the same as Nana's, but they made him feel just as good. Maybe Ada was trying to make up for the hugs that Nana would have otherwise given him if Nana had not gone away.

His hands were getting cold. He frowned at his now very wet mittens and let out a sigh. He wished everyone would be happy and smiled again, like they did before Nana went away. He moved his own lips testingly, twisting them into what he thought was a smile. It did not feel right. Maybe he was forgetting how to smile as well, he thought with a sinking heart, like everyone else in the palace.

XXXXXXXXXX

"My lord, the little prince is missing from his chamber," the hesitant voice said with unmasked apprehension.

Thranduil's head snapped up from where he had been brooding over outspread parchments. "What do you mean he is missing from his chamber? Is he not taking his nap? Where is the maid who was looking after him?"

A white-faced ellyth stepped forward. She looked more than a little frightened as she twisted the hem of her apron endlessly. "I am here, my lord. I am so terribly sorry, but I thought the little prince was asleep so I slipped out of the room to get my basket of mending. I was gone but for briefly and when I returned to the room, he was already gone. I am so sorry, my lord. He was asleep!"

Thranduil looked at the distressed ellyth coldly. "Obviously he was not. Your task was to keep watch over Legolas, and nothing else."

"I am so sorry, my lord. He had not said anything about wishing to go somewhere."

The King nodded curtly. "I will speak with you later, but first we must find Legolas." He turned to the other servant and addressed him briskly, "Find Lord Aldeon immediately and advise him what has happened. Send to me the captain of the palace guards. We must begin the search right away. I want Legolas found!"

Hurrying down the corridor with two guards in tow, Thranduil was caught up in the hallway by a grim looking Aldeon.

"Has anyone seen him?" Aldeon asked even as his eyes darted past his father to scan the long corridor for signs of his missing brother.

Thranduil shook his head in frustration. "With the palace teeming with guards and servants and not one soul has laid eyes on a small elfling. How can this be so? The captain of the palace guards will have one long audience with me once we find your brother."

Aldeon frowned. "I have searched the family quarters already and again no one has seen him. His cloak, however, is missing."

Thranduil's heart tightened with a stab of fear. "You do not think he has ventured outside, do you? He knows he is not to leave the palace on his own and he has not done so before."

Aldeon regarded the King sadly. "I doubt any one of us is behaving as we should and we cannot expect Legolas to be the exception. He too has been affected deeply by what has happened, Adar."

"I know he has. We have all been affected." Thranduil let out a long sigh. "I have for some time now feared that he would do something irrational. I should have kept a closer watch over him. If there is a chance that he may be outside, then the grounds must be searched thoroughly."

Aldeon nodded. "I have already sent a group of guards to search the grounds. I am going there myself now."

"I am joining you."

Aldeon smiled tightly and handed his father his cloak while donning his own. "I expected that you would, my lord."

XXXXXXXX

Legolas sat back on his heels and critically studied the six snow figures of varying shapes lined up before him. They did not look right, he thought, frowning. Always before, with Nana's help, it had been easy enough to match who was who among the snow figures, but now they all looked like misshapen lumps of snow that did not resemble the real persons at all. And he had not remembered to bring small pieces of cloth and sticks to decorate the snow figures. It was just not the same doing this on his own. He brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them tightly, feeling suddenly very tired and cold.

"Nana, I need your help," he whispered in a quivering voice as he stared at one particular snow figure. "I cannot do this by myself. Please come back, Nana, please."

He looked about him expectantly, his heart tightening with hope and longing. His nana rarely refused him anything, especially if he said 'please'. He continued to wait. Suddenly he heard footsteps behind him. Eagerly he sprang to his feet and swung around.

"Nana?" he called out happily to the approaching figure obscured by the falling snow.

"Legolas?"

Suddenly he was swept up into someone's arms, but they were not Nana's.

"What are you doing out here, child?" Thranduil asked the snow-encrusted elfling. "We have been searching everywhere for you!"

"No!" Legolas tore himself away from his ada's embrace. "You are not Nana!" He stumbled back from his father and squirmed out of his brother's reaching arm. "No! You are not Nana! Nana is supposed to come!"

Thranduil dropped to his knees on the snowy ground and beckoned to his retreating child. "Legolas, Nana is not coming. She has gone away, remember?"

Legolas shook his head, his lips quivering. "No, she is coming! It is the first snowfall. We always do this on the first snowfall! She is coming!"

"Come here, child and let us go inside. You are cold and wet," Thranduil said gently, reaching once more for the small shaking figure that was his son.

"She is coming! She will be here!" Legolas insisted, continuing to shake his head. He looked about him frantically. Then suddenly with a cry of despair, he dropped to the ground. "Please, Nana, please come. I cannot do this by myself."

With a weary sigh that came from deep within his soul, Thranduil reached down and picked up his sobbing child. "Come, Legolas. Nana is gone, but I am here. I will always be here."

Legolas buried his face into his father's chest and wailed brokenly. "She said we would do this every first snowfall. She said! She said!" The last words dissolved into a torrent of heartbroken tears.

Thranduil pulled his own cloak around the small elfling and held him tightly. "Let us go home, Legolas."

XXXXXXXXXX

Freshly bathed and cocooned in a soft blanket, Legolas settled back in his ada's arms with an air of exhausted resignation. Listlessly, he sipped from the mug of hot honey drink that his ada offered him from time to time while his brother watched them both anxiously from the chair on the other side of the blazing hearth.

"Why were you outside by yourself, Legolas? You know you are not permitted to leave the family quarters by yourself, much less venturing outside on your own. You had us all very worried."

"It was the first snowfall," Legolas answered simply.

"And you wanted to play in the snow?"

Legolas shook his head. "Nana and I always go out after the first snowfall to make snow figures. We make six of them, one for each one in the family."

Thranduil thought back to the oddly shaped clumps of snow that were in the garden, and then felt his heart tightened with a nameless pain. "You should have asked your brother or myself to go with you then. We would have gladly helped you make those snow figures."

There was another slight shake of the still damp head. "No, Nana and I always did it by ourselves. She said it was our special day, just the two of us. I thought it would be the same this time, but it was not." There was a threatening hitch in his voice.

Thranduil gently stroked the tender skin of the elfling's cheek. "No, Legolas, some things will not be the same."

"I want Nana back." A small sob preceded the quivering words.

"Legolas, Nana has gone away and will not be back, but we will all see her once again someday, I promise."

"When? Soon?" Hope shone through the tearful blue eyes that gazed up at him with pleading.

"I do not know when, Legolas, but it will not be soon. We must be patient and be good or else Nana will be disappointed in us. She may not be with us, but she is watching over us and her love will always be with us, here." Thranduil laid a gentle hand over the small chest.

Legolas moved his own hand atop of his father's. "But I cannot feel it here. It feels empty and it hurts."

"You will, Legolas, you will, for it is there and will always be," Thranduil said softly.

The elfling was quiet for so long that Thranduil thought he had at last fallen asleep.

"Ada?"

"Yes, my child?"

"You will not leave me like Nana, will you?" A small hand crept up and clutched a handful of his robes as if in fear.

"No, Legolas, I will not leave you," Thranduil said as he brushed his lips over the silken hair.

Silence ensued as the elfling finally lost his struggle against the exhaustion brought forth by the cold and spent emotions. Thranduil held his sleeping son to his chest, taking comfort from the small warm bundle that nestled so trustingly in his arms. He looked up and met his other son's eyes. His heart tightened painfully when he saw the unspoken longing there.

"Would you like to hold your brother for a while?" Thranduil asked softly.

A glimmer of light flitted across the younger elf's face. "I would not like to disturb him. He is resting peacefully now."

"It will not disturb him," Thranduil said as he gently pried loose the clutching hand on his robe and transferred the precious burden into the other's grateful arms.

The small elfling stirred and the half-closed eyes flickered fractionally. Then sensing the familiar presence of his brother, Legolas let out a small sigh and settled back to sleep, the small fist grasping onto a new handful of robes.

Aldeon stared at the sleeping countenance of his brother and a small smile crept unknowingly across his own face, chasing away for the moment the fine lines of grief etched there.

The King watched his sons, his heart gladdened by the small reprieve that his eldest had managed to find from the ever consuming sorrow. His own arms achingly empty, Thranduil knew only too well the comfort that Aldeon was drawing from the small bundle that was nestled in his arms. That same comfort, little as it may be, was what had anchored him to the living, and to reality, for the many long dark nights since his beloved had left him.

With a final glance at his two sons, Thranduil retreated from the room and made way to his own chamber where he knew emptiness awaited him.

THE END