The Revenge of the Wood-Elf (Telerius galadh) by Orophins Dottir
Nilmandra · 29 October 2003 · Chapter 3: The Dungeons of Thranduil
Oh, my, Mary-Sue's will not know what hits them when Eowyn arrives! They will meet a maiden who the Mary-Sue's can only hope to be like but will never come within a mile of emulating. Go at 'em, Eowyn! Ah, but BW now knows her new king - and where New Zealand is. See, being smart alwasys was better than being pretty. Unlike those courteous elves who are both *sniff*
daw the minstrel · 29 October 2003 · Chapter 3: The Dungeons of Thranduil
I love Celeborn's courtesy! But the contrast between his and Thranduil's words and their thoughts is a riot. Also, Celeborn's thoughts of his wife and Thranduil's make an interesting contrast too. What do you have in mind for the Mary Sue's? They must be thick on the ground.
Elemmire · 29 October 2003 · Chapter 3: The Dungeons of Thranduil
Heh, BW was amusing - and I liked the comment that Galadriel was vexed with Elrond. :) Elemmire PS-Spotted a Galdriel and Celborn or two...don't forget your spell-check. ;)
Nikara · 29 October 2003 · Chapter 3: The Dungeons of Thranduil
Ahh... Celeborn bringing the normal humans back to the right path. Very good. I love Thranduil's thoughts. I love the contrast between what BW thinks about the elves and what they really are. Very nicely done. I eargerly await more of the splendor of this story.
The Karenator · 29 October 2003 · Chapter 3: The Dungeons of Thranduil
Just got your author reply...oh! yes!...DO send the golden one....I will be gentle. I mean....his services are sorely needed. This foul demon needs slaying... And Eowyn rides forth....such welcome news is this. Inform the shieldmaiden that I have her sword polished and an adequate supply of Luna Bars prepared to see her on her journey. I will await her at the previously determined tree. Carry on....The Shield Mama and Karenator
The Karenator · 29 October 2003 · Chapter 3: The Dungeons of Thranduil
Well, BW has found herself in a pickle. But she, nor any of the fell creatures known as Mary Sue, will stand a chance against the good manners of Celeborn or the fierce and formidable Woodland King...aka..the creator of the Throwing a Thranduil. And she did not....as she bowed to Celeborn, her new king. Another good chapter in the continuing saga...just as delightfully funny and fresh as the others. So...will it be long before Glorfindel arrives with bells on to spirit the two elves bent on revenge from the Halls of Mandos? I am beginning to suspect that turning them lose from the Halls may have been a bit ...well..self serving. We'll see.....carry on. :>) Karen
Marnie · 29 October 2003 · Chapter 2: The Library of Imladris
"And ever after was the great friendship of Glorfindel and Elrond woven into the songs of the First Born." LOL! The contrast between their thoughts and their speech is so funny, and I do like the idea of Glorfindel ending up as Namo's penfriend :) But if Elrond is anything to go by there's no wonder he's reluctant to be surrounded by all those bad tempered Imladris elves. Now what? I can't wait to see them get to grips with the Fell Creatures of New Zealand! More please!
Author's reply
Your kind review is much appreciated. *bows low* Yes, a new chapter has now been posted and the Lord Celeborn speeds towards Imladris with news for his Lady of New Zealand. Fear not! The days of wrath approach for New Zealand. However, Lord Legolas bids me inform you that, as he is the Alpha Elf and not Haldir, that fell land must wait until he smites his enemies at the the Scientific Research Center of Middle Earth.
Marnie · 29 October 2003 · Chapter 1: Lothlórien
Oh God! And I write like this *seriously*! . Another great chapter! I think I even liked this one better. Celeborn and Galadriel were very sweet together, and I just adored the silver beast that flew upon the airlike a Nazgul. But especially I loved the description of the Abomination. Yeah...mangling the characters, turning Frodo into a drug-addict and Faramir into a bastard and Elrond into Agent Smith of Rivendell, and sending elves to Helm's Deep when they're needed at home... Yeah! Go get that Abomination, Celeborn!
Author's reply
Be your fair stories here at Arda? I shall seek them out with joy and doubt not that they shall lift my heart with delight.
Marnie · 29 October 2003 · Chapter 0: Prologue: The Halls of Mandos
ROTFL! Fabulous! I've often thought the common Telerius galadh would have something to say about 'Dissection', but I hadn't imagined it would involve throwing up :) Lots of lovely little touches in this. Haldir's insufferable head-tip, the wrought-silver devices to hold clothes together, Legolas' true thoughts about the great Glorfindel's silver bells ;) Just wonderful!
Author's reply
Yea, ‘tis sad what has befallen Lord Legolas. Many weep and their hearts are heavy with sorrow, However, in the latest chapter just posted Celeborn and Thranduil are successful and we know that fair Glorfindel has already ridden forth. There is always hope.
LKK · 28 October 2003 · Chapter 2: The Library of Imladris
Ai! Can't Breathe! Laughing too hard! *gasps deeply* Whew! This is fun. daw, the minstrel, recommended your story. And I'm so very glad I took her up on the recommendation. I'm looking forward to more, soon! LKK *giggling over the blond elves*
Author's reply
A Healer has been sent to you swiftly. He will be carrying a brown paper sack. Please heed his words and breathe slowly into it. Thank you for your fair words and I hope you enjoy the new chapter.
Lamiel · 28 October 2003 · Chapter 2: The Library of Imladris
Hey, Tolkien said Thranduil was blond. And he wore a crown of autumn leaves or spring flowers. I see no problem with that. And his son . . . oh, if Legolas wasn't intended to be a blond, he sure is one now. That silken cascade of gold, that smooth, pale skin . . . I wouldn't have it any other way. But brown eyes. Legolas is better with brown eyes. So what if Tolkien later decided most Elves had dark hair? My whole family has brown hair, and I have red, and my sister is blonde. Exceptions happen. Love the line about "throw one blond into the mix, and next thing you know they're proposing a Quest like as not." Marvelous idea about Glorfindel bonding with Namo, giving a sympathetic ear as needed. I detect traces of a "Very Secret Diaries" tone at times in characters' thought patterns--very funny! Makes an interesting mix with the more lofty writing style. Hope Legolas recovers from his dissection wounds soon! He can keep the hospital gown, though. Lamiel
Author's reply
Humble Scribe to his Majesty King Thranduil is not familiar with "Very Secret Diaries" but senses that your words are kind and thanks you for them. As long as Celeborn and his Lady rule the Galadhrim, ever shall we have a supply of blond elves. I fear for your last wish, my lady, for the elves are known for their courtesy and I doubt not that the Prince will be clothed soon in the splendor that befits his rank. Please read new chapter posted and may it comfort you in your sorrow.
Nikara · 28 October 2003 · Chapter 2: The Library of Imladris
Your interpretation of Elrond is absolutely amazing and hilarious. That chapter was amazing. Poor Glorfindel. And poor Elrond. I love all the blond jokes. They are great. I will admit, I never had that interpretation of blond elves, but it definetly works. More soon please!
Author's reply
Master Elrond and I thank you. We bid you read the new installment just posted and pray that it meets with your approval.
daw the minstrel · 28 October 2003 · Chapter 2: The Library of Imladris
I laughed out loud over Elrond's various thoughts about Galadriel, who would indeed be a trial to have as a mother in law. So Glorfindel has to go pick the two dead ones up? Well, good luck to him. I suspect that those two will not be good travel companions. And now what? Much mayhem, I suppose.
Author's reply
Ah, yes, he has I am sure by now reached Mandos for Asfaloth is swift among horses. Enjoy the newest chapter and gird thyself for the next. In it, Glorfindel will approach the Ford of Bruinen with his newly restored elflings. My heart misgives me.
daw the minstrel · 28 October 2003 · Chapter 1: Lothlórien
Oh my god, it's PJ. And Celeborn has a plan. It's time to be afraid, to be very afraid. And that doesn't even take into account what the fool did to Faramir. Go, Celeborn!
Author's reply
Take comfort! The Lady Éowyn shall ride forth with the Company as you will learn in the newest chapter. Her heart is no doubt also grieved as yours is at Faramir's fate at the hands of the Abomination.
daw the minstrel · 28 October 2003 · Chapter 0: Prologue: The Halls of Mandos
I loved Legolas's and Haldir's assessment of each other as finicky Galadhrim and crude wood elf. And indeed, I think I might be puking too if I had met either one of them in their current state. They are plenty confused, though. How will they ever be able to sort out who to wreak vengeance on?
Author's reply
Yes, but even with their wariness, you will note that blond elves are ever more trusting of each other than that bunch in Imladris. Legolas and Haldir will ne'er falter in their loyalty to one another, even if Legolas must grit his teeth. Humble Scribe to his Majesty King Thranduil thanks you for your review.
Karri · 28 October 2003 · Chapter 2: The Library of Imladris
This gets more entertaining with every chapter. Excellent work!
Author's reply
Your kind words fall softly on my ears, and I return thanks for them. Pray enjoy the newest chapter.
Nilmandra · 28 October 2003 · Chapter 2: The Library of Imladris
Oh, Elrond and Glorfindel are too much! Glorfindel, cloned, perfected v1.0, complete with all memories of both lives, is snickering and just fell off hiS chair. He said that is exactly how Elrond talks and he knew it was all an act! *That ought to shut him up for a while until he figures out what I really said.* Galadriel wants her marchwarden returned and Glorfindel mindspeaks with Namo? ROFLOL! I do want to see the elfling have a go at Glorfy for that comment, btw.
Author's reply
Your wish is my command, Fair Lady of the Website! Watch for the Elfling in the chapter after the one I have just posted. It shall be called "The Ford at Bruinen". Be afraid, Glorfindel, be very afraid! I do love Glorfy. AND, he's such a wonderful history teacher! *bows exceedingly low in tribute*
bryn · 28 October 2003 · Chapter 2: The Library of Imladris
mmphhkhsqilknvaquiwnv;uwoir *falls over choking with laughter* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Sweet merciful Valar, what a tale you've got going! :) Oooh now if only I can stop laughing enough to type correctly... *hee hee hee* The dialogue you've written is simply astounding. It's magnificent--there's an Elvish hoity-toity twist to it, and then you went and put their REAL (and not so elegant) thoughts in italics. *lol* I love it, I absolutely love it. I've never seen it done before. Elrond's in particular, had me in stitches. The horrors of blonde Elves, indeed. (Don't worry--Thranduil really WAS a blonde. Honestly.) *pauses to think about Elrond's "Thranduil/torch" comments* *lol* It's canon-correct, with an underlying hint of sarcasm that is difficult to write without sounding too pessimistic. I'm a huuuuuuuge fan of dry wit, especially when it's written well. You pull it off with flying colors. :) And then there are the slight embellishments--closing this chapter with the line, "...And ever after was the great friendship of Glorfindel and Elrond woven into the songs of the First Born..." was absolutely DEAD ON, tongue-in-cheek at its finest. Brilliant!!! It makes me laugh no matter how many times I reread it. I think you've nailed Galadriel's character. She's always scared me. ;) Beware the Lady, for she is powerful and not to be crossed! Poor, poor Celeborn. *grimace* I think Thranduil would have used her Mirror as a washbasin, out of spite, had Elrond sent it to him. Speaking of my favorite Wood-Elf King, it's nice to see he managed to escape those awful poachers... *whistles innocently* I was very worried about him. The 'Abomination.' HAHAHAHAHAHAHA *blushes three to four shades of red* Oh wow, I'm honored and humbled and a bit overwhelmed by the dedication. I'm speechless... oh... wow!!! Thank you! Thank you!!! *ducks head in embarrassment* I apologize profusely for all the corruption and warped writing paths I may have unintentionally caused. Please forgive me. Methinks all hell (er, all Void?) is about to break loose before the gates of the Scientific Research Department of Middle-earth. Oooooh, it's Science vs Magic and Valar... let the battle begin!!! Waiting anxiously and excitedly for the next update, ~Bryn
Author's reply
Nay, it cannot be! My inspiration doth review my story, and she is pleased! *begins to swoon and is caught by Rúmil who eases her back into life* New chapter is posted. and BW is baaaaaaaaaaaaack! She has acknowledged Lord Celeborn as her sovereign. Troubled times will soon descend on the Research Center. Zippy still lingers in the shadows where long he has sought shelter from the poachers. With thy kind permission, I must needs make his hair of hue as dark as the shadows of Taur-E-Ndaedelos. Know you his true name? Phoebus sends also his greetings and thanks you for your concern on his behalf. He says to tell you that he has found that the spiders of the Great Wood dine eagerly on the flesh of poachers. He is saddened that BW seems not to recognize him in his new regal splendor, but admits he was very drunk when last she saw him riding that spider.
The Karenator · 28 October 2003 · Chapter 2: The Library of Imladris
Dang, the spirits have taken my post! (before I spell checked...yikes!) I shall continue... And yes, My Queen...I would be most honored if you took my words of marring and held them close to your heart. Your wish is my command. Great going, My Lady. I look forward to the next chapter. (Back! foul demons of the computer underworld....I will not post this until my fingers are satisfied....back, I say!) Your humble servant and shield mama....The Karenator
Author's reply
Thank you! May the Valar soon release you from the torments of your computer. Shall I send Glorfindel, my precious? New chapter is posted, and in it you will learn that Éowyn has ridden forth. I decided to include the Shieldmaiden for you, my lady, but find also that Daw the Minstrel will be pleased to see her for revenge upon the Abomination for his torment of the noble Faramir. ‘Tis well that she rides so swiftly.
The Karenator · 28 October 2003 · Chapter 2: The Library of Imladris
Blondes! What's an Elven lord to do? Yet, it seems the good Balrog Slayer has a bit of the gift of blarney still residing well within his breast and cleaves still in mind with the Master of Mandos. Ah...and the Lady. Control her! Celeborn is not called wise for naught! For long years has he known the rules of engagement where his fair lady is concerned. Tread carefully in the darkness of the golden haired king's dungeon. I have from a most trusted source that these dank dark recesses are inhabited by shades of terrifying magnitude. Chains have been losened, bats sail the gloom and eerie cries pierce the darkness. The Halloween Dungeon Tour is nearly prepared to open.
Author's reply
Ah, yes! As a student of philology, I love the very word "blond". Knowest thou that it is probably the one adjective still left in English that reflects gender? Hence, it is "blond" for males and "blonde" for females. ‘Tis a difference I fight to maintain for our language has lost too much of its inflection, and I mourn its passing. I urge caution on my Lady. My day job is as "Humble Scribe to his Majesty Thranduil" and I would not have my liege lord catch thee applying the adjectival form "blonde" to his noble personage. He is sensitive on this point, and our noble Prince has been known to have a sense of mischief and report misdeeds of tongue or pen just to watch his Adar turn purple with rage. I tremble for the prince some days. Author Reply: Ah, yes! As a student of philology, I love the very word "blond". Knowest thou that it is probably the one adjective still left in English that reflects gender? Hence, it is "blond" for males and "blonde" for females. ‘Tis a difference I fight to maintain for our language has lost too much of its inflection, and I mourn its passing. I urge caution on my Lady. My day job is as "Humble Scribe to his Majesty Thranduil" and I would not have my liege lord catch thee applying the adjectival form "blonde" to his noble personage. He is sensitive on this point, and our noble Prince has been known to have a sense of mischief and report misdeeds of tongue or pen just to watch his Adar turn purple with rage. I tremble for the prince some days.
Elemmire · 28 October 2003 · Chapter 2: The Library of Imladris
Hehehe...that was a good one! ;) Elemmire
Author's reply
Many thanks for your kind review and blessings upon the hour of our meeting. Hope you enjoy the new chapter!
The Karenator · 27 October 2003 · Chapter 1: Lothlórien
Wow! This was just superb! Your descriptons and use of language was too good. I could just see the Lord and Lady all huddled up in their shared grief and shock. And the Abomination! I had these quick mental visions of a Kiwi Abominable Snowman. I guess his friends just called him Yeti for short! ..snort... I laughed out loud when I read this and I actually knew who you were talking about. What a great discription. It fits! He should have known better than to go messing with the story...slaying this beloved son of the Galadhrim...heck...our March Warden should not have even been there. "Yet, I will fear no longer for the Lord and Lady have seen this Abomination and will set to rights all that has been put asunder. Revenge cometh forth in all manner of guises and shall not be known as evil, but as a cleansing of all that has been marred upon Arda." See, now, you even have me thinking like this! This story just gets better. I can't wait to read what happens next. I trust Thranduil will get a little action!? I hope so. And yeah. Us newbies will have to form the coalition of barely wet behind the ears but still happily paddling through the world of fanfiction writers. I'm so glad you decided to post your story. It's such a treat. Carry on. Karen
Author's reply
Oh, I'm going to steal "cleansing all that has been marred upon Arda" from you. Yes, I am, my precious, if you but permit it. My favorite Elf Boy Legolas is going to need a new rationale to convince BW that it's not just cold blooded murder after all! Excuse me, having just now sent Elrond and Glorfindel forth, I must enter the dungeons of my liege lord, his majesty King Thranduil. I tremble at what horror I may encounter there.
Nikara · 27 October 2003 · Chapter 1: Lothlórien
This is very amusing. I was laughing out loud and annoying my family. add more soon please!
Author's reply
Thank you! Elrond and Glorfindel have now entered stage right, so let me know what you think!
Nilmandra · 27 October 2003 · Chapter 1: Lothlórien
So many good things here to like! Galadriel has a plan! The enemy should be VERY afraid. She is the one who cast down Dol Guldur, after all. What is wimpy New Zealand compared to that? PJ better run!! (thank you for keeping him nameless; the innuendo was enough). How you keep this language going is beyond me too - I would start talking like this all the time. *bows to Orophin* The honor was truly mine.
Author's reply
An ill spent youth, my lady. When I was growing up in the Second Age, we had no computers or cable television. My best friend and I fell in love with Tolkien and then all things medieval and actually learned to talk that way on purpose. Do you know how insane you can drive your parents if you keep this up long enough? In his late twenties, my Robbie passed too early to the Halls of Mandos where he awaits me. This story is a little of a tribute to him as well as the odd sense of humor we shared and the fact that I still miss him after all these years. Hang on, Robs! It may be on the last ship, but I'll get there.
Lamiel · 27 October 2003 · Chapter 1: Lothlórien
Oh ho! The wrath of a Kin-slayer is not something to be taken lightly. Although I believe that you meant "Galadriel," not "Galadrial." -iel is the ending for "lady," as in "Lady of Light." I'm not sure what the other would translate to. Poor PJ. The things he's gotten into. "the shortened leggings he wore and the foul accents of his voice." Hee hee! And I liked him so much. I don't suppose that great silver beast that took Haldir away was the one with a picture of Aragorn and Arwen on it? Or the one with Frodo? Probably too much to hope for.
Author's reply
Thanks for catching the mistake on Galadriel. Will go through and correct. Don't know if it was my horrid eyesight or just the tendency to assume that you know how to spell something. Oh, I rather like the Abomination too. There are just these few points that bring a mad gleam to my eyes and the kiwi accent I fear does set my own teeth on edge just a bit, so I shall continue to boff them about their "foul accents". Hey, I don't like Elijah Wood, my fellow American, and his "Mordor" that seems to come out as "Modo" to my ear! It's the linguist in me. Next chapter is posted. Elrond and Glorfindel appear.