MamaMythos · 2 June 2023 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
I'm just now getting into LOTR in 2023 and I can't tell you how delighted I am to find this cache of stories! Thank you so much for leaving them up!
Hewing Naught but Wood by Thundera Tiger
Reviews (26)
ErinRua · 27 November 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
Oh ... my ... LORD! HOW did I miss this?? Do you have any idea how many blood vessels I just burst, reading this and trying NOT to howl with laughter, so as to bring my poor hubby dashing in a panic from his TV watching? ROTFLMAO!!!! *SPORTLE* This is abso-freaking-lutely brilliant. And you even looked up the origins of the words to create this! I am in awe. Well, actually I'm in Nevada, but you know what I mean. I worship your keyboard. I idolise your mind. And I'm going to be snorfling chamomile tea out of my sinuses for the rest of the night. Whew ... my face hurts. :-p THANK YOU for such an outrageously funny ficlet. Oh, and good ol' straight-man Eomer was the perfect foil for all this. *G* Now I'm going to go blow my nose, wipe my eyes, and try to scrunch my face back into its normal shape... ;-) Cheers ~ Erin
Author's reply
Gyah, I can't belive I missed replying to your review! Deepest and most humble apologies, complete with appropriate groveling! Please forgive me! Anyway, I'm glad I could make you splutter. I consider that a compliment. ;) And I thought you might appreciate Eomer as the straight man. I actually had a coupld of versions in which different characters took that role, but in the end, it was Eomer hands down. Something about Rohirrim practicality won me over. An axe is an axe and a chop is a chop, so long as the Dunlender is dead by the time you're finished. It also helped that Eomer was kind of the odd man out anyway. He didn't have to put up with the Three Hunters as they dashed over the plains of Rohan, in which I suspect they had many interesting conversations when they weren't trying to catch their breath. Thanks again, and once more, my sincere apologies for not answering your review. I am truly an evil person!
Estel_Mi_Olor · 12 October 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
Oh dear, Thundera, I expressed myself badly and very pretentiously. I did not mean to imply that I knew the exact difference between the words, but merely that I thought it existed. In other words, I did not know what "hacking" meant as opposed to "hewing" but I knew there had to be some nuance of difference. (Or else why would they all be different words?) So I (underlined)should be the one bowing to your (underlined) superior knowledge. Cheers and my apologies.
Author's reply
Ah. Well, no apologies needed because simply recognizing a distinction is still impressive. *bows once more* Welcome to the bowing society. We bow with the least bit of provocation and make it a point to do so frequently and excessively.
Eruanneth_Luin · 3 October 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
My dear friend Alassiel told me this was a very enjoyable little story and I must say I agree with her. More than once I laughed out loud, though disturbingly I understood the motivation for the discussion more than I care to admit, as I have debated in a similar manner. Excellent! Now I must go read ‘Smiting Ruin’.
Author's reply
Thank you so much for your review, and I'm right there with you as far as motivation goes. I've also had this debate (or something similar to it) before. All hail the nerds, I suppose. But is it really wrong to be such a stickler for semantics? ;) Anyway, thank you very for the review, and thank Alassiel for me as per the recommendation!
Estel_Mi_Olor · 1 October 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
Hilarious! I love debates between the Three Hunters. You should definetly write more of these. I must be as insane as Gimli and Legolas since I was already aware of the difference in these words. But it is so funny to read the confusion they cause!!! Poor Eomer, he was worried about the battle... Anyways, I hope now that you have posted something, you will update some of your longer works. Keep writing!
Author's reply
Yes, silly Eomer to worry over such things as a battle when there are clearly more important matters. But kudos to you for understanding the distinctions between the words! That's impressive. I had to research a bit to find this, so I bow to your superior knowledge.
meckinock · 28 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
Just the image of the Three Hunters having a debate about semantics (and the nature of orcs!) in the middle of a battle is enough to plaster the smile back on my face. And Eomer's deadpan reception was the master stroke. The reference to mind games with Wormtongue was a lovely touch, and his constant monitoring of the battle just kept hammering the irony home. the debate was immensely clever, and Gimli and Legolas as always were a perfect pair. You always make me love Gimli. This is an instant classic.
Author's reply
*blushes* MANY thanks! And I'm so glad I can spread love of the dwarf. He's so maligned these days! But going back to what you said in the beginning, the funniest thing about this story to me is the fact that they're even having this conversation during a battle, so I'm very much in agreement with you on that. The rest -- to my mind, at least -- is just filler.
White Wolf · 28 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
Poor Eomer. I can just see him running the other way from now on, whenever he comes across those three in conversation. Very imaginative little story and well told.
Author's reply
Thank you! I warned Eomer when we started that he might not like the results, but he assured me that a Rider of the Mark was worthy of any challenge. He might be rethinking that now... ;)
Larner · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
Arguing semantics over what has happened? Priceless--indeed priceless! Love it, love it indeed.
Author's reply
I'm glad you liked it! For some reason, semantics have always amused me, so I had a good time with this. Thanks for letting me know that you did, too!
Frodo3791 · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
Hilarious and intelligent. I really loved this story. I don't know what to say other than that. Brilliantly written. I hope another random line or conversation inspires you to write another one of these stories. -Micah
Author's reply
Hey Micah! Many thanks! I'm glad you liked it and I'm glad you thought it was intelligent. I wondered if I made it too inane for a while. And if another line or conversation does inspire me, I'll be sure to get it posted. Many thanks for the review again!
TithenFeredir · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
Another gem, Thundera! It was so funny that Aragorn was exasperated at first, but then started to spar with with the elf and dwarf, leaving poor Eomer to figure out what was going on. I think it's to Eomer's credit that he stood by to make sure the three weren't overrun in the midst of their debate; he obviously would have liked to just walk away. The word play was a hoot, and I think it's priceless that it actually has its roots in Old English. Too good! ~TF
Author's reply
Eomer is a hero, pure and simple. And even if he has to suffer through a debate about the semantics of axe-chopping, he's going to do it because that's what Eomer does. He protects his friends. :) Anyway, I'm glad you liked it, and I'm glad you liked Aragorn's part. Aragorn, after all, was the one who had a quibble with Gimli's statement that their night time visitor in Fangorn was hooded and cloaked. He just had to point out that the old guy was wearing a hat, not a hood. So I can see him getting into these debates after a while. It just might take him a few minutes to warm to the idea when he hasn't initiated the thing. Thank you for the review!
BM · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
I loved this! It was great! I laughed out loud at the conversation. I could picture exactly what was going on, and it was something I could easily see the three of them arguing about--especially Legolas and Gimli! And Eomer's confusion and exasperation was hilarious. I am going to have to dig out more of your work--You have a superb grasp of Tolkien's book version of Middle earth, and in the limited circles of fanfiction that I peruse on this topic, that is rare. Keep up the good work!
Author's reply
Hey BM! I'm glad you read and enjoyed! I had fun taking the Three Hunters on a strange semantics journey, and they seemed to enjoy it, too. Many thanks for the compliments about Tolkien's version of Middle-earth. I'm not at all certain of that myself, but you've certainly made my day with your words. Thank you very much, and thank you for pausing to review!
docmon · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
LOL! this was terrific! What a nice break to my day here. I loved seeing this from Eomer's POV. It was the perfect choice. "He wondered if the three would remember that there were also other things afoot. Such as a battle." ROTFL - poor Eomer, had to get initiated into these conversations at Helm's Deep of all places! score another one for Thundera... mon
Author's reply
Hey there! I almost sent this your direction before posting, but in the end, I needed to just unload it. It was taking over my mind and I had to push it into a final stage so that it would quit doing that and I could stop overworking it. Anyway, glad you liked it, and that line you mentioned actually reminded me of you and some of the wry things you've said in our emails. So...how is your writing project coming along? (Hint, hint)
Alassiel · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
Hello, This was delightful. I was laughing aloud throughout. Talk about hair-splitting, or hewing, or hacking or even cleaving! I think we need this kind of silliness once in a while to remind us that we are, after all, playing in Arda. Blessings, Alassiel
Author's reply
Splitting! There's a word I should have used. I'm not sure how or where because the story is almost too long right now, but it's definitely something I could have used. Ah well. I'm glad you liked it, but even more than that, I'm glad you liked the spirit in which it was offered. Because that's all we're doing, after all. Playing.
daw the minstrel · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
So is this like the 100 different names for snow that Native Peoples are said to have (although I've recently read that that's apocryphal)? The distinction obviously matters to Gimli, although I have to say I'm with Eomer on this. I liked that you used his POV. He represents the rest of us pretty well, I think.
Author's reply
Yes, Eomer was supposed to be the voice of sanity during the story. He was a fairly silent voice, but that was his purpose. And actually, I hadn't thought of the story in connection with many different words for snow or (in this case) axe-chopping. Not quite like that, anyway. I was just trying to simulate an online Tolkien debate taken from a slightly different angle. But it's an interesting comparison.
Rhiannon · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
Very funny, yet again. I especially liked "we must yet define another aspect of your definition?" Doesn't that just sum their debates!
Author's reply
Actually, that sums up most complicated debates I've been in. In the end, it always comes down to how you define things. It's maddening, really.
Etharei · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
(I actually posted this first on FF.Net, so if you read this one first then you don't need to read the other one there) I cannot remember where I came across this argument before- at least, exactly which discussion forum it was in- but suffice to say that I was already groaning in expectation before the third paragraph *g* An excellently-written piece once again, Thundera; oh how I've missed your writing! The inspirational phrase had gotten me thinking when I read the books, but I guess I should stop being surprised by the sort of details Tolkien fans can linger over! As always, your depiction of Gimli and Legolas is masterful, particularly the former. Eomer's behaviour corresponds to him being a more pragmatic warrior who, as you implied, had been more exposed to the negative aspects of discussions of differences in opinion (aka Wormtongue). I also fancied that Gimli seemed quite Elf-ish in his knowledge that words may not be as synonymous as people think, yet at the same time very much a Dwarf in his focus on the precision of certain definitions. Mind you, I agree with him *winks* Thank you for yet another wonderful piece of reading, had me in tickles there the whole way! *glomps*
Author's reply
I got the one on FF.net, but I'm glad you double posted because over here, I can respond! Yay! The groaning expectation is EXACTLY what I was going for, so thank you so much for telling me! I was groaning most of the time while writing it, and after a while, Eomer was groaning right along with me. Poor guy. He just didn't know what he was getting himself into. Thank you so much for your compliments. You've shot my ego sky-high and I'll have to charter a plane to get it down, but I thank you, nonetheless. :) And of course, all astute writers such as yourself are going to find themselves in agreement with Gimmli. *nods sagely* You have chosen wisely. Glomp fest! *glomps back*
fadagaski · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
*dies* Yes, I can just imagine them doing that in the first lull of the battle. They're so ... soooo ... *struggles* ... pedantic! Gah! Poor Eomer. :)
Author's reply
*nods* Poor Eomer, indeed! I warned him about what he was getting into, but he insisted that if Gandalf could do it, so could one of the Rohirrim. Maybe they're not so pragmatic after all...
Lamiel · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
Oh goodness. You do get the strangest plot-bunnies, don't you. And here I'd happily skimmed over that little exchange for years, never bothering about when Gimli had last killed Orcs, whether he hewed them or cleaved them or what have you. Although, really, I think that if anything Tolkien would be proud of your devotion to the etymology. And I rather enjoyed Eomer's concern that if the Wild-men came over the wall the attack might go unnoticed. This is clever, amusing, and has the same high quality I've learned to expect in all your stories. Now if only the muses would wander back in the direction of, oh, say "Land of Light and Shadows" . . .
Author's reply
You know, most sane people take your approach to it. They don't care where Gimli killed his last orcs or exactly how he killed them. As long as he's alive and safe, they're happy. Then there are people like me who get obsessive about details and after that, nothing is the same. Or sane. As for wandering muses, I'm waiting for yours to wander in the direction "This Present Darkness." I believe I owe you a review for the last chapter, too. I'll have to check. And you've got that other story out about. "The Importance of Being a Hobbit?" I still need to find time to read that. It caught my interest, though because I'm a huge Oscar Wilde fan. Fun stuff.
perelleth · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
It took me some time to regain use of my its, after laughing out loud for a while.This is even more funnily ridiculous than Smiting Ruin, and maybe you could all compile a parallel LOTR based upon absurd conversations among a dwarf, and elf and a man raised by elves. No wonder that Eomer begins to feel a headache! ANyway, the shared love for precise words when referring to their trade or craft is a good explanation for LEgolas and Gimli's more than strange friendship, at least a good point in common. Very funny!:-)
Author's reply
Yikes! Parallel LotR filled with nothing but strange semantics debates? I think even I would cringe at that one, and I can be very obsessive about semantics. But I think you for the compliment! And Eomer thanks you for your understanding. He volunteered for the job of pragmatist, but he was beginning to doubt his wisdom by the time I was through with him. As for the friendship between Legolas and Gimli...there was enough rivalry between them to start off with that I can't see them just dumping it by the wayside. They'd have to turn it sideways and make it into something, and why not sparring? There are hints of it throughout LotR. They're constantly making comments such as "dwarves are strange folk" and things like that. It works for me, anyway.
Lindelea1 · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
...but I have participated in just such inane conversations whilst under duress and working to gain a second wind. It is strange what the brain will do... He wondered if the three would remember that there were also other things afoot. Such as a battle. I just love that dry wit of yours.
Author's reply
Under duress, I've also participated in these conversations. Usually I'm the one who ends up starting them, too. I really pity the people around me when I'm stressed. As for that line, that was one of my favorites, too, so I'm glad you also liked it!
Mum's the Word · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
Yea! "Smiting Ruin" continues! I laughed especially hard at: "he was hesitant about leaving these three unattended," the greatest warriors in Middle-earth! The scariest thing of all is that I followed Gimli's logic perfectly well. I think it's contagious. Another great story, Thundera Tiger! Thank you, thank you for cheering up my day. (I'll be sure to issue a food-and-beverage sporfle warning to anyone I refer to "Hewing.") Blessings and brownies, Mum's the Word
Author's reply
When you start to follow a dwarf's logic about "hacking" and "hewing," you know you've gone too far. No! Come back! Anyway, I'm so glad you liked it, and I'm glad it could cheer your day. My apologies for the lack of any sporfle warnings. I hope that wasn't a problem. Although, it's my hope that the story lets you know early on that there's a sporfle potential. But I guess that can't take the palce of a real warning. Thanks again, and I'll gladly take both the blessings and the brownies! :)
Le Rouret · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
Oh, well done! I haven't enjoyed a foray into semantics since ... well, since "Smote his ruin upon the mountainside." Your Gimli and Legolas are irritatingly charming, as I had always seen them. Thank you for your care and interest in words and their origins -- it is an art rarely practiced!
Author's reply
"Irritatingly charming"? I like that. I might have to use it sometime. That's a really good description, actually. Glad you enjoyed it, and I'm very thankful that there are some out there who enjoy semantics, too. I've always been strangely obsessed by them, and it's fun to see them play out over a story. At least, it's fun for me. And I'm very relieved that it's fun for others, too.
French Pony · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
I love it. I've occasionally wondered about that line myself, but I've tended to let it slide, for I've read far weirder things in grad school. But what an entertaining discussion. And of course the Three Hunters would engage in it right in the middle of a battle. They're that cool.
Author's reply
I've tended to let that line slide, too, just because I think there's more important things in the books worth talking about. Or aguing about. Themes, motivations, etc. But when Marta made her comment over in the MEFAs, I couldn't let it go. And while I don't know just how far the Three Hunters would have gone in the middle of a battle, I had fun keeping them distracted. Plus Eomer was right there, too, so I didn't think it'd be too much of a problem.
Bodkin · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
I can just see Eomer's head starting to ache with that nagging migraine feeling. Battle must come as a blessed relief to him. Pedantic elves, yes. They have, after all, eternity to niggle about precise meanings. But who would have though dwarves were quite so pernicketty. Or perhaps, as dwarves, they have 57 words for ways you can cut with an axe. As the Inuit are reputed to have for snow. Aragorn is a little more inured to the debates, I see. Must have spent too many nights in the Hall of Fire. Very funny.
Author's reply
Eomer probably welcomed battle with open arms after suffering through a Three Hunters debate. As for Gimli, there were several times during the books when he started picking apart statements and becoming more precise with the meaning. While he might not have gone quite this far, he was precise in his use of language. So was Aragorn, actually. I keep remembering the part of the books during their first night in Fangorn when Gimli talks about a hooded and cloaked old man at which point Aragorn points out that their own night time visitor was wearing a hat rather than a cloak. He's definitely got it in him to start some debates. This could have been Gimli's method of getting even.
harrowcat · 27 September 2005 · Chapter 1: Hewing Naught but Wood
I think I agree eith Eomer - my head aches with too much thinking and at breakfast too! But it was worth the pain!
Author's reply
Ooo, hope breakfast wasn't ruined! And that it was indeed worth the pain. :)