endorearwen
· 28 July 2013
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
Another excellent story! You've totally captured that abysmal despair that totally overwhelms one in the first stages of grief. I found the end of the story most moving - Ithilden’s realization that his emptiness is the loss of the bond that once existed with his dead parent. It is also perfectly portrayed in that, as the eldest, his immediate response to this comes in the form of recriminations about HIS failure to protect the one he loved so deeply. It is an all-too-human emotion and I hope that in the coming stories we see how he deals with this trial to come out the other end 'whole' again. Eilian is in such pain, however, and I am looking forward to seeing how Thranduil will reach out to his sons - not only to help them deal with the loss - but to also seek their strength to support himself through the grief he endures. Very well written!
Author's reply
It look me a long time to come to grips with Ithilden as a character. I loved Eilian from the moment I created him, but Ithilden was tougher for me to get a handle on. You have him nailed here, though, I think. He holds himself to high standards and thinks he's responsible for everything. Poor baby.
You're making my day with these nice reviews. :-)
Red Squirrel
· 16 July 2013
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
This chapter was very sad. We can see each person in the family grieving in his own way. Now is the time when they need each other the most. I think I am going to miss reading about Lorellin. I really liked her! Now it is on to the next story!
Author's reply
It's funny because I didn't write in Lorellin's POV until after I'd written a bunch of other stuff. Not until I wrote "Seeds of Time" really. Doing it then taught me a lot about what they all lost when she died.
Red Squirrel
· 16 July 2013
· Chapter 2: Dreams
Loved Eilan's essay...very childlike! Most children when they are little think that their ada's are indestructible. But then we learn that they are not just like Dagorlad taught Thranduil that bitter lesson. Eilian's love of adventure and excitement seems to stem from early childhood...I wonder if he was ever jealous of Legolas getting to be part of The Fellowship...though I do suppose that some pretty ghastly and exciting things were happening in Mirkwood at the same time too.
Oats, Apple and Carrot were hilarious!!!! Absolutely adorable! LOL @ Thranduil calling the "ponies" by their pony names. I had to laugh out right at that! So much sweetness in this scene! love it!
LOL After reading "Watch This!" it seems ALL of Thranduil's elflings get into mischief on First Snow! Celede's ada was pretty harsh with Ithilden but then when he gets to the palace he gets to deal with mama bear and she won't take kindly to that. Maybe when Ithilden grows up and he has a Elleth of his own he will understand how Ada's can be sometimes because they love their little ones. I also liked how Thranduil chided Ithilden about his arrogance...I have always thought that the king might have been a little on the arrogant side...but I love him for it! LOL
How sad that Nana died...I do wish Tolkien had remembered to give poor Thranduil a living wife! Celeborn got one so I think Thranduil deserved one too!
Author's reply
I enjoy writing little kids. It's tricky to do it well because the temptation is to sentimentalize them, but I love the way the world looks so different through their eyes.
And IMHO, you are right on about Thranduil's arrogance! But then, again IMHO, he had a right to be a little arrogant. :-) He kept his realm from falling despite having no ring of power.
Red Squirrel
· 11 July 2013
· Chapter 1: Pictures
The little leaf scene was so full of sweetness! I love it when children are at this age! Such precious and trusing little creatures!
The Troop Commander needing a bankie is quite an amusing picture! Such a sweet little scene and of course Ada saved the day.
Eilian seemed a little "Turgon-ish" here. You could just feel the excitement radiating from him! LOL
I really enjoyed each scene here...we saw three distinct personalities for each son. Thranduil is such a good ada.
Author's reply
Sometimes I wonder what Thranduil's reaction would have been if Eilian and Turgon were the same age and friends. LOL. But I do think that when Eilian was little, Thranduil was more relaxed with him. He worried more as Eilian grew older.
It was hard to imagine Ithilden as a toddler actually. He had to have been one. It was just hard to picture.
obsidianj
· 14 June 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
Oh, this is so sad. We have heard a lot how Legolas coped with his Nana's death, but this is truly a missing scene. I like it how you have the brother's react slightly differently to Lorellin's death according to their different characters.
Author's reply
This scene kind of reverberated more for me this time because I'd just been writing about Legolas's mother and had got to know her a little better. I could see how much they all needed her and how devastated they'd be at the loss. Poor elves.
Thanks for the review, Obsidianj.
perelleth
· 7 June 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
Wow! I cannot believe it! I would have asked for this as well!:-) This is one of the pieces I go back to from time to time, because I always liked most the scene when you only allow us to see that Ithilden takes care of Eilian, and that so briefly through Thranduil´s worried pov. I had always wondered what had happened behind that closed door... I really liked this, and the tension within the piece. Wonderful, despite the subject! :-) And happy birthday to meckinock!
Author's reply
Thanks, Perelleth. I'm finding it interesting to write just scenes. They need some tension and it's kind of hard to do that in such limited words. The fact they're attached to an existing story helps.
I like that glimpse of Ithilden going to Eilian too.
Dot
· 3 June 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
Catching up… Sorry, I’m a disgrace these days.
First off, I always loved that Ithilden went into Eilian’s room. Thranduil could only help one son at a time and Legolas needed him badly, not to mention the fact that Legolas’ open distress was probably easier to deal with. Eilian would require much more energy than Thranduil had. I always wondered what happened between the two brothers but never thought we’d get to see such a personal moment. So yay for birthdays!
My heart went out to them from the start when you mentioned the cold – I remember Thranduil knowing Legolas would feel the cold when he lost Tuilinn. And then the reference to the dinner… ugh, what a truly horrible time. No wonder Eilian didn’t stay long. It’s like the light is gone out of their lives and everything is just so strange and difficult now.
Eilian becomes so blunt when he’s bitter. Although, I must say he’s read Ithilden fairly well. And I can understand that Eilian must be feeling frustrated that he’s being told he’s uncontrollable when he’s seen his brother and probably his father turn all their rage towards those orcs. But I suppose at times like this no-one can really know how anyone else is feeling and how can you even begin to help others when you’re floundering in your own loss? I mean, Legolas can wail out his anguish but the other three have to go back to real life when they’re struggling to just survive this. You did a great job showing not only their pain but the rawness and newness of this. They’ll start picking up their lives again but right now they’re lost.
Too late. Too late. The words beat time in Ithilden's head, like the hooves of horses galloping toward disaster. He should have sent the escort sooner. He should have kept the orcs out of his father's realm in the first place. That part is incredible. I could hardly breathe under the weight of his guilt and horror.
He had felt as if he were emptied out, leaving a hollow over which a winter gale howled. And that! Wow, daw. The descriptions in this are amazing. Ithilden’s reaction to the wine splattering was just heart-wrenching. He needs something to focus on to take his mind from such thoughts. It’s just a pity that his way of coping and caring is to put order and structure on things and right now none of his family is fit to be ordered. I think if Eilian was the only one suffering, Ithilden would have been a help in pulling him from the abyss but it’s pretty clear that Ithilden is grasping in desperation at what he knows best and Eilian can see that.
I loved that moment when Ithilden leaves the water there and squeezes Eilian’s shoulder as he leaves. They’re brothers and they love each other – they’re just all in a bad place right now.
The image of Thranduil rocking Legolas and himself, his face dazed and blank is so frightening. Thranduil, who sees everything, who’s always in control, is so lost in grief. As much as I feel for Legolas, I’m glad he’s there to give Thranduil something to focus on. The automatic kiss he gives Legolas was so touching.
Was this chill emptiness what it felt like when a bond to a parent ceased to exist? Oh, lord. I can’t even think about Ithilden and parent-children bonds.
It was too late for his mother, but he could guard the rest of them. I quite like how you gave Ithilden this moment of decision. I mean, it’s in his nature to want to guard and protect but I think it adds a little extra to his character that so many of his later actions stem from this lonely moment in the dark.
He stared at the chilly flames burning on his hearth and waited while the night drifted past him, thick with memories and pain. That’s just so poignantly beautiful. I love the “chilly flames” part – it so movingly shows how he externalises that deep, inner cold.
I loved this, daw. I was thrilled that you let us see such an intimate moment between the brothers and let us into Ithilden’s thoughts at a time when his whole world was falling apart. The exchange between the two brothers was incredible. And the descriptions in this! Just wow!
Author's reply
I have so many friends buried in work these days that it's like an epidemic, a bad one!
It was hard for me to imagine them coming back from the orc hunt and walking around in familiar places, doing familiar things, but all of it so utterly changed they wouldn't know what to do with themselves. I think you're right that Legolas gave them an open need to focus on and that probably helped them. It was so clear what they had to do there.
I'm cringing about Ithilden and parent/child bonds. It seems to me that must feel different from the parental end because the parent felt the bond begin, but for the child it's always been there so they wouldn't necessarily even recognize it.
Bless you for saying nice things about the descriptions. They come hard for me, although I think they're getting easier. I find it easier to work with images than actual descriptions of something. You're very kind, Dot.
Nilmandra
· 3 June 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
This made me sad to read - this broken family, torn apart by grief. The fears of a little one fading and older brothers each grieving in his own way - Ithilden becoming more of a rock and Eilian working out his wrath in battle. Not a happy time for this family. :(
Author's reply
None of them is at his best, and while they want to help one another, they're each just barely hanging on, so they don't have a lot left to give. I think Legolas helped them all through because he was young enough to be open about his obvious needs, and they could respond to that.
Thank you as always for beta reading.
pipinheart
· 1 June 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
Very nice...
This is so sad for all of them. Loosing thier naneth, and Legolas being so young. Ithilden trying to be always in control and Eilian as always being out of control. The fight between the two brothers isn't often seen. But you can even see how Ithilden who always wants to fix things, can't always do that. Poor thranduil, he is lost without his wife.
Very nice...
Author's reply
Legolas was really young to have lost his mother. I felt worse because I'd just been writing about her. For all of them, this must have been about as low as they ever felt.
Thanks for the review, pipinheart.
Jay of Lasgalen
· 30 May 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
*Sigh* There is so much pain in this story ... Eilian's drinking, and goading his brother. Ithilden's loss of control when he throws the wine cup at the wall - a small thing, but a major breakdown for him. And Thranduil's blank, mindless rocking with Legolas.
Out of it all, I feeel sorriest for Ithilden. The others have some form of outlet for their grief, even if Eilian's is rather self-destructive. Ithilden has no-one but himself - the night drifted past him, thick with memories and pain. That is such a sad, lonely image :(
Sad, but a wonderful addition to the story!
Author's reply
Thanks, Jay. I really do think that Alfirin saved Ithilden from himself. She's about 30 years down the line from here. Too bad he doesn't have her now.
Manderly
· 30 May 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
Ouch! That was harsh! But then death is harsh! You did an amazing job depicting Ithilden and Eilian dealing with their loss. Their pain, anger, fear and confusion was almost suffocating. Hard enough for elves to deal with death in the first place, but death of a parent is probably something near impossibility and beyond their realm of senses. I can't even begin to imagine what they are going through.
The forlorn picture of Thranduil rocking Legolas in his arms was heartbreaking.
I guess for the whole family, the only anchor left to them after such a devastating loss is their need for one another.
Author's reply
Thanks, Manderly. This felt harsh to me partly because I'd just finished writing about Nana in a time that's only a few weeks before this. They all were lost for a while, I think. And yeah, they needed one another, although I think their own pain made it harder for them to respond to one another. Except for Legolas. I've always thought his need was what kept them all functioning.
Alisha B
· 30 May 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
I love the interaction between these two! You don't write them together like this very often, but I really like it. They seem more themselves. Not commanders or soldiers, just two brothers who are hurting. It's a different side I would love to see more of! Keep up the good work!
Author's reply
Thanks, Alisha. This seemed to me to be a private scene. They have their public masks off and talk to one another as they do at home when no one else is around. Poor things.
French Pony
· 30 May 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
What a nice little character sketch! Eilian and Ithilden are both dealing with the same things, primarily a sense of failure, but they express their feelings so differently. In the end, Eilian's is probably the healthier way, even though it is self-destructive in the short run. But he's getting his grief out now, where Ithilden is just bottling it up to present as stress and low-grade chronic misery for a long time to come.
Author's reply
Ithilden is just bottling it up to present as stress and low-grade chronic misery for a long time to come.
Oh that is so true. He needs Alfirin to save him from himself.
Redheredh
· 29 May 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
You made me feel their grief. Darn, you. *sniffling* And understand it, at the same time. Father and son in the rocking chair really got to me. Very effective and dramatic additional scene.
Oh, and Happy Birthday to Meckinock!
Author's reply
Thanks, Redheredh. It occurs to me that the pair in the rocking chair were devastated, but at least they could cling to one another, whereas the older two are foundering around in their pain. Poor people.
The Karenator
· 29 May 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
Oh, man, you outdid yourself here. The brothers' pain was raw and real. Like many of your reviewers, I often feel worse for Ithilden than the others. And I feel pretty darn bad for them.
Legolas is young and will always miss having a mother, but he won't remember the person she was except in fleeting disjointed memories. Eilian acts out his pain and frustrations. Dangerously at times, yes, but he still releases it. Thranduil survives for his sons and for the Woodland Realm. He's probably the closest to Ithilden in isolation, but he does not carry the burden of guilt Ithilden does. Any guilt Thranduil may feel is one step removed from the event that took Lorellin. He could have tried to persuade her not to go, but he valued her opinion, and respected her wishes. How could he have known?
But Ithilden was late sending the guard. He's on guilt's front line. Poor guy. Lord Hyper-responsible.
Eilian dropped his head back against the chair. "'Good'? I confess I am not sure what that means." He swirled the wine, studying the eddies. "I did 'good' when we hunted down Naneth's murderers, and when I go back to my patrol, I will do 'good' again. I suppose I have decided that is my 'good,' as good as it gets anyway. Naneth is still dead, so it is too late to do any real good."
My favorite paragraph. This sums Eilian up in a nutshell for that time in his life. But more importantly, I think, what Eilian said to Ithilden was just the right thing, or the wrong thing, to send Ithilden into deeper guilt. '...it is too late to do any real good.' I doubt Eilian meant it as a cut to his brother and was talking about himself, but I can see how Ithilden would interpret the missed chance to do good was his fault.
Wonderful, Daw. I love this.
Author's reply
Thank you, Karen. Having just finished writing about Lorellin, I feel worse for them now than I ever did. It does seem to me that Ithilden is the one with the most guilt and fewest ways to purge it. He needs Alfirin, and he needs her soon.
This scene felt intimate to me, two brothers with their guards down and their pain exposed. Poor babies.
erunyauve
· 28 May 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
>>"You are frightening me, Eilian." His throat was so dry, his voice came out as a croak. He swallowed. "Stop it. Stop being so selfish. Adar needs you. Legolas needs you. For that matter, I need you. I need your skill, and I need to know you will be all right if I send you back south."
Oh, Ithilden! He does have a tendency to project, doesn't he? This was such a painful story, and the new chapter adds a bit of the history we didn't have.
By the way, I hope you don't mind, but I named my new cat after Eilian. I considered a number of names, but either the elf's personality didn't suit him or the name was too dignified for the little guy.
Author's reply
LOL. Oh my! Your cat? Eilian is flattered. :-)
Ithilden's sure he'd never fall apart. Poor guy.
elliska
· 28 May 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
Holy Cow! I have never seen anything that captured so well how completely lost people are in circumstances like these. Ithilden's reaction and his thoughts about the wine! Wow! I bet Eilian was frightened. "I beg your pardon. I lost command of myself." Sooo Ithilden. Eilian's response was perfect. As tragic as this interchange was, it probably was exactly what both of them needed.
And as powerful as all that was, the part that touched me the most was Thranduil so lost in his grief that he did not even realize Ithilden was watching him. That got me crying.
And so did the end. Poor Ithilden. The entire family was traumatized by Lorellin's death, but somehow I have always felt the most sorry for Ithilden because he took it so much on himself. And then he loses his son! So incredibly sad. I have to remind myself these are not real people!
Great added scene, daw!
Author's reply
Thank you, Elliska. You're making me feel bad about Ithilden here! Sometimes I have to remind myself they're not real too. I don't like to imagine Lorellin's death too closely. I'm not even sure I can, but Ithilden could. Poor guy.
Gwynhyffar
· 28 May 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
I have always liked your writing, Daw, you know that. That being said - the raw emotions here are dazzling. You have found a way to really touch that part that hurts without being overly dramatic or sappy. I feel for all of them-and noone can really help any of them. I think Ithilden internalizes things so much that unless someone is really intimate with him, they won't see it. Thranduil was apparently just out of it with grief and likely wasn't thinking of anything but killing-somehow hoping something would stop the emptiness or numbness. Eilian is much more external and expressive, so everyone around him sees how he is doing. Ithilden... I something think he thinks he isn't allowed to feel because he has to take care of everyone else. Luckily, Eilian sees Ithilden and what he is doing. I think Ithilden needed to hear that... even if he did go right back to being Mr. Responsible. *sigh* Poor Thranduil and Thranduilionath!
Author's reply
Thanks, Gwyn. I've been working on letting myself go a little and I was worried I'd be over the top.
Ithilden needs Alfirin. It's only 30 years or so until he marries her, but that's a long time to live through if you don't know she's waiting at the end of it.
This scene felt intimate to me. They're brothers whose public faces have been laid aside.
Socket
· 28 May 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
This is just wonderful! I love Ithilden-centric stories to begin with, and you do such a great job of imaging the painful aftermath of loss and its potential to destroy the remaining family members. The image of Thranduil, lost in his memories of his dead wife, holding his youngest son, is one that I won't forget for a long time.
Thank you for adding to this great canon. You are one of my favorite writers.
Author's reply
Thanks, Socket. I'm grinning here, despite how sad the story was. I was trying to figure out what a broken bond would feel like and then how to show it. Not easy, since we have no equivalent.
sofia
· 28 May 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
A sad chapter. I feel bad for everybody! I liked the bit with Eilian and Ithilden. Can't wait to read more from you!
Author's reply
Thanks, Sofia. As I was writing this, it occurred to me I don't very often show them alone together at home, when they're primarily brothers.
meckinock
· 28 May 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
Oh, poor everybody. What a shattered family. It's too bad Ithilden was still single when this happened. He's trying to take care of everybody and he needs someone to take care of him! The image of Thranduil rocking Legolas without even knowing Ithilden was watching was haunting. And I ached for Ithilden even more, knowing he'll feel the severing of the parent-child bond from the other end. Thank you for this wonderful scene with my favorite characters, daw!
Author's reply
You're entirely welcome, Meckinock. Ithilden's way of taking care is ordering people and things so nothing bad will ever happen again! He needs control to feel safe, and at the moment, he feels that he's failed.
Bodkin
· 28 May 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
Was this chill emptiness what it felt like when a bond to a parent ceased to exist? DON'T put thoughts in my head about how Ithilden and Alfirin responded to Sinnarn's death. It makes me feel quite sick.
Poor Ithilden. I'm not sure he's not in a worse state than Eilian. Those orcs - three insanely vengeful elves bearing down on them ... they must have welcomed a quick death. I suspect Legolas's needs were crucial in halting their self-destructiveness and turning all three to nurturing their littlest one.
Amazing sight of Ada Thranduil and his nestling. And the two older brothers - with the cold of their rooms very symbolic of their shattered home and hearts.
Author's reply
I can't imagine how Ithilden and Alfirin stood it.
I think you're right about Legolas anchoring them with his needs. Like pain, grief has a way of making us selfish. All our energy goes into coping with it. But when Legolas is there, they have to turn outward a little.
I'm not even sure the rooms were really cold. I was trying to figure out what the breaking of that bond felt like and cold and empty were the best I could come up with. Although maybe it varies. Eilian seems to be fire to Ithilden's ice.
tnt2b2
· 28 May 2007
· Chapter 3: In Eilian's Room--A Missing Scene
A heartwrenching piece. You have done an excellent job of making your characters so real that I feel a deep sense of lose and mourn for them. Looking forward to your next story.
Author's reply
Thanks, tnt2b2. I've worked with these characters for so long now that they feel real to me too. I'm glad someone else appreciates them. :-)
erunyauve
· 20 February 2006
· Chapter 2: Dreams
Oh, I hope Ithilden still has his 'bankie'. And poor little Legolas! This is beautiful - Ithilden is so perfect as a child - or so determined to be perfect. Eilian is unmistakeable (who else would bring mud into the palace? The Mirkwood Enquirer must have been full of the antics of the younger Thranduilion.) And I could see Legolas and his friends as the ponies. All of just underscores how alone Thranduil must be feeling, without his wife and children's mother.
Author's reply
I think Nana put the bankie away, so it's probably in a treasure chest somewhere, bless its ragged little heart. I amused myself mightily by picturing Ithilden as a little kid. He was so earnest.
Poor Thranduil. How he must miss his wife, maybe even more as his sons grow up and marry.
pipinheart
· 19 September 2005
· Chapter 2: Dreams
This is sweet him rememering his sons as children, each have different personalities...and can see it before you know which child it is....
Author's reply
Hey, Pipinheart--
I had fun trying to show each of the sons as children so you could see the person they would become even in the child they were.
It's good of you to read and review these older stories. I hope you're enjoying them.