Reviews (30)

Sneha · 6 October 2015 · Chapter 2: The Battle

I love this story! Morgoth tickling Maeglin was hilarious, as was Elrond having to drag the twins out of the pond. Your Glorfindel was wonderful, warm, honest and strong. His love for the twins showed clearly! The description of the fall of Gondolin was evocative, I could see how desperate the situation was and Glorfindel's tremendous courage. But what an ending! I was laughing away at Erestor joining in with Celebrian over his shoulder and then the last line had me reeling! Awesome story!

harrowcat · 3 April 2006 · Chapter 2: The Battle

Wow! you do know how to turn the mood of a piece don't you Jay? Had to look this one up and it is a lot of fun and then you get to the last line!!! Brilliant writing.

LadyMorrigan87 · 21 February 2006 · Chapter 2: The Battle

Wow! That ending was like wow. OMG! I can't think of anything to say besides wow!

Estel Kenobi · 29 January 2006 · Chapter 2: The Battle

Holy sithspit Jay! That was freaking awesome! SO artfully done! So cute and sweet...then WHAM! Out of nowhere comes that suckerpunch. A startling yet beautiful way of showing how innocence cannot last. I give you your props...that was freakin awesome. Did I say that already? Oh well...once more for good measure. F-R-E-A-K-I-N-G A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!

pipinheart · 8 August 2005 · Chapter 2: The Battle

This is a very cute story, even thier mother is palying along with erestor is play, very amuzing...great job...

washow · 16 December 2004 · Chapter 1: The Book

What a cute elfling story. I love Glorfindel and enjoyed his part in your tale. The end was kind of sad with the foreshadowing to their mother’s capture by orcs. Good job.

paranoidangel · 18 October 2004 · Chapter 2: The Battle

I'm so behind on my reading. Had I known how good this was I certainly would have read it sooner. That was really sweet. I really liked the description Glorfindel didn't tell the twins of them leaving Gondolin. I liked Elrohir disliking being Elrohir - I can see his point. That ending was absolutely terrible though - I mean that in a good way. You really are a horrible nasty person!

Kalima · 27 September 2004 · Chapter 2: The Battle

Ah! I thought maybe the story was going to darken. It made me cry (something I do more easily now that I have children, particularly whenever grieving parents or grieving children come into play) and smile too. I think your ending was clever. I certainly didn't expect it, and the foreshadowing was perhaps the saddest part of all. I've never had a clear picture of Celebrian, and seeing her so happy, carefree, and loving of her children makes her later fate all the more tragic. I like having the childhoods of our characters filled in. It makes the original LOTR richer, too. Have you noticed? Even though so many of the fan fics are contradictory, I find that the characters have more depth in general because the writers make them deeper with detail. So I thank you. And I'm sorry I haven't read more of your stories, but I have them all stored for later reading. I find you a very rewarding writer. Do you mind a teeny weeny copyedit suggestion? I would recommend hyphenating "panic-sticken cries," just as you have "grief-stricken refugees." (I do so love an author who can hyphenate!)

Kalima · 27 September 2004 · Chapter 1: The Book

Ah yes, it's been a while since I've had time, but I must review, having read so much about them in "the group." I think you have such a perfect grasp of young boys. Their activity level, their use of props, the noise they make, their language all strikes me as realistic. (I have a son.) When these realistic touches appear in a story, they make it real for me. I see the pond, the stream, the children, Glorfindel, and it's why I read fan fic. I love to keep living in the world of Middle Earth as much as RL allows. Thank you, Jay. I'll read the next chapter now!

LKK · 21 September 2004 · Chapter 2: The Battle

*shocked* I can't believe I haven't reviewed the second chapter! I'm sorry, Jay. The description of the dream battle between Glorfindel and the balrog was very evocative. No wonder the twins decided not to play balrog any more. But ai! What a chilling end. Even when the twins said they were playing warrior, I didn't catch on. I gasped out loud at that last sentence. It was like a knife-stroke. Good story, Jay.

lwarren · 25 August 2004 · Chapter 2: The Battle

Well, Jay, here it is, early morning and I'm sitting in class getting prepared for the day (HA!)by fortifying myself with this sweet little story about the twins and Glorfindel, and what happens? I reach the end and almost fall out of the chair...then I use half a box of Kleenex! What an ending! What a surprise! and how very,very sad and prophetic! You did a superb job of telling such a convincing story (the twins' play, Glorfindel's story...which was chilling in and of itself...the subsequent nightmare...the new game with Elrond's hilarious reaction)and then blasting the readers with that last seemingly innocent line! Wonderful! linda

JastaElf · 24 August 2004 · Chapter 2: The Battle

Oh my God. Oh my Everliving GOD!!! JAY!!!! You are flat-out wonderful, do you know that?? You weave this sweet little story, give us Twinses dreaming through the memories of Earendil, show us adults acting silly--then ram in the knife so expertly, so perfectly, like Glorfindel skewering the Balrog.... Then this: “We’re warriors. Nana’s been captured by orcs, and we’re going to rescue her!” Oh. My. God. I don't know whether to cry or hug you or both. :-) What a brilliant move, so superbly done, so completely unexpected--so innocent, because they don't know what WE know as the omniscient reader.... oh my God, oh my God. And I mean that entirely prayerfully.... I applaud you. This is splendid. This is brilliant. This is horrid and wonderful and oh my GOD, Tolkien would even love this.... VERY well done, nin mellon. VERY well done indeed.

JastaElf · 24 August 2004 · Chapter 1: The Book

Ai, Jay, I just LOVE your Twins... they must be about the age of the kids you teach, here, yes? No wonder you have them down so well... *grin* And I adore the calm of the parents: I can just hear Elrond's voice, marvellously calm, as he informs Celebrian he fished them out of the pond because they were frightening the fish.... I love it!! After centuries of life, what can two children possibly do to upset Elder Elven sangfroid? *snicker* I love the Twins's reaction to the book, too. One being careful with the book, one not... both stunned at the thought of Glorfindel and the Balrog... in short, I love the whole thing! Now on to the next chapter!

Alassiel · 23 August 2004 · Chapter 2: The Battle

This was a delightful and chilling tale, which I read twice. The delight was in the depiction of family life and of how it would be as a child in Imladris. The chills came from the recounting of the fall of Gondolin, Glorfindel's sacrifice, and especially the ending. Thank you indeed.

Elendiari22 · 22 August 2004 · Chapter 2: The Battle

Wow, what a great ending! The poor twins, to be frightened so badly. And talk about foreboding at the end! It's sad to think that they're playing at Celebrian being captured by orcs, when we know it really happened. Truly tragic, but lovely. Thank you!

Lianna · 22 August 2004 · Chapter 2: The Battle

Well, THAT was an unexpected ending! I hope you will decide to tell us Celebrian's story some day -- even though it is sad. But for now, thank you for the elfling story. And I think I may be falling in love with Glorfindel.

Karri · 22 August 2004 · Chapter 2: The Battle

Terrific job, Jay! The twins were adorably mischevious to the very last word and the nightmares were wonderful done. I am working on (*she laughs as shy types knowing how many stories she has in her bin that are started by likely never to be finished*) a story that starts around the fall of Gondolin. I may have to use this as a cheat sheet for it. ;-)

Brazgirl · 22 August 2004 · Chapter 2: The Battle

Very nice. Poor Glorfindel. The twins dreamt about it... poor ones! I hate nightmares. The end was very nice though the twins couldn't predict their playtime would be their mother's destiny... Nice fic!!! Glorfindel and Elrohir are cute.

French Pony · 22 August 2004 · Chapter 2: The Battle

Well, they do say that play is the way that kids learn how to do what they'll do when they grow up. . . you do take child development literally, don't you? I like the way Glorfindel told the story -- partially from a child's-eye view, which is appropriate for telling a story to children, and partially from his own perspective. Of course, that's easy when you're telling kids a story about their own family. It's also a sharp observation that the kids know that Glorfindel is lying about his death being painless. It's a fiction they all have to maintain for the sake of the story, but the kids know better. And, of course, there will be nightmares. It must be nice to have another twin there to comfort you when you wake up with a nightmare. This was a very finely observed story. Everyone acted and reacted very much as one would expect for an extended family of protected Elves related to the great actors in history, from the dead-and-reborn hero right down to the little kids, pride and joy of everyone in the household. By the way, the review box accepts HTML tags. So I put italics in reviews by just typing < i > texttexttext < / i > , only without the spaces, and it comes out italic. It's a neat trick. I still don't know if the review box accepts links. Maybe I'll try it sometime.

Dot · 22 August 2004 · Chapter 2: The Battle

Oh, Jay! There I was enjoying the story and then I get to the last line… I think my heart actually stopped for a moment… Your description of Gondolin is breathtaking. It sounds so peaceful, yet full of life and song, which makes it all the more heartbreaking to think of what happened. “As Glorfindel spoke, the brushstrokes of his words painted vivid pictures on the impressionable canvas of their minds.” What a beautiful sentence. I love the way Glorfindel tells them that Eärendil was indeed scared – and thus it’s o.k. to be frightened – but also reassures them that, like his grandsons, he was also very brave. You know, I know very well what happened in that story and yet your descriptions bring it so completely to life that I was literally on the edge of my seat as I read. I still feel kind of tense, actually! You really brought us close to the people who were there so that we could see how very difficult this journey was for them, even apart from the appearance of Orcs and the Balrog. How sad to think that Glorfindel’s last thought was that he had failed. I had never thought before either of how he had helped lead the people that far and yet didn’t live to know the outcome. The nightmare was fascinating. I feel bad for them because it was horrifically vivid but I suppose in some ways it’s a gift too to see this part of their heritage through the eyes of the grandfather they never knew. They have such compassion for Glorfindel. It’s amazing the way this helps them to forget their own fear. They’re lucky too to have each other, in whom they can find comfort and strength. I can’t believe now that I actually laughed at the antics of Erestor and Celebrian. Poor Elrond must have been totally bewildered. Like I said, the end completely startled me. All along they’ve been acting out real events, who knew that this game would also come true? It makes it all the more poignant because you’ve given Celebrian such a playful spirit and shown her so happy. Even Erestor seems to approve of this game, which shows that he doesn’t think for a second that any such thing might actually happen. I thought it was interesting that Elladan and Elrohir seemed to know that their father wouldn’t like this game. I can only imagine what he felt when it actually happened. I hope that the twins don’t remember this game when that time comes. *sigh* I guess it goes to show that the worst really can happen. This was a really great story and very cleverly told. :-)

Dot · 22 August 2004 · Chapter 1: The Book

Oh this looks great. What vivid imaginations the twins have. I must say, it’s a great way for them to learn and it’s good to see them so interested in history, a subject that doesn’t often hold much interest for young children. I love the idea of their long-suffering parents wondering which tale they’re re-enacting *now*. It sounds as though poor Erestor got a bit of a fright, though. It’s interesting that their parents don’t seem to particularly mind Elladan and Elrohir playing these games but Erestor deems this one at least ‘unsuitable’. I can see that Elrond and Celebrian would probably want to encourage their interest but I can definitely understand if Erestor was inclined to believe that not only is a tale of torture unsuitable for elflings but that as these tales are real events they might deserve more respect that just being an amusement for children. Funniest line of the whole piece has to be “I hardly think that Morgoth forced Maeglin to reveal the whereabouts of Gondolin by tickling him.” What a wonderful image, these two young elves in the library, totally engrossed in this massive book. Elrohir seems to be the more studious in that he warns his brother not to tear the book and corrects his pronunciation. Someone might want to tell Celebrian that the dye in her new dress will run! “Did you know that you were named after a great hero, Glorfindel?” That conversation must have been very odd for Glorfindel. I suppose he knew the time would come when the twins would hear this story but I guess he never thought about them jumping to the conclusion that he was named after this famous elf. My favourite detail in this whole chapter has to be Elrond telling his sons that Glorfindel “may know” about Gondolin. It’s as though he allows his friend the opportunity not to speak of these events if he’d rather not but the chance is there if he’s willing to share. Of course, Elrond’s own father is part of the story too so I imagine it can’t be very easy for him to hear. I like too that Elrohir realises that maybe Glorfindel might not be too pleased with them pretending to be him. What a considerate family they are! By the way, I really like your Glorfindel. Even in his brief appearance here it’s obvious that he has a very easy relationship with this whole family. He doesn’t seem to mind their teasing and not only does his love for Elrond’s sons come through very strongly but he’s clearly very good with them and receives from them the love and respect that he shows to them. Right, I’m off to read the next chapter… :-)

Bodkin · 22 August 2004 · Chapter 2: The Battle

I love the 'It was Glorfindel and he died. It doesn't seem suitable.' What sweet little elflings they are. The point about Elrohir being happy to have his name first occasionally is well thought of. It doesn't just apply to twins either - children are virtually always put in birth order when you name them - but it must be worse for twins who are hardly ever apart. The irony of Elrohir and Elladan rescuing Celebrian from Orc-Erestor! I imagine, if they ever think back to it, they would have been happier playing Balrogs.

daw the minstrel · 22 August 2004 · Chapter 2: The Battle

Omigod, Jay, I thought I was going to get a soothing ending and you gave me that! I'm still reeling a little. I feel like I've been sucker punched. The twins' nightmare was vivid and I liked the hint of the magical in their seeing what Earendil saw. I suppose there's that same hint in the play about their mother.

LKK · 20 August 2004 · Chapter 1: The Book

Lots of amusing moments here, Jay! Starting early with the second line, even. "I do wish they could slay each other quietly" -- I snorted at that. (What an unladylike thing for me to admit to!) And then Elrond admitting that he found the twins trying to drown each other in the pond and scaring the fish! Glorfindel's reaction to learning he was named after a hero was another good one. The whole chapter is just filled with laugh out loud moments. You must have had a good vacation. :) Looking forward to chapter 2!

French Pony · 20 August 2004 · Chapter 1: The Book

How cute! It's just like nine-year-olds to play at things they've read about; I have vivid memories of re-enacting Laura Ingalls Wilder's voyages across the prairie, with our large front yard playing the part of Indian Territory, and my red Radio Flyer wagon playing a prairie schooner. And the Lord Of The Rings paper doll game was a favorite. But to realize that your very own Glorfindel is the "dead" hero of Gondilin -- excuse me, Gondolin -- that must be quite a shock to the poor twins. They're about to be. . . edjumacated!