Christiana
· 3 July 2004
· Chapter 4: Act II - Scene I
Wonderfully hysterical! The Ghost of Denethor was great, as was Mablung. Heheh, I LOVE this...ermm...."play"! Keep it comin'! ;) (Go Faramir!!)
Author's reply
I'm so glad you liked this. And I really will finish this. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor Gondor destroyed in a week, nor Shakespeare ripped to shreds thoughtfully reinterpreted in a month! Gotta get that rhythm again to return. Thanks for reading. Lindorien
Werecat
· 28 June 2004
· Chapter 3: Act I - Scene III
The line "I’m off to squeeze a cock" is a stroke of pure genious. It sent me to a fit of hysterical laughter for the second time. Bless you for this.
Author's reply
Cock squeezing is a big sport in Shakespeare...or is it cock fighting? Ah well, the images it conjures. So, um, what did you think of the Act II, Scene I. Or dare I ask? hugs Lindorien
Werecat
· 28 June 2004
· Chapter 2: Act 1 - Scene II
It was so refreshing re-reading this! The interaction between Arwen and Eowyn was simply delightful.
Author's reply
You read it TWICE!
**falls at Werecat's feet and hugs her ankles like a madwoman**
no greater compliment can an author have than to have somebody read her work twice! I don't even read my work twice!
Um...does it show?
hugs lindorien
Kylie
· 6 June 2004
· Chapter 3: Act I - Scene III
Possibly the weirdest Tolkien fic I've ever read - and that's compliment!!! :D
Author's reply
hehe - you haven't read some of my other yet, have you? Thanks for the compliment and thanks for liking it and thanks for telling me about it. Lindorien
rosiespark
· 30 May 2004
· Chapter 4: Act II - Scene I
Very clever and very funny! I couldn't NOT read all of this - all that you've posted so far, that is. Please say there will be more! After all, you can't stop before writing the "Alas! Poor Uruk!" scene.
Aha, maybe there is some truth in Denethor's story that Aragorn purposefully delayed rescueing Boromir, thus making sure he was killed. Lurtz was obviously in league with The Future King, payoff consisting of (a) not being killed by Aragorn and (b) a nice secure job in Minas Tirith. Lurtz in particoloured hose and a hat with bells on it? *g*
Author's reply
Absolutely, I shall finish this. I shall continue writing until somebody actually demands that I stop! Alas! Poor Shakespeare! I'll look into the Lurtz angle. I'm so glad you like this. I'm so glad you found it funny. I'm so glad you are not tossing rotten tomatoes in my general direction. Updates anon! I'm on vacation right now! Lindorien
Valerie
· 24 May 2004
· Chapter 4: Act II - Scene I
Bahahahaha, that was BRILLIANT! And bloody hilarious to boot. I love Hamlet (Shakespeare in general), and this is such a funny spin to it. I especially enjoy how they use the word barbeque when referring to the pyre thing with Denathor. Bahaha...I can't wait for the next update!
Author's reply
Alas! Poor Reader! You love Hamlet? You love Shakespeare in general? Tar and feathering is NOT on your mind after reading this?
Enormous sighs of relief. Seriously. Brilliant, bloody hilarious to boot? We lovesss to hear them wordsss here in LindorienLand, preciousssss. Yessss, we doesssss.
I can't wait for the next update either. Any ideas? email me. Thanks for reading. Thanks for liking. Thanks for not sending me ticking packages. Lindorien
Ariel
· 23 May 2004
· Chapter 4: Act II - Scene I
:p
See, I was reading too. You make it so that there is little to comment on, though believe it or not, this chapter made more sense to me than usual! Are you slipping or am I losing my mind?
Author's reply
Are you slipping or am I losing my mind?
Hmmm...you REALLY want an answer to that? Perhaps this makes more sense to you because it deals with treachery and backstabbing and false people and lies and underhanded plans and...
oops.
Next Scene might make even more sense to you. hugs, Lindorien
To cry or not to cry
that is the question
the evil that men do
oft times lives after the them
the good oft interred with their bones
lalala
Kitt of Lindon
· 22 May 2004
· Chapter 4: Act II - Scene I
I think that if you kept Legolas on stage longer you would have kept the audience. Ahem...
This update has made my day as I've been rather gloomy of late.
Sorry for a short review but I really must go.
Author's reply
Legolas and Gimli are in the next scene. You see, it occurs to both of them that they don't really see how in the hell heck they are supposed to be of aid to Faramir by spying him out in his bedroom. I mean - doesn't dear dead Denethor do that now? And that fact is really bugging Faramir - wonder who he'll presume is behind that curtain?
Talk about having one's chance to get back at the dead. Also a study in overreaction.
Scene is likely to open with Mablung telling Faramir: I had this strangeth dream last night.
Then he proceeds to THE poem:
Seek for the plot that was stolen
With Lindorien it lies
There shall be heads set rollin'
As readers gouge out their eyes
There shall be indications cheesy
That the ending is near at hand
But the play has to go to Act threesy
If the audience it can stand.
Or something to that effect.
Glad it cheered you up. Short review, long reply. All balances out in the end.
Lindorien
Hisie Lome
· 22 May 2004
· Chapter 4: Act II - Scene I
LOL! More please, this is dubious and plainly insane! That fatality should result from a barbecue has one in rapture. 1? And Lineage? How Sick...You dangle plot and meter....Mayhap prose would be easier, yet the details would be lost...
Minna Sedh, Hisie Lome
Author's reply
Snicker.
Dubious is a very good way to put it. Dubious and plainly insane - much like the author. Ah well, 'tis said that writing is the mirror of the person's soul...or something like that.
Dangling plots and meter - both particular specialties of mine. I stink, but I work hard to achieve that status. You'd be amazed at the number of people who manage it without even trying!
Prose would be easier, but I shall not succumb. This whole thing gets done in something sorta like iambic pentameter until people pound upon my worthless skull and demand that I stop. Thanks for reading, Hisie Lome. Very pleased to meet you! I'm Lindorien.
Hisie Lome
· 22 May 2004
· Chapter 2: Act 1 - Scene II
Caged bird! LOL! If you did not mean for this to be humor, then pardon me....The fair Lady Arwen stating, "you suck at it." 'Tis evil...But passions dies when tended not- how sad.
Please continue with this "wretched" tale....I find it rather interesting.
Minna Sedh, Hisie Lome
Author's reply
Well, I did mean for it to be humor, but there are various definitions of that word. Most of my Works of a Highly Serious Nature do tended to set people giggling. I have not yet figured out why, but I continue my research and shall post the results at the appropriate time. Yes - that last couplet was rather sad. I don't think its going to work out well for anybody...
Hisie Lome
· 22 May 2004
· Chapter 1: Act 1 - Scene I
This was funny. Death softens the bastard! Such kind words for one's murderous father....
He married his sister and ogles my wife....Well, what does one expect from royals? Shakespere would find this tempting....
Minna sedh, Hisie Lome
Author's reply
hello! A new Hapless Reader fan! I'm so glad you enjoyed this! Funny is good. Funny is what we go for in Lindorienland - a strange and wondrous place peopled with all sorts of odd creatures and weird personalities...
Some of them are even in my fics. Welcome aboard and thanks for reading! Lindorien
Kitt of Lindon
· 4 May 2004
· Chapter 3: Act I - Scene III
I could not help but reread this now that I have finished Hamlet.
I finally found it in the English Literature section in my library. Who knew it had an English Literature section?
Anyway, I enjoy this all the more now. Err, not to sound impatient, but, Updates!Updates!Updates! (Sorry, sorry.)
Author's reply
You read the Shakespeare!
Kitt! yay!
There must be some award I can win if something this silly can convince somebody to give Hamlet a try. Hopefully, dear Willie will stop rolling in his grave! Yes yes update updates!
Teresa
· 19 March 2004
· Chapter 3: Act I - Scene III
Alas, poor Lindorien! Oh blessed spite, that ever she was born to set Shakespeare right!
Oh. Lost the iambic pentameter. Try again:
That ever she was born to set old Willie right!
Now come on, you know you have some more acts to do! Who cares who will rule Gondor in the end? They´ll just have to wait for 1000 years until the next king comes around.
Author's reply
I know that *I* don't care who rules Gondor. If I did, I NEVER would have written this thing. Although, as my dear friend The King of Siam likes to say, "It IS a puzzlement?". Were there any spare Kings of Norway in Middle-Earth?
Perhaps the Prince of Dol Amroth - if I don't kill him off also. Or maybe Thain Peregrin Took. But I've a bad feeling the two hobbits them get it also - or are they the comic relief grave diggers?
Maybe I'll just hand the whole thing over to the Corsairs, to reimburse them for all those ships that Aragorn took during one of their pesky invasions.
Alas! Poor Me! Demented Mind! That I
should get myself in such a bind!
Imrahoil
· 13 March 2004
· Chapter 3: Act I - Scene III
Had to look through all my Calvinses and Hobbeses and got hooked, so it took some time, but here it is: "There's treasure everywhere", p. 111. Don't you get hooked up there as well, just microwave dinners and updates. Please!
Author's reply
A book! I have to buy a book? No Way. I was hoping for an internet link. Yes, precioussss, updates coming. Finishing Edward Lear. And have lots of nonsense verse and this iambic pentameter. Trust me, write this stuff enough and you start thinking in it and talking in it and everybody says, 'Why are you talking so oddly?'
Imrahoil
· 9 March 2004
· Chapter 3: Act I - Scene III
Oh no, two acts to go, it will take ages till you get to the "Council of Elrond" again. But, alas, in the meantime let us see how Faramir fares with "to die, to sleep". The best version I've read so far was the one of the mashed potatoes in Calvin & Hobbes. Tough competition, in my opinion. Good luck AND speedy updates (knock, knock, hint, hint).
Author's reply
Calvin and Hobbes and mashed potatoes! Oh point me there, Fair Imrahoil. Council of Elrond will be coming along. I seem to be under enormous pressure for that one. So the next two acts may have to wait.
For a bit.
I need to figure out who rules Gondor when everybody is dead. Eomer? Dain of Dale? Or is it Dale of Dain? Or is it no longer Dain but Dain's son, what's his name?
I'll stop rhyming.
Yes - Speedy updates. That's why microwaves were invented after all!
Hiro-tyre
· 8 March 2004
· Chapter 3: Act I - Scene III
Absolutely brilliant. I shall put Hamlet on my list of Shakespeare to burn through.
Author's reply
Alas! Poor Second Act! On the back burner it sits. Hiro - any plot ideas, send 'em my way. I'm not proud.
That should be obvious.
Lindorien
LadyWenham
· 5 March 2004
· Chapter 3: Act I - Scene III
So very funny. Great job. :)
Author's reply
Thanks Lady Wenham!
Is this one of the ones you are thinking of linking? Because its not finished yet. I've two more acts to go. 'tis unfortunate, but true. I shall try to make them as painless for my Gentle Readers as possible.
Lindorien
ming eledwen
· 24 February 2004
· Chapter 3: Act I - Scene III
*laughing so hard she falls off the tower of ecthelion** owww....*
my god, this is among my top 3 of comic fanfics. its good to find some humour amongst all the angst, slash, fluff and legomances. man, you ape hamlet so nicely ;) ooh, i know its a long way off, but when orphelia dies, please make the funeral scene long, i can just imagine the scene with eomer and faramir..... if ive given away a plot point it don't really matter, cause hamlet was a tragedy in the first place anyway, so this version is completely out of sync with it (but in a good way:) please update soon!
Author's reply
Lindorien stands in the middle of the coliseum, staring out at the crowd. She hopes the flames won't hurt too much, or the lion is really hungry and will eat her up really fast. Then a roar is heard and Lindorien sinks to her knees, terrified. But the sound is not what she expects for the crowd is on its feet calling as one:
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE
Lindorien hears and she obeys. Activities of Daily Living be damned! She will UPDATE.
"By the way," Lindorien whispers to her new best friend Ming Eledwen as she hightails it out of the coliseum, "Don't worry about the plot-point thing. I'm sure everybody sees it coming. Course, by the time I'm done with it, they may not really grasp what hit them!"
Gosh - top 3 comic fanfics - do you understand the meaning of the word 'pressure', by any chance?
nervous? who's nervous?
Kitt of Lindon
· 19 February 2004
· Chapter 3: Act I - Scene III
This one was hilarious. Faramir writing thank you notes for the death of Denethor...*wipes away tears of mirth* The whole scene was rich with comedy, my favorite so far. When I get the chance, I'll go to the library and check out Hamlet.
Author's reply
You are laughing? Oh, dear. Hamlet is a tragedy. A terrible tragedy.
Much like this fic.
I don't know what my problem is. I set out to write a Serious Work and next thing I know everybody is laughing hysterically. Perhaps I should reconsider my approach?
This is going to end badly. It is a tragedy. The stage is set. Arwen and Eowyn hate each other. Faramir hates Aragorn, but is conflicted because maybe Aragorn helped rid him of dad, but possibly also his older brother, although Faramir isn't certain he should trust Denethor in this...
However, he does want Denethor's spirit quieted, so he'll stop peeking in on Faramir's bedroom doings...
Oh dear - Something like this would be enough to make anyone nuts - which is likely to happen to Faramir, as it did to a certain Depressed Danish Prince.
Dear, dear. And shall you laugh then, my dear? I ask you - shall you laugh then?
(please say yes. please say yes. please say yes. please say yes.)
Lindorien
Kitt of Lindon
· 15 February 2004
· Chapter 2: Act 1 - Scene II
This is a crackup and canny. This is based off of Hamlet, right, or am I confused? Alas, the realm of Shakespeare is not my stomping ground.
Anyway, I can’t wait until the next update.
Author's reply
Yes - definitely based on Hamlet. It is well worth a read. Basically, Hamlet's dad (also named Hamlet), unbeknownst to all, is dead at the hand of his brother and Hamlet's uncle, King Claudius. Dad's barely cold in the grave before Uncle Claudius marries Hamlet's mother, thus securing his political position. Hamlet is sliced out of the picture for a bit. Hamlet is the Prince of Denmark.
Hamlet meets up with dead dad's ghost who tells him of this 'murder most foul' and wants Hamlet to avenge his death. Hamlet swears he will, but drags his feet. Why he drags his feet is the question, not 'To be or not to be'. The result is that pretty much everybody ends up dead at the end and the King of Norway is named the King of Denmark.
Hamlet starts out depressed - 'Oh that this too too solid flesh would melt'. He is depressed over mom marrying Uncle. Its incestuous to his mind. Hamlet is a man of integrity, he wants to avenge his father but finds the desire base. Hamlet pretends to be crazy. Friends of his are entrusted to find out why he is acting crazy. Is he 'lovesick' (considered a true illness in the 1300's, the time period for this play)? They are Rosencrantz and Gildenstern and they end up dead in a stunning display of,um, overreaction, and why it is best to LOOK before jabbing one's daggers through the curtains. It is also a cautionary tale against spying.
It doesn't really matter, everybody else ends up dead also. Dead as doornails. mostly in the last five minutes or so. The curtain falls, the stagehands mop up the blood -- Game Over.
Thanks for reading. Do consider dipping your toe into the world of Shakespeare. Much of it is lovely and timeless stuff that people return to time and again.
Lindorien
runaround
· 15 February 2004
· Chapter 2: Act 1 - Scene II
*applauds loudly*
Woohoo!!!!!!!!
Author's reply
So you like it?
Lindorien
Squirrel
· 15 February 2004
· Chapter 2: Act 1 - Scene II
Poor Faramir! His wife still seems to be in love with the King, his dad is dead, and who knows what else. I'm enjoying this, and like everybody else I look forward to the ghost of Denethor.
I'll add Hamlet to my reading list.
Author's reply
As is typical of Shakespeare the plot shall only become increasingly more convoluted as I dig myself in even deeper and deeper. Oops! I mean as the CHARACTERS dig themselves in, even deeper and deeper.
Do add Hamlet to your reading list. You won't regret it.
Lindorien
Acacea
· 15 February 2004
· Chapter 2: Act 1 - Scene II
I await dead Denethor:) Do keep at this. It is good:)
Author's reply
I await dead Denethor also. If you see him - kick him over my way, will you? That's the problem with ghosts, they are so damned unreliable.
Lindorien
Orophins Dottir
· 15 February 2004
· Chapter 2: Act 1 - Scene II
*Scribe stumbles as Kaladriel, the Elf-Witch of the South, shoves her center stage. Recovers gracefully and glares at Kaladriel.*
"Ahem, my noble and well-connected liege Thranduil Oropherion, king of all Eryn Lasgalen, wishes me to announced that:
He now knows why Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Aragorn's dialogue killed them.
He urges all in the audience to remain calm and in their assigned seats. He is sure that, if this baby continues thus, he will be able to negotiate an exchange of our tickets for the Exotic Dancer Review that will be appearing at this theater next week. He also requests that we refrain from throwing tomatoes or corn (er, maize) as he is not sure either existed in Middle-Earth.
Thus, shall all continue to call him the Mighty and Merciful Thranduil!"
*Bows low to audience and passes the disgusted Mablung in her exit.*
"Hist! Mablung! Meet us at the Drunken Elleth tavern after this verkakkte show. The King is buying!"
Humble Scribe to his Majesty Thranduil
Author's reply
Why is it, dear Dottir, that the best thing about my fics are my reviews? Now shall I wallow in despair like my dear depressed Danish Gondorian.
Scene III is in my head and may even get on paper tomorrow. Faramir meets up with dear dead and departed Denethor.
He gloats.
Oh well.
The crowd can throw politically correct and approved Middle-Earth vegetables at Aragorn, as I left him alone on that stage for a reason.
Humble Bard of Gondor
Orophins Dottir
· 14 February 2004
· Chapter 1: Act 1 - Scene I
Well, you can always make me laugh, Lindorien.
Excuse me, I think I shall skitter off and with a bare bodkin my own quietus make.
Exeunt Scribe hauling Kaladriel the Elf Witch of the South by her dyed tresses
Author's reply
Elves have no need to dye their tresses - those tresses are long and luxuriant and always of color youthful.
Grandma always said:
Keep 'em laughing. Keep 'em crying. Keeps 'em from finding the tar and feathers.
Lindorien