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| Battles Won by daw the minstrel | 59 Review(s) |
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| naneth | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 3/7/2004 |
| I had forgotten how much I missed elfling Legolas stories. I'm glad he's back, even for a short story. I think you did well with the first-person viewpoint. First person is not my personal favorite (don't know why), but you could make me into a believer! I *so* agree with Nimloth-it's lots harder directing small ones. I do it five days a week and it's not a job for the faint-of-heart! Author Reply: Elfling Legolas is so sweet. I like the adult warrior he because and even the erratic adolescent, but the baby is just a sweetheart. I am finding it interesting to write in the first person but I wouldn't want to do it all the time. It's much harder than I thought it would be. Eilian kept coming out sounding like me. You couldn't pay me enough to be a primary school teacher. It's a jungle in there! | |
| Dot | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 3/7/2004 |
| Hi daw! Well, it looks like your little experiment is a success! I have to admit that I wouldn’t generally read stories written in the first person but I really enjoyed this. What puts me off this style of writing is really two things – the person telling the story talks about himself in the same manner as the writer would if telling the story in third-person, e.g. even things like “I smiled invitingly” can annoy me a bit, I mean how would you know?! You might hope you were, but you don’t know what sort of a way the other person thinks you might be smiling…(bad example but I can’t think of one so this mightn’t even make sense!!). I also find that the narrator often knows far too much about other events or people’s thoughts and emotions, which really is a sign that the writer isn’t comfortable with this style. Anyway, my point is that what I see as the most frequent flaws in this type of writing are beautifully avoided by you. You allowed us to see the people around Eilian and view their actions and reactions but it is consistently told only from his POV. I like that you ensure you use phrases like “He paused for moment as if marshaling his thoughts”, “Judging from the paper piled on his desk” and “To me, she did not look any different” – there’s always a sense that this is how Eilian sees things but that it might not necessarily be so. One teensy, tiny thing that stood out for me (and it probably is just me), at the start when he says “I used to be asleep”… I think “used to be” sounds like a much longer time ago, sort of “once upon a time” if you know what I mean, rather than “I had been asleep”. But maybe that’s just a matter of preference of phrasing…feel free to ignore my tired ramblings… Anyway, I’m not really in a position to look critically at your style; I’m sure many others will be much more coherent and helpful! On another note, what a wonderful way this is to give us a glimpse into Eilian’s mind! He’s really so perceptive – he seems to know exactly why his father reacts to him in the way that he does – and even reads himself quite well. It’s interesting to see his judgement of himself in comparison to the last story when he’s much older and looking back, e.g. when he says “I will not think about it, I resolved” he still at that time seems to think it really is the only thing to do. I was so happy to see elflings again! It was wonderful to see the unconditional love between the two brothers and fascinating to understand how Eilian knows that Legolas adores him and how he does everything not to shatter his little brother’s illusions about Eilian’s qualities. I loved the insight into the way that Eilian sees others, and a wonderful sense of familial closeness comes through. I also really liked that Ithilden’s reluctance and the reasons for it came across so well. I think that by writing this piece as you did, it adds a certain weight to everything, as though as a reader I know that if I see or understanding something, then Eilian has too. It looks as though he might get little Legolas into trouble, though;) Sorry, I could probably do better but it’s been an exhausting weekend and I should really go to bed so that I can get up in a few hours! I really can’t see how you could view this as anything other than successful, though and I look forward to the next chapter…:) Author Reply: This is such good feedback. I really appreciate the concrete examples you give of pitfalls in this point of view. I was really feeling my way along and my beta was more or less stopped in her tracks when I first sent it to her. Fortunately, she pointed out to me that I had to sound like *Eilian*, not like me at my most formal. Your points are good too. I have to go look at the second chapter (which I'm working on) and see if I do that stuff with the adverbs. I liked your wording for the "used to be sleeping" and changed in on SoA, where it's easy to edit (unlike ff.net). I think that Eilian is very sensitive, more so than people realize. But he doesn't always cope well with emotional distress and seems to believe that pretending it didn't happen is a solution! And in a way that surprised me, being in Eilian's head let me show this family as closer than they look from the outside. I am having fun writing the second chapter about the snowball throwing. I have a list of victims that I am amusing myself with. :-) | |
| Estel_Mi_Olor | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 3/7/2004 |
| I liked this fic, although I have a few questions. Before I ask you, I would like to congratulate you on your usage of the first person. It's really hard to write in. Although, because of that point of view, you might consider advising people to read this fic first. It really introduces you to the characters, in a simplistic way so you can clearly understand who they are. Don't misunderstand my use of the word simplistic, I mean only to say that the role filled by each character and their relation to eachother becomes very clear. I wondered exactly how long after Lorellin's (I think that's what you named Legolas's mother) death this story takes place? Also is the visit that Eilian refers to (visit to Celuwen) mentioned in another of your fics? I recall your most recent fic (Sacrifice Under Shadow) having some flashbacks to Eilian's youth where he visited Celuwen. I might be wrong though, since the time is a little unclear. Keep writing and thank you for yet another glimpse into the fascinating world you have created for Legolas. Eargerly awaiting an update, Estel_Mi_Olor Author Reply: This story takes place nine months or so after Lorellin's death. In "When Shadow Touches Home," winter was approaching and that was the six month mark. And the visit wasn't mentioned. Again, in "When Shadow," Celuwen is said to have moved away to live in a settlement with her family. I think that took place shortly after the events in "Sacrifice Under Shadow." Eilian renewed his acquaintance with her in "When Shadow," and then wanted to visit her regularly. He really would like to bond with her. :-( I'm glad you liked this, Estel. I wanted to see if I could do it, and it turned out that one thing I had to do was give Eilian simpler language than what I usually use as narrator. He's less formal than my usual narrator. | |
| Sadie | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 3/7/2004 |
| I'm really appreciating your story. Please don't forget to post an alert on the list when you update it, I don't want to miss it. Really good job. Thanks for sharing. Iraci (from Brazil) Author Reply: I'm glad you like it, Iraci/Sadie. I've been posting alerts at Royal Mirkwood Home and Mirkwood Castle. I don't post them at SoA Yahoo because I figure most people there check the site anyway. Is it warm in Brazil? It's still winter here, I'm afraid, and thus I'm inspired to write about snow. | |
| French Pony | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 3/7/2004 |
| Ah, you're showing where your real affections lie! (As if there was ever any doubt. . . ) I think the first person worked well, although it does make Eilian seem far more contemplative that you usually portray him. And he seems far more amenable to being woken up than most everyone I know. Of course, that it's Legolas who's doing the waking up probably has something to do with that. I like the snow games. Playing snow fort is lots of fun. I especially like that Turgon is "the king," but Legolas is "my ada." Not yet old enough for abstractions, is he? Very telling that when Ithilden informs Eilian that he wants a meeting, Eilian's first thought is that he is in trouble. And that Ithilden notices that it's Eilian's first thought. Ithilden seems more and more like he'd make a good school principal. He's got that air of Responsibility about him, combined with that certain je ne sais quois that turns his office into a place of fear and dread, even if you've done nothing wrong. Author Reply: I hope there is at least some payoff for the work of doing first person, which turned out to be hard. Eilian kept coming out sounding like me, whereas what I wanted was for us to see into his head, a site he keeps private most of the time. Nice observation about Legolas not being old enough for abstractions. And another one that both Eilian and Ithilden know that Eilian thinks he may have screwed up somehow. Ithilden would scare me, I think. | |
| LKK | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 3/7/2004 |
| What a delightful chapter, daw! I think you did a wonderful job writing in first person. It was as if Eilian was sitting beside me telling the tale. Eilian makes a fine story-teller, as do you. I had to laugh at the very beginning of the story because coincidentally a woodpecker awoke me this morning. So I could really sympathesize with Eilian's annoyance. LOL I liked this glimpse into Eilian's deepest thoughts. It's obvious how important Legolas is to Eilian --- not just as a beloved younger brother, but also as a source of Eilian's own self-esteem. I hope Eilian and Gelmir don't get into trouble with Nimloth for the snow tunnels. Personally, I think the game sounds fun! LKK PS: Nimloth is right. Directing elflings is harder than directing warriors. Warriors are trained to obey. Elflings are born with an instinct to not obey! Author Reply: Yay! It sounded like Eilian. That turned out to be harder to do than I thought it would be. What you say about Legolas's important to Eilian is so true! He needs Legolas as much as Legolas needs him. The snow tunnel game will be center stage in the second chapter. I have a list of victims for the tunneling elflings that makes me giggle. Elflings may not be armed, but they are so much less reasonable than warriors that it's frightening. I could never be a pre-school teacher. | |
| Nilmandra | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 3/7/2004 |
| I give you credit for doing this first person POV - all your efforts definitely paid off. Eilian's POV is great to write, and its fun to see how he thinks. That he loves Legolas is clear, and the fun they manage to get into is priceless. To some degree I have to agree with Nimloth - watching elfling is a bit more trying, perhaps, than warriors. And Turgon's reaction was the best - if he had been the same age as Eilian, Eru help us all, I doubt the realm would have survived. Author Reply: You know how I sweated over this, my beta. Eilian's relationship with Legolas was one of the things I had on my list of stuff to be sure to show. And the idea of Turgon and Eilian as friends the same age makes me want to lie down with a cold cloth on my head. Thranduil too! | |
| ANA | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 3/7/2004 |
| I love it! My face is stiff from grinning stupidly at my computer screen while I read the entire chapter. Everybody is so in character in this little snippet! Thranduil is still the stern adar, Ithiden still doesn't know how to have fun, Eilian is up to his lovable no-goods (cheered on by the ever enthusiastic Turgon) and Legolas, all sweet and innocent(and rather endearingly clueless as far as dirty tricks are concerned). So I wonder whether there is going to be spanking en mass in the next chapter. (P.S. You have just reminded me how much I miss your elfling Legolas stories!) Author Reply: I am so glad you liked it, ANA. If people are in character, then I did the first person thing right. I was worried that Eilian would sound too much like daw the minstrel. A spanking en masse does have some appeal, but I think I must resist because this site is clean!!! daw | |
| Dragon-of-the-North | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 3/7/2004 |
| Hmmm... Tell me... Is there any way I can convince you to write from Eilian's POV *always* now? Or at least most of the time? Really, daw, this was absolutely glorious - I enjoyed seeing your charming elven prince's thoughts and emotions, his attitude towards his family, his reactions both to personal and official changes - just great! I rather like the laconic style in which he tells his story, always seeming a bit guarded not to lose himself in unwanted emotion, as easygoing and merry as he appears from the outside, yet genuine feelings are shimmering through in so many places. The beginning made me LOL - the thought that the birds might have started to speak to him is glorious indeed, and exactly the thing one would think when only half-awake and adapting to home again after a prolonged absence... I loved it! And it was a real treat to see how Eilian's mind works when he gets himself and others into trouble (that theme was nicely built up in the story, by the way - to culminate in that snow tunnel idea!). And I absolutely loved the ending (especially when thinking of your other stories) - the two of them will be "warriors together" indeed. Author Reply: Oh thank goodness. I really sweated over this. Eilian kept coming out sounding like me at my most formal and that just isn't him. I kept having to go back and loosen up the prose. Eilian is a puzzle even to himself, I think. He's a good-time Elf who is hurt when the people he loves criticize him, but he can't seem to stop himself from doing what's going to tick them off. Except for Legolas, of course. I think he gets himself into trouble half the time because he's trying to distract himself from some unhappiness. He's be so much better off if he'd just fix whatever is making him unhappy! Thank you so much, DotN. This was this story's first review. :-) | |