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| Flying with the Swans by Avon | 2 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| mistry89 | Reviewed Chapter: Author's Notes on 4/11/2004 |
| For such a little thing to pack such a punch! The childish ritual, the distant pov that mirror's Legolas's own distant (under the table/removed by years) view, the fact that he is mute throughout - yet it is his story. Thranduil ... and a feather for Aragorn. *sigh* On another note, I think 2nd person works well here (see above) and I understand that it is hard to pull off, but I think you you did it. As to the "fragments masquerading as sentences", the last part works for me - "Not .." all negative things (he's not feeling chirpy), a slightly choppy feel (short breaths through the mouth - crying/on the verge of tears), young children use shorter sentences (and he's reverted for that final one) - it feels *right* on several levels to me, enough so I had to re-read in order to take your point, so it feel natural to read. So, um, I liked it. | |
| Fadesintothewest | Reviewed Chapter: Author's Notes on 9/19/2003 |
| Well I for one loved this piece. Don't mind the sentence fragments at all. They didn't bother me, I actually enjoy writing that is not so grammatically perfect b/c then it doesn't sound like natural story telling. We don't speak so grammatically correct after all. It wasn't too soppy for me. Poor little Legolas, the swan feather, that was too tragic. Author Reply: Thank you for the feedback - don't want to sound too much like Gollum slobbering on the Ring but I loves it ;-) I'm usually very anti-sentence fragments (those and missing commas being my two most common niggles when doing feedback) but I just couldn't find any other way of putting it, and this *is* almost conversation - and as you say we do use them all the time in RL conversations. Cheers, Avon | |