Chapter 21 Moving on and Anniversaries

Faramir and Belegion had scheduled a meeting since it had been months since Faramir made a trip to visit him. Belegion trusted Faramir was busy and did not blame him.  They had a happy time in the gardens, and they spoke about the rebirth of Gondor and her recovery. Belegion was glad for Faramir’s stories about Edoras with Eowyn. Faramir asked how he was doing with his parents, and Belegion reported that they were all trying to find work in the new Gondor and were getting by all right so far.

“Faramir, my lord, I missed you!” Belegion embraced Faramir in a rare display of affection. 

“Yes, me as well,” replied Faramir as he embraced his friend back. “I was in Edoras for the past two months.”

“Yes, please tell me about that.”

“It is a lovely country – I spent a lot of time with my betrothed and planned my wedding,” replied Faramir with a gleam in his eye.

“That sounds wonderful. When will the weddings be?”

Faramir supplied the tentative dates, and they spent half the afternoon drinking whisky and had bread and dried meats as well.

“I believe we can be ready by early Spring.  Eowyn needs to come visit me soon to plan the details in Gondor and also to see what she thinks about our home in Emyn Arnen. We are making a new home there,” said Faramir.

“That would be far from the city. How many days’ ride is it to Minas Tirith?”

“I believe it is not too long of a ride- perhaps one day.  Do not worry, my friend, I'll be in the city often enough. I have meetings with the King often and report to him.  Whenever I do, I will stop by to see you. You can also come visit.”

Belegion’s eyes shined, “Yes, the roads should be safer now with most ruffians taken care of. We will have nothing to fear.”

“Yes, we will continue to police the roads and also make sure Minas Tirith and the roads coming in and out are safe for travelers,” replied Faramir.

Faramir felt in good spirits to be with Belegion and felt less alone. He wondered about loneliness, but glad he had Belegion to share many times to enjoy together. The King and Queen Arwen came to check up on him as well.  Beregond wrote to him in Emyn Arnen in which he was helping with the construction of his new home. He was grateful for the new developments regarding that and planned a trip to see him and also how his new home would be ready for Eowyn.

The memorials were being constructed and Faramir was glad that there were ones for his father and brother located at the heart of the new grave site erected in the First Circle. There was also a stone that etched all the fallen soldiers of the war including Belegion’s brother, Belegor. Now he had to concentrate more on the economy of Gondor and recovering those that were still homeless. After the trip out West to Edoras, Faramir was also concerned about those that lived outside the city and those towns that needed aid from them.  He was busy writing to the officials in those towns to make sure they had enough provisions and asked how Minas Tirith could support them. Sometimes he even made day trips to see how Minas Tirith could assist and arranged the right men to help in recovery efforts whether it be rebuilding or rerouting food supply there.

Rainy and cold weather struck in late November when an overcast day brought Faramir down in a dark mood, and he could not concentrate on planning Emyn Arnen nor any duties for planning more diplomatic talks with Gondor’s neighbors that still had old grievances. He had planned to go with Aragorn if necessary to speak with in Harad in December. Instead, he sent a note to the King saying he could not make meetings that day and felt irresponsible, but he did not feel like explaining himself. 

He could not shake the feeling it was an anniversary that he was forgetting. Then he remembered: it was the 26th of November;  it was nine months since Boromir had died. How could he have almost forgotten? He felt fresh tears in his eyes, and he berated himself for almost not remembering. He stayed in his office the whole day, and sent away servants that inquired about him and declined any meals. His perceived loneliness made him resort to spirits again even though he knew he would regret it. He was not in the mood, and felt the absence of Boromir so keenly that nothing could fill the void.  Before Faramir knew it, half a bottle of whisky was gone, and he fell into an uneasy sleep.

The dark mood led to fire tinged nightmares that brought no respite, and he felt ill again with a persistent headache. Didn’t Boromir tell him he’ll always be there for him. Where was he now in this transition in his life? Why couldn't he enjoy the victory that Gondor and he so deserved?  

He awakened frequently, being fearful of something dark, menacing and tangible seeking to sweep him up again. Wakefulness mingled with dark dreams.

Orc arrows and blood appeared in the dark forests in Ithilien. Severed heads from his comrades lay in the unclean floors of Minas Tirith.  Smell of burning fire close to his skin.

A dark haired hobbit was on a boat floating in the sea… The Nazgul gained on every move. Dark waves crashed upon a foundation of stone.

Faramir awoke again and could not sleep though his head was heavy; he feared the dreams that caused his anxiousness. Or did the anxiousness cause the dreams? He knew he had to be careful.  He uneasily passed into another restless sleep, but he felt close to consciousness every time and did not feel rested.

 Before dawn, he was awakened by a persistent knock at his door.

Faramir awoke rather groggily. He should remember not to drink when he has gloomy thoughts. The dark thoughts only got worse and turned into nonsensical pieces of unpleasant images and nightmares. Now, he felt a hangover arising. What time was it? Was it daytime already? 

The knocking persisted.

He tried to regain some composure and made sure that he looked all right though a headache had continued. He had not felt this way since May. He walked slowly and gingerly to his door, opened it, and saw that it was the King looking over him with worry.  He felt light-headed with the effort of moving to open the door.

“Faramir! What happened? Are you alright? You look very ill.” Faramir’s face was pale, dark circles around his eyes, his face haggard and pinched with weariness.  Aragorn held onto Faramir as it seemed that he was in the midst of a swoon.

“No, just a headache,” replied Faramir sheepishly. He did not want to mention that it was the result of a hangover as well.

“What happened? Did the Black Breath reoccur?” Aragorn sat Faramir down and felt Faramir’s shoulder and studied his vitals. Everything seemed normal except that the smell of alcohol was strong and Faramir was pale, eyes unfocused, seemingly deep in thought, and he was not himself.

“Yes–I had nightmares, but I do not remember them.” Faramir sighed.  “It has been nine months since Boromir passed away yesterday, and I can't help but miss him.” He sat down and unshed tears gathered in his eyes.

Aragorn embraced the younger man tightly sensing what may have happened. “It’ll take time, but do not feel the need to be alone. We all miss Boromir.” Aragorn brewed feverfew tea along with regular warm water for Faramir and bid him to drink it. He also sent a servant to retrieve more athleas and hot water.  

“Do you want to talk about this? Are you well enough for meetings today? We need to set some times to meet the diplomats coming out East but feel no need to address that yet if you’re not feeling yourself.”

“No, I am alright. I will come after breakfast.” Faramir did not feel alright but after the tea, he felt more energized.  He tried to shake off his melancholy and the odd tiredness. He looked past the curtains out his window and saw that the sky was overcast which matched his mood. He wondered if he could ever replace the hollowness he felt whenever he thought about Boromir.   

Aragorn studied Faramir critically, and he knew from the past, the Steward was in one of his moods but did not admit easily to feeling unwell. 

He replied, “Give yourself time– you can take a rest till the hangover is over.  Again, do not resort to alcohol when you’re feeling despair- it only worsens the situation.  I will prescribe some teas for you and you are to take them instead. Take them starting immediately.  This includes feverfew and chamomile and lavender for any anxiety.  We cannot let the Black Breath reoccur.  Do you understand?”  Aragorn paused and thought of how to distract Faramir from his downcast mood.  

“ Why don’t you ride out to Emyn Arnen first tomorrow and see how Beregond is doing with the architects and we can have the meeting in a week instead? I will send messages to the Haradrim. Compose yourself. We also have a long ride to Harad in two and a half weeks. Meetings can wait, and I prefer you to feel better than this.”

Faramir wondered how much time he needed. Aragorn was so patient with him and he felt guilty. Did he really need to be treated differently? Many people lost loved ones in the war. Instead of rejecting the offer, Faramir replied graciously with a bow, “Thank you, my King. That sounds like a good plan.  Sorry for causing any inconvenience.”

“Listen, you should come to me or Queen Arwen when you feel anything amiss because there are dangers to keeping things to yourself. Part of recovery is to acknowledge the thoughts that cause your anxiety. Do not dismiss your thoughts and bottle them up. This can cause the Black Breath to reoccur and we need to prevent that.  Please remember that.  Queen Arwen and I are glad to be there for you.  You need to trust us.  First, drink these teas to aid the headache, and you need to eat. I will send orders to have some food brought to you.  You should rest now, but make sure to have regular meals today.  I’ll see how you are later today.”

“Thank you, my King. I will,” Faramir bowed graciously, went to bed, and wearily felt his eyes closing again. The headache had receded a bit with the tea Aragorn gave, and Faramir felt regular sleep come about.

The next day, Faramir was himself again, and he rode out to Ithilien as he had planned. As was mentioned to Sam and Eowyn, Faramir wanted a house that had plenty of gardening room for different plants, flowers, and trees– from edible ones to beautiful ones that can make it a place where many wanted to gather. He planned many rooms because he wanted his study there, rooms for guests, rooms for eventual children of his own. He was glad that Beregond had already been overseeing the construction of the home that overlooked a scenic landscape towards the mountains looking West. So far, the base and second level of the home were already erected and Faramir was glad for the progress. It should be ready by Springtime. The forested area was a welcome change to the stony city of Gondor. Faramir felt at home in the woods and enjoyed the peacefulness of Ithilien.

The signs of the coming of winter were all apparent in Gondor. Soon it would be mettare, the celebration of the end of the year was nigh. Gondorians started hanging up festive lights to celebrate the season. Faramir knew this was the first season without his family and he didn’t want to think about this nor stay in the city.  Gondor was very festive during this time of year but he couldn’t help but remember that last mettare was not the same without Boromir and he would have to go through the same this year but knowing in his heart that he would never see Boromir again. Compounded by the fact that Denethor had perished, he did not want to be haunted with melancholic thoughts. He wrote to Imrahil and asked if he had plans during this time. Perhaps he would go to Dol Amroth at that time. Dol Amroth was every bit as far from Minas Tirith as Edoras was, but Faramir desired the sea air and to return to the lands of his mother.

Eowyn wrote to Faramir and said she would not come before the end of the year, most likely February if the weather cooperates. Faramir wondered what could be the cause of the delay but did not want to rush Eowyn. He knew that after next year, Eowyn would permanently live by him at all times.  Before leaving for Ithilien, he wrote to Eowyn.

Dear Eowyn,

I will miss you during this time of year, but I understand that duty may call in your Kingdom and I respect your wishes to help King Eomer in a transition phase and also through the year's end. I will miss you dearly and hope you join me soon.

The home in Emyn Arnen shows great progress. It will be ready ere you come in the Springtime.  I have made it spacious and plan to make a garden with you in the Spring so hope you come soon so we can plan together.  I do have some meetings abroad in two weeks time to take care of with the King so if I do not reply soon, it is because I am called away from home.

How have you slept lately?  I hope you are restful and at peace. I always wish you the best health and happiness. 

I miss and love you.

Yours,

Faramir

… 

Faramir returned to Minas Tirith from Ithilien earlier than he intended, since he felt he wanted to be productive before the end of the year. He was pleasantly surprised to receive a letter from his uncle. Imrahil wrote back to Faramir and said it was alright to spend mettare at Dol Amroth with him and his children.

Dear Faramir,

Good to hear from you and that everything is well. It would be lovely to see you during the mettare. Remember this is your home too. Never be a stranger here. Do you know when you’ll be coming? Remember to ride safely and to remember to take care of yourself.

Reordering the city here has been slow since the war did deplete a lot of stores and we need to rebuild the economy here as well. We needed to regroup a lot of people in proper housing. Fortunately it is not too cold yet here, the weather being moderate because we are close to the sea.

The reach of the enemy was long but we see hope arising everywhere in our city and most residents are getting ready for mettare and we all deserve some celebration for getting through the worst.

Your cousins are well, and they will be glad to see you soon.

Fondly yours,

Imrahil 

…

Faramir worked with Aragorn in the talks with Harad and volunteered to go with him to speak with the leaders of those regions. They met near Poros, being a center point in which meetings could be conducted. They managed the trip in the second week of December.  The trip proved fruitful and Aragorn proved masterful with the talks and negotiated with the Haradrim and Khand how they would keep their borders and what would happen to prisoners of war. They drew up an agreement so both parties can look at the conditions for continued peace on the borders. They were to finalize it before the end of year.

“What do you think of the draft?” Aragorn asked Faramir when they were riding back to Minas Tirith.

“It will take time to convince them. Talks took a while with Denethor and I presume that they will want some reassurances with set borders, trade, and prisoners of war” said Faramir wearily. “We will meet them again in January for the final draft. Let both parties look at the first verbal agreements that had been written.”

“I am glad that you are here so I can share ideas with you.  What are your plans for mettare?” asked Aragorn, changing the subject. “We are decorating Minas Tirith and I have planned two feasts.”

“I– “ Faramir didn’t know that Aragorn had a plan with him in mind and felt a bit guilty as he said, “I plan to go to Dol Amroth for mettare.”

Aragorn’s face looked a bit downcast. “Queen Arwen and I would love that you join us for at least some of the holiday. When are you leaving for Dol Amroth?”

“It is not set in stone. I think I am expected before the last week of December. I would love to spend some time with you and Queen Arwen.”

“Lady Eowyn is not coming to Gondor yet, is she?” asked Aragorn.

“I believe it will not be till Spring,” said Faramir with a sigh. “It is alright though. She needs to spend some time with her brother, I do not blame her. We will soon be reunited to plan the wedding and move to Emyn Arnen.”

“Is the new home construction going well?” asked Aragorn.

“Yes, it is going well. I am happy with its progress,” replied Faramir with a smile.  “Beregond says that the timeline that we put forth is followed pretty closely. I am thankful for Legolas sending some elves to plan the gardens, for if I did not have that, it would have been harder to complete that part of the house. I would like it perfect for Eowyn when she arrives.”

Faramir thought it was strange Aragorn would ask- he had been headache and nightmare free for a while thought he still had some dreams that involved his father but they were not too vivid to make it worth mentioning.

“I am feeling fine, thank you,” reassured Faramir.

“Let us know if there is anything strange about the dreams.  We can help,” Aragorn said gently. “When you move to Ithilien, please bring athelas, chamomile and lavender with you- they are all healing herbs to make your teas.  Hope your holiday to Dol Amroth will be relaxing.”

“Yes, I'll be back in January.  I understand and thanks for your suggestions. Thank you.” Faramir smiled at Aragorn and felt grateful to have the King so concerned and caring for him.

...

His father looked like he was in despair at the moment, but he was always a serious man with a serious demeanor but this was different- this was as if he had lost all hope and he seldom let people see him this way.

“Father? Are you alright? Why do you look so sad?”

“Because you are a wizard’s pupil and never could be as good as Boromir!”

Faramir woke with a start; he gasped and wondered why he was having these dreams. It was late January and he continued to work hard with Aragorn in diplomatic talks with their neighbors while traveling back and forth from Ithilien to build his new home with Beregond.  He did not feel stressed or anything and did not know what would trigger such a nightmare. He had this nightmare for two consecutive nights and after the second night, he felt anxious again, and his shoulder was starting to feel cold.  The dream had also made him wake in cold sweat and a headache had developed.

He was fine in December celebrating mettare with his family in Dol Amroth. The mood was kept light in metarre with his cousins and Imrahil in Dol Amroth and he purposely tried to keep busy by the shore so that he did not think about his losses.  His cousins were especially caring for him, keeping him distracted with light conversations, daily walks at the beach, tending to their gardens, making sure his thoughts did not turn dark.  

He may have to ask the King what he thought.  But then he remembered that Aragorn was out towards the Southern Borders meeting with the Khand to talk about trade and the rules of being armed so close to the Gondorian borders. He was also going to Belfalas to make an important trade arrangement.   Faramir stayed in Gondor because he was working on the agreement with the Haradrim and there were also local economic decisions to be made about low rations because of the fields being destroyed. It was a rough winter to handle the food shortages that affected everyone’s meals daily.  He was in constant contact with their neighbors in Lossarnach to send some food supplies to Minas Tirith and their nearer regions.

He would have to think of his own way to deal with his lingering nightmares. He sent for his servant to obtain some athelas, feverfew and chamomile to brew his teas by himself. He may not know of what Aragorn used to help him sleep but he knew how to calm himself. After the occurrence in November, he had not touched any more alcohol, but instead the teas helped him feel better and instead of falling into stupor and depressed feelings, he breathed better, calming his thoughts which in turn aided his mental health and sleep better.  

He brewed the tea and drank it slowly, breathing in the athelas to make his head clearer. It had helped to a certain degree. Next, he applied a warm towel to his shoulder.  

He thought of how excited he was for Eowyn instead.  Eowyn was coming in March, and they could arrange Ithilien appropriately before he was to travel to Edoras in April to plan the wedding.  They wrote about their wedding in Rohan and it was firmly decided that it would take place for several days in Edoras in May.  Faramir thought it was unnecessary to have two weddings in different countries, hoping that all rituals would be done in Edoras.  He wrote down his guest list to Eowyn and started to prepare letters to all that he wanted to invite, which included the hobbits, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf who were outside Gondor and Rohan and would have to make a longer trip.  From Gondor, he would invite his cousins, Imrahil, Beregond and the White Company and Belegion and his parents.

These thoughts made Faramir calm again and after a walk in the garden, he forgot about the dreams that made him anxious.

 Beregond stayed at Emyn Arnen and knew that Faramir had to be careful during the one year anniversary of the passing of his family. Aragorn wrote to him too to be aware after he saw his reaction to monthly anniversaries of Boromir's death.

He had spent time thinking of what perennial plants would be good to plant so that there would be plants in every season.  He knew that Eowyn liked certain plants and only in Ithilien would you find such native plants.  Walking outside made him feel rooted to the present and the fact that he was alive despite the challenges that remained. He wondered about why he kept having dreams of his father.

He shivered involuntarily as a breeze had picked up. It was cold that spring day though the sun was shining.  However, Faramir was interrupted by a familiar voice.

“My lord,” Beregond was next to him and it seemed that Faramir did not notice him coming.  “How have you been? Did you have lunch yet?  Would you like the cook to bring your favorites?  Also, a letter from Eowyn had come.”  Beregond handed a letter to Faramir.

Faramir smiled, “Why yes, of course- please dine with me and also bring in the letter.”

Faramir and Beregond spent some time together that afternoon.

Faramir did not mention his odd dreams because he had other concerns about the borders of Ithilien and asked Beregond about the guard and if enemies remained.  He was keen on making sure Gondorians would feel safe to repopulate the areas starting the end of the year of 3020. He had taken on governing Ithilien and making sure it was safe.

“We have doubled our guard in Ithilien and are looking for places to guide our people to rebuild. It will take time since we do find some stray Easterlings that remain here.”

“The King and I have talked to them about returning to their lands but they do like the lands here. They are more temperate in temperature than their own lands. I wonder if we need to reissue a statement regarding occupancy,” said Faramir.  “I will have a meeting with the King next week to discuss.  I think the home is ready for Eowyn to come at the end of the month.”

“When will she come?”

“I think this letter will have the answers,” Faramir opened the envelope to see what was keeping Eowyn.

Dear Faramir,

I miss you and hope to see you soon. I intend to come in two weeks since there has been some inclement weather here in the mountains. Also, rebuilding certain parts of Rohan is taking some time. The Westfold needed more attention in terms of rations and part of our responsibility is not only rebuilding Edoras, but neighboring areas affected by war. It has been a long winter with many challenges to overcome,  but I promise I will come to Emyn Arnen to see how our home is.  

Eomer will not accompany me, but there are other reliable servants in my household that will.

I hope you are alright- do you still have nightmares? Are you being careful with how you feel? Please let me know anything that may be concerning. You know that I care about you so much.  Let us meet in Minas Tirith on March 10, then we will set out to Emyn Arnen together.  I cannot wait to see you again.”

Love,

Eowyn

Faramir could not keep his happiness to himself. He was really eager to see Eowyn.  This latest letter actually said which date she was prepared to come.  Long had he not seen her! He knew she was busy, but he longed for her companionship so much.  Beregond saw that his Lord was happy. 

“We will prepare for her coming- you can go meet her in Minas Tirith and we will prepare for your return.”

“Thank you and yes, I am very excited to see her. It’s been since August that I have not seen her. This time we'll be together longer.” Faramir could not keep his anticipation within.  

TBC