“Dearest Eowyn,

It was a better day today- i met with my friend Belegion who is a cadet that trained with me in Ithilien. He lost his brother too in the Battle of the Pelennor. We’ve become fast friends and I am grateful for that.

Do not worry for me. I am better from before. The King says I need rest, and I am heeding that advice. I will recover from my insomnia.

Faramir stopped writing. It was more than insomnia. However, he did not think it pertinent to mention more than that. He crumpled the paper again and threw it in the waste frustratedly. He had been writing the same thing for an hour that night. 

He will continue to write the following day- he felt weary. He cleaned up and went to bed. 

Aragorn came in again to check up on Faramir and did not find anything amiss. The fever seemed to have abated, Faramir’s eyes were clear and not glazed from fever.  His shoulder was more mobile but for the ache that remained, Aragorn helped massage it more and gave some more warming cloths.

“Are you feeling alright? Any headache?”

“No, I am alright, thank you,” insisted Faramir. “I have the tea handy, and I know which is which now.”

“We will set watch on you till the Black Breath is certain to have left. Your uncle will come later.”

Faramir felt like it was too much, “My dear King, I do not need this much attention. I am truthful that I am feeling better. Please believe me.”

“Sorry, in my opinion, we need to be extra cautious. Please do not think this is unnecessary. We pulled you from several dark dreams, and it’s better if someone is here with you just in case the dark dreams return.”

Faramir could not debate the King and hoped that the night would go smoothly, so that he did not need anyone to mind him the following night.

…

Faramir was still  feverish the next day, and Aragorn recommended that he rest that day. More willow bark and feverfew was given and Aragorn made sure someone was there to make sure someone would be with Faramir if the Black Breath did recur. 

Faramir felt restless the whole day and was not accustomed to being bedridden, but the fever did invade upon even him concentrating on reading so he took the naps that were needed for recovery.  He was glad that his naps did not contain too many dark dreams. The hobbits and even Legolas and Gimli came to see how he was. By evening, the fever broke, and he felt like his normal self. Aragorn admonished him to be careful and not overtax himself again to fall into relapse. The nighttime passed uneventfully with remnants of dreams that Faramir did not remember.

The following day was sunny again, and Faramir was gladdened by the weather. Aragorn said he still had some dreams and spoke at night and advised the sleeping draught before naps and nighttime.  After Aragorn checked him,  Faramir was cleared to go on a short ride that was spoken about the whole week. Prince Imrahil brought him for a ride outside the city circles and Faramir was heartened to be riding again. The Pelennor was recovering but Imrahil led Faramir to a more wooded area that was relatively untouched by the war. 

“Tell me, isn’t riding good for the soul, my nephew?”

“Yes, it is the best feeling,” Faramir felt the wind buffet against him and he felt quite invincible on the ride. One of the reasons he preferred Ithilien is because the woods gave him comfort whenever he went on a ride. Where Imrahil brought him were flat grounds with many trees but a nice view of the city from where they rode. He would have to bring Eowyn on these paths when she moved to Gondor. He remembered he did not send his letter yet and promised himself that he would do so the same day.

“How are you feeling?”

“Yes, I am fine. This was quite a good idea.”

“There is beauty in this world that no darkness can touch. I am glad that you are here to see another age reborn,” said Imrahil. “It has been a hard year. You’ve been so brave throughout, my lad.”

“Yes, it has been–a… difficult year and we are not halfway through,” Faramir sighed. He was surprised despite all the obstacles and grief, he could behold the better things that were to come. And he knew he had things to look forward to despite the sorrow that had embedded in his heart. He just had to keep hopeful. He looked west where the Mindoullin stood and his heart went out to Rohan and thought about Eowyn and how he desired to see her again. All hope had returned in those fateful moments in the Houses of Healing where the King called him back out of all hope and then met a kindred spirit whom he understood. 

“But let us be grateful for each other and for glory restored in Gondor. Our King is kind, compassionate, fair and doing a comprehensive job so far.”

“Yes, that is true. I am glad that the dream of a new King came true. It is beyond our wildest wishes.”

“Do you know what the King is planning? He said that there is something he is waiting for for Mid-summer’s. I am anxious to go to Rohan, but he said this event takes precedence.”

“I believe– his long awaited Queen of Gondor is coming and there will be a wedding,” said Imrahil with a smile. “I overheard a conversation Aragorn was having with Mithrandir.”

“That is significant, and I’m happy for the King!” Faramir exclaimed. “We will have another happy event in Gondor. Do you know if the Council needs to do any preparations?”

“Well you are certainly not part of that committee, dear lad– you are part of the committee to feel better. You have your own wedding to plan- have you spoken to Eowyn about where you’ll have it?” 

“No, we have not spoken about it yet,” replied Faramir. With all that has happened, he needed to make a firm plan and present it to King Eomer and his Lady once he went to Rohan. He sighed. Aragorn had been right; there were things beyond city planning in which he needed to focus on.

“Did you remember any dreams last night? You did talk in your sleep,” said Imrahil. “You mentioned your brother and Eowyn. You woke twice, but I do not think you remember.”

“No, I do not recall,” Faramir took a deep breath. He had dreams but did not remember them last night. He did use Aragorn’s stronger sleeping draught though. He was fearful of what would happen if he did not have that tea beforehand. “It is too nice of a day,  so let’s just enjoy the moment.” He did not want to be reminded of the nightmares.

“I’m encouraged by your spirit. But you need not hide from us what is on your mind. Grief is hard to bear for one person. I too am grieving for Denethor and Boromir. You need not suffer alone,” said Imrahil gently.  “The war has taken much but be glad you are safe and whole and you can go on from this. We can eventually look back at this time in history and know we have overcome.  Can you give yourself a chance to see what you’ve accomplished? Can you gradually understand that you deserve happiness?” Imrahil had seldom been so forthcoming, but he needed Faramir to know that they can grieve together and also move on from this momentous time together.

Faramir felt unshed tears in his eyes and did not know what to say. He slowed his horse to a canter. He knew what his uncle was saying but he never had this truth spoken so clear and close to his heart. 

“Are you all right?” Imrahil slowed as well. 

“Yes, I am fine. I know you speak the truth, but I do not believe the whole truth of that and the whole circumstances of Father’s death is a bit overwhelming.  We do not have to speak of it now.”

“Yes, we do not but I just want to know I am there for you and that I admire your spirit and you need not bear this one on your own. Let me know how I can help.”

“I know, Uncle, I know,” Faramir replied and he took a deep breath and quickened his pace to a gallop again for the horse. He was glad for his kin; he needed more time to process. “I told Eowyn that the Fourth Age will bring peace and prosperity- I would not tell her that and not believe it myself.  I hope for better times in Middle-earth.”

“And there will be, nephew. We will have happier times,” Imrahil smiled at Faramir and put his arm on his shoulder. That was one of the qualities Imrahil liked most about his nephew- even when things were going poorly, he found inner strength to move on. However Faramir was still a bit pale, and Imrahil was mindful to not go too far from the city. They rode for an hour till noon at a slow pace and then returned back to Minas Tirith.

When Faramir returned to Minas Tirith from the ride with Imrahil, he wrote the letter to Eowyn and sent it immediately. He did not want Eowyn to wait too long for his letters and he did miss her terribly. 

Dear Eowyn,

Today was a good day. I was in the company of the hobbits and my uncle Imrahil. Uncle brought me for a good ride outside the city which you would most likely enjoy since it was a light ride, not too far but we did get to see the city in a good view. I can’t wait to bring you.

I met with my friend Belegion yesterday who is a cadet that trained with me in Ithilien. He lost his brother too in the Battle of the Pelennor. We mourn our losses together. Boromir knew Belegor since they fought together when they reclaimed Osgiliath the first time. Belegion and I have become fast friends and I am grateful for that.

We also need to plan our wedding- will you want to be wed here in Gondor? I hope that we will speak about the details in person. I desire greatly to know what we will do. Let me formalize the plans in Rohan. I am eager to plan our future together starting with the betrothal and wedding and also our plans in Ithilien.

I am resting a bit since the King says i’ve been overworked so therefore a bit overwrought. But do not worry for me, my beloved. I have learned rest is needed for everyone. 

I countdown the days and minutes till we meet again. Your hair is like sunlight to me, keeping me present, anchoring me to the good in this world. Thank you for coming into my life and for accepting me. I am so grateful for you and love you so much.

Yours always and forever,

Faramir

…

After the ride with Imrahil,  Faramir was only spared one moment alone for Sam, Frodo and Gandalf were there to have lunch with him.

They had light conversations but did not talk about anything too serious. Sam spoke about cooking and the Shire, Frodo was more quiet than usual and Gandalf was just his usual wizard-self.

“I was worried the first time I made the coneys in Ithilien,” said Sam. “We didn’t have taters, you see-that is a main ingredient that we must have to make it good.”

“That was how we discovered you,” replied Faramir.

“Yes, I would not have liked to have a fire, but Sam insisted we had a decent warm meal before the last trek,” said Frodo recollecting the times in Ithilien.

“That was quite a chance meeting and I was glad for it but fearful about what you were going to do,” said Faramir. “I am glad we are here together again to speak again after the Shadow has passed.”

“And I remember inquiring to you about seeing the hobbits and then telling Pippin that there was just a fool’s hope,” added Gandalf. “We are quite fortunate to see the Fourth Age of Middle-earth begin. Therefore, my task is done.”

“What does that mean, Gandalf? Will you still be here? Will you go to the West?” asked Faramir.

“That remains to be seen what may happen but I know my battle with Sauron is over and that was why I was sent here- to battle him and make sure he is vanquished.”

“It will be a hopeful Fourth Age. I am sure the King will reunite the Kingdoms of the North and South and the lands will be safer. I look forward to times of peace,” said Faramir. “Too much blood was spilled –we all hope that it is to honor those that have fallen and we go on in memory. We need to rebuild the times for peace.”

“You’ve been doing a wonderful job, Steward. You and the King make a great team,” said Gandalf, with his hand on Faramir’s shoulder.

“Thank you,” Faramir said with tears. He did not mean to get emotional but in his life, he knew his value but needed the extra affirmation. He hoped that he would form a great relationship with the King. He had sworn his loyalty and service and he wanted to do his best by him and Gondor. He highly respected Aragorn and hoped that he could make him proud. 

The hobbits and Gandalf left the Steward to have some rest, and Faramir was glad for some alone time. He wanted to read and reply to the other letters he received from soldiers and Belegion. He was also feeling weary again. The ride in the morning was relaxing, but that was the most exercise he received in a while.

He started to doze off when he was writing a reply to Belegion.

He saw a clear sky. However, he was met with some foreboding feeling, a darkness that did not want to let go.

“Do you know why you are a wizard’s pupil?” a voice boomed from a distance. “Are you loyal to me?”

“Do you wish our places had been exchanged?”

The sky was no longer clear but turning quickly to an ashen red.  Red like blood that he saw with his comrades’ bodies strewn in the Causeway Forts and Osgiliath in which he vainly tried to retake. The Anduin was tinted red from the blood. Fire surrounded Minas Tirith.

Why wasn’t he successful? Why couldn’t he do his Lord’s will? Now he is dead. Was it because of his failings? He tried his best. What was his Father’s mindset at the end? Did he die angry? Gondor was in ruins because of him.

He had tried to fight the last opponent but never anticipated a sharp pain. He was trying to call his soldiers for retreat. He didn’t remember falling to an arrow but waking to–

“Wake up, Faramir!”

Faramir opened his eyes to see hobbits Merry and Pippin look at him anxiously, both of them holding onto him on each side. He had fallen asleep at his desk awkwardly with his face on the letter he was writing. Sweat was on his brow. He felt dizzy with fear. He hadn’t had a dark dream for a while– he thought he had recovered.

“What happened?” he asked hoarsely as he sat up.

“Another dream, Faramir! We will prepare some athelas and ask Aragorn to come over.”

“Can you move into your bed instead to rest?” asked Merry

“Yes, I can.” Faramir slowly walked over to his own bed and laid down heavily upon it. “Thank you, dear hobbits,” as he received a mug of water from Pippin. His head felt heavy, and he felt cold again. Merry prepared some athelas for him to breathe into to calm his nerves and keep the darkness away.

“What did you dream of?”

“Are you cold?” Pippin can see Faramir was shivering.

“It was dark again with flashes from the battle,” Faramir breathed heavily. “It was vivid again, but it didn’t happen last night. I don’t know why they keep coming back almost at a whim. I’m sorry to alarm you.” He closed his eyes and tried to get the images away.  Tears stung his eyes. He felt oppressed by the memory of the retreat and fire which was associated with his father’s last moments.

“There is nothing to apologize for. Pippin- are you going to get Aragorn?”

“No-he may come later, no need for him to come over now- i am… better,” Faramir tried to shake the remnant of the dream away. 

“You need to be truthful to yourself. I had the Black Breath too, and Strider told me I have to change the dream but also tell myself what is really bothering me. I had a bout or two when I was anticipating my cousins and Sam from the Black Gate. I was bothered that I was kept in the dark about them until I went to Ithilien. No one told me anything and the days of waiting were so hard! Being left behind was awful, but not knowing the fate of my kin was even worse!” Merry recounted that with tears in his eyes. “You need to be careful! You’ve had several dark dreams already. It is not going away by itself, dear Steward!”

“Yes, I agree with that,” said Faramir. “Éowyn kept me company as we anticipated the news together,” Faramir sighed. “Sorry to hear that it was so hard for you at that time, Merry. That must’ve been a trying time.” Faramir looked at Merry sympathetically.  Focusing on others made him feel better. He was still fearful and couldn’t face what was behind those dreams. The edge of darkness still pervaded. He tried to shake the darkness. He breathed deeply into the athelas that the hobbits had brought to him. His attention and focus turned to the room and the hobbits looked at him with concern.

“So my point, Steward, is that you have to tell us what is on your mind for the Black Breath to retreat completely. You have to tell us, your friends. And you need to let Éowyn know if you have not already. We can all help you fight,” said Merry resolutely.

“And I’m the most positive hobbit you’ll find and I have sworn to Gondor’s service. You have to keep me in the loop and let me know how I can entertain, help with your favorite meals and be of service,” said Pippin with a grin.

“Thank you- I will keep all this in mind. I…I  think part of the dreams comes back to my father,” admitted Faramir quietly. He had calmed with the presence of athelas, and he drank some of the warm tea the hobbits had given him.

“What else do you need to know for closure?” asked Pippin solemnly.

“I do not know–” though Faramir knew. What did Denethor think of him at the last moment? How about Boromir’s last moment? Gandalf and Imrahil both said that he grieved for him. But why burn him alive as well? He shuddered, heart pounding again as an image of fire suddenly flashed. He closed his eyes.

“Are you alright?” Merry held onto the Steward and gave him a mug of feverfew, chamomile and lavender just in case. The Steward pushed it away, his hands shaking, eyes filled with unshed tears.

“Let us not talk about it right now if you’re not ready,” said Pippin. “I  know that I saved you and we know that you value life, correct?” Or Aragorn couldn't have pulled you from the darkness the first time.  You’ve been saved thrice –your uncle, me and Aragorn; that’s got to count for something.  Also, we wanted to let you know again how indebted we are to Boromir. We are so upset he died protecting us.”

“Yes, we always wanted to tell you this very important point. We loved Boromir so much. We will forever remember him fondly. He was such a vital part of our Fellowship.”

“Yes, I know. Boromir is greatly missed. Thanks for letting me know how important he was.  The view of the King kept me back in the present and in life. I am grateful for that. I also need to thank you and my uncle for saving my life,” Faramir breathed and tried to rid himself of the image of fire and to stop the feelings of inadequacy.  

“That’s why we need you to overcome the Black Breath. We should just say the blessings of each day,” said Merry. “Calm down, and we can speak about that.”

“Yes, that is what my friend said as well. Belegion is his name. He has helped me a lot as well lately. I was writing a letter to him when I fell asleep.” Faramir was starting to feel calmer.

The hobbits and the Steward all said things that they were grateful for and that helped Faramir stay grounded to the moment more so.

“I am grateful for pipeweed and ale,” said Pippin.

Merry and Faramir laughed.

 “Is that the first thing you think about?’ Merry asked.

“It is important for me to relax!” said Pippin. “You would say the same, Merry, do not deceive me.”

“I would say you and Frodo first, Pippin” and Merry stuck his tongue out at his cousin.

“Faramir, how about you?”

“I am grateful for you hobbits, the King, my uncle, Belegion and of course Eowyn. It is true they say that comfort is found in the most unlikely places and I'm glad that we met each other. I met Frodo and Sam first and always knew hobbits were special.”

They spoke until Aragorn came in to see how Faramir was feeling. “What are you all speaking about?”

“About gratitude,” said Faramir.

“That is a good topic to talk about. Now how are you feeling today? Any dreams, fever or headache?” He went over to the Steward’s side to check his vitals and shoulder. Faramir seemed fine but looked weary still, the signs of anxiety were still there. His shoulder was still cool.  Aragorn placed a warm cloth on his shoulder.  Then he prepared tea for anxiety.

Faramir looked away and was reluctant to say, but Merry replied for him a bit too quickly. “Yes, but we solved it.”

“Now how did you do that,” asked Aragorn with a look of amusement.

“I told him how to battle Black Breath.”

“And I am not speaking to you, Merry- I know you recovered since I was there in Cormallen. It was a process, and it is different for everyone.”

“Now Faramir, did you dream again?” Aragorn looked at Faramir critically.

“Yes,” Faramir looked away. “I don’t know why it was dark again. I do not want to talk about them though.”

“Part of recovery is learning to talk about the fears you have, especially with the dreams. And the hobbits were here to help you out of it?”

“Yes, they’ve been a great help. I think I know one of the causes of the Black Breath,” Faramir said slowly. Constantly it seemed like Denethor still kept into those dark thoughts that would not abate. He swallowed hard. What would help in laying his father to rest of how he thought about him?  

“I need to learn how to handle the memory of Denethor,” murmured Faramir reluctantly. 

“That is a tough subject matter,” agreed Aragorn. “I didn’t see eye to eye with your father many times and we had different views on battle. For yourself, your father did appreciate you in the end. That is what Gandalf and Imrahil tell me.”

“Everyone keeps telling me that, but I am not sure I believe it,” Faramir looked down in his hands.  What kind of proof did he want? There was no way of achieving that so why dwell? He tried to think of something else he wanted to know.

“Did you know him well?” Faramir asked.

“Why yes, I knew both him and Ecthelion, your grandfather and gave advice and fought alongside them against the Corsairs. I overthrew the Captain of the Haven in battle upon the quays at that time,” replied Aragorn. 

Faramir was in awe of Aragorn’s memory, age and prowess.  He felt so young compared to the King and so inexperienced with knowledge.

“Should we get more athelas from the apothecary, Strider?” asked Merry. “I think we’ve run out.”

“I think that the apothecary does not have too many either. We need to tell Ioreth to have one of her lads ride out to get some. I will tell her tomorrow since it is a bit late today,” said Aragorn.

“For tonight, you do not have to fear the darkness. I will be here. Regarding Denethor, he used the palantir- there are few men who have the audacity to do that. I truly believe he was not how he should’ve been and fear and despair only made it worse at the end when Gondor was under siege. At the end, his mind was overthrown. Do not blame yourself for your father’s decisions. The only decisions you have to make are those for your own health and well-being, Faramir.” Aragorn’s eyes looked upon Faramir with concern.  

Faramir nodded and did not know what to say. Aragorn’s words did make sense.  He did not factor in the palantir’s role in all that had transpired. He was sorrowful to learn about the palantir’s effect on Denethor.  He just wished he had said farewell to Denethor. He also wished he had a proper good-bye to Boromir. There were so many words left unsaid. He didn’t fear the darkness. He had to deal with it but was not sure of the closure he sought and needed. Or maybe he had to live with no closure. He closed his eyes and wished that it was not so but it did seem that way. Is that the reason why he could not part with his family’s things? 

And how about Boromir- was his death in vain? He took the Ring from Frodo as he had learned. Is that why the Valar was punishing him? He wondered about these questions and wondered if anyone had an answer to this. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

Aragorn seemed to read his thoughts, “Your brother–he died well and redeemed himself before the end. He did try to take the Ring, but he saved the hobbits and he told me his last words of regret for trying to do so. I…believe he is remorseful and that alone is enough for redemption and I believe ...he shall rest in peace, noteworthy, valiant Son of Gondor.” Aragorn bowed his head and tears came to his eyes. 

Faramir felt tears in his eyes as well. “Do we have time to go to his last resting place? I would like to know…how…” but he felt sorrowful again and could not speak and bowed down in grief. How he missed Boromir- his brother taught him so much and it certainly was more lonely without him. How could there be anyone like him?

Aragorn and the hobbits wrapped him in the hug. “We shall. You can recover and perhaps we can do this before Mid-Summer’s.  It is about a three day trip to Parth Galen and Amon Hen, I believe. It is hard to navigate the Mouths of the Entwash, which could be tricky. You need to recover completely before we can go.”

“That would be a good trip,” said Merry. “I would like to go too. Maybe we can go soon? I wonder if Legolas and Gimli want to go too?”

“We will discuss tomorrow with the Fellowship,” said Aragorn. In the meantime, Faramir needs to rest and once I think he is mostly free of the Black Breath, we can go together.”

 It was getting late, so they talked about lighter topics and about the beauty that was still in this world to appreciate instead.  Faramir felt heartened and also anticipated greatly to go to the place where his brother was last seen alive. He fell asleep to Aragorn’s light massage to his temples and more athelas infused cloths that made him less anxious that the Black Breath could recur.

TBC