Chapter 14 - Hide and Seek

“Where did Faramir go?” Pippin and the hobbits were in the Steward’s room but there was no Steward. It was two hours past noon.

“Do you think I have a Faramir tracker?” Merry replied.

“This is not a funny matter,” said Sam. “Strider is coming in an hour.”

“Did he leave any note?” Gandalf asked.

“No, he did not,” said Frodo.  “Should we be worried? Perhaps he will be back soon.”

“Maybe he is with his uncle?” Merry said. “Imrahil said he would bring him out of Minas Tirith and it seems like a good day for it.”

“Hope he is feeling up for it. Aragorn didn’t mention anything about that being too strenuous,” said Pippin.

“You really think you’re Healer Took, don’t you, Pippin? Just because of knowing the medicines–”

“I have a good memory, what can you do but admit that, dear Brandybuck?” said Pippin with a grin.

“Perhaps he is better and went for a walk. We should not worry.” said Gandalf. He had been around and heard from the hobbits and Aragorn how the Steward was and felt that there should not be too many people around-just enough for support.

“Shall we go find him? I do not know why but I worry,” said Merry. “Pippin and I shall go look and Sam and Frodo stay here.”

“But the city is big- where shall we start?” asked Pippin.

It was not that Faramir wanted to take the long way home. He was thinking about where to place memorials strategically. He wanted to make sure those that perished would be remembered well. He did not mean to work, but thinking about Belegion and his brother made him want to make sure all soldiers would be remembered. Many were his friends. He felt a pang of sorrow remembering how his closest Ithilien Rangers had to go outside their comfort zone to help with the defense of the Forts and Rammos Echor. He lost a third of his men in the ill thought out defense of the Pelennor Fields. His heart felt heavy recollecting that. 

Suddenly a headache reemerged. Smell of burning wood. But he looked around and all he could see was a small pub restarting their oven. The smell did not help, and the timing could not be worse.  A wave of nausea swept over him. He went into a shaded alley to catch his breath and tried to ignore the pain better without the sunshine bearing down on him.  He tried to forget the smell of burning wood that elicited memories of being burned alive.  He felt anxious again and now sick.  He retched, for the smell made him remember how close to the fire he was.

He sat down and breathed slowly.  He closed his eyes for a moment’s relief. Maybe drinking wasn’t a good idea.

Finally after what seemed to be fifteen to twenty minutes (did he fall asleep?), he stood back up slowly, trying to be steady, and make his way home slowly. 

Suddenly two small figures appeared and approached him. He felt both glad and worried about what they might think.

“Faramir, are you alright?” Pippin glanced at him worriedly, holding onto Faramir’s hand.  “We are glad we found you.”

“We were troubled when we didn’t see you, so we decided to come and find you. Where have you been? Are you alright?” Merry said looking at the Steward’s pale face. Faramir also did not seem like he was focusing well. 

“I..just have a headache. It is nothing. Sorry for… worrying you. Let… us return.” Faramir felt glad the hobbits were there as he slowly stood up and made his way back home with their careful guidance.

The hobbits guided Faramir slowly back to his home where Frodo, Sam, and Gandalf awaited him.

“Faramir! Where have you been?  You do not look well,” said Frodo. Faramir looked sickly pale again.

“No, I am fine- I was just visiting a friend—just a headache,” replied Faramir wearily. The headache abated a bit but he felt unnaturally weary. He took some of the feverfew chamomile tea that Aragorn gave him and went to bed.

“Did you eat already?” asked Gandalf.

“Yes, I will later, but I am weary now– I will just —rest,” Faramir’s eyes closed, head on the pillow, eyes closed before he finished the sentence.

Sam and Frodo exchanged anxious glances with the wizard and Merry and Pippin.

“Where did you find him?” asked Frodo to the younger hobbits.

“He was on his way home but he seemed like he had a strong headache since he seemed like he was resting. We found him in an alley. He kept quiet about how he was feeling. I am not sure where he went,” said Merry.

“We should be on the lookout until Strider comes,” Sam said with consternation.

Fire.

There was fire and it felt unnaturally hot, a glimpse of his father in grief in his last moments… he did cry for him, setting a vigil, but was it really real? Images of shadow and flame flared up.

Then Boromir appeared in a boat, his face pale but still beautiful in death. The sound of the horn was still so close but he could do nothing to help him at the last moment. He felt helpless- was it his fault he had perished because of the dream that he was trying to find a reason to? Did he send him needlessly to Imladris?

But there was also sunshine-  Eowyn’s golden hair and slender frame also filled his mind and he felt tears of joy to know such a beautiful lady who agreed to marry him. He saw Belegion’s eyes fill with happiness when he visited him.

Finally, he saw Gondor restored with the gardens he envisioned and also a statue for Boromir forever remembered for the sacrifice he made.

Faramir stirred, opened his eyes, his headache was almost gone but he felt warm.  A concerned Aragorn glanced at him.

“What happened?”

“Can I ask you what happened, Steward? You are feverish again so please drink some willow bark now.” Aragorn helped Faramir to sitting position and guided a mug to Faramir’s lips.

“But I think my dream has improved,” said Faramir after he drank the tea. “It was not as dark. There was a hopeful ending.”

“I’m glad for that,” Aragorn still was not convinced. “Where did you go today, if i may ask? The hobbits and Gandalf did not find you and when you returned, you did not look well, they said. It is already sunset, and they went for dinner which you should have as well.”

“I was just visiting a friend, Belegion,” said Faramir. “Dinner sounds good.” He did not eat much that day but felt his appetite returning a little. Contrary to how he thought, he still felt light-headed.

“Who is Belegion and why did you not leave a note to anyone? We were worried. You need to rest more. I will send a message for the hobbits to bring you some food.”

Faramir sighed, “He is my friend I have and he wrote to me to visit– I did not think it was too far, and I enjoy his company so I departed for a couple hours.”

“Given that you are recovering, we would like to know where you are- sorry if it feels restricting in any way but we want to be careful,” replied Aragorn. “You were away for a while and we were worried especially since your headache and fever reemerged – are you feeling stressed or anxious?”

“No, I am fine–”

“Truthfully?”

“On my way back from Belegion’s home, I was –looking at areas to put memorials. It should not have too much of an effect, would it?”

Aragorn shook his head, “Faramir, I did reprimand you not to work and thinking about work is inclusive of that task. We will take time to remember those that we have lost but given your situation, you need to recover first and foremost. Think about your impending ride to Rohan for your betrothal, think about where in Ithilien you will live–those are happier things to focus on at the moment until we can confirm you’re free from the Black Breath. Any anxiety or nightmare you have puts you back in risk, do you understand?”

Faramir nodded. “Thank you for clarifying –I'll be more mindful of the thoughts and plans I have.” He didn’t know that something as simple as planning could cause such a reaction.

Then the hobbits reappeared in the doorway. “Time for dinner, Steward!”

“As always, Pippin brought your favorites,” said Merry.

“Thank you, Pippin,” said Faramir with a smile. He was lucky to have the hobbits and he was always cheered by their company.

After dinner, Faramir found some energy to start a letter to Eowyn.

“Dearest Eowyn,

It was a better day today- i met with my friend Belegion who is a cadet that trained with me in Ithilien. He lost his brother too in the Battle of the Pelennor. He is doing well and requested me to visit him and I'm glad that I went since he wrote to me the most heartwarming letter.

Do not worry for me. I am better from before. 

Was that convincing enough? He really did not want Eowyn to worry. He was on the mend, he was sure of it.

I countdown the days and minutes till we meet again. Your hair is like sunlight to me, keeping me present, anchoring me to the good in this world. Thank you for coming into my life and for accepting me. I am so grateful for you and love you so much.

Yours forever and always,

Faramir

Faramir did not send the letter yet-- he did not want to avoid Eowyn's questions but he wasn't sure how to talk about the Black Breath for he was still fearful of it returning and was not prepared to explain. He sighed and went back to pacing the room. He will finish the letter later. Finally, he settled on reading the books his uncle had brought to calm and keep himself distracted.

TBC