I am sorry for the delay in posting the continuation of this story but as those of you who follow my LJ  knows, my internet access is tenous at times if I have any at all. Cross fingers, toes, hair and everything else that it will improve soon.

PART EIGHT: Mother’s love

Esmeralda Brandybuck had watched her son sleep on many occasions, but it was many years since she had watched him sleep as intently as she did now, carefully watching his beloved features for any sign of distress. Merry had woken up to take a bit of breakfast, his first meal since breakfast the day before and now he was asleep again. Had it only been twenty four hours since her own accident Esmie mused. Surely it couldn’t be? She shook her head a little, but yes, it was true. She had fallen down the stairs to the cellar in the kitchen the previous morning just after first breakfast and woken up to find Merry beside her last night, his head nestled on her bedside, apparently deeply asleep.

They hadn’t been able to wake him, she remembered, and when he did finally wake it was after much coaxing from her, Saradoc and Pippin. Pippin, the dear lad, had tried to explain what horrors Merry had gone through to suffer such nightmares as the one he had last night, and try to understand as she might, Esmie didn’t quite manage to grasp the reality of what had happened. Merry’d stabbed a foul creature, a servant of the Dark Lord himself, and paid for it with an icy chill searing through his body and a black mood that seemed to steal his very life away.

It had been a hard enough shock as it was to see the scar on his forehead and the marks on his wrists when he’d first come home, but she’d managed to come to terms with those. Merry had told her repeatedly that they did not hurt, but she couldn’t help but think that the memories of them, the sheer fact that he had them, must hurt him on the inside, as it tore at her heart to see him like that. She knew that was one of the reasons he and Pippin had moved to Crickhollow.

Now Merry seemed to be free of pain and nightmare. The fever that followed the icy hold the Darkness had on him was gone and Pippin had said that he was tired now and just needed to sleep and restore his strength before he would be as good as new again.

Esmie shifted a little in her chair, adjusting her broken leg on the stool it rested on and wrapping her blanket a bit tighter around herself. She had insisted on sitting with Merry and accepted the cup of strong willow bark tea the healer, Daffodil, had given her prior to her watch. The healer had tried to talk her out of it, but being a mother of five herself she had understood all too well Esmie’s distress and love for her son.

Presently Merry shifted and snuggled his head deeper into the pillow it was resting on. His right side and arm was wrapped in warm cloths and hot bricks that had been placed around him. His left arm lay flung out beside him, his hand dangling over the side of the bed. Now Daffodil entered with a new load of steaming cloths and nodded to the Mistress as she walked over to the bed. “He’s still sleeping soundly,” she marvelled. “It is a strange illness this, Mistress, but Master Pippin has been right so far, so I deem he is right in this too.” Daffodil mused more to herself than to Esmeralda.

“Yes,“ Esmie said. “No one knows our Merry like Pippin. He did wake up to take some breakfast an hour ago though,”

“Yes, the Master told me and it is good news indeed,” Daffodil said and started unwrapping Merry from the cloths that had cooled. “His skin feels a little warmer too. I dare say he’ll be up and about later today.”

“Let us hope so.” Esmie struggled to rise so she could watch as the healer worked, but gasped in pain as she jostled her leg.

“Mistress!” Daffodil was by her side in an instant and helped her down in the chair again. “You ought to be in bed!”

“I know, Daffodil, but I just couldn’t. Not now.”

“I understand. However, I do not want you to tax yourself. You’ve had a bad fright, and I’m not only talking about the Young Master’s illness. You have your own heart to think about too, and your leg needs to heal to be fully functional again. It won’t do anyone any good if you don’t rest. As soon as Master Merry wakes up again I am ordering you back to bed.” Daffodil put on her sternest look and held Esmie’s gaze until she subsided.

“You are right, dear,” Esmie said and patted Daffodil’s arm. “I might be the Mistress of Brandy Hall but when it comes to health and what is best for you, your word is law”.

“I thank you for that, Mistress.” Daffodil smiled before turning back to business. “Now, I’d like to know when he wakes up. I would very much want to know more about this illness that ails him.”

“You’re not the only one,” Esmeralda smiled back. “You’re a bright lass Daffodil, and I am very glad you are the one who took over when poor old Pardy died.”

Daffodil blushed. “Thank you Mistress, I had a very good teacher and he is sorely missed.”

“Yes you did,” Esmie agreed. “We all miss him.”

Daffodil finished with Merry and closed the door silently behind her and Esmie went back to watching her Merry-lad sleep. Over the years she had sat many times in this very chair watching her dear lad sleep in that very bed. Mostly the watch had been out of content and love for her child, especially the first years after he was born. She knew she could not have more than this one child. She’d lost a few before Merry finally came, but none had made it to birth. After Merry was born, the midwife had told her quite sternly that she would do well to not attempt any more children for the sake of her own health. She’d been devastated by the news and subsequently loved her only child even more for being the only one she would ever have.

It was known all over Buckland that Esmeralda had a as generous heart as most Tooks and didn’t limit her love to her own Merry but always held a special place in her heart both for Pippin and Frodo in addition to always looking out for the other children residing at Brandy Hall.

There had been times she’d watched Merry sleep during some nightmare or other. More often than not it was Merry who soothed Frodo’s nightmares, coming to hers and Sara’s bedroom waking them full of distress because he couldn’t calm Frodo down. She remembered sitting by Merry’s sickbed too, but those occasions were few even if the memory of them were strong.

Esmeralda looked at her grown son again, taking the time to study his face intently. Merry was pale, and in his sleep all the worry and troubles he managed to hide during the day lay plainly written on his features. Perhaps he was not so free of nightmare and pain as she initially had thought after sitting down to watch him? Esmie hitched herself up a little to study him closer. Hadn’t she noticed before or was he thinner? When had Merry’s cheekbones become so prominent? Perhaps it was only the last inches he had grown that fooled her. Perhaps he had become stretched, become leaner – almost like Frodo was now – and not broader like using all those muscles usually would result in with a Brandybuck?

So much had changed the year he’d been gone and since he and the others came back they’d been busy with setting the Shire back to rights. Had she not had time to study her lad before this? Had she been able she would have kicked herself for being so little perceptive, but she also knew that like the Took she was she wasn’t always as concerned by the outside as of the inside. She could clearly see this in Pippin – Merry had not that part of Tookishness over him, meticulous as he ever was. She cared about looks, of course she did, she was after all a lass. Still she berated herself for not having seen the signs before. They’d been back for months! Granted, they’d all been busy putting everything back to order.

Had she already come to take Merry’s presence for granted again? The fact that she at some point had taken him for granted at all shocked her and she reached over to brush his tousled curls from his eyes, vowing never to do the same again. She had sworn to never take anything for granted after the miracle of Merry’s birth and she held a living, healthy child in her arms.

Merry shifted under her touch and she moved her hand to cup his cheek instead. Merry leaned into her touch and blinked open his eyes. “Mum?”

“Good morning dear. Have you been sleeping well?”

Merry blinked a few more times before nodding. “What are you doing out of bed? You should be resting.” He looked at her searchingly. “Mum! You are in pain. What are you doing here?”

Esmeralda shook her head. If anyone in her family was perceptive, it was her Merry. She’d had time to school her features while Merry woke up still he had seen her distress. “I will when I see you are back on your feet again. How do you feel?”

Merry nodded, remembering all that had happened the last few days. “Is it over now?”

Esmeralda looked at him blankly for a moment then nodded firmly. “Yes, Merry. It is over now.” She reached out and wrapped her son, blankets and cloths and all, in her embrace. “It’s gone now, Merry. The Shadow is gone.”

“Good.” Merry said firmly and sat up only now discovering the heavy cloths adorning his side and arm. Lifting them a little, he felt with his left hand on the right side of his chest and up to the shoulder and down the arm. “I can feel my arm again.” Unwrapping his arm and hand from the cloths Merry lifted his right hand and wriggled his fingers, testing them and feeling the hand with his left. Esmie took his right hand in his and squeezed gently.

“It does not feel so cold any more.”

“No.” Merry moved to get up and drew back the curtains to reveal the early spring sun. He stood there for a moment, letting the first warm rays of spring warm his face and cleanse him of the darkness that had tried it’s best to swallow him up. The Shadow was indeed gone! Merry felt fine. No dark thoughts, no pain, no lingering nightmare. His sleep had been deep and sound and he couldn’t remember any dreams, not even good ones. Merry smiled.

Merry padded over to the foot of the bed and put his robe on. “What time is it?”

“Close to elevenses I should think,” Esmie said. “Are you sure you are well enough to be up and about?”

“Yes, Mum,” Merry said, sitting down on the side of his bed again. “I am more concerned about you. We should get you back into a comfy bed.”

“All I good time my dear. The healer wanted to see you so you’d better go fetch her yourself,” Esmie smiled. “I’m not of much help at the moment.”

“That can hardly be necessary,” Merry argued. “I feel fine. I don’t need a healer.”

“Perhaps not, but she insisted.”

“All right then,” Merry agreed reluctantly, feeling a little like a stubborn child not wanting to do his chores. He kissed her cheek. “Anything for you Mum. Where is everyone else?”

“Pippin and Sara are sleeping. They have been sitting with you all night and are resting. They carried you to bed themselves and have been with you ever since. I came to sit with you just before first breakfast.”

Merry rose and wrapped his arms around her from behind and hugged her tightly. “Thank you.”

Esmie patted his hair and leaned into his strong embrace. ”It was nothing my dear. Now shoo. Go find that healer of ours and see about some food for your starving mother. Bedside watching is hard work you know.”

“I know, Mum.” Merry laughed and went in search of food, the healer and the rest of his immediate family.

*****

“Merry! You sleepyhead!” Pippin’s shout of welcome sounded across the Great Hall later that day as he saw Merry enter, pushing Esmie in a chair with wheels on, something the Brandybucks had learned from the Tooks after seeing Mistress Lalia being wheeled around in one, and deciding that it would serve well for injured people needing to keep their legs perfectly still, but being able to be up and about. “I see you finally have decided to join the living again.” His voice was light but Merry could clearly see the lines of worry on Pippin’s features. It was the way of hobbits to take lightly on grave matters when they couldn’t – or in this case wouldn’t as the Great Hall was crowded – use the words needing to be said.

“Pip!” Merry embraced his cousin as if they hadn’t seen each other for a long time, but knew just as well as Pippin that the cheerfulness was a mask and that they needed to keep that mask on to keep sane.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed, Auntie?” Pippin inquired.

“Yes, “ Merry answered, “but she insisted on eating at a table and since the one in the private parlour is too small for sitting comfortably by with a wheelchair, she demanded to be brought here.”

“Do not worry yourselves, lads. I have had a good and long nap and I have promised the good healer to be back under the covers as soon as this meal is over.”

*****

Merry and Pippin spent the next days at Brandy Hall, watching over Esmie and helping Saradoc when forced from her room so he could sit with her as much as possible. Merry had felt cheerful and happy again and relished being back to his old self, laughing and singing through the hallways, teasing the lasses and taking a pipe on the porch with his Da in the evenings, musing that day’s events over. It was a habit he and Saradoc had taken up after he came back. He and Pippin had also had a long talk about what had happened and Merry had thanked him many times for being there for him and his parents and they’d both shed some tears.

“Promise me,” Pippin had said after they had dried their tears and laughed a little to lighten their mood again. “Promise me Merry, that you tell me when you feel the Shadow threatening to take control again.”

Merry had looked at him then, locking his eyes with Pippin’s, pouring his heart into the words as he had said “I promise, Pip. I really do.”

With a nod, Pippin had accepted his promise and Merry intended to hold to it as best as he could. Hobbits did after all take promises very seriously.

*****

It was late in the afternoon on the fifth day after Merry woke up when they both were called into the Master’s office. The rain poured down outside again, the sun from the previous two days long gone. “Lads,” Saradoc said gravely, looking each ot them in the eye. “We have a problem.”