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A Shire Sketchbook  by Baggins Babe

Summer 1412 SR

      "You want to do what? You barmy Took, you'll get your fool self killed one of these days!"

     "Pish! He's harmless enough. You forget I'm a farmer's son. Beef cattle are different - the bulls are silly old things usually. It's dairy bulls you have to watch out for." Pip climbed over the fence and advanced on the massive animal. "Anyway, he likes me."

       Merry sighed and began to clamber over the fence too. He was not about to allow Pip in there alone.

       "What on Middle-earth do you two think you're doing?" said a familiar, refined voice. Merry groaned. He knew that voice - elegant, precise, just like the speaker.

       "Pip's decided he wants to die an early and messy death and is going to say hello to the bull." He turned and looked at Cousin Frodo. "I was not about to let him go by himself."

       "Don't be so melodramatic, Merry," Pip called.

       Frodo looked at the bull, his face inscrutable. "Hmmmmm. At least it isn't a dairy bull. Are you absolutely sure he's friendly, Pip?"

       "Of course he is!" Pip reached the bull and patted it in a chummy fashion.

       "I can't watch," Merry said, turning away. "He's going to be squished, I know he is."

       "Not necessarily," Frodo murmured. "He wouldn't be the first member of the family to do this sort of thing."

       "I was just thinking the same thing," said Reggie Took, joining them at the fence. He gave Frodo a very meaningful stare. Merry gaped.

       "Don't tell me you ever did this, Fro?"

       Frodo gave one of his graceful little shrugs. "I did a lot of silly things when I was younger."

       Reggie chuckled. "I'll say! Didn't you replace the sand in Old Rory's sand shaker with sugar and turn all his letters to a sticky mess?"

       "You didn't?! What a great trick! I must try that!" Pip had been drawn away from his friendly chat with the bull by tales of the Rascal of Buckland.

       "No, you must not try that. I seem to remember paying rather heavily for that one," said Frodo, wincing as he remembered his uncle administering stern punishment. "And I had to write out five thousand lines of Shire history. I had writer's cramp for a month!"

       "I'd heard about that one. Mum told me one night when I was ill, just after you moved to Hobbiton.." Merry grinned. "You were even more of a hero after that."

       Reggie spluttered into sudden laughter. "Not to mention the pig!"

       "In Aunt Amaranth's bonnet and shawl," added Merry, cackling hysterically.

       "In the Master's bedroom...............just as they were preparing for bed," admitted Frodo, giggling.

       Pippin was stunned into awed silence for a few seconds before asking, "What happened?"

       "There was a shriek from Aunt Gilda and a roar from Uncle Rory, the pig escaped into the corridor and frightened Aunt Asphodel, who was in the privvy at the time. She had a fit of the vapours and screamed the place down, and I thought it best to hide for a while."

       "Three days, I heard. Mum was frantic. They searched all over Buckland, up hill and down dale. Da even went to see Farmer Maggot, but he hadn't seen you either."

       "Where were you?" asked Pip.

       "In the Old Forest," replied Frodo with another shrug.

       "You went in there?!" Pip breathed.

       "Not far in - but it seemed safer than facing Uncle Rory."

       "Didn't you play terrible tricks on Uncle Dino and Uncle Dodi?" Merry made himself comfortable atop the five-barred gate and the others joined him. The bull munched peacefully, sparing them no more than a glance..

       "As you know, they live in apartments at the Hall with doors opening onto the same corridor. The doors face each other and each door has a little knocker. I........well, I tied some very fine black thread between the knockers and then tapped on Dino's door and hid at the end of the passage. He emerged, looked puzzled to see no-one there, went back in and shut the door, which of course slammed the knocker on Dodi's door. He came out, glanced up and down, muttered something and went inside, slamming the door. They went on like that for over half an hour before Aunt Amaranth sailed past and her hat got caught in the thread and caused both knockers to crash down together. Both hobbits flew out and each accused the other of being a nuisance. I have to say I was impressed at the effect I'd achieved with a bit of thread." Frodo's face lit up at the memory.

       "I heard they didn't talk to each other for a week." Merry glanced at his cousin, his grey eyes wide with admiration.

       "Esme found the thread but she didn't let on - although she gave me a lecture. She knew being angry was no good - the worst thing she could ever say was that she was disappointed in me. That always made me feel bad."

       "My Mum says that too!" Pippin cried indignantly. "Mums always know how to make us feel bad."

       Merry chuckled. "Aunt Tina had lots of experience with your sisters before you arrived, Pip. You don't stand a chance."

       "I hid on the roof the other week and used a watering can on Aunt Myrtle. She hurried back inside to fetch her umbrella and told Hetty that it was raining. Hetty came dashing out to rescue her washing and found no rain anywhere. You should see the looks she's been giving Aunt Myrtle ever since!"

       Reggie laughed. "Are young hobbits still doing that? Well, I suppose it works but you have to be sparing. That's why Frodo was so good at this - he never used the same trick twice. He was always inventing new ones. I don't know where the ideas came from."

       "I think that may be the Baggins side coming out. Bilbo told me he was a scamp when he was a teen, and Uncle Dudo said he and Papa did all sorts of things when they were young."

       Pip nudged Merry so hard he almost lost his grip on the gate. "There you are - for once the Tooks aren't being blamed!"

       "No, but Uncle Pal and Da were just as bad as us when they were young. They hid Gandalf's staff once, and were almost turned into something unnatural before he saw the funny side."

       Frodo gave a virtuous little smile. "That proves it! The Bagginses have more sense than to go around annoying wizards!" He ducked Pippin's swat, grabbed the tween's braces and hauled him off the gate. "The Baggins common sense also tells me that it's almost time for elevenses. Last one to the kitchen's a rotten apple!"

       The others followed, muttering as Frodo outdistanced them with ease. Reggie wondered, not for the first time, how Frodo managed to remain so 'tweeny' and youthful. Perhaps that was a Baggins trait too?      





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