A little birthday mathom for Shirebound. Happy Birthday! Features your favourite OC

Birds. Silly twittering things. They think they're out of reach up there, cheeping and peeping. My Master hates to see them dead, limp bundles of feathers on the stoop, so I leave them alone. I could catch them if I wanted to, but they are too silly to bother with.

Bats. Everyone says they are too fast for me but they are not! Whizzing about up there, darting to and fro with no apparent purpose. Flying mice, that's all they are. I could catch them if I cared to try, but I have decided not to bother.

Frogs. Cold and damp, and they scream if I try to touch them. They do not run but sometimes they will jump. The screaming attracts the family and they tell me I must not chase the frogs. Where is the fun in that? I could catch them but it hardly seems worth the trouble.

Toads. Worse than frogs, for they taste horrible and if I tried to hold one in my mouth I would be very ill. The do not jump but walk around the garden. They catch insects and Sam says they are the gardener's friend, so I leave them alone. I daresay I could catch one but I have no wish to be ill.

Hedgehogs. Prickly things - they just curl into a ball when I approach, or hiss at me and toddle away, knowing there is no way through those spines. I expect I could find a way, but I will not waste my time.

Butterflies and moths. They flutter about but they are chewy and their wings fall to powder. Not a satisfying meal for a hobbity cat and my Master shudders if he sees me with one half in and half out of my mouth. 'Poor thing,' he says, lifting the limp form. He is too compassionate for his own good, that one, but I hate to see him sad, so I leave them alone.

Snakes. They can be dangerous and I must watch the small hobbits in case they step carelessly. There are 'harmless' ones too - slow worms and grass snakes - but the Master forbids it. I could catch one, for they are not too fast, but I do as I am told.

Squirrels. Now they are very cheeky and impudent, but the Master and the children love to watch their antics. Sam grumbles when they dig up the spring bulbs but Master Frodo puts out food for them. They are very fast, but I could catch one if I cared to try.

Rabbits. They bounce around the paddock but they are not allowed in the vegetable garden. I chase them out if I see them. I'm sure I could catch a big fat juicy one and take it home for the pot, but I know what Master Frodo would say to that. So I don't.

Rats and mice. Ah! Now these I am allowed to catch - at least, I am allowed to catch mice in the house and around the barns and granaries, but I must not take the little fieldmice, or the voles. Rats I can catch wherever I find them. I could go and find some now, I daresay, but it is warm and comfortable here on my cushion. The kitchen is warm and I have been fed. I shall doze for a while, and catch mice in my dreams instead.