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At the End of His Rope  by Lindelea

Chapter 57. Bedside Chat

Estella gazed down into her husband's face. 'He looks so tired,' she breathed. They'd sent Doderas off to get his second breakfast while it was being served, for there would be no meals between times for the foreseeable future. Funny, calling a meal "second" when there'd been no early breakfast that day.

'He is tired,' Pippin murmured. 'I wouldn't ride a pony as hard as he's ridden himself, these past months.'

'O?' Estella smiled. 'I hear you've ridden yourself right into the ground a time or two.' She took Merry's right hand and frowned. 'It's cold,' she said.

'Aye,' Pippin said. 'He's been having trouble with it, too; I've seen him nearly fumble a glass a time or two lately, and who knows how much other trouble he's had. He's not one to complain.'

'No,' Estella agreed. 'Quite the opposite, in fact.' She sighed. 'At least I'm not married to a fussbudget.'

Pippin chuckled. 'That's the last word I'd apply to Merry,' he said. 'He worries enough to be one, but never talks about it. P'rhaps he'd be better off if he did speak about it a bit more. Sit yourself down, Estella. Might as well have your feet up as not.' She settled into the chair by the bed, still holding Merry's hand, and Pippin gently lifted her feet up to rest upon the bed. 'There,' he said, 'nice and cosy.'

'It's not March,' Estella said.

Pippin followed her thought; it was not the anniversary of Merry's encounter with the Nazgul Captain, yet his right hand was cold and he was having trouble using it. 'Frodo said...' he began, digging into his memory.

'Yes?' Estella prompted.

'I heard him tell Merry once, when they thought I wasn't listening...' Pippin smiled at the memory of the long-ago days, when he'd been a heedless tween and they'd paid him no mind, carrying on their serious grown-up conversations as if he had no ears to hear them. 'I heard Frodo say that Merry would have to choose anew each day, whether to walk in the light or let the Darkness overtake him.'

'I've heard him say it to himself often enough,' Estella said. 'Often, out of nowhere, "Walk in the light", as if reminding himself of a promise. I remember it was in that last letter that Frodo wrote before he went away.'

'Well, now you know what it means,' Pippin said.

Estella caught her breath and let it out slowly. 'Frodo knew all about that kind of fight; the Darkness overtook him at last, didn't it?' she said sadly.

Pippin took her other hand between his own, soothing it as he'd once soothed a frightened, broken-winged bird he'd found in the woods one day. 'Nay, lass,' he said softly. 'The elves took him away before the Darkness could catch him. They took him where it's always light and he'd not have to struggle any more.'

'Will...' Estella was having trouble forming the words. 'Will the Darkness... will it overtake Merry?' She looked at her husband's weary face, then up to Pippin. 'Will it take him away from us, at last?'

Pippin gently squeezed her hand. 'Don't fret yourself, so, Estella,' he said. 'You'll make yourself ill, and you cannot help him then. You are the reason he has been able to stay ahead of the Darkness all this time. Without you, we'd have lost him years ago, I've no doubt.'

She pulled her hand from between his, grasping Merry's cold hand in between her own, bringing it to her lips for a long, fervent kiss. 'I'm not going anywhere,' she whispered.

'O yes, you will,' Pippin contradicted. 'You'll go to your rest when the healer sends you, for your husband's sake if not your own.'

She nodded. 'You have the right of it, cousin.'

Pippin smiled. 'I'm always right, hasn't Diamond told you that?'

'She's mentioned it a time or two,' Estella murmured. 'I hardly knew whether to believe her. I've known you to put your foot wrong a time or two.'

'Ah, no,' Pippin chuckled. 'I've only been wrong twice in my life, you know. And the second time, well, 'twas because I thought I'd been wrong.'

'Go on with you, now,' Estella said fondly. 'As full of nonsense as you ever were, for all you're Thain of the Shire.'

'Does the healer know of the anniversary?' Pippin asked, coming back to the subject.

Estella shook her head. 'We've always kept it in the family,' she said. 'Ossilan might have suspected, having heard the stories you and Merry told, but I don't think Robin...'

'He might surprise you,' Pippin interrupted. 'He sees more than he says.'

'Too true,' Robin said from the door. He bowed ironically as they turned to him, startled.

'You don't know how to knock?' Pippin said acidly.

'Healers aren't taught to knock, so often those we're visiting haven't the voice to say "Enter",' Robin said calmly. Entering, he took Merry's other wrist in his, looking down at his patient with an abstracted expression. 'Ossilan told me about the Black Shadow,' he said softly. 'He thought it was something I ought to know, dealing with the Master.' Looking up again, he said, 'But he seemed to think it was only a worry in the month of March.'

Pippin shook his head. 'That's when it is strongest,' he said. 'There's a power in anniversaries; I've heard since Frodo left how he struggled in March and in October. But the Shadow pursued him throughout the year, and it pulled down his health at the end. Had he not left with the elves, I doubt he'd have lasted the winter.' He sighed. 'He's in a better place now.' He looked from Estella to the healer. 'Just what did Ossilan tell you?'

Robin smiled. 'He said the most powerful people in Buckland closeted themselves for a day or three in March, without fail, and once he came across Merimas and Berilac carrying the Master to his bed after they'd been shut up in the study for a day and a night. He thought for a time that they were celebrating something and dove too deep in the brandy, but it kept happening year after year, and then he had a talk with the healer over at Long Cleeve and it all came clear.'

'O aye,' Pippin breathed, thinking of the dark days when the Shadow had returned that first year back in the Shire. 'He'd know, for true, but hopefully he'd not tell another.'

'Well, he's told no one else that I know of, took the secret to his grave, more like, except for Ossilan, and that only because Ossilan pressed him hard, claiming he needed to know in order to care for the Master properly.'

'Ah,' Pippin said. 'And then Ossilan told you.'

'Yes, Sir,' the healer nodded. 'But have no fear, it'll go no further, I assure you.' He reached for Merry's other hand, tacitly asking Estella's permission. She gave up the hand to him, and he nodded. 'Significantly cooler,' he said, comparing the two hands. 'Do you do anything for it?'

'If the cold starts to creep up the arm, we wrap it in hot poultices, force hot drinks down him, and talk and sing,' Estella said. 'We drive away the Darkness with laughter and love,' she said defiantly. 'Not the herbs you're used to administering, but...'

'O you'd be surprised, Mistress,' Robin answered. 'Laughter and love go a long ways indeed, and often have much more effect than the best I have to offer.' He put the cold hand down again, and added. 'In this case, however, I'd keep back the laughter awhile, let the Master sleep as much as possible. There's no problem about the love, of course.' He smiled, then looked up, startled. 'I'm sorry, Sir,' he said to Pippin, 'I'd nearly forgot. They'll be ready to depart for the Bridge soon.'

'Right,' Pippin said. 'Will you be all right, now, Estella?'

'She'll be fine,' the healer said, oblivious to Estella's bristling at having someone else speak for her. He turned a calm eye on the Mistress. 'He'll be waking soon, for a bit, I think. Why don't you go down to the kitchen and stir up some of that custard he brags on? I think the cooks will spare some eggs and milk for the Master, if you tell them it's for himself.' He looked back to Pippin. 'You go on ahead, Thain,' he said. 'I'll sit on the Master awhile. Don't you worry, he'll still be here when you return.'

'He'd better be,' Pippin said. 'Keep an eye on him, now; turn your back on him a moment and he'll be back to his old ways.'

'Not much chance of that,' Robin answered soberly. 'He's as likely to fall flat on his face if he tries to get up from the bed too soon.' He shook his head. 'He's used it all up, got no reserves left, rather like the larder, I hear.'

Pippin answered, 'Well, we hope to be solving that little problem with today's trip.'

'So I'd heard,' Robin said. 'May grace go with you.'

Pippin nodded. 'Aye,' he said softly. 'Something tells me we need all the grace we can get.'

 





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