22. Astron 1368

Dear Diary,

My secret is not that safe anymore. Gilda promised me not to tell anyone - not even my brother - and that promise she has kept well. Yet, it is I who cannot keep it secret any longer. You can begin to see it - or is it just my imagination running wild?

I spent half an hour in front of the mirror yesterday evening looking at my belly form all sides, not realising that Drogo was standing at the door for minutes observing my every movement. Only when he hugged me from behind did I notice him. He said that I looked beautiful and that he could not wait for my belly to grow rounder. He is seeing it too, so it won't be long now until others will notice as well.

Never before have I reached the point where someone else could see my body's blessing. Is the worst danger of losing the child over now? I know I should not think about it - Gilda has told me so and I know she is right - but I cannot get the thought out of my mind. Ever and anon it takes me unawares and the fear always makes me weep. We have come so far now. We cannot be parted anymore. Drogo shares my pain but I do not think he can understand all my feelings.

Mother always talked about the bond between a mother and her child and I never believed her. It was not that I did not trust her knowledge, but I could not understand. She kept telling me that I would know what she was talking about once I was a mother myself. My child is still unborn and yet I am beginning to understand. The bond already exists though it might not be as strong as it will be once I feel the baby or hold the little one in my arms. Oh mother, I wish you could be here now to share your knowledge with me and tell me what I am to do. Gilda is as best a friend and a midwife as I could ask for, but I wish I could have your counsel as well. Sometimes I miss you so much, mother.

Perhaps Drogo is right. I am moody at times; feeling like laughing one minute and crying the next. Besides, I am being too thoughtful of late. There are so many things in my mind and yet I feel all empty and cannot concentrate on anything. Those are the times when I need to be hugged even more than usual, and, fortunately, Drogo is always there. He is a darling. My poor baby must be getting very cuddly with parents like Drogo and me.

Now, that is something that would please me. A lot of warm hugs and baby-snuggling is very tempting, after all. Do you hear that, little one? You can be as snugly as you want to be. Your father and I will give you all the warmth and care you need.